Where You Are
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RuffDraft
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Where You Are
A woman of life, love and faith
Cherished by a boy
From a thousand miles away
Questions her path and the aftermath
Of a broken heart
Estranged by the pain
Her mind distant yet remains
Detached from her soul
Travels towards educational goals
Achieving success
Succeeding emptily
With her heart set on having babies.
Adoption the only option
Because she doesn’t believe
In a man being faithful
Faithful touches her every step
Yet Faithful is a thousand miles away
Thoughts showered with ‘anti-removal Faithful’
Independence, she pretends to portray.
With grievance to her empty ends
Her ends never meet.
Not since Devastation took time to greet.
Perfection blemished by the graces of adultery.
A nightmare ended her seven-year dream substantially.
Collapsing her motions towards a blue ocean
Her centre is broken and scattered
Pieces dismantled and battered.
Faithful knows her pride has suffered
But her foundations remain untouched
Love to give but not to share
Perfection is left unpaired.
His soul matches hers with a two-year story that grips
Love… love she remembers as a one-time glitch
One time misfit in her astronomical centre amongst stars that twitch
And spit and cry at her demise,
A shooting star chastised, lost, shattered and disguised
So tired it blasts away from faithful and sparkles into its own symbol
Of ‘trust no one unless its your own reflection’.
Whilst it shoots so beautifully and is admired by many,
She will never take the time to admire her own tail.
She will settle for second best and wilt at a perplexing angle.
Impenetrably unfulfilled like an untold fable.
Faithful admires but is tired of chasing the stars.
Breathlessly awaiting her return from Mars.
The Angel of Hope dwelling in the midst of the Milky Way
Asteroids destroy her whimsical trail to no dismay
Passions run true but Faithful’s path has turned blue
Ageing with fate dictating his traits.
Depleting each memory of her grace.
Ruining his path towards his mate.
Her tail shortens with every push, every asteroids touch
Shading the brightest looks to a distant fading love
Screams of no tomorrow embalm the stars
Faithful cries but to no ovation
His love will be destroyed and sent to prison.
Without the hope of faithfulness,
Our shooting star is likely to pass on,
lost without direction
She will expire her attraction.
Darkness will swallow her tail and curtail her soul.
And the living breathing goal of Faithfulness
Will blow cold in the wind of old
Another story to be told
Lost and forgotten.
A love that should have been graceful and exemplary
Became a miscarriage portrayed disgracefully
Souls entangled and estranged
Left the universe toiled with rage.
The love once shared is now just dust floating in the air
Unrepaired and invisible like a vision impaired
Faithful rang true but he was not calling for you
He sought to find Shooting Star
But I no longer know where you are.
---
RuffDraft 17.02.11
---
Comments much appreciated. Spent quite a few hours on this piece. Finally feel it's finished, thanks for reading.
A woman of life, love and faith
Cherished by a boy
From a thousand miles away
Questions her path and the aftermath
Of a broken heart
Estranged by the pain
Her mind distant yet remains
Detached from her soul
Travels towards educational goals
Achieving success
Succeeding emptily
With her heart set on having babies.
Adoption the only option
Because she doesn’t believe
In a man being faithful
Faithful touches her every step
Yet Faithful is a thousand miles away
Thoughts showered with ‘anti-removal Faithful’
Independence, she pretends to portray.
With grievance to her empty ends
Her ends never meet.
Not since Devastation took time to greet.
Perfection blemished by the graces of adultery.
A nightmare ended her seven-year dream substantially.
Collapsing her motions towards a blue ocean
Her centre is broken and scattered
Pieces dismantled and battered.
Faithful knows her pride has suffered
But her foundations remain untouched
Love to give but not to share
Perfection is left unpaired.
His soul matches hers with a two-year story that grips
Love… love she remembers as a one-time glitch
One time misfit in her astronomical centre amongst stars that twitch
And spit and cry at her demise,
A shooting star chastised, lost, shattered and disguised
So tired it blasts away from faithful and sparkles into its own symbol
Of ‘trust no one unless its your own reflection’.
Whilst it shoots so beautifully and is admired by many,
She will never take the time to admire her own tail.
She will settle for second best and wilt at a perplexing angle.
Impenetrably unfulfilled like an untold fable.
Faithful admires but is tired of chasing the stars.
Breathlessly awaiting her return from Mars.
The Angel of Hope dwelling in the midst of the Milky Way
Asteroids destroy her whimsical trail to no dismay
Passions run true but Faithful’s path has turned blue
Ageing with fate dictating his traits.
Depleting each memory of her grace.
Ruining his path towards his mate.
Her tail shortens with every push, every asteroids touch
Shading the brightest looks to a distant fading love
Screams of no tomorrow embalm the stars
Faithful cries but to no ovation
His love will be destroyed and sent to prison.
Without the hope of faithfulness,
Our shooting star is likely to pass on,
lost without direction
She will expire her attraction.
Darkness will swallow her tail and curtail her soul.
And the living breathing goal of Faithfulness
Will blow cold in the wind of old
Another story to be told
Lost and forgotten.
A love that should have been graceful and exemplary
Became a miscarriage portrayed disgracefully
Souls entangled and estranged
Left the universe toiled with rage.
The love once shared is now just dust floating in the air
Unrepaired and invisible like a vision impaired
Faithful rang true but he was not calling for you
He sought to find Shooting Star
But I no longer know where you are.
---
RuffDraft 17.02.11
---
Comments much appreciated. Spent quite a few hours on this piece. Finally feel it's finished, thanks for reading.
Comments
-
This poem was really nice.I got confused in the lower
middle though.Was the poem over all about a woman
starting to do bad because she lost faith in finding love? -
This poem was really nice.I got confused in the lower
middle though.Was the poem over all about a woman
starting to do bad because she lost faith in finding love?
lol I know it's a bit complicated, basically the woman is a shooting star i.e. beautiful, full of wisdom and grace but has lost her place amongst the stars because she has forgotten how to love. So stars around her are frustrated at her wasting a perfectly good opportunity at love that is special and rare because of her past (and a boyfriend of seven years cheating on her). Basically, following heart ache and lost faith, she is no longer willing to take a leap of faith herself and will settle for safe love rather than trying to escape how she is feeling and finding it for real. She would rather settle for second place as a way of protecting herself even though she already lies crooked and unfulfilled. Unable to love and overly busy with her schedule to avoid real feelings.
Faithful is the man that she should be with, he is always there, chasing her beyond despair, but she is so fast and working at such a pace that he cannot keep up. She is keeping busy so she doesn't have to face reality and break free of the heartache that she felt two years prior when her boyfriend of seven years cheated. For the two years since, Faithful and her have shared everything that a woman could ever wish for, but she won't take the leap of faith with him because it's a complicated situation i.e. him being a thousand miles away.
The ending explains that love is lost because he can no longer find her in herself. She has evaded her feelings for so long and stopped being who she was that made Faithful chase her in the first place that even when he calls her on her number, he can no longer find her in herself when she speaks to him. She is lost for good and therefore faded into dust in the air with all their hopes of love gone forever.
Thanks for reading!! Appreciate it :tu -
lol I know it's a bit complicated, basically the woman is a shooting star i.e. beautiful, full of wisdom and grace but has lost her place amongst the stars because she has forgotten how to love. So stars around her are frustrated at her wasting a perfectly good opportunity at love that is special and rare because of her past (and a boyfriend of seven years cheating on her). Basically, following heart ache and lost faith, she is no longer willing to take a leap of faith herself and will settle for safe love rather than trying to escape how she is feeling and finding it for real. She would rather settle for second place as a way of protecting herself even though she already lies crooked and unfulfilled. Unable to love and overly busy with her schedule to avoid real feelings.
Faithful is the man that she should be with, he is always there, chasing her beyond despair, but she is so fast and working at such a pace that he cannot keep up. She is keeping busy so she doesn't have to face reality and break free of the heartache that she felt two years prior when her boyfriend of seven years cheated. For the two years since, Faithful and her have shared everything that a woman could ever wish for, but she won't take the leap of faith with him because it's a complicated situation i.e. him being a thousand miles away.
The ending explains that love is lost because he can no longer find her in herself. She has evaded her feelings for so long and stopped being who she was that made Faithful chase her in the first place that even when he calls her on her number, he can no longer find her in herself when she speaks to him. She is lost for good and therefore faded into dust in the air with all their hopes of love gone forever.
Thanks for reading!! Appreciate it :tu
This seems like it took a lot of thought. (:
Was this made up or did you base this off
of a situation you were once in? -
This seems like it took a lot of thought. (:
Was this made up or did you base this off
of a situation you were once in?
It's definitely based on some truths, but I think it's relevant for a lot of women who have been cheated on... most of them pass up opportunities in the future because they're unsure to take a journey that left them heartbroken the last time. So they decide to go with something that they know and understand, that will let them down but only because they are already imperfect. They won't go for the one who they think is perfect in many ways because of the obstacles that stand in the way; such as distance or providing that person with the opportunity to shatter them into pieces once again. I think once in a lifetime is enough for them.
After explaining it, does it make more sense now? I want people to understand it after two reads... isn't a good poem to me if you have to read it over and over and are still lost lol -
This was truly felt Kenya, <--(btw, that ? took me back to 2007 smh and lol).
This piece was beautifully written.. So Epic too!!
dang!
Nice piece, I'm diggin this. The metaphor's being dropped is insane, the word play is definitely felt.. The poem illicts emotions and I love that you took us there and made us feel something..
Poems are taken the way they are conveyed to that individual.. so take a poem for what it is..
Thanks for sharing..
I really don't have a favorite line because all of them hit so hard.. -
This was truly felt Kenya, <--(btw, that ? took me back to 2007 smh and lol).
This piece was beautifully written.. So Epic too!!
dang!
Nice piece, I'm diggin this. The metaphor's being dropped is insane, the word play is definitely felt.. The poem illicts emotions and I love that you took us there and made us feel something..
Poems are taken the way they are conveyed to that individual.. so take a poem for what it is..
Thanks for sharing..
I really don't have a favorite line because all of them hit so hard..
lol thanks.
I didn't know if it would take you places, it was just my intention when writing to portray a bunch of stars annoyed with the most beautiful one that was dancing around the solar system and beyond but only because of the fear that her past would catch her up... sometimes people are scared to go through their painful emotions as it's easier to avoid them and leave them to linger...
Thanks... appreciate you reading, really wanted your feedback and I'm glad that I got it... -
*snaps* wow...i'm speechless from reading such vivid and deep lines of this piece...this poem takes me back to a golden age of poetry...bottom line excellent work
keep dropping those pure lines of thought provoking lingo called poetry my fellow poet
peace -
REAL_POETICAL wrote: »*snaps* wow...i'm speechless from reading such vivid and deep lines of this piece...this poem takes me back to a golden age of poetry...bottom line excellent work
keep dropping those pure lines of thought provoking lingo called poetry my fellow poet
peace
Thanks, I don't think it's my best piece, I wish I could have made it shorter... but I spent so much time on it already, I decided to just put it out there...
Thanks for reading and the kind comments....
