Jerry "The King Lawler's greatest quotes

PanchoYoSancho
PanchoYoSancho Members Posts: 13,177 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited August 2011 in Off The Turn Buckle
An homage to every wrestling's fan favorite pervert. Back when he was the GOAT heel commentator. Not this ? he is now.



"Never judge a crook by his lawyer." - On Booker T's criminal past

"How do you like your Undertaker? Rare or extra crispy?"

"Koko B. Ware is a crossword wrestler: he enters the ring vertically, and leaves horizontally."

"I think Finkel has reverse Midas touch, everything he touches turns to ? ."

"There is an old adage: love thy neighbor, but don't get caught."

Jerry Lawler: " I heard Bart got hurt drinking milk:
Vince McMahon: "No, he didn't get hurt drinking milk."
Jerry Lawler: "Well, I heard the cow sat down."'

"How many mules does the Gov't own?" - To JR's "Whipped him like a Government Mule" phrase.

" I don't know what the 7 wonders of the world are, but I do know that Sunny has 2 of them!"

"This Bingo Hall should be built out of toilet paper because there's nothing in it but ? !" - On the ECW arena

"She has a million dollar body, and a 10 cent face" - On Alundra Blayze

"Last time I saw something that looked like Howard Finkel, I flushed it"
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Comments

  • Cigarello Slim
    Cigarello Slim Members Posts: 2,642 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011

    Lmao @ it's women like you that make men like Goldust
  • Ishi
    Ishi Members Posts: 4,649 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011


    " I don't know what the 7 wonders of the world are, but I do know that Sunny has 2 of them!"

    "She has a million dollar body, and a 10 cent face" - On Alundra Blayze



    GOAT ?
    .........
  • earth two superman
    earth two superman Members Posts: 17,149 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    the funniest ? i ever saw him in was his reaction to mae young flashing everyone at survivor series one time. he turned around and in all seriousness told jim ross "JR stop her."
  • Chi-Town Bully
    Chi-Town Bully Members Posts: 29,218 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    He much funnier as a heel, him as a face is corny
  • 5th Letter
    5th Letter Members, Moderators, Writer Posts: 37,068 Regulator
    edited August 2011
    He used to go in on Jake the snake Roberts
  • m. inferno
    m. inferno Members Posts: 1,768 ✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
  • m. inferno
    m. inferno Members Posts: 1,768 ✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    jamacia wrote: »
    He used to go in on Jake the snake Roberts

    i remember he beat Jake down and proceeded to pour Jim Beam down his throat (while Jake's alcohol problems were well and alive...)


    it's pretty hard to watch
  • Chi-Town Bully
    Chi-Town Bully Members Posts: 29,218 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    Lawler: You know J.R., obviously the only exercise you get is stretching the truth or jumping to conclusions.

    LAWLER: When Sunny was in school she wasn't very good in history, but she was great on dates!

    (Jim Ross implies that Sunny is too young for Lawler)
    LAWLER: I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school.

    LAWLER: Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.

    LAWLER: He (Ahmed Johnson) has the IQ of 2 and it takes 3 just to grunt.

    Lawler: What do Jake "The Snake" Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up!
  • Already Home_17
    Already Home_17 Members Posts: 14,572 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    he used to say some wild ? about booker t when he was feuding with hhh. watch their match at wm19
    he said something like "yeah you know booker t. the guy whose family portrait is a courtroom sketch"
  • dalyricalbandit
    dalyricalbandit Members, Moderators Posts: 67,918 Regulator
    edited August 2011
    That ? use to go in on Bret Hart's mom
  • dalyricalbandit
    dalyricalbandit Members, Moderators Posts: 67,918 Regulator
    edited August 2011
    damn bots in here to i see the i.c shutting down for a upgrade soon
  • m. inferno
    m. inferno Members Posts: 1,768 ✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    damn bots in here to i see the i.c shutting down for a upgrade soon

    u already know smh
  • earth two superman
    earth two superman Members Posts: 17,149 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    he used to say some wild ? about booker t when he was feuding with hhh. watch their match at wm19
    he said something like "yeah you know booker t. the guy whose family portrait is a courtroom sketch"

    bwahahahahahahaahah
  • real ness
    real ness Members Posts: 263
    edited August 2011
    Commenting on R-truth beating John Morrison

    "we're seeing the complexion of this match change before our very eyes"
  • smokelahoma
    smokelahoma Members Posts: 6,961 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    damn bots in here to i see the i.c shutting down for a upgrade soon

    man dont say that. if that happens then that ? ak got an excuse to not get his ass whooped. in fact, where is that ? at anyway? I aint seen her since Summerslam, she done ? around a pulled a Christian.
  • deeroc22
    deeroc22 Members Posts: 4,548 ✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    man dont say that. if that happens then that ? ak got an excuse to not get his ass whooped. in fact, where is that ? at anyway? I aint seen her since Summerslam, she done ? around a pulled a Christian.

    LMAO yall still on that??
  • TheIraq
    TheIraq Members Posts: 5,527 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    Puppies...................................
  • TheIraq
    TheIraq Members Posts: 5,527 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    That ? use to go in on Bret Hart's mom

    Hell yea he was goin hard on Bret's mom and dad.... ? was funny tho
  • smokelahoma
    smokelahoma Members Posts: 6,961 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    deeroc22 wrote: »
    LMAO yall still on that??

    yup, Im so sincere with this here. he started it and Imma end it.
  • Copper
    Copper Members Posts: 49,532 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    lawler got some classics this thread can go on.....

    Talking about King Kong Bundy)
    "He's so huge every time he turns around, Ted DiBiase throws him a welcome back party."

    (Talking about Terry Funk being 53 years old)
    "Did you say he's middle aged and crazy? How many 106 year old maniacs do you know?"

    (When Val Venis was attacking Yamaguchi-San)
    "In a minute he'll be arrested for battering shrimp."

    Jim (Ross), you've been fired by him (Vince McMahon) so many times, so stop being paranoid."

    "To show you how out of time Canadians are, someone has a 'Hulkamania' sign."

    (Talking about Terri Runnels)
    "She's been on more man hunts than the FBI."

    (Talking about Debora McMichael)
    "If her skirt was any shorter it would be a collar."

    (After the Rock spit soda at Mankind)
    "Know your role and drink your soda."
  • Copper
    Copper Members Posts: 49,532 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2011
    Mark Henry is so strong he eats steak with a spoon."

    "I know we're in Canada, that's where a dollar isn't worth a dime."

    "You remember Stu and Helen; they created more tragedies than Shakespeare."

    (Comment about Hawk)
    "Most of his Christmas spirit has been 80 proof."

    After a Shattered Dream move by Goldust)
    "If Mortin Anderson could have kicked that good the Vikings would be in the Superbowl."

    "The Blue Meanie from the J.O.B Squad, those guys are allergic to success."

    (Talking about George "The Animal" Steele)
    "I think he has an autographed copy of the Bible."

    (talking about Mark Eaton)
    "That guy's useless. What does he get paid for: to ring a bell?"

    (After Bob Holly was hit with a Miller Lite sign in a ? match)
    "Whoah! That wasn't lite!"

    "I think one day your father took you aside and left you there."

    Blue Meanie: The original reason for twin beds."

    "Every time Kane does something stupid, X-Pac taught him that."

    Jim Ross: "We should take the Blue Meanie to the beach with us. he could make us look slim."
    Jerry Lawler: "He could sell shade."

    Jim Ross: "Kane can win by pinning X-Pac, and X-Pac can win by climbing out of the cage."
    Jerry Lawler: "And poor Tori, now that she's with Kane, she can't win at all."

    "Most people stop eating when they get full. Rikishi stops eating when he is tired."

    One man's trash is another man's girlfriend."

    "Old Yeller. Is that a movie about your tooth?"

    (about Stacy Keibler)
    "It's Great to see her back, her front and her legs"

    (About Victoria and Steven Richards)
    "They're a pretty weird pair, she's pretty and he's weird"

    (About Bob Holly)
    "I know that he is a two sport superstar. He races cars, but what else does he do?"
  • PanchoYoSancho
    PanchoYoSancho Members Posts: 13,177 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2015
    Had to up this. Watching Raw after KOTR 98 and Sable in one of her ? outfits was going to the announcer's table to do commentary.

    JR to King "Stand up and be a gentleman."
    King "I can't stand up right now"

    King "Sable, I'm like milk. I'll do your body good."




    HermanCainGrin.gif

  • jono
    jono Members Posts: 30,280 ✭✭✭✭✭
    His rants on the Harts are epic
  • PanchoYoSancho
    PanchoYoSancho Members Posts: 13,177 ✭✭✭✭✭
    King getting ethered


    King: Last time I saw Sable, I was dreaming.
    JR: How'd it end?
    HBK: Prematurely