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Stephen-r
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I have a nephew who is a messed up kid he is 15 years old.
Background on him
He never knew his dad cause his dad past away before he was born.
The man he thought was his dad abused him not in a sexual way but physical way like walked into a door sorta way.
since he was 12 he has been taken drugs.
such as coke,e mephedrone speed and any other ? he can get his hands i am sure he has tried ? .
let say things have come to a head when he was 13 and his so called want to be gangsta friend smashed up my sister half a mill home.
and i had to go there and take him away to get his head sorted out he moved in with his grandmother
his lies and constant moaning he got to move in with his grandfather who is a low level ? crook who like drugs and that life style
two years have now past and my lame ass sister has done jack ? about she has let it slide and slide
I have tried to get involved and sort this mess out but other family members have said no you can’t do this or that cause he has had a hard life already
he has a counselor who said we must let him make the choices
I am ready to wash my hands of him or give him a beating
What would you guys do?
Background on him
He never knew his dad cause his dad past away before he was born.
The man he thought was his dad abused him not in a sexual way but physical way like walked into a door sorta way.
since he was 12 he has been taken drugs.
such as coke,e mephedrone speed and any other ? he can get his hands i am sure he has tried ? .
let say things have come to a head when he was 13 and his so called want to be gangsta friend smashed up my sister half a mill home.
and i had to go there and take him away to get his head sorted out he moved in with his grandmother
his lies and constant moaning he got to move in with his grandfather who is a low level ? crook who like drugs and that life style
two years have now past and my lame ass sister has done jack ? about she has let it slide and slide
I have tried to get involved and sort this mess out but other family members have said no you can’t do this or that cause he has had a hard life already
he has a counselor who said we must let him make the choices
I am ready to wash my hands of him or give him a beating
What would you guys do?
Comments
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Sounds like your sister is doing a ? (real ? ) job. She shouldn't have had kids.
Maybe you need to have the little drug addict come live with you (and probably rob you blind)... not a good option but I don't think anything you do can have a permanently positive effect as long as he's still living there. -
I would have him live with me.. but he wont because he does not like my form of disciplined
Curfew at 9pm no friends staying over and no smoking
Lights out at 10:30 -
You tried more than once and could not help. Walk away and just see what happens if you are concerned. He's 15 years old, thats a young man. He's at the point of suggestions. Thats all you can offer, anything else will cause rebellion. When I was 15 you couldn't Force me to do ? , you could pressure me, but force me?No, I was well aware of what I wanted to do with my life I had my own plans that I was developing as well as carrying out. Dave Chappelle says he was this way as well. So if he's also that way, the best thing to do is to give him his own self destructive space, and only offer suggestions.
What the ? you think you gon beat him half to death and he's gonna then start listening to you guide him. Get real man. You might as well just walk away before you make this kid do some drastic ? . -
i only said beating cause the ? he has put my mother through his grandmother..
I have never touched drugs so maybe i dont understand that
But do understand you need to be in life and this is not a waste of space who may end up in prison dead or always looking for youre next hit and i dont want any memeber of my family to end up that way -
Start researching rehabs and what you'd have to do to get him into one, you're rights, etc. It is downhill if there's no intervention. Beating his ass won't do anything. If all else fails, I hate to say it, but CPS may have to be involved if she isn't attempting to do anything.
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You ever tried just spending time with him. Taking him out to a ball game? a wrestling show, a concert? Ever tried taking him on a lil vacation? Anybody ever brought this kid to Disneyworld or introduced him to some type of sports? You ever play video games with him? Seriously, have you an who has? Abuse as a kid isn't something you forgive and forget , it's something that drives people crazy in the long run. You guys have already ? up MAJORLY understand that and own up to it.
But answer those questions for me....and ask if he's been abused in the mist of doing these things as well.Answer honestly if you answer at all.... -
hey yes i have taken him to football games he does not like sports
yes we played video games togther.
but i left the country for a few years this was when he was 8
my other siter takes him on vacation all the time
and i can tell you this he is not the victim of any abuse now only of his own doing what he is doing to him self
yes i agree my sister has ? up
you just dont understand how ? of i am at the sweep it under the carpet mentality that the rest of my family are taken on this matter
I even arranged for him to work in the holidays at a recording studio cause he wants to get into music and he had a great time
it was at peter gabriel recording studio -
You left the country When he was 8 for a few years. That there, listen here man dont try to downplay what happened to him.
Ya'll are ? this kids life up and it's crazy cause you dont see it's ya'll. Thats why abused kids need professional help. You downplayed the ? out of his abuse. How do you know he wasn't sexually abused? Cause he ain't say it? And to think you was gon violate his personal space,...15 is closer to 10 then 20 because 11 12 13 14 already happened. So those are years where he's propbably relived the abuse if not physically then just in his head.
DO you know how it feels to have somebody you trust physically abuse you because you are small and they are big and you can't do ? .
Those thoughts are enough o make a kid do drugs.
Do you know what a 15 year old thinks about his own abuse and self worth if hi fam would allow that?
Do you know what that 15 year old would think if somebody who says they are trying to help would physically assault him?
Do you know how it feels to not know your POps and not have your real Father there to stick up for you?
Do you know how hard it is to figre yourself out amongst all these things?
Does he have a girlfriend? Has he had sex yet? Wheres his confidence level at this point?
Yo I hate these stories man, ifyou gon help, help, if not step off.
You know abuse from childhood still drives people crazy while their grown. He might be staying high to deal with all of you.
He's got demons that started in your homes, you guys are he cause of what happened to him. Little kids are supposed to be protected when they're not and somebody violates even if its obviously not your intention, you have to acknowledge....
this kid been through some ? , he's got demons, he probably hates us and its hard for him to focus and trust our judgement.
I very much doubt he trust any of ya'll judgement and he probably just wats to break away....my advice to you is...
Show him how to save money, tell him about different jobs he can get with or without college. Dont talk down to him,dont try forcing him to do things. I dont think he trust or has that much faith in you guys, but still life skills can be given to him so he understands how to survive out ther on his own. If you show him that, then I say thats a good job and effort and after that he'll do what he do.
But admit your faults, you guys were not there for him, you mighthave wanted to be but you were not. Nobody protected him, now you guys are all angry at him for being on drugs....c'mon man -
Ed thanks for this
But i have given a scaled down verison of events..
I know he was not sexual abused i no I have taken the kid to the shrink and sat many hours listen to his issues. and what happened.
yes he has many Girlfriends and yes he is having sex
I have spent the last two years trying to help
this is the point he is a kid but he wants to be a wanna be g
he looks up to dope dealers
i have shown him how to save like I said i arranged work at a recording studio but he did not like it cause he had to start at the bottom and make drinks
I was in the services thats why i had to leave the country had no choice..
i tell you what he is doing he is taken the ? outta people who want to give him all the support in the world -
Its good your trying but it's not all on him. You can't beat him down one day out of frustration verbally or physically and then say your helping and tell him what to do the next....Based on his life history it will not work with him . We all grew up looking up to Dope Dealers because they're not the ones abusin the kids it's the parents.....There no way he would want to be like his abuser. So what I'm sayin is you can only save your judgements and criticisms, he has his own about you guys I'm sure. Not listening to him might be a very bg difference between his relationship with you guys and the drug dealers he looks up to, thats not a good path for anyone but I'm pointing out a big difference. I can'tfuck with anybody who doesn't listen to what i'm saying.
Also I can say from experience I started smoking weed because my peeps would stress me the ? out and I didn't appove of how they lived and I eventually stopped listening to them altogether and I didn't go through as much as the kid your talking about, so he's most likely way past listening to you guys about how to live his life. He probably sees you guys as fakes, absentee parents, and abuser. Thats why I say back away and only offer suggestions, everybody listens to suggestions. If you try to force something upon him, you will recieve rebellion. -
I agree with what you’re saying but i want to save him before it’s too late.
I for one did not look up to dope dealers.
But how much rope do you give someone before they hang them self’s
I personally feel he is the wrong environment
but ed thanks for what you have said -
If you can afford it send him to military boarding school
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That was a thought but again i got blocked has any one done it ?
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That was a thought but again i got blocked has any one done it ?
I know this guy who sent his son to one ? his son was acting a fool and it has only been about a year but his son has changed for the better
It has even helped there relationship -
Its not cause we have not tried what ever we have done he has chucked in our face
its not we dont understand him or not love him -
Its not cause we have not tried what ever we have done he has chucked in our face
its not we dont understand him or not love him
Teenagers are always going to be hard. He's not at an age where he looks at it as ? on his family. He wants to have fun and be "cool". He's self centered like 99.999% of teenagers out there. I was a bad ass when I was young. I got kicked out of my mom's house, my dad's house, got expelled for fighting. I never did hard drugs but I was a stupid ass little girl holding guns and drugs for my bf, helping steal cars, I was BAD. LUCKILY, I didn't get into anything that followed me into my adult life. I had to straighten up and graduate on my own. Both my parents kinda threw their hands up and I was basically on my own since I was 16. I pulled myself up by the time I was 18 but the years til then I had freedom and I could have gotten myself into real ? . It could have gone either way, so I would never recommend that. The only thing I can honestly say is not to wash your hands of him, he's a kid regardless. It's going to be hard work but it will be worse for him thinking no one gives a ? . -
we did think that let him get it out of his system and maybe that would be a good thing but he has just gotten worst
becomes violent to his mother
its just tough seeing a bright spark fade -
Great posts Edward...
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Great posts Edward...
Yo...On the fuckinnn real..Ed i salute u brother..Not on some ? ? cuz im a man with a family..But if i ever have any problems and need to talk to someone or asking for advice..I know exactly the brother to call on..Thanks in advance bruh. -
The concepts and logics just blew my ? mind away bruh...genuine talk.
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if you have money or material things let him hold some. after a while he starts to like it and you have power over him. at the same time build a friendship relationship with him and gain his trust. you can explain some things to him that way.
and good to see there are people out there that give a ? bout their family instead of just sayin hey that's the way he is, you have to tolerate different lifestyles when someone is obviously destroyin his whole life.... -
SickInDaHead wrote: »Yo...On the fuckinnn real..Ed i salute u brother..Not on some ? ? cuz im a man with a family..But if i ever have any problems and need to talk to someone or asking for advice..I know exactly the brother to call on..Thanks in advance bruh.
No prob yo I'm always down for a chat. On the real, Millitary school is a good way to go, my moms offered it to me, I was like nah, a few years later I got more info and I wish I had went.Hang out with him more and dont be overbearing. If he's in a ? environment it might be hard to change him, might not even be good unless you take him out of that environment completely....check out IDi Amin' thread about the white lady droppin the dime on their heads.
The thing about helping someone out is, it doesn't always work out how you want it too. It's the thought and effort that counts, backing off sometimes helps more than any other method. Sometimes people don't want to be helped and they just want to belong. Just how you set up the music thing, set something else up, all of it might fail but these are still things to do.
In backing off, your not giving up you're just relinquishing some of the pressure that he may feel comin from those who want to help. Just watch over him, don't leave him for a few years and come back and say you gotta change. It's hard to be friends with family members sometimes but it ain't hard to suggest ? they might like thats positive. If he chooses the wrong path over and over again, thats when its on him.
What is he good at and whats he into? -
He is good at art and i guess music.
I just dont know what to do
I have stood by to long I am gonna speak with my sister and get some straight answer about her plans -
hopefully a break through to this story i finally got him where he should be back at my sisters house
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? that ? with art and music. For instance they got what you call a Karma Keyboard and Triton. Get him one of these keyboards and give him the chance to learn how to make beats like Kanye West and Pharrell. Thats what the big time producers use. Ask him if he want one, tell him you'll get him one but to keep it he has to do something simple like have good attendance. Inform him, he could charge other kids 50 buck to 100 dollars for beats if he gets good at it.
Don't tell him somethinghard like, get off drugs and I'll get this for you. I say don't go this route because if he already is addicted, it just ain't that easy to beat. But with something like this, it could start taking up alot of his time and he may stop doing some of the drugs he's doing. Thats only if he's really into music.
Its like 800. Or go half with him. I say this cause I've seen people that are into thatkind of ? refuse to leave their room cause they're so into what they're doing, so thats just a suggestion.
