random keystyle

supaman4321

just some random bars no real direction just spittin, fell off at one point kinda but i think i brought it back together

I propose a plan to get ? back on the right track
Cuz you Motorola flowers got the game movin back
Words worth a billion, dollars or pictures
With the imagery of a van Gogh, distributed to highest bidders
I’m sorta after ya livers, spleens, hearts, and grey matter
Total possession, nowhere to run nowhere to hide
Glide above you slow coasters with no drive
No direction, better get ya garmin on
Better get ya garments on cuz I hear it’s cold when the summer’s gone
Cold when the suns out, cold when the leave fall
Cold when the leaves freeze, cold when the leaves thaw
Just call me Mr. consistent
Voted best ever by the general consensus
Is the goal that I’m after, and until I’ve achieved
I guarentee I hitchu with nothing but heat
Like roger clemens, or more like the terminator
No matter, flow’s sick I am the germinator
You lilly white flowers can get ya petals ripped
Snipped, in ctrl in the clutch you just wanna shift
I just light splifs, burn trees then the ink drips
On the composition book in my brain, no margin
Refrains the lines from goin outside the box
Better yet cranium, lyrical shots to ya pride
Used to be Puffed, I’m drainin em
With a little Ditty, no riddles or middle men
Titanium tight bars got the crowd yellin “Finish Him”
No mortal kombat, but if thou Shao Kahn
Yourself into thinking you’re hot, I drop bombs
? not ready for Nagasaki, no shelter
All fallout, no survivors, all the infamy of the day after


constructive criticism is of course welcome

Tha Killa

supaman4321 wrote: »

just some random bars no real direction just spittin, fell off at one point kinda but i think i brought it back together

I propose a plan to get ? back on the right track
Cuz you Motorola flowers got the game movin back
Words worth a billion, dollars or pictures
With the imagery of a van Gogh, distributed to highest bidders
I’m sorta after ya livers, spleens, hearts, and grey matter
Total possession, nowhere to run nowhere to hide
Glide above you slow coasters with no drive
No direction, better get ya garmin on
Better get ya garments on cuz I hear it’s cold when the summer’s gone
Cold when the suns out, cold when the leave fall
Cold when the leaves freeze, cold when the leaves thaw
Just call me Mr. consistent
Voted best ever by the general consensus
Is the goal that I’m after, and until I’ve achieved
I guarentee I hitchu with nothing but heat
Like roger clemens, or more like the terminator
No matter, flow’s sick I am the germinator
You lilly white flowers can get ya petals ripped
Snipped, in ctrl in the clutch you just wanna shift
I just light splifs, burn trees then the ink drips
On the composition book in my brain, no margin
Refrains the lines from goin outside the box
Better yet cranium, lyrical shots to ya pride
Used to be Puffed, I’m drainin em
With a little Ditty, no riddles or middle men
Titanium tight bars got the crowd yellin “Finish Him”
No mortal kombat, but if thou Shao Kahn
Yourself into thinking you’re hot, I drop bombs
? not ready for Nagasaki, no shelter
All fallout, no survivors, all the infamy of the day after


constructive criticism is of course welcome

The bolded lines are pretty nice imo. That Shao Kahn line was funny and well placed. You had a lot of filler in this verse but I think it was still solid nonetheless. Your delivery was nice, your flow was a bit choppy imo, and a lot of your metaphors feel like they've been taken out of the Rap Bars 101 syllabus. I would like to see your next drop be a more topical piece where you can utilize your story telling abilities. A lot of you guys are relatively new here, so I'd like to establish some kind of constant for ya'll abilities so that I can offer a more precise critique for ya'll.

konflickdineromob

i dont know man this was aight but
i feel u gotta try harder man ur rhyming was kinda off achieved and heat dont really go 2 gether and some lines didnt making sense]












http://community.allhiphop.com/showthread.php?31493-random-keystyle

Yung Dicc

well damn that was deeper than rap

beatsbyjtb

Like roger clemens, or more like the terminator
No matter, flow’s sick I am the germinator

Dope.

WalterArcher

Hi,
I read the comment posted here.And I just want to tell that this post are awesome.I can say that after reading the post that it is really nice and appreciable.The information of the random key style posted here is really nice.

death187sin

Better get ya garments on cuz I hear it’s cold when the summer’s gone
Cold when the suns out, cold when the leave fall
Cold when the leaves freeze, cold when the leaves thaw

Great job wit the mutiples^ Powerful wordplay here..

Like roger clemens, or more like the terminator
No matter, flow’s sick I am the germinator
You lilly white flowers can get ya petals ripped
Snipped, in ctrl in the clutch you just wanna shift
I just light splifs, burn trees then the ink drips

Again.. Great wordplay. To the average reader they might not catch your flow.. They may be looking for the closing of your bars but I'm not average so i was able to see where you recouped your bars at.. Great job.. Very easy to see..

supaman4321

thanks much respect

supaman4321

my new thread still hasn't been approved?

tenthirteen81

supaman4321 wrote: »

my new thread still hasn't been approved?

you've been disapproved. there's no other way to get rid of you.
it's pitiful. you never knew the crazy shhit that the lyrics do(es).
with every syllable, the pinnacle of every sentence
will ? you until you're begging for forgiveness.
a quick set of eight will set you straight. or at least, try to...
'cuz i know how your little, ? behind do(es)...
but lemme quit that
'cuz you could never match my type of written or spit raps.

you get that?


-SS