Learning how to Rap, Critique Song?

AMoy
AMoy Members Posts: 2
edited December 2011 in Roc The Mic Audio
Some critiques would be cool. i'm just tryna get better so I can make quality music, thanks for listening!

Lyrics:

I hit em with a flow that you never heard be before
Its goin down in this ? , Gravity
Rappers mad at me cause I have to be so simple
Ever heard of Kid Cudi?
Make it, complicated results in non-congratulated
She's sucking my head off after dating
So my Head blown, Decapitated
I Wrote an affidavit
My friend asked why I made it
And all "I" can say is "O" to "U"
I paid my debts
Yet, "O" said "No its U"
When I step in rooms, I blow a fuse
Lights go off, then there's a glow that's blue
Don't you get it? "I'm a Show" you
And "She's the After Party"
Put us together, Itll be a loud night
Springs go up and down like they found life
Get it? Like a life line..
That's why no one gets why I write rhymes
Not because im Asian
But Cause/Cars, they don't get my get mine
It's a camry, that's why they don't get mine
Guess I really wanted to drive at the set time
Didn't want to sit on buses, but if I can go back
Trust this, Ill get a truck or a cutlass
Cause I was stuck in my old mentality
Spent every penny of my salaries

Would really like to keep it going and make more songs with all kind of subjects and I wouldn't mind for some support so please like on youtube. :D