What Would YOU Do, Ladies?
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Kat
Members Posts: 50,667 ✭✭✭✭✭
Okay so this thread probably won't be too popular with the males, but I received a phone call from one of my BFFs with this dilemma so I thought we could get some dialogue going..
So she’s been married for about 6 or 7 years. They have a soon to be 4 year old little girl.
We went to dinner a couple months back and she expressed that the love life was lacking and we spoke on it for a minute.
She calls me today and says that it hasn’t improved. They’ve had sex maybe four times in the past 3 or 4 months (wtf ) and all at her initiation. There have been times she’s tried to initiate sex and he’s basically just blown her off. She’s tried everything from dressing sexier around the house, dieting and exercising, to flat out confronting him on whether he was cheating and making him aware that the ? was beyond getting old. He assured her he isn’t cheating, but still…same old routine.
Her ex that she was with for damn near 10 years before she married her husband has been texting occasionally (you know how dudes do), and happened to text her last Friday and she agreed to meet him for lunch. They met up and she said he was very touchy feely but she kept it together and went home without doing anything sexual.
The thing is what do you do when you’ve tried everything you can try to let your husband know hey I need some attention? You don’t want to cheat, you don’t want to leave him..so what do you do?
I didn’t know what to tell her. I just told her to stay strong..lame.
Let’s speak on it.
So she’s been married for about 6 or 7 years. They have a soon to be 4 year old little girl.
We went to dinner a couple months back and she expressed that the love life was lacking and we spoke on it for a minute.
She calls me today and says that it hasn’t improved. They’ve had sex maybe four times in the past 3 or 4 months (wtf ) and all at her initiation. There have been times she’s tried to initiate sex and he’s basically just blown her off. She’s tried everything from dressing sexier around the house, dieting and exercising, to flat out confronting him on whether he was cheating and making him aware that the ? was beyond getting old. He assured her he isn’t cheating, but still…same old routine.
Her ex that she was with for damn near 10 years before she married her husband has been texting occasionally (you know how dudes do), and happened to text her last Friday and she agreed to meet him for lunch. They met up and she said he was very touchy feely but she kept it together and went home without doing anything sexual.
The thing is what do you do when you’ve tried everything you can try to let your husband know hey I need some attention? You don’t want to cheat, you don’t want to leave him..so what do you do?
I didn’t know what to tell her. I just told her to stay strong..lame.
Let’s speak on it.
Comments
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I kno' this is a thread for the ladies...But it is my cynical opinion that she probably slept with the ex already...or will do in the very near future
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Sounds like her Husband is definitely cheating but if she does the same thing she will be no better than he is.
Tell her not to ? the ex, it's just a quick solution that will lead to more issues in the long run.
She needs to stop seeing the ex and focus on her marriage. She needs to decide if she still wants to make it work or go her separate way.
but having an affair is the worst thing she could possibly do and as her BFF I would advise her against it, no good would come of it. -
She would have told me if she slept with him..we've been cool since Jr High and she knows I'm not the type to judge like that which is why she called me and not one of her current running buddies.
But I have no doubt that it could definitely become a reality if something doesn't change. -
I agree Kimi, I almost think she should do a separation just to either wake him up or see if he even cares that she's gone.
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AFTER U HAD BEGGED FOR SEX, TALKED ABOUT IT, AND ARGUED OVER IT... THERE IS NOTHING SHE CAN DO BUT ACCEPT IT OR GET A DIVORCE...
ANY GUY THAT DOESNT WANT TO ? HIS GIRL IS EITHER, ? , UNATTRACTED TO HER, OR IS CHEATING -
MzGrahamBitches wrote: »I agree Kimi, I almost think she should do a separation just to either wake him up or see if he even cares that she's gone.
Yes, a separation might be for the best. It saved my marriage, sometimes it gives the other person a chance to wake the ? up and see that you are serious....she has told her Husband how she feels but he is still ignoring her.
Either he is cheating (likely) or had just become very complacent. It must make her feel desired to be around her ex since her Husband is ignoring her, so don't judge her if she does ? him.
It would be a bad idea though, and would make her situation that much worse and more complicated then it already is...lol -
MzGrahamBitches wrote: »I agree Kimi, I almost think she should do a separation just to either wake him up or see if he even cares that she's gone.
Yes, a separation might be for the best. It saved my marriage, sometimes it gives the other person a chance to wake the ? up and see that you are serious....she has told her Husband how she feels but he is still ignoring her.
Either he is cheating (likely) or had just become very complacent. It must make her feel desired to be around her ex since her Husband is ignoring her, so don't judge her if she does ? him.
It would be a bad idea though, and would make her situation that much worse and more complicated then it already is...lol
Can only see it complicatin' things if she gets caught...Has she tried askin' him why they haven't ? recently? -
her husband might be cheating, or just might be going through some ? mentally...
women don't realize how much stress can impact a man's sex drive....
i mean the thing is she has a problem with her husband and as a wife it's her job to do everything she can to fix and work on that problem... i know she feels like she did a lot.. but if the problem is still there...and he isn't opened up yet.. then it's safe to say hse hasn't done EVERYTHING....
the absolute best way to compleltey ? up fixing ? though would be to ? the ex...? even visiting the ex prolly ? up alot with them....
cuz if for any reason he's not cheating.....and is really wrestling with some stress ? that's keeping him from being intimate...knowing his wife was chilling with a lunch ? might be enough fuel to spark a huge breakdown.... -
I don't know if he's cheating, and you know I'm quick to condemn a dude for cheating.
Her husband is this IT nerdy white guy and while he's cool, he's like 5'2 and not the playa type.
So if he were cheating, it would have to be due to some ? falling into his lap.
I'm not ruling that out though.
I couldn't judge her for wanting some attention. It's not like she hasn't vocalized her issues to him and given him ample time to improve. Maybe finding out there are men out there willing to pay that attention would wake his ass up.
It doesn't help that her ex is this sexy black dude that lives in the gym either...she said he hasn't changed a bit. -
Stress is not a good excuse for your Man to ? you once a month, especially when she's already told him that she's bothered by it.
At this point only a separation or some other drastic measure is going to work here. -
Stress is not a good excuse for your Man to ? you once a month, especially when she's already told him that she's bothered by it.
At this point only a separation or some other drastic measure is going to work here.
uhhhh kimi....yea it is.....depression is some clinical ? ......
her being unhappy can very easily lead to only more depression.. not only is whatever else bothering him...not he has to deal with not being able to please his wife as well??
dude's 5'2"???????
no direct shots... but damn.. that's why so many relationships be struggling.. yall go on the attack when yall should be on the supportive end..
dude could be dealing with some serious depression ? and all she's worried about is busting a nut -
Haul Judos wrote: »Haul Judos wrote: »her husband might be cheating, or just might be going through some ? mentally...
women don't realize how much stress can impact a man's sex drive....
i mean the thing is she has a problem with her husband and as a wife it's her job to do everything she can to fix and work on that problem... i know she feels like she did a lot.. but if the problem is still there...and he isn't opened up yet.. then it's safe to say hse hasn't done EVERYTHING....
the absolute best way to compleltey ? up fixing ? though would be to ? the ex...? even visiting the ex prolly ? up alot with them....
cuz if for any reason he's not cheating.....and is really wrestling with some stress ? that's keeping him from being intimate...knowing his wife was chilling with a lunch ? might be enough fuel to spark a huge breakdown....
lol @ the bolded.
That comment on stress spoke to me du..thank you for that.
She knows cheating isn't the answer, but at this point I think the rejection and lack of attention is turning into this rebellion almost to the point where she feels like he deserves it. Those feelings of guilt that make most people NOT cheat are getting harder and harder to come by for her.
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Haul Judos wrote: »Stress is not a good excuse for your Man to ? you once a month, especially when she's already told him that she's bothered by it.
At this point only a separation or some other drastic measure is going to work here.
uhhhh kimi....yea it is.....depression is some clinical ? ......
her being unhappy can very easily lead to only more depression.. not only is whatever else bothering him...not he has to deal with not being able to please his wife as well??
dude's 5'2"???????
no direct shots... but damn.. that's why so many relationships be struggling.. yall go on the attack when yall should be on the supportive end..
dude could be dealing with some serious depression ? and all she's worried about is busting a nut
Whatever he is going through needs to be vocalized and communicated with his Wife, because to most people including me, if your spouse is barely touching you and you let them know it bothers you with no resolution....the suspicion of cheating would definitely come up.
If he's depressed he needs to try to seek some counseling and maybe marital counseling for them, but to expect her to keep sitting by twiddling her thumbs hoping it gets better would be stupidity in her case. -
Du..this dude has no reason to be depressed.
He has a job working downtown making WELL over 100K a year, they have a beautiful brand new home in a nice part of town, his truck is paid off, her car is paid off...they're living comfortably.
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MzGrahamBitches wrote: »I don't know if he's cheating, and you know I'm quick to condemn a dude for cheating.
Her husband is this IT nerdy white guy and while he's cool, he's like 5'2 and not the playa type.
So if he were cheating, it would have to be due to some ? falling into his lap.
I'm not ruling that out though.
I couldn't judge her for wanting some attention. It's not like she hasn't vocalized her issues to him and given him ample time to improve. Maybe finding out there are men out there willing to pay that attention would wake his ass up.
It doesn't help that her ex is this sexy black dude that lives in the gym either...she said he hasn't changed a bit.
Most people cheat with someone from work. I've seen dudes that were undesirable as hell pull work ? .
Being around a coworker for extended times can breed affairs in people who wouldn't have normally had them. -
id go on the maury show.
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never say anyone has nothing to be depressed about...
people get depressed..
she needs to stop attacking her husband and assume a more submissive roll..
remember the puppy on his back...?????
your girl barking at homie right now...
cheating should never entire her mind regardless of how sexually frustrated she is....? 's borderline disgusting
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MzGrahamBitches wrote: »
Girl I'm HR, I see ? like this all day every day...lol.
People form all types of bonds and ? with coworkers and it turns into relationships and affairs quite often.
Most people that cheat, do it with coworkers. -
You trippin right now Du.
You want her to be understanding yet I've seen you say nothing in her defense so you're no better than we are taking sides. -
MzGrahamBitches wrote: »Her ex that she was with for damn near 10 years before she married her husband has been texting occasionally (you know how dudes do), and happened to text her last Friday and she agreed to meet him for lunch.
lunch n**** strikes again. -
He isn't cheating or depressed, he's slowly accepting the fact he's been ? his whole life.
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is this that 1 chick that doesnt want her dude to know she had sex with a ? in the past?
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cuz i only know her side....
the thread was directed towards what should she do,,,correct??
she needs to be more submissive...
as far as what he should do?
open up to his wife.. he's hurting her right now and needs to be more attentive towards that... -
Haul Judos wrote: »never say anyone has nothing to be depressed about...
people get depressed..
she needs to stop attacking her husband and assume a more submissive roll..
remember the puppy on his back...?????
your girl barking at homie right now...
cheating should never entire her mind regardless of how sexually frustrated she is....? 's borderline disgusting
It's not just about being sexually frustrated. It's about wanting that connection even without sex. The flirty banter, the touch of his hand, a quick kiss, a conversation about something other than money and kids...we're all human du. We need to feel wanted.
