Bible Verses & Translations 4 the Modern Day ?

DarcSkies
DarcSkies Members Posts: 13,791 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited January 2013 in R & R (Religion and Race)
*back by popular demand...(And by Popular I mean the two people @haute and the other dude whose name I just forgot cuz I smoked too much weed as a teen)...THE BIBLE TRANSLATION THREAD

Post a Bible verse in this thread and I shall translate it in a way that, yes, even you, can understand...

Help me, help you. I'll start it off...

"In the beginning ? created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of ? moved on the face of the waters."



TRANSLATION: "? , who was black (we know this because he created beings he calls his children, promised to come back & never did, after getting a random ? pregnant and smooooooth let her husband take care of the damn baby knowing GOTdamned well it wasnt his...) made Earth & outer space.

THE EARTH WAS WITHOUT FORM: Mother Earth was a ratchet ass ? , sitting with her legs wide open from the west of Pangaea to the East, Mount Everest was the ? on the ? back. She never learned to sit like a lady. No form at all.

AND DARKNESS WAS IN THE FACE OF THE DEEP: *does more research...puts on reading glasses....SHRUGS & comes to logical conclusion*....APPARENTLY DRO WAS THERE.

AND THE SPIRIT OF ? MOVED THE WATERS: ? farts in the bathtub like everybody else...but yall still worship the ? like he special or something. Just cuz he can walk on the same water he ? in. Amma let yall cook though.

AMEN...

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Comments

  • A1000MILES
    A1000MILES Members, Writer Posts: 13,287 ✭✭✭✭✭
    GOAT blasphemy...
  • Recaptimus_Prime360
    Recaptimus_Prime360 Members Posts: 64,801 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Darxwell wrote: »
    *back by popular demand...(And by Popular I mean the two people @haute and the other dude whose name I just forgot cuz I smoked too much weed as a teen)...THE BIBLE TRANSLATION THREAD

    Post a Bible verse in this thread and I shall translate it in a way that, yes, even you, can understand...

    Help me, help you. I'll start it off...

    "In the beginning ? created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of ? moved on the face of the waters."



    TRANSLATION: "? , who was black (we know this because he created beings he calls his children, promised to come back & never did, after getting a random ? pregnant and smooooooth let her husband take care of the damn baby knowing GOTdamned well it wasnt his...) made Earth & outer space.

    THE EARTH WAS WITHOUT FORM: Mother Earth was a ratchet ass ? , sitting with her legs wide open from the west of Pangaea to the East, Mount Everest was the ? on the ? back. She never learned to sit like a lady. No form at all.

    AND DARKNESS WAS IN THE FACE OF THE DEEP: *does more research...puts on reading glasses....SHRUGS & comes to logical conclusion*....APPARENTLY DRO WAS THERE.

    AND THE SPIRIT OF ? MOVED THE WATERS: ? farts in the bathtub like everybody else...but yall still worship the ? like he special or something. Just cuz he can walk on the same water he ? in. Amma let yall cook though.

    AMEN...

    flatline.jpg
  • Kushington
    Kushington Members Posts: 8,011 ✭✭✭✭✭
    "And do not be conformed to this world..but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of ? ."-Romans 12:2.

    Translation: This thread must be disregarded as blasphemy, confusion, and enmity.
    May the Lord one day give blasphemous people the Holy Spirit, so they no longer distort the word with "comical" interpretations for "lols" and "ethers".
  • bull6599
    bull6599 Members Posts: 6,640 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Ahh!!! I remember the 1st thread. ? was 1 of the GOATEST threads in IC history!
  • bull6599
    bull6599 Members Posts: 6,640 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Gotdayum @ that Dro line!!!!!!!!! LMFAO
  • Billy_Poncho
    Billy_Poncho Members Posts: 22,382 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited January 2013
    Jesus Wept- At the time Jesus was a punk, cryin ass ? ? , but ? in all his gangsta taught him the ways of a real ? , and he trusted him to teach us how to be real ? as well
  • Gold_Certificate
    Gold_Certificate Members Posts: 13,228 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I need these translated:

    "Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks." - Psalm 137:9

    "But the commander replied, “Was it only to your master and you that my master sent me to say these things, and not to the people sitting on the wall—who, like you, will have to eat their own excrement and drink their own ? ?”" - 2 Kings 18:27

    "Because of the suffering your enemy will inflict on you during the siege, you will eat the fruit of the ? , the flesh of the sons and daughters the Lord your ? has given you." - Deuteronomy 28:53
  • lordhonka2
    lordhonka2 Members Posts: 1,402 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited January 2013
    stop it dude ? out of context ......O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction, happy is he who repays you for what you have done to us- psalms 137.8

    Happy shall he be that taketh ... - Margin, as in Hebrew, rock. This refers to what was not uncommon in ancient warfare, as it is now among savage tribes - the indiscriminate slaughter of those of all ages, and of both sexes, in war. It was expressly foretold of Babylon that this would occur (see Isaiah 13:16, and the notes at that place), and there may be a reference here to that prediction, and the psalmist may mean to say that the man would be accounted happy, or would be happy, who wreaked vengeance on Babylon in carrying out that prophecy. The idea is, "This will certainly occur, for it is foretold, and happy or fortunate will he be who is the instrument in fulfilling it." Compare 2 Kings 8:12; Nahum 3:10; Hosea 13:16. See also Homer, II xxii. 63,373, following It is impossible to reconcile such barbarous customs with the idex of "honorable war," or with the principles of war as carried on among "civilized" nations now.
  • lordhonka2
    lordhonka2 Members Posts: 1,402 ✭✭✭✭✭
    ? as atheist always tryna sabotage ?
  • Gold_Certificate
    Gold_Certificate Members Posts: 13,228 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Damn, I ask for a translation and somehow "lordhonka2" seems to have become aggravated.

    This translation ? is serious business.
  • DarcSkies
    DarcSkies Members Posts: 13,791 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I need these translated:

    "Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks." - Psalm 137:9
    Translation: ? supports late, late, late,late, late term abortions...
    "But the commander replied, “Was it only to your master and you that my master sent me to say these things, and not to the people sitting on the wall—who, like you, will have to eat their own excrement and drink their own ? ?”" - 2 Kings 18:27
    Translation: My Holy Father told me to tellllllllll YOU!!! ...U ? aint eatin on my block...? is gone be pressed against the wall son word up! Amma make it so u ? cant eat...nah..? that..cant eat OR Drink ? ! ? is gone have to eat they own ? round here ? wit me!

    Flat stomach, parched mouf havin ass ? .
    "Because of the suffering your enemy will inflict on you during the siege, you will eat the fruit of the ? , the flesh of the sons and daughters the Lord your ? has given you." - Deuteronomy 28:53
    TRANSLATION: "Yo, just got back from scouting the ? thats bout to raid our village...YOU KNOW WE DONE ? UP RIGHT?"
  • Kushington
    Kushington Members Posts: 8,011 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Damn, I ask for a translation and somehow "lordhonka2" seems to have become aggravated.

    This translation ? is serious business.



    Is your everlasting soul "serious business"?

    You wont think blasphemy is funny when your name isnt in the book of life and youre tossed into the lake of fire.

    You need jesus ASAP. But you do have free will, so carry on bruh.
  • haute
    haute Members Posts: 11,581 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • haute
    haute Members Posts: 11,581 ✭✭✭✭✭
    You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your ? , am a jealous ? , punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.

    Exodus 20:4
  • DarcSkies
    DarcSkies Members Posts: 13,791 ✭✭✭✭✭
    haute wrote: »
    thanks boo!!!
    Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
  • A1000MILES
    A1000MILES Members, Writer Posts: 13,287 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Do John 3:16...
  • Gold_Certificate
    Gold_Certificate Members Posts: 13,228 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Kushington wrote: »
    Damn, I ask for a translation and somehow "lordhonka2" seems to have become aggravated.

    This translation ? is serious business.



    Is your everlasting soul "serious business"?

    You wont think blasphemy is funny when your name isnt in the book of life and youre tossed into the lake of fire.

    You need jesus ASAP. But you do have free will, so carry on bruh.
    I can swim b. Tossing me into a lake won't do ? .
  • DarcSkies
    DarcSkies Members Posts: 13,791 ✭✭✭✭✭
    haute wrote: »
    You shall have no other gods before me.
    *JESUS IN DMX INTERLUDE VOICE* I DONT BELIEVE THIS--WHO ? U SUCKIN?!

    *Catholic Nun* DONT CALL ME WIT THAT ? , IIGHT...I AINT BEEN ? WIT NOBODY UP HERE...I DONT KNOW NOBODY UP HERE!
    You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.
    *DMX VOICE* DONT LIE TO ME ? , I HEARD ABOUT THAT ? from THE MIDDLE EAST. I HEARD ABOUT THAT MAGIC METERITE YOU BEEN WORSHIPPIN IN MECCA ? ...
    You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your ? , am a jealous ? ,
    *Catholic Nun*: ? U TALKIN ABOUT JEALOUS ASS ? ?!

    *DMX Voice* Do I got ta ALLAH (see what I did there?) HIS NAME?!

    *Catholic Nun*: I DONT KNOW NOBODY IN PAKISTAN, AND I DONT ? WIT NOBODY IN PAKISTAN!
    punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.
    *DMX Voice*: ? U PRAYIN TO EM! So here's the deal. Amma ? you ? ...and amma wait til your children's children have children...and amma ? their ass too!

    Exactly who in the ? did u think u was ? wit ? ?

    *Tyson Voice* PRAISE to ALLAH Ill eat your ? children!


  • NIKE...
    NIKE... Members Posts: 3,742 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Rick Ross said ? forgives..as shall I for this "thread"
  • DarcSkies
    DarcSkies Members Posts: 13,791 ✭✭✭✭✭
    A1000MILES wrote: »
    Do John 3:16...
    John 3:16

    16 For ? so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
    *Italian Salesman Voice*

    OK, OK, OK...so now the guy's working for J.C. Any problems, he can go to J.C., trouble paying your tithes? You can go to J.C., beef with the Deacons? Other Preachers? He can go to J.C. But now the guy's gotta get the Holy Ghost every Sunday No Matter WHAT!

    Aint speaking in tongues yet? ? U PRAISE ME! Oh u aint been coming to Bible Study huh? ? YOU PRAISE ME! Oh you want me to cure that cancer huh? ? YOU PRAISE ME!

    And then what.are.you.gonna.do? When you cant ask for another favor from my only begotten son? When you refuse to believe in my only boy? U dont live forever thats what...I light a match in your soul...AND I BLOW THE JOINT.
  • jono
    jono Members Posts: 30,280 ✭✭✭✭✭
    This is classic already, but it all the ingredients for a GOAT thread, just needs 'bout a tablespoon more feelings.
  • DarcSkies
    DarcSkies Members Posts: 13,791 ✭✭✭✭✭
    kai_valya wrote: »
    Kings 2:23-24
    NKJV
    Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
    TRANSLATION: So peep. Dude had just came from the barbershop and ? . Freshcut and all that. Dome polished like a mufukka. Ran into some shorties on the block on that hate ? . He was old as ? but check though ? ...son had a pet bear yo!

    NAHHH! NAH! Straight up yo! No listen listen on my mama that ? had a bear cuh! WORD UP! Mufukka killed 42 kids ? ...SWEAR ON MY LIFE! 42!
    Deuteronomy 23:1
    ESV
    No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male ? is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
    TRANSLATION:
    *Don King Voice*

    If he cant ? , he cant walk through the pearly gates. In high heels with a beard? U better get from round here!
    Genesis 38:8-10
    NASB
    Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.
    Translation: WHOA WHOA WHOA...u pulled out?! WORD? ? is on your mind homie on some real ? ? Do you see these eyes made of fire?

    *creates water on the ground*

    *Stomps all over it*

    Do u see me WALKING on this ? ? ?! Who the ? are u to disobey a ? like me? U know what? ? IT... I dont have time for this ? I got ? to ? *chops off head*
    Ezekiel 23:19-20
    NET
    Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their ? – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
    Aquafinna is older than we think....
  • VIBE
    VIBE Members Posts: 54,384 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • Trollio
    Trollio Members Posts: 25,815 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Hate hate hate
  • texas409
    texas409 Members Posts: 20,854 ✭✭✭✭✭
    yall nignogs trippin