Blog: Black men are the problem
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Just came across this black men-hating blog, and took at look at some of the articles. This one in particular caught my eye. We, apparently, are a big part of black women's problem.
Here it is:
This is an unusual response post for me; I’m actually not in opposition to what was written in Brenda’s very intensive post. It’s actually one that black women who visit this site should read. Mainly because it attempts to explain the reaction to black men coming up in black woman-centric spaces. I was actually working on something similar to what Brenda brought up, but a conversation in the post and Chris’s follow up made me adjust my thoughts a bit.
I think in order to better understand why black men as a topic come up in BW-centric and BWE spaces, you must understand why they do not come up.
Black men do not come up because anyone wants to hear more about black men’s problems, excuses, justifications, or rationalizations.
When black men come up, it’s because they are part of a black woman-centric problem. And it’s already been accepted by a number of black women that the solution lies in getting away from black men. Some may mistakenly think this means merely advocating interracial relationships. No, this means divorcing one’s self emotionally, mentally, and financially from the black community. The black community has made being African American synonymous with being a black man. Even worse is the coddling and deification of black manhood, despite nothing relevant to show for all the praise. It’s gotten to the point where black men are expected to show up and be black, and that be enough to be deemed “a good man”. Meanwhile, black women are expected to be a compliant workhorse and ignore all of their black woman-centric issues. This is unacceptable, so it’s rational to expect women who want to maintain their happiness and sanity to leave such a demented structure behind. Often discussing an exit strategy or dealing with the PTSD means bringing up black men. Some black women have no reason to discuss or bring up black men because they are not a part of their reality. But they are sympathetic to those women trying to work a lot of poison out of their systems.
Black men may feel uncomfortable hearing that they as a group are largely responsible for the suffering of black women, but it’s not like this conversation is happening in a space they can’t navigate away from. Why do black men stick around and try and coerce black women into excusing them or adjusting their tone to something they personally find more acceptable? I think it’s because they don’t understand the next point.
Black men do not come up because the black women are looking for them to tell them what to think
As stated in the other point, the black women discussing their thoughts aren’t looking for black men to explain anything. Because we’ve heard all the explanations. From slavery to mind-control, many black men who enter these conversations do so to convince us that they are not responsible for their own thoughts and actions. And they try and do this by forcing their way into the conversation and then trying to tone police the black women having their discussion. It’s not always black men, sometimes it’s their coddlers.
What these people don’t know is that a safe-space is meant to be free of such attempts to shut down down conversation and sharing of emotions and experiences. Black women participants are not tone policed because some black women as I said are working a lot of poison out of their system. Some women are very hurt, others angry. And they arrive to spaces like this at different stages of grief. Some have already accepted that black men will not change as a group for the better and have moved on. Others are not able to start moving to the acceptance stage because they are angry or in some ways still bargaining.
But whatever the case, no one is looking for black men to tell them what to think about their own experiences. Because-
Black women in these spaces would be more impressed with ANYTHING black men had to say if these black men ever showed up in conversations where black women were being mistreated and disrespected. Or if they were genuinely concerned about our unique problems without some sort of self-serving catch.
The above, which I suggest some people read several times for comprehension purposes, is why I simply do not care about the existence of so-called good black men. If someone brings it up again, I may scream at this point. Because what I highlighted above simply does not happen. Ralph Richard Banks attempting to get black women to ask about why they stay unmarried rather than raise standards and marry out if they have to is probably the equivalent of Halley’s Comet passing in front of the Sun during a solar eclipse.
I just don’t see black men, for all the knee-? “good black men exist, are the exception, etc.” talk, stepping up to say anything about anyone but themselves. Whenever they want in on a conversation it’s either to go to bat for themselves, gas-light the black women in question, or hurl further abuse.
I can count on one hand all the times I’ve seen a black man show up and stand up against GAT-DL abusers in this or similar spaces. And I wouldn’t use all the fingers. And I’ve NEVER seen it in general black-male identified black spaces.
So the way I see it, you don’t get to interrupt a conversation you were never expected to be part of to talk about “good black men” when those men never show up to prove how good they are by giving a ? about black women when they are needed. And even when they do show up, it is too rare to really mean anything in the long run.
Ultimately, it’s just another sign of black people loving to make the exception the rule because they are running from a reality that they can’t deal with: Most black men simply do not care about black women, and have no intention of “fixing” anything or repairing a dysfunctional status quo.
And if anyone wants proof of that, you need look no further than the continued absence of black men when it comes to expectations of moral responsibility and defending of black womanhood.
Overall, black woman-centric discussion in this and similar spaces I found is not concerned with black men despite them being a topic. There is no wailing and moaning about why black men won’t change. There is no impatient demand that black men get themselves together. Or a lot of wincing for them to “come home” from non-black women. African American men simply have caused a lot of irreparable damage to themselves and the women in their group. And no amount of excuses, finger-pointing or demands that black women shut up about their experiences is going to change that. A man, a true man, owns his mistakes and tries to fix them. Black men need to preoccupy themselves as a group with getting themselves and their heads right and passing on some sense to their male offspring.
Such things have nothing to do with black women or black womanhood. Nor can they be accomplished by lurking BW-centric spaces and fretting over why black women do or don’t bring up the words “black men”.
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/dont-talk-black-men-response-post-sorts/
Here it is:
This is an unusual response post for me; I’m actually not in opposition to what was written in Brenda’s very intensive post. It’s actually one that black women who visit this site should read. Mainly because it attempts to explain the reaction to black men coming up in black woman-centric spaces. I was actually working on something similar to what Brenda brought up, but a conversation in the post and Chris’s follow up made me adjust my thoughts a bit.
I think in order to better understand why black men as a topic come up in BW-centric and BWE spaces, you must understand why they do not come up.
Black men do not come up because anyone wants to hear more about black men’s problems, excuses, justifications, or rationalizations.
When black men come up, it’s because they are part of a black woman-centric problem. And it’s already been accepted by a number of black women that the solution lies in getting away from black men. Some may mistakenly think this means merely advocating interracial relationships. No, this means divorcing one’s self emotionally, mentally, and financially from the black community. The black community has made being African American synonymous with being a black man. Even worse is the coddling and deification of black manhood, despite nothing relevant to show for all the praise. It’s gotten to the point where black men are expected to show up and be black, and that be enough to be deemed “a good man”. Meanwhile, black women are expected to be a compliant workhorse and ignore all of their black woman-centric issues. This is unacceptable, so it’s rational to expect women who want to maintain their happiness and sanity to leave such a demented structure behind. Often discussing an exit strategy or dealing with the PTSD means bringing up black men. Some black women have no reason to discuss or bring up black men because they are not a part of their reality. But they are sympathetic to those women trying to work a lot of poison out of their systems.
Black men may feel uncomfortable hearing that they as a group are largely responsible for the suffering of black women, but it’s not like this conversation is happening in a space they can’t navigate away from. Why do black men stick around and try and coerce black women into excusing them or adjusting their tone to something they personally find more acceptable? I think it’s because they don’t understand the next point.
Black men do not come up because the black women are looking for them to tell them what to think
As stated in the other point, the black women discussing their thoughts aren’t looking for black men to explain anything. Because we’ve heard all the explanations. From slavery to mind-control, many black men who enter these conversations do so to convince us that they are not responsible for their own thoughts and actions. And they try and do this by forcing their way into the conversation and then trying to tone police the black women having their discussion. It’s not always black men, sometimes it’s their coddlers.
What these people don’t know is that a safe-space is meant to be free of such attempts to shut down down conversation and sharing of emotions and experiences. Black women participants are not tone policed because some black women as I said are working a lot of poison out of their system. Some women are very hurt, others angry. And they arrive to spaces like this at different stages of grief. Some have already accepted that black men will not change as a group for the better and have moved on. Others are not able to start moving to the acceptance stage because they are angry or in some ways still bargaining.
But whatever the case, no one is looking for black men to tell them what to think about their own experiences. Because-
Black women in these spaces would be more impressed with ANYTHING black men had to say if these black men ever showed up in conversations where black women were being mistreated and disrespected. Or if they were genuinely concerned about our unique problems without some sort of self-serving catch.
The above, which I suggest some people read several times for comprehension purposes, is why I simply do not care about the existence of so-called good black men. If someone brings it up again, I may scream at this point. Because what I highlighted above simply does not happen. Ralph Richard Banks attempting to get black women to ask about why they stay unmarried rather than raise standards and marry out if they have to is probably the equivalent of Halley’s Comet passing in front of the Sun during a solar eclipse.
I just don’t see black men, for all the knee-? “good black men exist, are the exception, etc.” talk, stepping up to say anything about anyone but themselves. Whenever they want in on a conversation it’s either to go to bat for themselves, gas-light the black women in question, or hurl further abuse.
I can count on one hand all the times I’ve seen a black man show up and stand up against GAT-DL abusers in this or similar spaces. And I wouldn’t use all the fingers. And I’ve NEVER seen it in general black-male identified black spaces.
So the way I see it, you don’t get to interrupt a conversation you were never expected to be part of to talk about “good black men” when those men never show up to prove how good they are by giving a ? about black women when they are needed. And even when they do show up, it is too rare to really mean anything in the long run.
Ultimately, it’s just another sign of black people loving to make the exception the rule because they are running from a reality that they can’t deal with: Most black men simply do not care about black women, and have no intention of “fixing” anything or repairing a dysfunctional status quo.
And if anyone wants proof of that, you need look no further than the continued absence of black men when it comes to expectations of moral responsibility and defending of black womanhood.
Overall, black woman-centric discussion in this and similar spaces I found is not concerned with black men despite them being a topic. There is no wailing and moaning about why black men won’t change. There is no impatient demand that black men get themselves together. Or a lot of wincing for them to “come home” from non-black women. African American men simply have caused a lot of irreparable damage to themselves and the women in their group. And no amount of excuses, finger-pointing or demands that black women shut up about their experiences is going to change that. A man, a true man, owns his mistakes and tries to fix them. Black men need to preoccupy themselves as a group with getting themselves and their heads right and passing on some sense to their male offspring.
Such things have nothing to do with black women or black womanhood. Nor can they be accomplished by lurking BW-centric spaces and fretting over why black women do or don’t bring up the words “black men”.
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/dont-talk-black-men-response-post-sorts/
Comments
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the author........
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wow...
wow...
man...that is some of the most anti black men ? i have ever read...
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King_sorrow wrote: »
the author........
that bish look like Mack 10 -
Like all of these "anti black women" or "anti black men" blogs there are some truth and some meh's in 'em. You can tell that alot of the anger in her post comes from her own reality, which is the natural problem when people make statements such as these.
But i would definitely call myself an exception to the rule and trust me i lose alot because of it, just in general. So some truth, some bs. -
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Poorly written article, couldn't get through it. Cue didn't read gif
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Glossed through the article. Woefully written and riddled with skewed points.
Something that did catch my eye is the author stating, "Even worse is the coddling and deification of black manhood, despite nothing relevant to show for all the praise."
(Deification= One that embodies the qualities of a ? .)
^^Um, pardon but Black men are the gods of men. No other race even attempts to come close.
Are there issues with Black men? Sure. But she went about this the wrong way and with the most left field arguments.
I can tell she dates outside her race simply by her tone of text. She is the type of girl who would urge disgruntled, jaded Black women onto white boys. Filthy.
^^My 6 cents. -
*Saw that it was written by a black woman*
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Auntie Ruckus aka the female Tommy Sotomayor aka Nephew Ruckus
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? is fat.
She is not to be taken seriously. -
Look at the comments. You'll see more hostility.
Matter of fact, look at the blog in general. I tell you guys that a lot of black women have either turned or are turning against us. And the proof is right there in that blog. -
Im sorry im so sorry if I have caused pain to my sistas...by just livin...i dont know raise your sons better im raise our daughters better just dnt give up on all of us...we are one good an bad..Black ? Is Black Love
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Wow, one of the commenters refers to the black community as "Blackistan."
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i cant deal with this on a saturday morning
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Skyler White wrote: »I cant do white men. The majority that are into black women date us because of some ? up stereotype or fetish...not because of genuine love for our beauty or culture.
You need numbers to back that up. -
Skyler White wrote: »Its funny how when you find happiness and love, articles like this make you laugh.
Even if I got divorced and ended up back on the market (? forbid!), my husband, men I've encountered in my social circles and profession, and a handful of you fine men on the IC have opened my eyes to how many good, quality black men there are out there. It ain't that damn dire out here.
You are what you attract. When I was out here doing hoodrat ? with my friends, I attracted bummy hoodrat ? .
It's always single ugly ? writing this ? when they could be bent over the bed getting ? and loved on by their nonexistent man.
Nothing to see here folks.
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Ok, the didn't read gifs are only funny if posted in the first five posts. Didn't y'all know that?
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Ain't no way she's going to find a decent man with a face like that. ? is hideous
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(:| Maybe she should just avoid black men, then maybe her problems will go away.
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ill be right back to get in someones ass
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Look, I understand that racism is a ? . The way society treats you is ? --got it. But it's no excuse for the negative and poor treatment many Black women receive at the hands of Black men. And this is why I have just lost interest in the entire convo--because ? want hand holding instead of doing self reflection, self criticism and how they can better our community. Not angry. Not bitter. Just disinterested and over it.
Good post *slow claps* -
Look, I understand that racism is a ? . The way society treats you is ? --got it. But it's no excuse for the negative and poor treatment many Black women receive at the hands of Black men. And this is why I have just lost interest in the entire convo--because ? want hand holding instead of doing self reflection, self criticism and how they can better our community. Not angry. Not bitter. Just disinterested and over it.
I dont think we do our women any worse than ppl of other races do theirs... -
The wool really has been pulled over some people's eyes. The relationship between black men and black women doesn't exist in a vacuum. You can never ever seriously address a behavior without first addressing WHY that behavior exists.
