For the fellow men who were raised without a father/male presence..
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SnuffDaddy
Members Posts: 1,449 ✭✭✭✭✭
...have you ever acknowledged or noticed where you missed your father in your ways of thinking/acting?
*in before the clowning*. The trolls will have a field day i'm sure, but ? it, lol.
Serious question.
Ever recognized some of the female traits you took on being raised by women? Whether we notice it or not we adopt alot of it. Some go searching for male presence in the streets cuz of it. Doesnt negate the potential female traits still tho.
I grew up without a father & consistant male influence around me. Was raised by moms, who actually handled it well & was a rarity around my way, but never any real good consistant male presence. Had very few one's for a short duration of time but they came & left or were really bad. Almost murdered my step-father a few years ago, for really real. Still feel guilty for not doing to this day.
Anyway, i always noticed how sympathetic i was/am, especially towards other women. Like i was/am that "nice guy". Not saying i was better than anyone else or that i was a pushover but i was always that good kid. That, of course, isnt a female trait but thats something i got from my mother.
As a kid i was a little uncomfortable around certain aggressive male enviroments or people in general with a certain kind of "confidence", cuz i wasnt used to it, still aint. I wasnt a ? or whatever but i just wasnt that comfortable. Things like that made people, wannabe bullies, test me tho. Wasnt bullied but i got tried alot.
Then i also noticed that i was sensitive early on. Still am, definitely not as much tho. I also see that i have a nurturing side when it comes to kids (Not in no ? way either ? ! lol). But as far as loving kids & showing love to them & that is generally a female trait, that i got from my moms. Then i also got insecure alot, which is normal, but cuz i really didnt/dont know how a man is supposed to be/act i always was insecure about alot of stuff.
Over the years though because of my experiences in life i kinda got that male aggressivness thrown at me, like 2pac said, which has made me more cynical, less sympathetic, less forgiving & all that.
Anyone else have things they can acknowledge about themselves? ? finna clown, lol, but i'm seriously wondering.
*in before the clowning*. The trolls will have a field day i'm sure, but ? it, lol.
Serious question.
Ever recognized some of the female traits you took on being raised by women? Whether we notice it or not we adopt alot of it. Some go searching for male presence in the streets cuz of it. Doesnt negate the potential female traits still tho.
I grew up without a father & consistant male influence around me. Was raised by moms, who actually handled it well & was a rarity around my way, but never any real good consistant male presence. Had very few one's for a short duration of time but they came & left or were really bad. Almost murdered my step-father a few years ago, for really real. Still feel guilty for not doing to this day.
Anyway, i always noticed how sympathetic i was/am, especially towards other women. Like i was/am that "nice guy". Not saying i was better than anyone else or that i was a pushover but i was always that good kid. That, of course, isnt a female trait but thats something i got from my mother.
As a kid i was a little uncomfortable around certain aggressive male enviroments or people in general with a certain kind of "confidence", cuz i wasnt used to it, still aint. I wasnt a ? or whatever but i just wasnt that comfortable. Things like that made people, wannabe bullies, test me tho. Wasnt bullied but i got tried alot.
Then i also noticed that i was sensitive early on. Still am, definitely not as much tho. I also see that i have a nurturing side when it comes to kids (Not in no ? way either ? ! lol). But as far as loving kids & showing love to them & that is generally a female trait, that i got from my moms. Then i also got insecure alot, which is normal, but cuz i really didnt/dont know how a man is supposed to be/act i always was insecure about alot of stuff.
Over the years though because of my experiences in life i kinda got that male aggressivness thrown at me, like 2pac said, which has made me more cynical, less sympathetic, less forgiving & all that.
Anyone else have things they can acknowledge about themselves? ? finna clown, lol, but i'm seriously wondering.
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He throwing titangraphs @ us
He know that ? 's don't read -
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I notice a lot of fatherless ? act real reckless. They have the bodies and strength of a boy but the lack of discipline and have the stupid temper of their mothers. They never get taught to be accountable for their actions so they do stupid ? like shoot another lil ? over some j's.
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No kid should be comfortable in a violent/super aggressive enviroment.
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No kid should be comfortable in a violent/super aggressive enviroment.
Right, but let's be honest with all the testosterone & and a society that tells us that a man is supposed to be "tough" or whatever it'll always be around and most males will have to face it, unfortunately. Females actually play a part in it as well whether they realize it or not.
But then again, it can also be argued is cuz some of them dont really know what a man is either so they go looking for some sort of protector/provider. -
Ghost Leopard wrote: »I notice a lot of fatherless ? act real reckless. They have the bodies and strength of a boy but the lack of discipline and have the stupid temper of their mothers. They never get taught to be accountable for their actions so they do stupid ? like shoot another lil ? over some j's.
True. I would definitely say that im not like that. Im very logical and self acctountable tbh. The temper ? is definitely true about me tho. I get really sensitive/upset quick, almost always have to have the last word and all that. -
No kid should be comfortable in a violent/super aggressive enviroment.
Right on cue a ? come in and say some ? ? . ? go make some sandwiches. You don't even have a fool tryin to cuff so you need to practice if you want that ring.
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Ghost Leopard wrote: »I notice a lot of fatherless ? act real reckless. They have the bodies and strength of a boy but the lack of discipline and have the stupid temper of their mothers. They never get taught to be accountable for their actions so they do stupid ? like shoot another lil ? over some j's.Ghost Leopard wrote: »
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Ghost Leopard wrote: »I notice a lot of fatherless ? act real reckless. They have the bodies and strength of a boy but the lack of discipline and have the stupid temper of their mothers. They never get taught to be accountable for their actions so they do stupid ? like shoot another lil ? over some j's.
i know plenty of dudes who have both parents that act stupid tho too. Its just that the majority of boys who get in trouble dont have fathers. I think it's more of an issue of a lack of guidance and correction. raising a child is hard enough to do with a spouse, so for a single mother it is even more difficult. I think some mothers give up after a while. And even when they don't, most boys who act out do so because of environmental influences that they see as models of how they should be. Without good role models, its hard to become something you never have had exposure to. -
You live in a hyper masculine society and a lack of father figures help creates the personification that being super tough all the time is apart of manhood in which really means we you need to be a protector, provider, and a builder of society.
You need a balance of both female and male positive influences because in order for us to be whole we need to have both presence or we will lean far right or two left. Females are usually right brain and males are usually left brain, but to be a whole person or holistic you need both parts in unison. -
i grew up without a father i can relate to some ? u posted nh
would yall forgive your father when u get older and he wants to meet you and ? ? im not really that forgiving atm he wrote me some letters iont even read that ? goes straight to the bin.
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*raised by my biological father and mother post
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Dope thread.
I've asked myself this plenty of times and I can't really think of any. -
No kid should be comfortable in a violent/super aggressive enviroment.
true...
But what ends up happening is you have to learn how to survive within environments like that so u can live comfortably. And this doesn't necessarily mean you have to become a monster to do so. And that's most of the issues these kids have. I was raised in an environment like that, but I had parents who wouldn't let me be negatively impacted by it and instilled values in me that helped me through when they weren't around. -
EmperorRises wrote: »You live in a hyper masculine society and a lack of father figures help creates the personification that being super tough all the time is apart of manhood in which really means we you need to be a protector, provider, and a builder of society.
You need a balance of both female and male positive influences because in order for us to be whole we need to have both presence or we will lean far right or two left. Females are usually right brain and males are usually left brain, but to be a whole person or holistic you need both parts in unison.
Exactly! Thank you.
Tbh cuz of ? like this i sometimes feel unsure of ever being with a woman feeling that i can satisfy those qualities..cuz i might not be appear to be super masculine or whatever, and maybe i aint. I do know that i would make a good father, affectionette and involved and things of that nature. But i might not look like im comfortable/paranoid in certain enviroments and might not look like a can knock ? out left and right and all that or look procective, especially considering the enviromen i still live in. I would die for my child if i had one tho.
So it's real iffy..
On another level i think what happened also is that some of my frustrations in dealing with my mother, other females mixed with my temper made me very skeptic towards them and maybe even somewhat angry at them. So its a real weird thing.
I hear u as well @MansaMusa67 -
They rack disciprine
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Thank ? my son has a daddy.
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SnuffDaddy wrote: »EmperorRises wrote: »You live in a hyper masculine society and a lack of father figures help creates the personification that being super tough all the time is apart of manhood in which really means we you need to be a protector, provider, and a builder of society.
You need a balance of both female and male positive influences because in order for us to be whole we need to have both presence or we will lean far right or two left. Females are usually right brain and males are usually left brain, but to be a whole person or holistic you need both parts in unison.
Exactly! Thank you.
Tbh cuz of ? like this i sometimes feel unsure of ever being with a woman feeling that i can satisfy those qualities..cuz i might not be appear to be super masculine or whatever, and maybe i aint. I do know that i would make a good father, affectionette and involved and things of that nature. But i might not look like im comfortable/paranoid in certain enviroments and might not look like a can knock ? out left and right and all that or look procective, especially considering the enviromen i still live in. I would die for my child if i had one tho.
So it's real iffy..
On another level i think what happened also is that some of my frustrations in dealing with my mother, other females mixed with my temper made me very skeptic towards them and maybe even somewhat angry at them. So its a real weird thing.
I hear u as well @MansaMusa67
I would say learn about the different energies and become a whole person. Study up on the sciences and symbolism of Egypt. There are reasons they left that knowledge up on the wall. I learned a whole lot by studying them. -
i grew up without a father i can relate to some ? u posted nh
would yall forgive your father when u get older and he wants to meet you and ? ? im not really that forgiving atm he wrote me some letters iont even read that ? goes straight to the bin.
@SnuffDaddy
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MansaMusa67 wrote: »Ghost Leopard wrote: »I notice a lot of fatherless ? act real reckless. They have the bodies and strength of a boy but the lack of discipline and have the stupid temper of their mothers. They never get taught to be accountable for their actions so they do stupid ? like shoot another lil ? over some j's.
i know plenty of dudes who have both parents that act stupid tho too. Its just that the majority of boys who get in trouble dont have fathers. I think it's more of an issue of a lack of guidance and correction. raising a child is hard enough to do with a spouse, so for a single mother it is even more difficult. I think some mothers give up after a while. And even when they don't, most boys who act out do so because of environmental influences that they see as models of how they should be. Without good role models, its hard to become something you never have had exposure to.
Yea boys are gonna get into trouble because they are naturally curious and then as puberty hits that influx of testosterone increases aggression.
Today we don't live in a hyper masculine state we live in a hyper feminine state that penalizes boys for not controlling themselves instead of teaching them how to.
No matter how much black women swear up and sired down they are the momma and the daddy they can't control that boy after a while. He will do so what it is impressed upon him to do.
The way that aggressiveness plays out is in a lack of trust for older men and aggressiveness among themselves which leads to fratricide.
Basically I've it's a ? mess. The state gas hyped the role of mother, downplayed the role of father while taking the position the father.
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i grew up without a father i can relate to some ? u posted nh
would yall forgive your father when u get older and he wants to meet you and ? ? im not really that forgiving atm he wrote me some letters iont even read that ? goes straight to the bin.
I think that ive already forgiven my biological father just based off of the fact that I can't see any male wanting to spend any long term time around my mother. She has a long history of driving men right out of her life(myself included) -
Ghost Leopard wrote: »MansaMusa67 wrote: »Ghost Leopard wrote: »I notice a lot of fatherless ? act real reckless. They have the bodies and strength of a boy but the lack of discipline and have the stupid temper of their mothers. They never get taught to be accountable for their actions so they do stupid ? like shoot another lil ? over some j's.
i know plenty of dudes who have both parents that act stupid tho too. Its just that the majority of boys who get in trouble dont have fathers. I think it's more of an issue of a lack of guidance and correction. raising a child is hard enough to do with a spouse, so for a single mother it is even more difficult. I think some mothers give up after a while. And even when they don't, most boys who act out do so because of environmental influences that they see as models of how they should be. Without good role models, its hard to become something you never have had exposure to.
Yea boys are gonna get into trouble because they are naturally curious and then as puberty hits that influx of testosterone increases aggression.
Today we don't live in a hyper masculine state we live in a hyper feminine state that penalizes boys for not controlling themselves instead of teaching them how to.
No matter how much black women swear up and sired down they are the momma and the daddy they can't control that boy after a while. He will do so what it is impressed upon him to do.
The way that aggressiveness plays out is in a lack of trust for older men and aggressiveness among themselves which leads to fratricide.
Basically I've it's a ? mess. The state gas hyped the role of mother, downplayed the role of father while taking the position the father.
Cosign the bolded...
The truth in that statement gets deeper than this tho. Basically the gap between the older generation and younger generation was is purposely created. A society of functioning, educated black MEN is dangerous.
The best way to ensure that boys font grow into men is to get to them their elders do. So even if a few slip through the snares set up through social programming, they will be to far removed from their family unit to want to even listen to the elders. And in turn, will make more mistakes than they should have because they wouldnt listen to the old heads because the " dont understand our generation".
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Ghost Leopard wrote: »MansaMusa67 wrote: »Ghost Leopard wrote: »I notice a lot of fatherless ? act real reckless. They have the bodies and strength of a boy but the lack of discipline and have the stupid temper of their mothers. They never get taught to be accountable for their actions so they do stupid ? like shoot another lil ? over some j's.
i know plenty of dudes who have both parents that act stupid tho too. Its just that the majority of boys who get in trouble dont have fathers. I think it's more of an issue of a lack of guidance and correction. raising a child is hard enough to do with a spouse, so for a single mother it is even more difficult. I think some mothers give up after a while. And even when they don't, most boys who act out do so because of environmental influences that they see as models of how they should be. Without good role models, its hard to become something you never have had exposure to.
Yea boys are gonna get into trouble because they are naturally curious and then as puberty hits that influx of testosterone increases aggression.
Today we don't live in a hyper masculine state we live in a hyper feminine state that penalizes boys for not controlling themselves instead of teaching them how to.
No matter how much black women swear up and sired down they are the momma and the daddy they can't control that boy after a while. He will do so what it is impressed upon him to do.
The way that aggressiveness plays out is in a lack of trust for older men and aggressiveness among themselves which leads to fratricide.
Basically I've it's a ? mess. The state gas hyped the role of mother, downplayed the role of father while taking the position the father.
You are right and it's a huge mess. We have confusion of what exactly is feminine and masculine. We don't understand those principles and know our true role and how we should work on being better people and holistic in both of those principles. -
? need to stop overcompensating.
Fatherless ? range between two extremes: either they overcompensate by being "hyper masculine" or they are overly effeminate both are equally annoying.
At the end of the day, whether you have a father or not you have to be your own man. Your father can't live your life and handle your situations and responsibilities for you, only you can. That's what it's all about in the end.
You can feel a certain kind of way about the lack of responsibility your father showed, about the lack of comfort and father/son memories but ultimately you have to make your own decisions and accept your own responsibilities.
? my father told me went through one ear and out the other. As a teenager I didn't listen to ANY adult, father, mother didnt matter. Ultimately what changed me was maturing on my own, until you mature and make better decisions it doesn't really matter if you have one parent or two. Kids make the same mistakes regardless, fighting when they should have walked away, kept talking when they should have shut up, this stuff is universal. Environment plays a part because certain environments limit options and thus create certain outcomes but the choice is still yours to make.
That's why I feel bad about fatherless KIDS, because they don't learn this, they think you can shirk responsibilities. The world is an adventure, kids explore and in doing so they end up in terrible situations, that's where someone usually steps in to make sure the lesson is learned.
I ended at times in situation my father had never been in so who is gonna tell me how to get out of it? Any one with life experience can step in and help, That's why the Africans say "it takes a village". A two parent system will fail if the environment is ? up, so folks really put too much pressure on parenting to begin with.
