For the fellow men who were raised without a father/male presence..
Options
Comments
-
I use to be that "nice to women guy" ? never got me anywhere....Im still kinda nice but with a lil bit of ? and my ? stock has went up.
-
? need to stop overcompensating.
Fatherless ? range between two extremes: either they overcompensate by being "hyper masculine" or they are overly effeminate both are equally annoying.
At the end of the day, whether you have a father or not you have to be your own man. Your father can't live your life and handle your situations and responsibilities for you, only you can. That's what it's all about in the end.
You can feel a certain kind of way about the lack of responsibility your father showed, about the lack of comfort and father/son memories but ultimately you have to make your own decisions and accept your own responsibilities.
? my father told me went through one ear and out the other. As a teenager I didn't listen to ANY adult, father, mother didnt matter. Ultimately what changed me was maturing on my own, until you mature and make better decisions it doesn't really matter if you have one parent or two. Kids make the same mistakes regardless, fighting when they should have walked away, kept talking when they should have shut up, this stuff is universal. Environment plays a part because certain environments limit options and thus create certain outcomes but the choice is still yours to make.
That's why I feel bad about fatherless KIDS, because they don't learn this, they think you can shirk responsibilities. The world is an adventure, kids explore and in doing so they end up in terrible situations, that's where someone usually steps in to make sure the lesson is learned.
I ended at times in situation my father had never been in so who is gonna tell me how to get out of it? Any one with life experience can step in and help, That's why the Africans say "it takes a village". A two parent system will fail if the environment is ? up, so folks really put too much pressure on parenting to begin with.
You make it sound easier than it is. You act like people have a control over it. It's a psychological affect, not a mathematical problem.
But you had a father so you at least knew what i meant to have one. You didn't grow up wondering.. that's the issue. Because we never have, we'll never know and always wonder. It's a psychological affect, like i said.
And btw, everybody is affected differently. You think it didnt affect you but it did, maybe just in a different way. Cant just act like we're all built the same, have been in the same seats or are affected by things similarly. Things that might have been an issue to you, might been easy cake for someone like me or the next person (for example!), get it?
Psychological. Easier said than done bruh. I respect your post but you came off too harsh like it's that simple. I know you're were speaking in general but j/s..
-
i grew up without a father i can relate to some ? u posted nh
would yall forgive your father when u get older and he wants to meet you and ? ? im not really that forgiving atm he wrote me some letters iont even read that ? goes straight to the bin.
@SnuffDaddy
Nope. Might sound harsh but it is what it is. Last i heard he wasnt in good health either. That ? is the one who gave me type 1 diabetes as well..
But from what i heard he did love me. But things happened, and no - not your typical "there's three side to a story. His, hers and the truth" thing, but i really havent seen dude since i was like 3-4 years old and i barely remember that. He doesnt even live in the same country as me anymore. I wouldnt even know what his voice sounds like..i heard his voice 1 time in my life (that i can remember) and that was on accident and turned into some bs..i was like 8 years old..Havent heard from him since..so ? him basically.
My mother used to press my really hard to go visit him/talk to him when i was young and even when i turned into a young adult but i refused. I told ya, i turned cold hearted.
So i could really care less if he died tbh. Same thing with "my" "step-father". They die and id prolly smile. More-so if "my stepfather" died than my biological father tho, cuz at least i really dont know him.
-
EmperorRises wrote: »SnuffDaddy wrote: »EmperorRises wrote: »You live in a hyper masculine society and a lack of father figures help creates the personification that being super tough all the time is apart of manhood in which really means we you need to be a protector, provider, and a builder of society.
You need a balance of both female and male positive influences because in order for us to be whole we need to have both presence or we will lean far right or two left. Females are usually right brain and males are usually left brain, but to be a whole person or holistic you need both parts in unison.
Exactly! Thank you.
Tbh cuz of ? like this i sometimes feel unsure of ever being with a woman feeling that i can satisfy those qualities..cuz i might not be appear to be super masculine or whatever, and maybe i aint. I do know that i would make a good father, affectionette and involved and things of that nature. But i might not look like im comfortable/paranoid in certain enviroments and might not look like a can knock ? out left and right and all that or look procective, especially considering the enviromen i still live in. I would die for my child if i had one tho.
So it's real iffy..
On another level i think what happened also is that some of my frustrations in dealing with my mother, other females mixed with my temper made me very skeptic towards them and maybe even somewhat angry at them. So its a real weird thing.
I hear u as well @MansaMusa67
I would say learn about the different energies and become a whole person. Study up on the sciences and symbolism of Egypt. There are reasons they left that knowledge up on the wall. I learned a whole lot by studying them.
Exactly. What you said tho is why i became a very analytical person. Still am. Love being the fly on the wall, so-to-speak. I think alot of it had to do with some of these things. I think i always try/tried to study, watch and learn..which turned out both good an bad. There's still a hole missing i feel tho. Im very confused on being what i am or being what i should be to survive, even tho that way really isnt genuinely me or will involve some negative aspects, get it? And im still tryna learn to this day. -
@snuffdaddy great thread even though you logic of boxing is bit on the ? side.
-
SnuffDaddy wrote: »? need to stop overcompensating.
Fatherless ? range between two extremes: either they overcompensate by being "hyper masculine" or they are overly effeminate both are equally annoying.
At the end of the day, whether you have a father or not you have to be your own man. Your father can't live your life and handle your situations and responsibilities for you, only you can. That's what it's all about in the end.
You can feel a certain kind of way about the lack of responsibility your father showed, about the lack of comfort and father/son memories but ultimately you have to make your own decisions and accept your own responsibilities.
? my father told me went through one ear and out the other. As a teenager I didn't listen to ANY adult, father, mother didnt matter. Ultimately what changed me was maturing on my own, until you mature and make better decisions it doesn't really matter if you have one parent or two. Kids make the same mistakes regardless, fighting when they should have walked away, kept talking when they should have shut up, this stuff is universal. Environment plays a part because certain environments limit options and thus create certain outcomes but the choice is still yours to make.
That's why I feel bad about fatherless KIDS, because they don't learn this, they think you can shirk responsibilities. The world is an adventure, kids explore and in doing so they end up in terrible situations, that's where someone usually steps in to make sure the lesson is learned.
I ended at times in situation my father had never been in so who is gonna tell me how to get out of it? Any one with life experience can step in and help, That's why the Africans say "it takes a village". A two parent system will fail if the environment is ? up, so folks really put too much pressure on parenting to begin with.
You make it sound easier than it is. You act like people have a control over it. It's a psychological affect, not a mathematical problem.
But you had a father so you at least knew what i meant to have one. You didn't grow up wondering.. that's the issue. Because we never have, we'll never know and always wonder. It's a psychological affect, like i said.
And btw, everybody is affected differently. You think it didnt affect you but it did, maybe just in a different way. Cant just act like we're all built the same, have been in the same seats or are affected by things similarly. Things that might have been an issue to you, might been easy cake for someone like me or the next person (for example!), get it?
Psychological. Easier said than done bruh. I respect your post but you came off too harsh like it's that simple. I know you're were speaking in general but j/s..
I feel you. That's why I said the major change is in your own mind and learning to make better choices yourself. When you younger things have a greater effect and that's when you more likely to make poor decisions but making poor decisions is a sign of youth anyway.
We all make poor decisions and we all have to learn to make better ones on our own because our parents can't do that for us. A whooping only goes so far, lectures only go so far, ultimately the biggest change is going to be on your own mentality and your own perspective.
-
? this aint yo diary
-
first thing is the fatherless dude never admit to their problems...
if you do then at least your trying.
but all the dudes i know without father...well 90% of them all need to be loud and heard and excepted. they always giving off the "i'm the alpha male" image.
the do whatever they have to do to pull the attention towards then and draw in the crowd....but they lack the longterm vision to keep the crowds attention thus resulting in wreckless behavior.
i know a dude thats like 40 an still needs to try to run thru massive amounts of young chicks.....nw while it may sound good...when your 40 be a playa..dont try to out do the 20yrs olds.
another dude i know...always has to lift weights so he can attract the girls and scare the dudes away...these are his words.
now both these dudes really dont like each other but they hang out and try to out do one another. an neither wants to be in environments where they dont/can't shine.
these type people tend to look at confident people as targets to prove they are better than them. thats usually when the insecurity shows.
example of a plce to see this.....strip clubs.....their is no way ? should be fighting in or outside of a strip club with all the ? around. unless you feeling insecure -
MansaMusa67 wrote: »Ghost Leopard wrote: »I notice a lot of fatherless ? act real reckless. They have the bodies and strength of a boy but the lack of discipline and have the stupid temper of their mothers. They never get taught to be accountable for their actions so they do stupid ? like shoot another lil ? over some j's.
i know plenty of dudes who have both parents that act stupid tho too. Its just that the majority of boys who get in trouble dont have fathers. I think it's more of an issue of a lack of guidance and correction. raising a child is hard enough to do with a spouse, so for a single mother it is even more difficult. I think some mothers give up after a while. And even when they don't, most boys who act out do so because of environmental influences that they see as models of how they should be. Without good role models, its hard to become something you never have had exposure to.
agreed...but most women dont know a good man.
so they are destroying their life and childs life because they cant see a real dude -
MansaMusa67 wrote: »Ghost Leopard wrote: »I notice a lot of fatherless ? act real reckless. They have the bodies and strength of a boy but the lack of discipline and have the stupid temper of their mothers. They never get taught to be accountable for their actions so they do stupid ? like shoot another lil ? over some j's.
i know plenty of dudes who have both parents that act stupid tho too. Its just that the majority of boys who get in trouble dont have fathers. I think it's more of an issue of a lack of guidance and correction. raising a child is hard enough to do with a spouse, so for a single mother it is even more difficult. I think some mothers give up after a while. And even when they don't, most boys who act out do so because of environmental influences that they see as models of how they should be. Without good role models, its hard to become something you never have had exposure to.
agreed...but most women dont know a good man.
so they are destroying their life and childs life because they cant see a real dude
Agreed.
So in a lot of cases, the child is born into a situation where the odds are already against them. I have a son, but I still find time to try to positively influence others young children who may not have that role model/father figure in their life. Just seeing different people in different situations can have an impact.
The old adage it takes a village is true if we want to rise out of the current state. -
its funny because...my kids friends love me and my wife...most of them dont have fathers but the always want to ask me questions and what not....i give them my honest answer an sometimes its hard knock life truth. but they respect the honesty that i give.
no its funny because since im a quiet dude...laid back...like OP said...fly on the wall type guy. most people think i dont know what im talking about or think to overlook my ideas on opinions.
but now ...its funny because now with all my success....people tend to want me to guide their kids now an be the roe model or influence.....lol -
too much typin goin on in herr..
lemme go get a 5hr before I take on this thread.. -
At the end of the day, whether you have a father or not you have to be your own man. Your father can't live your life and handle your situations and responsibilities for you, only you can. That's what it's all about in the end.
/ -
@Allergens
I might be. I already explained that tho. That came along with me analyzing men in my social enviroment. I guess it's part of the insecurity i spoke on. I dont think what i said it's that uncommon to think/believe tho, no?.
@pralims
Bruh, you just gave and keep on dropping gems. I def agree with your whole post *daps*
But hey, like i said..everybody is effected differently. I guess thats one part of it.
@MansaMusa67
Its funny you brought that up. Growing up i had a friend who had alot of family close-by and had a father, sister, brother and the whole 9. I remember me always wanting to be "apart" of it. Growing up i didnt even have siblings, cousins or nothing close-by. They all live in other countries. That made it even harder. I wasnt envious but i just wanted the same thing for myself.
But then on the flipside, the friend envied me cuz i was the ony child so i had access to more stuff and more lone time and attention..that the guy ended up seeking in our enviroment/in the club all the time. I remember me telling him that to his face. He still acts loud (not tough, but loud) and like hes seeking attention from the crowd.
So he acted/acts completely different dependig on who hes around cuz he really wants to be "in the crowd"..
@jono
I hear u, big dog. Its just really hard when its psychological. Its almost like an instant reaction, mentally.
@evilchuck
lol. -
Ghost Leopard wrote: »
All jokes aside you 100% right.
@Taeboo doin her job to be passive, nurturing, soft, etc...and how its SUPPOSED to work is a black ass James Evans lookin ass father with a fuked up hairline is supposed to be the masculine lead for his child.
When thats not there u get single mothers raisin feminine boys. Sometimes its outwardly feminine, sometimes its that low key ? like yall said about the temper, reckless, etc. See: '90's babies' -
? need to stop overcompensating.
Fatherless ? range between two extremes: either they overcompensate by being "hyper masculine" or they are overly effeminate both are equally annoying.
At the end of the day, whether you have a father or not you have to be your own man. Your father can't live your life and handle your situations and responsibilities for you, only you can. That's what it's all about in the end.
You can feel a certain kind of way about the lack of responsibility your father showed, about the lack of comfort and father/son memories but ultimately you have to make your own decisions and accept your own responsibilities.
? my father told me went through one ear and out the other. As a teenager I didn't listen to ANY adult, father, mother didnt matter. Ultimately what changed me was maturing on my own, until you mature and make better decisions it doesn't really matter if you have one parent or two. Kids make the same mistakes regardless, fighting when they should have walked away, kept talking when they should have shut up, this stuff is universal. Environment plays a part because certain environments limit options and thus create certain outcomes but the choice is still yours to make.
That's why I feel bad about fatherless KIDS, because they don't learn this, they think you can shirk responsibilities. The world is an adventure, kids explore and in doing so they end up in terrible situations, that's where someone usually steps in to make sure the lesson is learned.
I ended at times in situation my father had never been in so who is gonna tell me how to get out of it? Any one with life experience can step in and help, That's why the Africans say "it takes a village". A two parent system will fail if the environment is ? up, so folks really put too much pressure on parenting to begin with.
I have a father, but this is not really correct in terms of this thread. One of my favorite quotes comes to mind: 'You dont know what you dont know'
Yes, each individual learns thru life experiences...but, what we talkin here are the traits you grow with that get instilled in you. How can you know to be a 'man' if the person who raises you, breeds you, teaches you, that you pattern yourself after...is a woman? How does a man raised by a woman even know what he's doin wrong? Not major things that are obvious, bu the nouances and sublties of being a man. -
Ghost Leopard wrote: »
All jokes aside you 100% right.
@Taeboo doin her job to be passive, nurturing, soft, etc...and how its SUPPOSED to work is a black ass James Evans lookin ass father with a fuked up hairline is supposed to be the masculine lead for his child.
When thats not there u get single mothers raisin feminine boys. Sometimes its outwardly feminine, sometimes its that low key ? like yall said about the temper, reckless, etc. See: '90's babies'
But ? the rest of that post...she doing what she supposed to do as a mother... -
So me saying a kid shouldn't be comfortable in a violent enviroment is me being passive and soft? Should you know how to navigate in that enviroment if you're in it? Yes, but you should never be comfortable in it.
-
i know a dude thats like 40 an still needs to try to run thru massive amounts of young chicks.....now while it may sound good...when your 40 be a playa..dont try to out do the 20yrs olds.
another dude i know...always has to lift weights so he can attract the girls and scare the dudes away...these are his words.
'Can't relate.
-
Ghost Leopard wrote: »
All jokes aside you 100% right.
@Taeboo doin her job to be passive, nurturing, soft, etc...and how its SUPPOSED to work is a black ass James Evans lookin ass father with a fuked up hairline is supposed to be the masculine lead for his child.
-
So me saying a kid shouldn't be comfortable in a violent enviroment is me being passive and soft? Should you know how to navigate in that enviroment if you're in it? Yes, but you should never be comfortable in it.
Hilarious. And i dont even really disagree, but hilarious nonetheless.
Only b/c my 13 yr old nephew-who's raised by a single mother-got into some trouble and me n my girl was talkin and you sound just like her
Me: That ngga fukin up he need some male discipline.
Her: *kevin hart female voice* Noooo, noooo, dont be too tough on hiiim, a child needs a reward. He needs rewards for good behavior*
-
So me saying a kid shouldn't be comfortable in a violent enviroment is me being passive and soft? Should you know how to navigate in that enviroment if you're in it? Yes, but you should never be comfortable in it.
Hilarious. And i dont even really disagree, but hilarious nonetheless.
Only b/c my 13 yr old nephew-who's raised by a single mother-got into some trouble and me n my girl was talkin and you sound just like her
Me: That ngga fukin up he need some male discipline.
Her: *kevin hart female voice* Noooo, noooo, dont be too tough on hiiim, a child needs a reward. He needs rewards for good behavior*
Ah, the never ending debate that will never die. I was talking to my barber about this a while back. He rewards his kids for stuff they're supposed to do. Not really my thing. -
MansaMusa67 wrote: »Ghost Leopard wrote: »
All jokes aside you 100% right.
@Taeboo doin her job to be passive, nurturing, soft, etc...and how its SUPPOSED to work is a black ass James Evans lookin ass father with a fuked up hairline is supposed to be the masculine lead for his child.
When thats not there u get single mothers raisin feminine boys. Sometimes its outwardly feminine, sometimes its that low key ? like yall said about the temper, reckless, etc. See: '90's babies'
But ? the rest of that post...she doing what she supposed to do as a mother...
In an ideal situation, yes, she is. Its the yin n yang...good cop bad cop...Momma can be all nice, and the father's job is to instill fear, like
'Pops is crazy. I better do right in school cuz that ngga b pickin up chairs n ? when he get mad.'
-
I think a lot of y'all ? need to ask yourself if you succeeded in life because of the way your parents raised you or in spite of how your parents raised you.
Also...
If the way you were raised is the only way that works. Different doesn't necessarily mean wrong. -
i grew up without a father i can relate to some ? u posted nh
would yall forgive your father when u get older and he wants to meet you and ? ? im not really that forgiving atm he wrote me some letters iont even read that ? goes straight to the bin.
I think that ive already forgiven my biological father just based off of the fact that I can't see any male wanting to spend any long term time around my mother. She has a long history of driving men right out of her life(myself included)
This explains a lot.
