Electrifying
Options
Yung Dicc
Members Posts: 88
All I've seen was some sexy heels,
Small ass waist,
Legs that ?
Body gave me that electric feel,
Told her she can shock me like electric eels,
Electrocution like a toaster in the tub,
Had her so wet she left the holster like a tub,
She was so hot try to play extra cool,
But she whispered in my ear she was wetter than a pool,
Then she like to swim,
If I wanna skinny dip i should jump right in,
So so, then i jumped right in,
Call me Michael Phelps with lightning under my belt
Dicc!
feedbacked this and this
Small ass waist,
Legs that ?
Body gave me that electric feel,
Told her she can shock me like electric eels,
Electrocution like a toaster in the tub,
Had her so wet she left the holster like a tub,
She was so hot try to play extra cool,
But she whispered in my ear she was wetter than a pool,
Then she like to swim,
If I wanna skinny dip i should jump right in,
So so, then i jumped right in,
Call me Michael Phelps with lightning under my belt
Dicc!
feedbacked this and this
Comments
-
All I've seen was some sexy heels,
Small ass waist,
Legs that ?
Body gave me that electric feel,
Told her she can shock me like electric eels,
Electrocution like a toaster in the tub,
Had her so wet she left the holster like a tub,
She was so hot try to play extra cool,
But she whispered in my ear she was wetter than a pool,
Then she like to swim,
If I wanna skinny dip i should jump right in,
So so, then i jumped right in,
Call me Michael Phelps with lightning under my belt
Dicc!
feedbacked this and this
This isn't bad, I think you depended too much on the word "like" to get your punches across I also personally feel that rhyming the same words at the end is a big no no in a keystyle unless there's some superb wordplay goin on. It flowed really well though I can tell you've got some talent with words and for this to be so short it was still pretty good and you stayed on point with the topic, just try to expand beyond using "like" so much and you'll be golden. keep spittin -
hmmm interesting
-
supaman4321 wrote: »This isn't bad, I think you depended too much on the word "like" to get your punches across I also personally feel that rhyming the same words at the end is a big no no in a keystyle unless there's some superb wordplay goin on. It flowed really well though I can tell you've got some talent with words and for this to be so short it was still pretty good and you stayed on point with the topic, just try to expand beyond using "like" so much and you'll be golden. keep spittin
This was some great feedback man. :tu! -
All I've seen was some sexy heels,
Small ass waist,
Legs that ?
Body gave me that electric feel,
Told her she can shock me like electric eels,
Electrocution like a toaster in the tub,
Had her so wet she left the holster like a tub,
She was so hot try to play extra cool,
But she whispered in my ear she was wetter than a pool,
Then she like to swim,
If I wanna skinny dip i should jump right in,
So so, then i jumped right in,
Call me Michael Phelps with lightning under my belt
Dicc!
feedbacked this and this
I highlighted the Juelz in this peace of work. It was eye candy for the first couple of lines until around about the middle. It was all good work. You came back at the end w/ that Phelp's line -
The Electrifying Mojo is an American radio personality. The electricity is most simply defined as the movement of charged particles, or a form of energy associated with the movement of electrons and protons.Electricity is an incredible power, which must be understood and used carefully if one wants to be useful.
