How do you truly feel about monogamy? Is it your true preference?

The Iconoclast
The Iconoclast Members Posts: 1,381 ✭✭✭✭✭
People are attracted to the concept of monogamy and due to conditioning from living in a society that romanticizes monogamy as the holy grail of human relationships, throughout our life we crave it.

Here’s the truth, a sobering reality:
{I'd recommend you skip the spoiler and just read below it if you're already aware of the harsh truth or apart of the tl;dr gang}
Statistically speaking, there's a good percentage of the human population that aren't really about the monogamous life but still try it/want it because it's an attractive concept to them and they've put it on a pedestal at an early age (conditioning from the childhood fables, the Disney classics etc). I’m sure even before any of us truly knew about sex, we were aware of “one true love”.

Unfortunately a common occurrence experienced by monogamous people usually involves having their trust violated by an individual who naturally isn’t monogamous. Which leads to the problematic issue of confusing a bad action (violating a person’s trust) with something that isn’t inherently bad (not being monogamous).

Aside from revealing that this person has no qualms with violating another person’s trust under the right circumstance, which is a separate implicative issue. When an individual in a monogamous relationship cheats it also reveals one of the following things about them:

A. That individual is expressing/revealing their true inclination regarding the concept of monogamy.

B. That individual yearns for monogamy but isn't in their ideal monogamous relationship and feels like they're missing a key element(s) in the relationship they can get elsewhere.

C. Things change over time, in the beginning the individual valued monogamy but over time his/her preference changed as they matured and found out what they truly wanted in life.



How do you really feel about monogamy, is it your ideal type of relationship and do you think how you feel about it will ever change/or has it already?

Sometimes people don’t realize that, you can be a person's ideal/dream significant other (physically, intellectually, emotionally and financially etc) and still get cheated on if that person deep down isn't truly attached to the concept of monogamy like you are or changed how he/she feels about it later in life.
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Comments

  • mryounggun
    mryounggun Members Posts: 13,451 ✭✭✭✭✭
    DWO wrote: »
    it just takes discipline...

    just like you can control you rage, you can control your ? ....

    one could argue that murder is natural....it certainly takes place normally in the animal kingdom....but part of conforming to society is to resit your urge to rage out violently anytime you feel like it...

    and while most people chose to resist that urge, most of us personally know a few folk who chose not to.....some walking the streets, some not

    only difference is violence is punishable by law...which is why we find ? like boxing, and mma, and other forms of controlled violence almost as appealing as we find watching ? like porn......

    something about those extreme urges that peaks our interest.....

    while there are many people argue that monogamy isn't natural it's still a choice.....and people make choices on the most favorable outcome.....people who choose to be monogamous do so because they feel that is the best way to accomplish their desired goals in a relatinoship

    This is what I never bought about the 'monogamy ain't natural' argument. We don't make that same argument about any other thing that isn't natural.
  • StoneColdMikey
    StoneColdMikey Members, Moderators Posts: 33,543 Regulator
    If you can have self control then it's easy
  • The_Jackal
    The_Jackal Members Posts: 3,628 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I'm not ? with it.
  • The Iconoclast
    The Iconoclast Members Posts: 1,381 ✭✭✭✭✭
    If you can have self control then it's easy

    Word.

    Yeah, for me the way I conceptualize ‘love’ fits in the parameters of monogamy. Admittedly the reason I feel this is because of conditioning from society and they fact I grew up with married parents (who are still married). I'd like to think that I have good self-control.

    However I can't lie the thought of lifelong monogamy is intimidating and there’s a likely chance that the psychological concept known as ‘reactance’ may kick in - which essentially means people want what they can’t have or desire to do a forbidden thing/action that is taken away from them and off-limits. It's one of the primary causes of marriage ‘itches’.
  • Trillfate
    Trillfate Members Posts: 24,008 ✭✭✭✭✭
    "love is cursed by monogamy" - Yeezus
  • Avenue Crazy
    Avenue Crazy Members Posts: 1,048 ✭✭✭✭✭
    It ain't natural for a man. Monogamy make me miserable
  • 7figz
    7figz Members Posts: 15,294 ✭✭✭✭✭
    A self imposed limitation.
  • LUClEN
    LUClEN Members Posts: 20,559 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Whenever I see an old couple that's been together for 30-40 years I always wonder how they last that long

    In that time they must have been attracted to other people
  • UinitiatedMgt
    UinitiatedMgt Members Posts: 161 ✭✭
    and to answer OP's second question, LOLno.

    In an ideal world with no 'checks and balances', I would smash one on the way to smashing another and smash both when we get there.
  • IgnorantSole
    IgnorantSole Members Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Absolutely nothing wrong with monogamy. Only time I REALLY see ? pressed by it, either cause the never really found love or just really enthused with the thrill of ? he's "not supposed to be doing"/thrill of the chase.

    If you ? just to ? then that's one thing. ? scared to admit that good ? is the same no matter what, the only dynamic that changes is the woman that possesses it. You rarely meet that select group of the opposite sex that compliments you in a way that's inexplicable to others. Like you literally explain what's different in that one particular person.

    Now add greed to the equation aka the fine ? that you cheated with, and the only thing you can form from that situation is regret, IF everything was right with the aforementioned chick. Both got good ? , both beautiful, except the mistress doesn't have that "it" factor. So while ? taking loss after loss, they really just looking for what's at home.
  • count  remy
    count remy Members Posts: 392 ✭✭✭✭
    depends on the person as usual... I for one don't have it in me to deal with the ? that comes from talking to different people. Throw 2 or more females in that mix that's ? 2 or more other dudes with who knows what aliment and ? just gets stupid. So I got no beef with monogamy. For me, the alternative falls under the law of diminishing returns. I crave a large chunk of my time. Adding more broads to my life would just complicate my life. My ideal situation is being monogamous with a chick that got her own house that she can go to that's away from me.
  • CP203
    CP203 Members Posts: 10,421 ✭✭✭✭✭
    yea i don't believe in monogamy, i'll let women have that ? , as far as me as man I'm trying to ? as many women as possible
  • LUClEN
    LUClEN Members Posts: 20,559 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Just do what works for you. Sure, it's not natural, which is why it's considered a virtue in the first place. If it were easy, there would be no reason to commend the efforts of DoYouWanttoGotoHeaven as some praiseworthy feat. It's difficult and not natural, but the human story is one in which we have risen above our animal instincts, learned to control our more basal desires in order to have the mindspace for higher concepts. Like flying without wings....

    We generally seem to fail miserably at doing that
  • Dupac
    Dupac Members, Writer Posts: 68,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Trillfate wrote: »
    "love is cursed by monogamy" - Yeezus

    you ain't got the answers sway
  • Rasta.
    Rasta. Members Posts: 9,342 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Just do what works for you. Sure, it's not natural, which is why it's considered a virtue in the first place. If it were easy, there would be no reason to commend the efforts of DoYouWanttoGotoHeaven as some praiseworthy feat. It's difficult and not natural, but the human story is one in which we have risen above our animal instincts, learned to control our more basal desires in order to have the mindspace for higher concepts. Like flying without wings....

    The same ? that wants to lick nutella off someone's feet?
  • LPast
    LPast Members Posts: 4,546 ✭✭✭✭✭
    mryounggun wrote: »
    DWO wrote: »
    it just takes discipline...

    just like you can control you rage, you can control your ? ....

    one could argue that murder is natural....it certainly takes place normally in the animal kingdom....but part of conforming to society is to resit your urge to rage out violently anytime you feel like it...

    and while most people chose to resist that urge, most of us personally know a few folk who chose not to.....some walking the streets, some not

    only difference is violence is punishable by law...which is why we find ? like boxing, and mma, and other forms of controlled violence almost as appealing as we find watching ? like porn......

    something about those extreme urges that peaks our interest.....

    while there are many people argue that monogamy isn't natural it's still a choice.....and people make choices on the most favorable outcome.....people who choose to be monogamous do so because they feel that is the best way to accomplish their desired goals in a relatinoship

    This is what I never bought about the 'monogamy ain't natural' argument. We don't make that same argument about any other thing that isn't natural.

    That's why I always go on say... STDs are natural and condoms are not..
  • IgnorantSole
    IgnorantSole Members Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I can see your standpoint on that.

    I just see ? as busting the best nut you ever got for the rest of your life.

    That ? can never get old, or tiresome
  • Rasta.
    Rasta. Members Posts: 9,342 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I've done it 7 out of the last 12 years.....i felt like a dog out of the cage anytime i became single. I know now monogamy simply ain't for me and i'd be a fool to put myself through it, even though i'm capable of controlling the urges.
  • Shizlansky
    Shizlansky Members Posts: 35,095 ✭✭✭✭✭
    DWO wrote: »
    it just takes discipline...

    just like you can control you rage, you can control your ? ....

    one could argue that murder is natural....it certainly takes place normally in the animal kingdom....but part of conforming to society is to resit your urge to rage out violently anytime you feel like it...

    and while most people chose to resist that urge, most of us personally know a few folk who chose not to.....some walking the streets, some not

    only difference is violence is punishable by law...which is why we find ? like boxing, and mma, and other forms of controlled violence almost as appealing as we find watching ? like porn......

    something about those extreme urges that peaks our interest.....

    while there are many people argue that monogamy isn't natural it's still a choice.....and people make choices on the most favorable outcome.....people who choose to be monogamous do so because they feel that is the best way to accomplish their desired goals in a relatinoship

    Animals ? other animals for food 90% of the time.

    Animals don't ? for fun.