..."First Time" stories.

1235

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  • TheNightKing
    TheNightKing Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 2,484 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November 2015
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    charles2 wrote: »
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    I had just turned 13, lil ? called me through on the first day of spring break. Hop of the bus on 79th Wabash and it's 8 ? on the porch muggin. One of them ? is this ? pops giving me the look of a ? that know his daughter bout to get ? within the hr. I get to the ? room and she got a half bottle of blue label and some oj sitting on the bed. Got ? , head, and ? for the first time that day. Crazy part was that when I finally got to give a ? backshots I got wrapped up in the moment and poured gin all over this ? ass. Lmao. Had the ? whole ? on flames. I ain't even stop. Smh. Ended up smoking a j with old girl pops on the bus stop headed home. First time a ? ever subtly threatened me over his daughter.

    How old was the chick to be having bottles? Did you pay for this encounter?

    Sounds like you ? an underage prostitute who, as most prostitutes do, called her ? daddy.


    You might be the dumbest ? on the Internet.

    I know. It should have been a foregone conclusion that you paid. The context of the story made that evident. Alcohol, weed, crazy sex, etc., all while 8 ? , 1 of which was her "daddy", are all outside. You definitely paid.
  • deadeye
    deadeye Members Posts: 22,884 ✭✭✭✭✭
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    deadeye wrote: »
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    I had just turned 13, lil ? called me through on the first day of spring break. Hop of the bus on 79th Wabash and it's 8 ? on the porch muggin. One of them ? is this ? pops giving me the look of a ? that know his daughter bout to get ? within the hr. I get to the ? room and she got a half bottle of blue label and some oj sitting on the bed. Got ? , head, and ? for the first time that day. Crazy part was that when I finally got to give a ? backshots I got wrapped up in the moment and poured gin all over this ? ass. Lmao. Had the ? whole ? on flames. I ain't even stop. Smh. Ended up smoking a j with old girl pops on the bus stop headed home. First time a ? ever subtly threatened me over his daughter.


    So much wrong with this story.


    How is the pops mean muggin you on the porch......but still lets you in the house to smash his daughter?


    Then threatens you while smoking a J at the bus stop.


    Why would he even allow any of that to happen?


    Was there anybody else inside the house while all this was going on?


    Seems like the whole attitude of that household was:



    zvbzur.jpg



    "Well, we already know she's a ? , so......might as well let her ? in the house where we can keep an eye on her."


    ac394d52_kobewat2.gif



    Pops probably sitting there like...........




    AWNGqbU.gif




    "Kinda ? up, but it makes sense to me."




    RUnRCKX.gif




    KRRP1Sn.gif




    Sad and hilarious on multiple levels.


    ^^^^^This is accurate




    MiWNvdy.gif




    eIkSQrp.gif
  • bamnboy7
    bamnboy7 Members Posts: 160 ✭✭
    charles2 wrote: »
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    charles2 wrote: »
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    I had just turned 13, lil ? called me through on the first day of spring break. Hop of the bus on 79th Wabash and it's 8 ? on the porch muggin. One of them ? is this ? pops giving me the look of a ? that know his daughter bout to get ? within the hr. I get to the ? room and she got a half bottle of blue label and some oj sitting on the bed. Got ? , head, and ? for the first time that day. Crazy part was that when I finally got to give a ? backshots I got wrapped up in the moment and poured gin all over this ? ass. Lmao. Had the ? whole ? on flames. I ain't even stop. Smh. Ended up smoking a j with old girl pops on the bus stop headed home. First time a ? ever subtly threatened me over his daughter.

    How old was the chick to be having bottles? Did you pay for this encounter?

    Sounds like you ? an underage prostitute who, as most prostitutes do, called her ? daddy.


    You might be the dumbest ? on the Internet.

    I know. It should have been a foregone conclusion that you paid. The context of the story made that evident. Alcohol, weed, crazy sex, etc., all while 8 ? , 1 of which was her "daddy", are all outside. You definitely paid.

    Naw he ain't pay

    The story ain't even real ? lil boy
  • TheNightKing
    TheNightKing Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 2,484 ✭✭✭✭✭
    bamnboy7 wrote: »
    charles2 wrote: »
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    charles2 wrote: »
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    I had just turned 13, lil ? called me through on the first day of spring break. Hop of the bus on 79th Wabash and it's 8 ? on the porch muggin. One of them ? is this ? pops giving me the look of a ? that know his daughter bout to get ? within the hr. I get to the ? room and she got a half bottle of blue label and some oj sitting on the bed. Got ? , head, and ? for the first time that day. Crazy part was that when I finally got to give a ? backshots I got wrapped up in the moment and poured gin all over this ? ass. Lmao. Had the ? whole ? on flames. I ain't even stop. Smh. Ended up smoking a j with old girl pops on the bus stop headed home. First time a ? ever subtly threatened me over his daughter.

    How old was the chick to be having bottles? Did you pay for this encounter?

    Sounds like you ? an underage prostitute who, as most prostitutes do, called her ? daddy.


    You might be the dumbest ? on the Internet.

    I know. It should have been a foregone conclusion that you paid. The context of the story made that evident. Alcohol, weed, crazy sex, etc., all while 8 ? , 1 of which was her "daddy", are all outside. You definitely paid.

    Naw he ain't pay

    The story ain't even real ? lil boy

    Thanks for the clarification, you ? ? ? . Since we're resorting to name calling and all.
  • bamnboy7
    bamnboy7 Members Posts: 160 ✭✭
    charles2 wrote: »
    bamnboy7 wrote: »
    charles2 wrote: »
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    charles2 wrote: »
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    I had just turned 13, lil ? called me through on the first day of spring break. Hop of the bus on 79th Wabash and it's 8 ? on the porch muggin. One of them ? is this ? pops giving me the look of a ? that know his daughter bout to get ? within the hr. I get to the ? room and she got a half bottle of blue label and some oj sitting on the bed. Got ? , head, and ? for the first time that day. Crazy part was that when I finally got to give a ? backshots I got wrapped up in the moment and poured gin all over this ? ass. Lmao. Had the ? whole ? on flames. I ain't even stop. Smh. Ended up smoking a j with old girl pops on the bus stop headed home. First time a ? ever subtly threatened me over his daughter.

    How old was the chick to be having bottles? Did you pay for this encounter?

    Sounds like you ? an underage prostitute who, as most prostitutes do, called her ? daddy.


    You might be the dumbest ? on the Internet.

    I know. It should have been a foregone conclusion that you paid. The context of the story made that evident. Alcohol, weed, crazy sex, etc., all while 8 ? , 1 of which was her "daddy", are all outside. You definitely paid.

    Naw he ain't pay

    The story ain't even real ? lil boy

    Thanks for the clarification, you ? ? ? . Since we're resorting to name calling and all.

    You should thank me for helping you see things clearly

    Take off yo ? ? glasses so you can see right
  • TheNightKing
    TheNightKing Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 2,484 ✭✭✭✭✭
    bamnboy7 wrote: »
    charles2 wrote: »
    bamnboy7 wrote: »
    charles2 wrote: »
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    charles2 wrote: »
    MontyM.Max wrote: »
    I had just turned 13, lil ? called me through on the first day of spring break. Hop of the bus on 79th Wabash and it's 8 ? on the porch muggin. One of them ? is this ? pops giving me the look of a ? that know his daughter bout to get ? within the hr. I get to the ? room and she got a half bottle of blue label and some oj sitting on the bed. Got ? , head, and ? for the first time that day. Crazy part was that when I finally got to give a ? backshots I got wrapped up in the moment and poured gin all over this ? ass. Lmao. Had the ? whole ? on flames. I ain't even stop. Smh. Ended up smoking a j with old girl pops on the bus stop headed home. First time a ? ever subtly threatened me over his daughter.

    How old was the chick to be having bottles? Did you pay for this encounter?

    Sounds like you ? an underage prostitute who, as most prostitutes do, called her ? daddy.


    You might be the dumbest ? on the Internet.

    I know. It should have been a foregone conclusion that you paid. The context of the story made that evident. Alcohol, weed, crazy sex, etc., all while 8 ? , 1 of which was her "daddy", are all outside. You definitely paid.

    Naw he ain't pay

    The story ain't even real ? lil boy

    Thanks for the clarification, you ? ? ? . Since we're resorting to name calling and all.

    You should thank me for helping you see things clearly

    Take off yo ? ? glasses so you can see right

    8d4087caf2b6c47991bf7900532d789f.jpg
  • Mr. Insignificant
    Mr. Insignificant Members Posts: 105 ✭✭
    ? was in the 80's I been forgot about it.....maybe 90
  • Dave2one6
    Dave2one6 Members Posts: 1,669 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November 2015
  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Man if you dont get this marques houston my very first time a** thread up outta here....

    Lmao yoooooooooo!
  • yahwehprofet
    yahwehprofet Members Posts: 976 ✭✭✭✭
    First received message telepathically.......,
    I knew most Dan read thoughts... But YAH! First time I RECEIVED one telepatcgically
  • Trillfate
    Trillfate Members Posts: 24,008 ✭✭✭✭✭
    The last few of yall were 18 and never had ? ... i couldn't imagine going through senior year a ?
  • endboss
    endboss Members Posts: 879 ✭✭✭✭
    Goat thread

    ? it here we go....

    18, she 17 but both seniors in high school, Wednesday at high school is a self directed study day, so no classes maybe a lecture but that day was nothing. So I decide to smash at my crib, her folks hated my guts

    So we driving home and she starts giving me hand (I'm thinking ? , she want me to make it to the bed or nah?) anyways rock up to my crib and my moms is home sleeping, She finished night shift the night before!

    So I creep in the house, she hears me and wakes up to check what's up, I said I'm just grabbing books I forgot, she goes back to sleep.

    My ? still outside so I take her in, we get to freaking and eventually smash. After she cleans up, I didn't take notice the towel was black?! Maaannnn my moms was doing washing later, I was running round like Ray Leotta from goodfellas tryna find that towel, she already scooped it. She ain't speak to me for like the next 2 months LOL

    18? And getting hand? Not even a ? ? ? Thats a sad story man..
  • Dupac
    Dupac Members, Writer Posts: 68,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Trillfate wrote: »
    The last few of yall were 18 and never had ? ... i couldn't imagine going through senior year a ?

    ? I was 20..

    Freshman year in college was like a awkward comedy... I was as bumbling as dude from American pie
  • Tsotsi Cape Town
    Tsotsi Cape Town Members Posts: 1,724 ✭✭✭✭✭
    endboss wrote: »
    Goat thread

    ? it here we go....

    18, she 17 but both seniors in high school, Wednesday at high school is a self directed study day, so no classes maybe a lecture but that day was nothing. So I decide to smash at my crib, her folks hated my guts

    So we driving home and she starts giving me hand (I'm thinking ? , she want me to make it to the bed or nah?) anyways rock up to my crib and my moms is home sleeping, She finished night shift the night before!

    So I creep in the house, she hears me and wakes up to check what's up, I said I'm just grabbing books I forgot, she goes back to sleep.

    My ? still outside so I take her in, we get to freaking and eventually smash. After she cleans up, I didn't take notice the towel was black?! Maaannnn my moms was doing washing later, I was running round like Ray Leotta from goodfellas tryna find that towel, she already scooped it. She ain't speak to me for like the next 2 months LOL

    18? And getting hand? Not even a ? ? ? Thats a sad story man..

    Got that ? in the crib fam, that other ? was while I was driving home
  • emaculate
    emaculate Members Posts: 554 ✭✭✭✭
    I was home from college at the time
    The ncaa championship for football on (don't remember who was playing)
    Had a couple homies and female friends to chill kick it get our sip on ? or w/e
    My ex from HS wanted to reconnect
    So we did and I had seen the big lebowski so I was on the White Russian drink heavy made a couple for the peeps falling thru.
    Me and home girl slide up to my room
    I smashed the joint twice thought it would be on some special 1st time ? but it wasn't quite like that. It good tho to get up in it I enjoyed that ? Llz shortly after came back down stairs after what felt like 30 min apparently had been there the whole game (we didn't know tho). Went back down stairs with younging everybody got that look on they face like damn ?
    You was up there for minute so we sit down and everybody like we bout to roll I'm like where errybody going Llz they was like dawg you was up there for like 2 hours the game is over
    So ever since that day they been calling me the ironman I thought that ? was funny
    But the dope bop is what ol girl gave to me the day before and it was most incredible Llz but smashing the joint was str8 we ? around for the next 6 months after that we called it quits but it was str8 when I was in it
  • geechee slim
    geechee slim Members Posts: 2,465 ✭✭✭✭✭
    MARIO_DRO wrote: »
    I WAS TRYIN TO PUSH SOFT ? IN HER BUT NOTHING WOULD WORK... SO AFTER A WHILE, SHE LEFT..

    SOON AS THAT BEESH LEAVE, MY ? GET ROCK HARD.. SO I JUST STARTED JACKIN OFF!

    I WAS SOOO USED TO PORN AND JACKIN OFF, THAT WHEN IT WAS FINALLY TIME, I COULDNT PERFORM..

    That's called P.I.E.D., Porn-Induced Erectile Disfunction and it's a real thing.
  • Trollio
    Trollio Members Posts: 25,815 ✭✭✭✭✭
    OH ? !!! Troy was outside in the backyard with a boombox just dancing with his shirt off for ? knows how long.



    Dead
  • grYmes
    grYmes Members Posts: 2,350 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November 2015
    Ok, I was 16 and my girl at the time was 17. Cool light skin chick with some nice puffy lips and bubble ass. I won't front, she was boarder line butter face but as a ? standards ain't that damn high. We had a false start. She at my crib and we were heading to my room. I picked her up and without thinking made her bust her head on the light cover from the ceiling fan! ? broke, her ? damn near broke, nothin I could do.

    About a week later I convinced her to come to the house late Saturday night while my mom went out and my sister (who was 6 at the time) was sleep in her room. Laid her on the couch, and with my SERVERE lack of oral skills ate her out. Apparently she didn't know the difference yet cuz she liked the ? . We rolled to my room and I banged her out raw on my noisy ass twin bed I had. But before I could even nut out the corner of my eye the door nudged open and it was my ? sister!

    We were under the covers and the lights were off so she didn't see. She did start crying tho so i had to quickly dead that and put her back to bed. I doubt she remembers it seeing that she never mentioned it but who the ? knows. Homegirl rode me till I nutted and it was a rap. She had me like this..

    [img]http://felipeandrade.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/scary-movie-? -blast-o.gif[/img]

    Couldn't get rid of the smile on my face for weeks. Had a pregnancy scare not long after and we broke up right when we found that she wasn't. I was lucky cuz she ended up popin out a few kids there after.
  • geechee slim
    geechee slim Members Posts: 2,465 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LMAO@ lack of oral skills but she didn't know the difference.