When It Comes to Dating/Marriage, Do Women Tend to Overvalue Friendship?

Plutarch
Plutarch Members Posts: 3,239 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited May 2016 in For The Grown & Sexy
Disclaimer: This is not a hate-women thread, just a simple, honest question for conversation.

It seems to me that when it comes to “serious” relationships, women value friendship much more than men, who might value it as well but don’t see it as entirely necessary. In other words, a woman has a stronger desire to be friends with her boyfriend or husband.

Examples: She wants to go out with him (“why don’t we go anywhere?”) vs. he wants to go out with his homies (i.e., male friends) and without her “tagging along.” She wants to talk and spend time with him (“why don’t we talk anymore?”) vs. he wants his space. She wants to go see some stupid romantic movie with him vs. he wants to go see some stupid action flick with or without her. She wants to go to the new Beyoncé concert with him vs. he wants to see the new [insert rapper who might or might not have much appeal to women] show with or without her.

The obvious point here is that men and women apparently have naturally different interests, interests that make it more difficult for them to be “best-friends-forever.” But do women disregard this, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and end up just looking for friends when it comes to dating and marriage? Should men sacrifice and be better friends to their women? Can they? Does it even matter?

When It Comes to Dating/Marriage, Do Women Tend to Overvalue Friendship? 15 votes

Yes, women tend to focus too much on friendship at the cost of other important things
0%
No, friendship is extremely important in order to make a relationship work, and men should consider this
80%
blackrainplaymaker88mryounggunBEAMnumbaz...80's baby_Goldie_WestieTrillfateblacktuxKatLEMZIMUS_RAMSEYzzombie 12 votes
Regardless of whether they do or not, it really doesn't matter in the end
0%
I don't know
20%
Bussy_Getta MoneyPowerRespectjniam 3 votes

Comments

  • Plutarch
    Plutarch Members Posts: 3,239 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I say/ask this because some women seem to date and/or marry men whom they have knowingly or unknowingly merely placed in friend zones (the same zones that their ? male friends are in). But such serious relationships need much more than just friendship, so those relationships can end up failing, especially if the woman ends up cheating because she realizes too late that she wants more than just a friend.

    On the other hand, another problem is that if a guy and a girl are dating but have nothing in common, then their different interests are likely to drive them apart to spend time going to places by themselves, which means that they’re likely to end up running into other like-minded people who have the same interests as them, which means that they can end up having an affair with these new “friends” or they can simply just be paranoid about the possibility of this happening, especially if it is already in fact happening.
  • Cleveland7venty6
    Cleveland7venty6 Members Posts: 1,285 ✭✭✭✭✭
    The key to life is not to waste time trying to figure out and please women.

    You will never understand them and trying gives you grey hairs.
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    the key to a happy marriage is the man willing to make a sacrifice for his woman, and his woman appreciating that sacrifice.
  • numbaz...80's baby
    numbaz...80's baby Members Posts: 5,104 ✭✭✭✭✭
    No, friendship is extremely important in order to make a relationship work, and men should consider this
    It's very important


    If you're just ? to me then I couldn't be around you all day.
  • jono
    jono Members Posts: 30,280 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited May 2016
    I don't think it's about focusing too much on friendship as it is people being clingy.
  • Kat
    Kat Members Posts: 50,667 ✭✭✭✭✭
    No, friendship is extremely important in order to make a relationship work, and men should consider this
    I don't think it's clingy to want to cultivate some shared interests with the person you're spending your life with..if I just want to live with someone, I'll get a roommate.

    It's okay to enjoy things individually, but its super important to find things to enjoy together. It strengthens you as a couple.
  • Kat
    Kat Members Posts: 50,667 ✭✭✭✭✭
    No, friendship is extremely important in order to make a relationship work, and men should consider this
    the key to a happy marriage is the man willing to make a sacrifice for his woman, and his woman appreciating that sacrifice.

    And vice versa.
  • playmaker88
    playmaker88 Members Posts: 67,905 ✭✭✭✭✭
    No, friendship is extremely important in order to make a relationship work, and men should consider this
    Both have skewed versions of marriage/relationships its how we raise our daughters and how we have raised our sons..

    Women are sold some princess fantasy and will look at the shiny thing.. and maybe even settle ... Men are raised and socialized to not appreciate their counterparts... fidelity is seen as sacrifice to many..Basically both sides are mislead and misguided to a large degree unfortunately
  • Will Munny
    Will Munny Members Posts: 30,199 ✭✭✭✭✭
    ? women just want male friends in general. I do not get it.
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Both have skewed versions of marriage/relationships its how we raise our daughters and how we have raised our sons..

    Women are sold some princess fantasy and will look at the shiny thing.. and maybe even settle ... Men are raised and socialized to not appreciate their counterparts... fidelity is seen as sacrifice to many..Basically both sides are mislead and misguided to a large degree unfortunately

    if ? wasnt used as a weapon or a gift when something is done right or holiday..maybe it might be different
  • Will Munny
    Will Munny Members Posts: 30,199 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Both have skewed versions of marriage/relationships its how we raise our daughters and how we have raised our sons..

    Women are sold some princess fantasy and will look at the shiny thing.. and maybe even settle ... Men are raised and socialized to not appreciate their counterparts... fidelity is seen as sacrifice to many..Basically both sides are mislead and misguided to a large degree unfortunately

    if ? wasnt used as a weapon or a gift when something is done right or holiday..maybe it might be different

    Not all girls are like that. I did date a girl who was that way tho and I will never again put myself through that.
  • Westie
    Westie Members Posts: 12,479 ✭✭✭✭✭
    No, friendship is extremely important in order to make a relationship work, and men should consider this
    Having common interests and compatibility is extremely important. You need to enjoy being around the person you're with. I think the problem comes in when people can't enjoy their time separately or understand everyone needs space. Being up under someone 24/7 is unhealthy imo.
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Westie wrote: »
    Having common interests and compatibility is extremely important. You need to enjoy being around the person you're with. I think the problem comes in when people can't enjoy their time separately or understand everyone needs space. Being up under someone 24/7 is unhealthy imo.

    or even respecting what the other person likes or what makes them different
  • blackrain
    blackrain Members, Moderators Posts: 27,269 Regulator
    No, friendship is extremely important in order to make a relationship work, and men should consider this
    How the hell can you be in a long term relationship with somebody w/o actually having ? in common with them? You actually do have to like the person you're dating and it's not a sacrifice to actually check out some ? she's interested in and vice versa. Ask any couple that's been together a while and both will say the other has introduced them to something that they ended up enjoying.
  • Shuffington
    Shuffington Members Posts: 3,775 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited May 2016
    My girl wants to talk about her WHOLE F*CKING DAY... every nook and cranny.
    Like she writes down ? to remember to tell me. And I F*cked up because Im such a great listener.

    I have no desire to talk about my day at all... Most times I just want to forget about it and go to sleep.
    unless something funny or special happened.
  • mryounggun
    mryounggun Members Posts: 13,451 ✭✭✭✭✭
    No, friendship is extremely important in order to make a relationship work, and men should consider this
    This is an interesting topic to me. I been telling people for a while now that if you want a successful relationship long-term, you HAVE to be friends with your s/o. I know mad people whole love the ? out of their s/o...but don't actually LIKE them as a person. That's doomed to fail. And by fail, I don't necessarily mean breaking up. It could mean spending 35 years in a mediocre relationship with a person you don't really like just due to being comfortable or whatever.
  • blacktux
    blacktux Members Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭✭✭
    No, friendship is extremely important in order to make a relationship work, and men should consider this
    Its truly magic when you like a person, which is based on the present.

    And love a person, which is based on the past.
  • MoneyPowerRespect
    MoneyPowerRespect Members Posts: 2,332 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I don't know
    Yall spewing relationship knowledge today, huh?

    I HAVE to like you to be in a relationship with you. That means that you HAVE to be my friend first so that I can feel comfortable enough to open up. Communication is critical in ANY relationship/friendship. And I can't communicate if I'm not comfortable.

    If I'm not comfortable i won't talk to YOU.

    And if I don't talk to YOU, I WILL talk to someone else.
  • Plutarch
    Plutarch Members Posts: 3,239 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I guess the biggest problem I see is when a person rules out another person as a potential mate because that person doesn't share his or her passions.

    If you absolutely love Beyonce, and I happen to dislike her and her music, you might automatically write me off as a friend and thus anything beyond a friend. I think that's bad judgment and severely limits the variety of great people you can befriend, date, and/or marry.

    I guess I could've also asked whether or not your s/o needs to share your passions in order to have a long and healthy relationship.
  • zzombie
    zzombie Members Posts: 11,280 ✭✭✭✭✭
    No, friendship is extremely important in order to make a relationship work, and men should consider this
    If we can't be friends we can't be lovers because i won't be able to trust you
  • zzombie
    zzombie Members Posts: 11,280 ✭✭✭✭✭
    No, friendship is extremely important in order to make a relationship work, and men should consider this
    Plutarch wrote: »
    I guess the biggest problem I see is when a person rules out another person as a potential mate because that person doesn't share his or her passions.

    If you absolutely love Beyonce, and I happen to dislike her and her music, you might automatically write me off as a friend and thus anything beyond a friend. I think that's bad judgment and severely limits the variety of great people you can befriend, date, and/or marry.

    I guess I could've also asked whether or not your s/o needs to share your passions in order to have a long and healthy relationship.

    It is smart to evaluate people on more than one thing. MAYBE you don't have the same taste in music but if you see eye to eye on 9 out of 10 things then that girl would be a good mate for you. Your mate does not have to share all of your passions but they should share some of them to a certain degree.