My Dad Told Me To Never Have Kids Or Get Married

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  • Dupac
    Dupac Members, Writer Posts: 68,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    I will give you some real insight since we are somewhat anonymous, and you seem like you and your lady trying to get off on the right track

    but you do sound a little naive

    keep in mind that mofos can't tell you all the intangibles of what ultimately made their relationship fail

    ? will tell you the stories.........but you'll never know all the elements, cause how can you really know a ? better than their own spouse?

    if you could just sum it up at the bolded for why it didn't work, well then why is it the people in the relationship couldn't figure the same thing out themselves and prevent it from making their relationship fail?




    the key thing nobody talks about why marriages fail is because they like to trump it on the superficial ? to make it seem like all it takes is an easy solution. the reason that happens is so we can feel like we have some kind of control over what happens. but you can't predict what life will hand you champ

    the biggest factor that makes relationships fail: is how mofos manage CHANGE. and everybody will change at some point. so the person you married today can be a totally different ? tomorrow

    you seem to have an advantage cause you appear to be settled where you are at in all phases of ya life. but take a ? who is sincere and loves their s/o enough to want to take that leap of faith, there is nothing saying dude isn't just as prepared for marriage as you. but he may not be settled at where he is at, so does that mean he shouldn't get married?

    I say no, cause if everybody waited until they were truly settled, damn near nobody at all would get married. it ain't just about love and communication on how to make a marriage work....it's about self-fulfillment as well

    defintely daps on that post....and in my defense i feel it's more confidence in my ability and motivation to make this work moreso than being naive....i feel like i got someone who works well with me, who helps motivate me, and on top of all things loves to talk and jsut vibe with me.....


    what's been constant i every female i've ever really talked to was the conversation....i've always been able to pull cicks, and i can start a conversation with damn near anyone bout damn near anything.....

    but it's very rare that i find myself truly captivated and drawn in when i'm talking to someone... male or female...not too many ppl really just throghly impress me with their natural thoguht process.. how they just look at te world, life, relationsips, spirituality, all that...most people more than not are just normal forreal..

    but shorty grabs me when she talks to me....and that's pretty much where everything else buitl off of.....

    first was the physical attraction which was normal...and she seemed like she had a cool plesant personality..

    but when we really started getting into serious conversations... i already knew there was going to be something serious here....

    and as much as ? may change up in life and experinces..i can't see her losing that part of her that makes her the woman i fell in love with.....not even on no mushy type simp ? ....it's jsut who she is on the inside that makes me ? with her, and her ability to to communicate that person with me so effortlessly....now if for whatever reason she got tired of my simple ass... thats cool....i mean i'd be hurt about it no doubt...i'm very confident as long as we keep the conversation going....that crucial line of communication we can make this ? work.....

    i could be wrong....true.....but a ? is much more confident than naive ....IMO
  • Dupac
    Dupac Members, Writer Posts: 68,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    This ? is about to get ugly between du and black, lol....

    I say them ? fight at the fish fry on OCT. 30TH!

    After I get my plate though......
    lol, ? this is the essense of GNS.....this a real grown folk convo goings on right now....what this ? was desigend for......we can cuss without getting mad...
  • Dupac
    Dupac Members, Writer Posts: 68,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    like I said before, the concept is not absolute

    the ? who isn't exactly attractive to other women isn't going to necessarily have many more women chase him just cause he got a ring

    it's different when you resist 5 or 6 over a lifetime while being married than trying to avoid smashing 5 or 6 a day over a lifetime.............you can't tell me the level of temptation isn't greater

    c'mon bruh

    that's a weak argument ur trying to defend right there though blak....we;re talkin about dudes who are NOT resisting temptation.. they not even trying to do it, they're happily smashing every chick they can... and then saying the reason y they can't get married is cuz marriage is for ? who don't have the options they have...that's a weak ass point to try to prove...

    them ? ain't checkg for marriage cuz they don't want too....

    i can't see how that don't look obvious
  • Dupac
    Dupac Members, Writer Posts: 68,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    Kushington wrote: »
    du....im not saying all married ? or ? who wanna get married couldnt still pull ?

    Im just saying marriage is a lifetime committment(in theory), and it would be easier to commit to that if, either, you aint gon get nuthin better, or you dont want anyone else
    I dont care, i've had some super bad ones ive had to cut off cause they was talkin matrimony and rugrats

    Last thing i want is to be the ? with a bunch of failed marriages

    same thing i'm tryna tell blak....it ain't about the option to have more woman it's more about the likly hood of acting on the desire to have more woman....

    any ? can get married, whther he has 5-6 chicks coming at him in a life time or 5-6 coming at him in a day.....


    the options don't play a factor at all.. the willingnes to act on the desire for those women....

    imma be flat out honest with you... the same ? that got me my lady and every other woman i slept with in my life is still my smile and my sense of humor...i can pretty much tell when a female is digging me enough for me to make a move just based on the way i speak to them....

    i can't tell u how many women here at my job right now think i'm sooooo funny...and if i jsut walk past without giving them atleast a "how's ur day going" they going to think something wrong with me...or i'm in a bad mood...it's just natural.. it's who i am...and i'm aware that women respond to that....and if i was thetype of dude who had the desire to push further i might capitolize on that....cuz i can read the situation....the fact that i don't however is soley based on that i just don't want that type of ? in my life...
  • blakfyahking
    blakfyahking Members Posts: 15,785 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    dusouljah wrote: »
    defintely daps on that post....and in my defense i feel it's more confidence in my ability and motivation to make this work moreso than being naive....i feel like i got someone who works well with me, who helps motivate me, and on top of all things loves to talk and jsut vibe with me.....


    what's been constant i every female i've ever really talked to was the conversation....i've always been able to pull cicks, and i can start a conversation with damn near anyone bout damn near anything.....

    but it's very rare that i find myself truly captivated and drawn in when i'm talking to someone... male or female...not too many ppl really just throghly impress me with their natural thoguht process.. how they just look at te world, life, relationsips, spirituality, all that...most people more than not are just normal forreal..

    but shorty grabs me when she talks to me....and that's pretty much where everything else buitl off of.....

    first was the physical attraction which was normal...and she seemed like she had a cool plesant personality..

    but when we really started getting into serious conversations... i already knew there was going to be something serious here....

    and as much as ? may change up in life and experinces..i can't see her losing that part of her that makes her the woman i fell in love with.....not even on no mushy type simp ? ....it's jsut who she is on the inside that makes me ? with her, and her ability to to communicate that person with me so effortlessly....now if for whatever reason she got tired of my simple ass... thats cool....i mean i'd be hurt about it no doubt...i'm very confident as long as we keep the conversation going....that crucial line of communication we can make this ? work.....

    i could be wrong....true.....but a ? is much more confident than naive ....IMO

    the bolded wasn't even necessary, this is real adult convo like I was trying to generate yesterday but ah.........oh well LOL

    anyways confidence is key, but remember to make sure that you and your wife are BOTH getting what you really want out of the relationship

    the main thing to keep it together is to make sure you and wifey are working towards the same goals, and that the endstate of "success" defined means the same for both of ya'll. that way you can make sure you grow together, cause a lot of change is going to occur as you grow

    nobody is saying a ? who is married and happy can't pull other chicks as much as others

    but what I am saying is the original premise is rooted in logic

    cause if dude never really ran that much to begin with, regardless of how much he could actually run, it might be easier for him cause he doesn't miss the chase



    some dudes were raised up to run thru women..........so hand that ? a bad situation where he got to take a loss, how you expect him not to want to step out of his marriage? especially when black men as a whole generally lack the same support systems as other groups. it's difficult to have to live in denial and not express it by passing time with a side piece when that can tide you over in the meantime

    I'll throw my own fam out there. my fam, him and his wife been together since middle school. they loved each other then, and love each other now. it's no way to cast doubt on it. but they are legally separated today after damn near twenty years of being together. and the only thing happened is they had a child die SMH

    so how do you just superficially quantify a situation like that by saying, "they weren't ready" or "I'm confident" or "me and my lady are special"?



    in every case it's a leap of faith no matter who the couple is...........so stay positive but always keep that in mind champ
  • About$
    About$ Members Posts: 1,320 ✭✭
    edited October 2010
    This ? is about to get ugly between du and black, lol....

    I say them ? fight at the fish fry on OCT. 30TH!

    After I get my plate though......

    Du is a dying breed of man... traditional and honorable... I doubt he'd fight over this ish...
    HOWEVER...I know they gone be like the married couple on boomerang...
    boomerang.jpg
    tearin it up in somebody bathroom at age 60!!! BANG BANG BANG.. that real marriage o'l skool love
  • Nthngis4vr
    Nthngis4vr Members Posts: 2,171 ✭✭
    edited October 2010
    About$ wrote: »
    Du is a dying breed of man... traditional and honorable... I doubt he'd fight over this ish...
    HOWEVER...I know they gone be like the married couple on boomerang...
    boomerang.jpg
    tearin it up in somebody bathroom at age 60!!! BANG BANG BANG.. that real marriage o'l skool love

    lol. that's my movie.


  • Harlem Shake
    Harlem Shake Members Posts: 671
    edited October 2010
    dusouljah wrote: »
    was he drinking??... my father once told me some self defeated ? once.. yo said

    "whatever you do in life.. never "just get" someone pregnant"

    them ? stay telling thier sons where they feel they ? up in life

    That sounds like reasonable advice.......... have your children planned...... don't just get someone pregnant......... interesting thread........

    I was told that ? cunning, and there are a whole lot of them that will try to use you......... if they expect you to put them on a pedestal 24/7, then look out........
  • blackrain
    blackrain Members, Moderators Posts: 27,269 Regulator
    edited October 2010
    R yall having kids? have yall discussed that yet? Timeframe and ? ? Don't hold that convo off ?

    who the ? would get married without discussing those things first? I've never understood how you can marry someone and not talk about kids or other things in your future...
  • a.mann
    a.mann Members Posts: 19,746 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    Kushington wrote: »
    Very odd thing to say, seeing as how him and my mom are still married

    He told me to just use women and keep it movin, focus on money and dont get locked down


    that's his way of telling you he wants to end the family bloodline with you
  • a.mann
    a.mann Members Posts: 19,746 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    damn son...you must really be a disappointment :(
  • Kushington
    Kushington Members Posts: 8,011 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    Funny how most the ? makin wack jokes never even met their dad lmao

    And you same ? is the ones wifin fat ? and hoodrats

    I gotta stop posting higher level existence ? on you lames, hawks cant teach penguins how to fly, you ? dont comprehend ?
  • Mr.LV
    Mr.LV Members Posts: 14,089 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    its not for everyone my parents were married for 33 years and had there first son six years into the marriage.
  • longmeat
    longmeat Members Posts: 2,263 ✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    ra-mes1 wrote: »
    Wooow. Good luck, that just seems extra young. I wish you the best. I didn't decide to do it until my late 20's.

    lol he's still got a life full of L's in front of him. That ? gonna be epic!
  • longmeat
    longmeat Members Posts: 2,263 ✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    Loo, you my ? ....BUT

    being married aint about making someone else happy or basing your happiness in someone else...its about finding someone that you click with and want to spend your time with...happiness is a choice well all make everyday...yes. ? happens to us everyday that we cant control...But what you can control is how you react to it...and this especially goes for when dealing with women...

    whether you get married or not...youre still stuck with dealing with women and their ? .FOR LIFE ? ! whether they have a ring or not...live somewhere else youre still gonna have to deal with them. its all in how you react to the crazy ? they do fam

    and this is coming from somebody who vowed NEVER to get married again...(? check my screen name!)

    Son, come on son....seriously? Marriage is nothing more than a business contract between two parties and the state. It was designed as a social construct. All that ? about finding the right one and living happily ever after is straight ? . You definitely ain't a real ? .
  • Gnawledgeable
    Gnawledgeable Members Posts: 1,768 ✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    I do think how long until you get old enough to were young chicks don't want you. I wouldn't find ladies 50 years and up to be attractive.
  • longmeat
    longmeat Members Posts: 2,263 ✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    a.mann wrote: »
    that's his way of telling you he wants to end the family bloodline with you

    ...................damn that was cold as a mahfucka loll
  • longmeat
    longmeat Members Posts: 2,263 ✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    I do think how long until you get old enough to were young chicks don't want you. I wouldn't find ladies 50 years and up to be attractive.

    a chick in her 20s may not want you, but you can get you a fine ass broad in her 30s or 40s. and if you getting married because you're scared of being alone, then you're destined to fail.
  • jay83
    jay83 Members Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    my mom said some similar ? to me one time about marriage


    changed my outlook for life

    + i know way too many miserable married people with pain in the ass kids




    .................................
  • jay83
    jay83 Members Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    Mr.LV wrote: »
    its not for everyone my parents were married for 33 years and had there first son six years into the marriage.



    This is the key phrase that everyone cant get. Its not for everyone.


    But there is such a stigma attached to people who dont get married. Not to mention people just want a wedding and not a marriage.
  • ineedpussy
    ineedpussy Members Posts: 7,252 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    damn thats ? up. ? throwin shots at drty. wheredeydodatat? i mean maybe i could pull ? but the funny thang is that yesterday im rappin with my ? and he like he a ? and that his ? so good n/h that ? wont ever leave him and woopty woo. but the thang is with me, i dont get ? but at the end of the day im a loner and me being married to a ? /women aint gone work cause sooner or later (probably sooner) im gone want to be by myself. to me women are just good for ? thats it. i dont need no emotional support. yes i would like to go out and have funny with a lady friend and some ? on the reg but aint no way im getting married. im more man than all yall nigggaZ put together.
  • kAjUn
    kAjUn Members Posts: 2,439 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    ha my father told me and my brother the sameshit minus the kids

    and im taking his advice too

    but for a different reason than the ones he gave me
  • kzzl
    kzzl Members Posts: 7,548 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    I be wondering if my homeboys will ever mention to their kids how close they were to being aborted.
  • drunkenone
    drunkenone Members Posts: 173
    edited October 2010
    Truest thing you'll ever read about marriage:

    ?fh=7441496f051cc1fe2913deb263dc488f&w=900.0
  • 7figz
    7figz Members Posts: 15,294 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
    He's telling you what he thinks is best for you. I would tell my son the same ? .