Be My Lady Tonight - NEW

instant
instant Members Posts: 1
edited November 2010 in Waiting To Exhale
Hey guys I'm new to this forum and I really enjoy writing lyrics/poems and I wanna see what you guys think about my lyrics. Its about this girl that I saw that I was very attracted to and I wanted to make her my lady. Is there a way I could improve this or should I leave it as it is? I plan to create a song out of this too
Hey girl how you doin you lookin pretty fine,
One day I'll have the will to make you mine,
Kinda shy don't really know how to approach you,
Don't wanna be silly, don’t wanna provoke you,
Thinkin in my mind what to do and say,
Tick Tick times flyin by can't delay
Intimidated cause you’re bangin in those jeans,
Havin you would be a man’s perfect dream,
Dam! I'm astounded by the look of you girl,
Bounded to your eyes, cause they shine like a pearl,
Your hairs cool too, this ain't even fair,
So hard to resist, tryin not to stare,
Need to stop thinkin and start a conversation,
Down my drink, to get rid of the hesitation,
So many temptations, things I wanna do,
Gotta take it slow, no need to touch and screw,
Hope you see when we talk, that I'm a real man,
Understand there's more than one night stands,
Why am I still standing here smokin to stall?
Need to step on my cig, after watchin it fall,
Can't stand here bein concerned and watch,
Gotta overcome rejection, turn it up a notch,
Time to go hope I don't ruin this intro,
Buckle up can't choke now cause I'm startin go

Comments

  • kzzl
    kzzl Members Posts: 7,548 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November 2010
    i don't see a need to improve it, as it seems to deliver your message. the hard part might come from you turning this into a song, especially if you wrote this without a melody in mind. you might find yourself adding this, taking out that, rewording this.... it happens. you should focus on keeping your message and consistent flow of the piece while going through that process. the english language is very flexible, making it very easy too make words work for you.