Bustdown Part 1
ckfree
Members Posts: 9,659 ✭✭✭✭✭
? what you heard shorty
mama was a hoodrat
daddy was a low life
hope you understand that
mama was just 16
she was still in high school
daddy was a thug getting ? and getting high too
mama had a big ass
daddy wanna hit that
spit a little g
and now daddy gonna get that
daddy should have strapped up
daddy was a damn fool
mama should have held back
now she gonna have you
mama think she grown up now
but little does she know
everybody in the hood think that she a little ?
mama getting big now
no longer attractive
daddy gotta split now
no one likes a fat chick
now daddy gone and he probably ain't gonna miss you
first trimester; daddy already out the picture
now mama all alone; she ain't going back to school
mama got a kid now
she gotta look after you
mama was a hoodrat
daddy was a low life
hope you understand that
mama was just 16
she was still in high school
daddy was a thug getting ? and getting high too
mama had a big ass
daddy wanna hit that
spit a little g
and now daddy gonna get that
daddy should have strapped up
daddy was a damn fool
mama should have held back
now she gonna have you
mama think she grown up now
but little does she know
everybody in the hood think that she a little ?
mama getting big now
no longer attractive
daddy gotta split now
no one likes a fat chick
now daddy gone and he probably ain't gonna miss you
first trimester; daddy already out the picture
now mama all alone; she ain't going back to school
mama got a kid now
she gotta look after you
Comments
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It flowed well, really well. It reads like you wrote this to a song. The rhythm of the words was consistent up to that 5th to last line. It threw me off, for a bit. It might not matter depending on how you plan on expressing it. You might have done that intentionally for all I know.
But other than that, you went in on bustdown's. Nice story telling you got here. I'm even curious about Part 2. -
Yo I'm really feeling that! ? flowed fantastic, got the flow scheme on the first read through. First beat to come to mind was something like Mockingbird by Eminem. Good ? tho
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It flowed well, really well. It reads like you wrote this to a song. The rhythm of the words was consistent up to that 5th to last line. It threw me off, for a bit. It might not matter depending on how you plan on expressing it. You might have done that intentionally for all I know.
But other than that, you went in on bustdown's. Nice story telling you got here. I'm even curious about Part 2.
I tried to make it come off as a rhyme because as much as a fan I am of poems; I find them to be boring lol but more so, it just makes story telling easier for me
and yeah the last few lines does throw it off but I was trying to set the story up for the 2nd part
5 years passed and you finally growing up now
mama's friends are 21, they hitting the club now
mama birthday just passed, now she 21 too
mama mad she stuck at the crib, she wanna have fun too
mama getting dressed up , she gonna get her dance on
mama going with her girls, you staying with grandma
grandma only 38, she ain't even that old
grandma know the business, used to be a hoodrat ?
mama ain't the same no more, she hardly ever home
and when she is, seems like mama always on the phone
mama wearing make-up, mama wearing tight skirts
you like the way mama look, you wanna be like her
mama got a link card, mama using food stamps
mama go out every week, mama got her groove back
6 months later and your mama about to have another
you ain't never had a father, but you about to have a brother -
Yo I'm really feeling that! ? flowed fantastic, got the flow scheme on the first read through. First beat to come to mind was something like Mockingbird by Eminem. Good ? tho
I was actually listening to Mobb Deep's 'Quiet Storm' instrumental
I prefer music over silence. Especially in my building. I have too many loud neighbors to drown out not to listen to something lol -
I knew it I knew it.. Written to am intrumental LOL..
good shot over all. Rhyme scheme was on point.. Keep droppin the poetical lyricals..
Peace! -
and now you 15 feeling what your mama felt
mama telling you to wait
you tell mama go to hell
you out there worse than she was
and you just won't learn
grand ma and mama were ? 's
so now its your turn
you want them boys to like you
so you acting crazy
you only 15 and you about to have a baby
you think its different
cause your baby daddy still here
but he only 17
just give him a couple years
he gonna break your heart
and leave you for another chick
you gonna get revenge
by going out and sucking ?
I've seen it all before
I know how the story goes
you can tell they gonna end up ? 's
long before they ? 's
somebody said the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
your family tree is full of ? 's
is what you gonna be
girl I can see your future
I hate to spoil it for you
mama'a a stripper
chances are you ain't gonna be lawyer -
I knew it I knew it.. Written to am intrumental LOL..
good shot over all. Rhyme scheme was on point.. Keep droppin the poetical lyricals..
Peace!
lol
I find it really hard to write without music, or pretty much do anything without music. Its like I can't concentrate. Most of the ? I listen to either doesn't have any vocals or the lyrics are said so low and inaudible that I can't understand what they are saying. Otherwise my mind begins to wander into what they are saying
by the way, this song is dope to listen to think up ? . I think it would suit you. Its the song they play near the end of the movie 'Nothing To Lose' -
My apologies for all the misspelled words, smh, blame it on my mobile. Always spelling ? that I'm not tryna say.. In other terms auto-correcting..
I feel it, just listening to instrumentals. I've been on that for a minute too. Writing to straight instruments.
Imma check for this video u dropped, unfortunately I can't see it cause of my mobility but when I do, I'll drop a few poetical verses
Peace and thank you so much for sharing! -
My apologies for all the misspelled words, smh, blame it on my mobile. Always spelling ? that I'm not tryna say.. In other terms auto-correcting..
I feel it, just listening to instrumentals. I've been on that for a minute too. Writing to straight instruments.
Imma check for this video u dropped, unfortunately I can't see it cause of my mobility but when I do, I'll drop a few poetical verses
Peace and thank you so much for sharing!
when texting goes wrong lol smh
thats cool don't trip. Who cares about the order of the letters so as long as one understands what is being typed
I tried looking for the instrumental but couldn't find it. Should still be useful though, it's on some melody ? -
The music was nice, verses were interesting.