I am at peace now

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raven31
raven31 Members Posts: 13
edited August 2010 in Waiting To Exhale
You was more than just a dream 13 years ago.
You was more then my future mother of my kids you was my heart the one I love more then
anything in the world no matter what my mother and father said I know you was meant to
me be with even the few years of heartache and tears and you having some other man baby
I can’t get you out my mind I hate I love you I hate you had someone else baby
You was going
to have only my children that my be stingy of me but what is love if you have to share it with
others I only want to share my love with you not everyone I guess you was not meant for me.
My heart heal my tears have dry I know She will come and she will love me and I will love her
I know nothing perfect but the different between me and you I will keep trying no matter what at the end I can say I did not give upon love. You close your eyes and your heart good night and good bye forever love my search continuous.
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  • Tupacfan
    Tupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited August 2010
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    Hey Raven,

    I thought the topic was pretty deep, and I'm glad your at peace now after having to experience a love gon wrong..

    However, let me be the devils advocate for the day.. I think you could had done a better job in expressing yourself poetically. But that's why were here tho, to help you grow, not just you but everybody else that posts here with their poetic pieces. When I say better job expressing your self, I'm talking about using different verbs, and you used to many I's like that could had been changed in terms of telling the story from a 3rd person. I'm more than willing help you get up to par. You have great poetential to reach your heights..and I think you can probably learn a thing or two from reading some of the other poets jawn.. VSOP and real p is usually good at telling love stories and you might learn a thing or two reading their joints.

    Please, don't take offense in this, take it as constructive feedback, and I wouldn't tell you nothing if I didnt care.. we all had been there, and we have our flaws, I mean I know my ? isn't always perfect, I had jawns that was just ehhh but getting feedback from others made me grow and challenge myself..

    So I would like to you to see you grow so please stick around and keep dropping, if you need help writting a piece or some tips or anything the like, just hit me up or use the first thread of this forum and everyone can pitch in their thoughts.. trust me i love to help people progress with their poetry and watching them grow is a beautiful thing, it's a rewarding feeling.. so don't hesitate alright..

    Like i mention earlier, this is a deep love topic that I would love to see you edit and revise and further into more details and express the raw emotions.. most of all thanks for sharing with us, I appreciate that..


    Peace!
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  • raven31
    raven31 Members Posts: 13
    edited August 2010
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    Thank you I do not mind know I am no William tell thanks I will do that
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  • Tupacfan
    Tupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited August 2010
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    raven31 wrote: »
    Thank you I do not mind know I am no William tell thanks I will do that

    Your welcome Raven,

    I feel like an ass for even being so forward, but i'll def be looking forward to your drops.. and help the best way i can okay..

    Peace..
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