Inception

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dzaster26
dzaster26 Members Posts: 15
edited January 2011 in Roc Tha Mic
Back at my place, lookin' for a taste. At the moment, I can't see my hands in front of my own face. How did I find this green? Well it must be grace. How does this Estancia taste? Well it tastes liked crushed grapes. Once you start you can't escape. But you can be replaced. Your memory erased. Think you're messed up? Cause it must have been laced. If you didn't feel it, you must have been grazed. Its the end of days.

But I just got to this place. Took me 36 days to get to the end of this maze. Now I just wanna sit back and collect sun rays. Deeper than a mirage. More real than Nikki Minaj. If you're gonna stay awhile, On your way in make sure you close the garage.

Inceptions the exception. Hit harder than a depression. Through word of mouth, I come back up like indigestion. I'm followed like legislation. This spliff I be lacin' while this beat I be tracin'. Just trying to put something in the air that can be heard around the nation. Becoming very impatient. Like Shady I been patiently waiting. For so long this game I've been dating. Its about time we should be mating. These other rappers passing out during le mas. I'm here for the cause. Always turned on. Keep it hot on the burner. I'm what you would call a lightning fast learner. If I was made out of ? I'd be a page turner. Yeah that means I book cause that's all she wrote. Last hit that she took. Inhaled all the smoke. History can't be rewrote. But we can cross the moat. Still in this race to be G.O.A.T. ? I'm on a boat! I'm on a plane gettin' brains I should be so ashamed. I'll leave her unnamed. But riddin' and tamed. Got monkey on the brains. Yeeeah she so CRAZY. My bad everyone here thought she's my lady.
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  • dzaster26
    dzaster26 Members Posts: 15
    edited October 2010
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    Please tell me what you think. I have more. Going through a creative period again. 910*143*420
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  • thedesolateone
    thedesolateone Members Posts: 4,526 ✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2010
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    'Through word of mouth, I come back up like indigestion'
    -that line was dope
    i like the title but you could plot it way better and lose the cliche rhymes.im guessing its like dreamy because of the movie and is suppose to plot out like a dream or something it need much better structure
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  • dzaster26
    dzaster26 Members Posts: 15
    edited November 2010
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    Thanks for the feedback. I know its somewhat scattered. I really just jotted it down one afternoon and threw it up on facebook. I've got some more I'm gonna be shopping around maybe soon to see what people think.

    And just so you know. It takes 36 days at most rehab locations to finish. Just throwing that out there. Its in no way a finished work. But I might come back around and try and spread it out and tie up some of the loose themes. Or I might just write something else. Ha That's just how it is some days.
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  • thedesolateone
    thedesolateone Members Posts: 4,526 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November 2010
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    dzaster26 wrote: »
    Thanks for the feedback. I know its somewhat scattered. I really just jotted it down one afternoon and threw it up on facebook. I've got some more I'm gonna be shopping around maybe soon to see what people think.

    And just so you know. It takes 36 days at most rehab locations to finish. Just throwing that out there. Its in no way a finished work. But I might come back around and try and spread it out and tie up some of the loose themes. Or I might just write something else. Ha That's just how it is some days.

    what do you think of what i wrote:

    my veins hooked to IV's
    my minds a minefield im sick not insane
    how ? your knees are i heard the nurse say
    with a catatonic gaze looking out the window pane
    i aim and drop atomic bombs from mental planes
    first oppurtunity im ?
    on 2ply tissue i read raps written
    start to spark thoughts in your cerebral
    ya skins being devoured by a brood of beatles
    from the zenith of zion zig-zigzaggin on some zebras
    place a zylophone inside of your keister
    how ? your knees are i heard the nurse say
    when you search for a straw of hay
    in a stack of needles
    inside pandoras box I hide easter eggs
    cant be judged i dont even obey gravity
    have mares of escaping death narrowly
    so day by day i live hourly
    alot of it on the toilet seat
    producin ? art displayed in galleries
    i never wanna leave
    blue dust and mariquana leaves
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  • dzaster26
    dzaster26 Members Posts: 15
    edited November 2010
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    Pretty nice man. You have some pretty good word play. You at least prove that you have a vocabulary. Most can only talk about the same things or use the same words to describe everything. You know? I like where its going.
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  • TrueGodHS
    TrueGodHS Members Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
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    took me 36 days to get out of this maze, i like that one... your flow and rhyme style is a lot different than the average i can say
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  • dzaster26
    dzaster26 Members Posts: 15
    edited January 2011
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    @TrueGODHS

    Thanks man. I appreciate it. And you nailed it. I've tried to keep my flavor a little different from the rest. Make it more exotic sounding and fresh. haha I want to be rare instead of average. Thanks man.
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