Stay together for the kids sake?

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Oneblackrose2hi
Oneblackrose2hi Members Posts: 401 ✭✭
edited July 2011 in The Powder Room
Ok so my mother and I are not seeing eye to eye on this subject....she thinks that staying together for the kids sake (even if theyre not in love)is the best way to raise a child...i feel as though 2 happy single people could do just as good a job...she says I dont know what I'm talking about cause I don't have kids...i feel her views on family structure are antiquated...anyone wanna settle this for us?
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  • kat2180
    kat2180 Members Posts: 12,056 ✭✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    Staying in an unhappy, loveless relationship is not going to be doing your child any favors when it comes to learning what makes up a healthy relationship.

    Roughing it through a hard time and constant conflict and strife are two different things and sometimes you need to know when to call it quits for the sake of the child.
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  • bignorm73
    bignorm73 Banned Users Posts: 5,031 ✭✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    I agree with the threadstarters mother, unless there is infidelity.
    Once you have a child, your life is no longer about you. Ever heard
    when people say, if you are not in a good mood, to act like you are, and
    your day will get better? That works with relationships too. As long as there
    is mutual respect, it can work, and you CAN model a healthy relationship to the kids.
    It sux for you, but, the child did not force the adults to lay together and have it.
    Live with your decisions. Trust me, i am talking something i am living. And i must say,
    its not that bad. Actual love has grown out of it, even tho its not the genuine "in love"
    stuff.
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  • Daddy_PeaceBuck$
    Daddy_PeaceBuck$ Members Posts: 203 ✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    Nah. I grew up wit parents who argued and fought almost everynite. The memories stay with you when get older. Trust me. I seperated from my babymomma for that reason.
    We argued alot and it would make my daughter cry. So I made that decision to leave. I was'nt going to let her go through it.
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  • Oneblackrose2hi
    Oneblackrose2hi Members Posts: 401 ✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    Daddy_PeaceBuck$ wrote: »
    Nah. I grew up wit parents who argued and fought almost everynite. The memories stay with you when get older. Trust me. I seperated from my babymomma for that reason.
    We argued alot and it would make my daughter cry. So I made that decision to leave. I was'nt going to let her go through it.

    ..now an older crowd would say you didn't try hard enough to make it work..i grew up with both parents and it definitely wasnt the Huxtables...more like the Jacksons minus the singing.. My parents stayed together for almost 20 years until me and my brother got out of hs..but I'm just not convinced that it was the best decision...and thats not to say I dont appreciate them for trying...I'm just saying that nobody knows how it couldve changed our lives if they separated earlier on...
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  • Oneblackrose2hi
    Oneblackrose2hi Members Posts: 401 ✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    bignorm73 wrote: »
    I agree with the threadstarters mother, unless there is infidelity.
    Once you have a child, your life is no longer about you. Ever heard
    when people say, if you are not in a good mood, to act like you are, and
    your day will get better? That works with relationships too. As long as there
    is mutual respect, it can work, and you CAN model a healthy relationship to the kids.
    It sux for you, but, the child did not force the adults to lay together and have it.
    Live with your decisions. Trust me, i am talking something i am living. And i must say,
    its not that bad. Actual love has grown out of it, even tho its not the genuine "in love"
    stuff.

    ...the "fake it til you make it" method sounds depressing to me'..i mean...what if in the midst of trying to make it work one falls in love with someone else...are they supposed to just forget about it until their kid is 18?...and will the bitterness of living an unfulfilled life negatively affect the child?...
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  • Daddy_PeaceBuck$
    Daddy_PeaceBuck$ Members Posts: 203 ✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    Oneblackrose2hi wrote: »
    ..now an older crowd would say you didn't try hard enough to make it work..i grew up with both parents and it definitely wasnt the Huxtables...more like the Jacksons minus the singing.. My parents stayed together for almost 20 years until me and my brother got out of hs..but I'm just not convinced that it was the best decision...and thats not to say I dont appreciate them for trying...I'm just saying that nobody knows how it couldve changed our lives if they separated earlier on...

    ? the harder I tried the worse it got. It's basically what Kat pointed out. If you are in a unhappy relationship it's going to have some type of effect on the child. It's best that you do it when the child is young. The longer you wait the harder it is. I have no regrets because I provided better when we got seperated.
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  • Bussy_Getta
    Bussy_Getta Members Posts: 37,679 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    bignorm73 wrote: »
    I agree with the threadstarters mother, unless there is infidelity.
    Once you have a child, your life is no longer about you. Ever heard
    when people say, if you are not in a good mood, to act like you are, and
    your day will get better? That works with relationships too. As long as there
    is mutual respect, it can work, and you CAN model a healthy relationship to the kids.
    It sux for you, but, the child did not force the adults to lay together and have it.
    Live with your decisions. Trust me, i am talking something i am living. And i must say,
    its not that bad. Actual love has grown out of it, even tho its not the genuine "in love"
    stuff.

    I agree with this
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  • bignorm73
    bignorm73 Banned Users Posts: 5,031 ✭✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    Oneblackrose2hi wrote: »
    ...the "fake it til you make it" method sounds depressing to me'..i mean...what if in the midst of trying to make it work one falls in love with someone else...are they supposed to just forget about it until their kid is 18?...and will the bitterness of living an unfulfilled life negatively affect the child?...

    Better than if you break up the household behind "thier" own priorities. that pretty much means that person is putting thier own happiness over the kids.
    it is depressing. But so is life. Its depressing that those in the civil rights movement got water hosed down, but they did. and it was necessary.
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  • mryounggun
    mryounggun Members Posts: 13,451 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    Staying together - with a person that you absolutely hate and cannot stop yourself from arguing with constantly - for the sake of the kids is idiotic. Staying together - with a person who you just fell out of love with but have no ill will towards and can still act civil with - not a bad idea. But I do think that two single people can raise a kid great - bot NOT as well as being together in a household.

    I guess for me it would depend on how old the child was.
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  • Trollio
    Trollio Members Posts: 25,815 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    move.........
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  • John009
    John009 Members Posts: 3
    edited July 2011
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    Is everything making sense so far? If not, I'm sure that with just a little more reading, all the facts will fall into place. I think your current info is going to be very fine and nice.
    Now you can understand why there's a growing interest in Stay together for the kids sake. When people start looking for more information about Stay together for the kids sake, you'll be in a position to meet their needs.
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  • GetMoneyInDaN.O.
    GetMoneyInDaN.O. Members Posts: 2,967 ✭✭✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    bignorm73 wrote: »
    I agree with the threadstarters mother, unless there is infidelity.
    Once you have a child, your life is no longer about you. Ever heard
    when people say, if you are not in a good mood, to act like you are, and
    your day will get better? That works with relationships too. As long as there
    is mutual respect, it can work, and you CAN model a healthy relationship to the kids.
    It sux for you, but, the child did not force the adults to lay together and have it.
    Live with your decisions. Trust me, i am talking something i am living. And i must say,
    its not that bad. Actual love has grown out of it, even tho its not the genuine "in love"
    stuff.

    x_____________________________to the fullest....not livin in the situation....but the child didnt ask 4 yall 2 ? to be fightin and beefin...the minute u have that child your life takes a backseat....thats why we got all these ? up kids now cuz ? an ? still runnin the streets cryin the wanna have their fun too....
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  • Daddy_PeaceBuck$
    Daddy_PeaceBuck$ Members Posts: 203 ✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    GetMoneyInDaN.O. wrote: »
    x_____________________________to the fullest....not livin in the situation....but the child didnt ask 4 yall 2 ? to be fightin and beefin...the minute u have that child your life takes a backseat....thats why we got all these ? up kids now cuz ? an ? still runnin the streets cryin the wanna have their fun too....

    ? that Young n. Every situation is different. It's about what is best for the child. Example. Babymomma does'nt work or clean. Leaves the bank account dry and talk ? when you come from a 12hr day. I am obligated to stay cuz we have a child together. Negative. I can and have provided better for my seed by myself. When I look back it was a smart decision. Oh, if Im not mistaken their kids ? up with both parents in the household so your last post was pointless.
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  • Just2C
    Just2C Members Posts: 931 ✭✭
    edited July 2011
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    Nah....the kids will pickup on the negative energy in the house and you dont want the kids growing up in that environment.
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  • gonemad44
    gonemad44 Members Posts: 21 ✭
    edited July 2011
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    Thanks to the treadstarter, this a question many ppl deal with on daily myself included. i think it really depends on the maturity of the kid. Some kids won't be able to handle and other have seen it long enough to know.
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  • Manik Sona
    Manik Sona Members Posts: 350 ✭
    edited July 2011
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    Kids are smarter than adults think. I know I was.
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