havent posted in here in a longtime but the titled is untitled

oatmealdude
oatmealdude Members Posts: 1,109 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited October 2011 in Waiting To Exhale
what should i call it

Comments

  • CDKey
    CDKey Members Posts: 9
    edited September 2011
    Memoirs Of A Cassette Tape
  • oatmealdude
    oatmealdude Members Posts: 1,109 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited September 2011
    CDKey wrote: »
    Memoirs Of A Cassette Tape

    thanks that help just might take that
  • Tupacfan
    Tupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited September 2011
    what happened???? Retry posting again, cause the title itself, sounds interesting.
  • oatmealdude
    oatmealdude Members Posts: 1,109 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited September 2011
    ok so i need help with the title cause most ppl say that i dont do that much i just dont title my stuff so here it goes again

    Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, the hands make their way around the tracks of the clocks that hang on the walls of my pulse

    Didn't really think this through, stepped back took a deep breath and jumped off the 67th story I hit the reinforced concrete my fractured heart hemorrhaged, ran outta money and sewed it up with the shoe strings from these old sneakers I found in an upstairs attic on some Tim Burton ? and reincarnated into someone you wanted me to be stripped me of all I was, made me into your desired Ken for Barbie

    *rewinds the tape back a few months earlier*

    The phone rings but I can't hear it cause I'm being distracted by this woman who I can't seem to break away from she's got a grip on my thoughts see she pulls me in ways I can't explain. Got up from the chair I was in checked the windows and doors then jetted to the bath room and injected her into me willingly found my self pass out next to the toilet

    * fast forward to present day*

    The lights still burn my thoughts of you cause I just don't know what went wrong here, smiles disappeared when fighting begin pushing and pulling back and fourth trying to get each other to understand, glass shatters where emotions spilled and pushed out of thrown objects across the room, warzone like discussions turned to hell bound expressions where the cooling process took place where words cut deep into in an already soured relationship "in the heat of the moment" comments tarnished pride took its toll on us it went to far I went all out I thought I was doing Gods works cause in my mind he called out

    *pause rewinds to two nights ago*

    The feelin never leaves but the time passed chasing her is what's gonna ? me, blood and mascara smeared all over the floor sing an open ballad of love lost which took on theatrical roles I wish I could cup her tears and drink the pain away as it burns my throat on the way down hitting my stomach my insides are in an uproar she lies in the corner life nonexistent, ? !!! what have I done still see her emotional scars tattooed on the arms, her bodies blk and blue still pretty in all its blemishes......
  • Tupacfan
    Tupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited September 2011
    this was a long read, but i enjoyed it.. I thought you done a good job telling your story..

    love shouldn't be painful, love should be happiness..

    as for the title, here are a few suggestions.. I'm like you though, I make up titles till after i'm done writing, i find that easy...

    1) Love's Rewind

    2) Stuck on Rewind
  • REAL_POETICAL
    REAL_POETICAL Members Posts: 347 ✭✭
    edited October 2011
    ok so i need help with the title cause most ppl say that i dont do that much i just dont title my stuff so here it goes again

    Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, the hands make their way around the tracks of the clocks that hang on the walls of my pulse

    Didn't really think this through, stepped back took a deep breath and jumped off the 67th story I hit the reinforced concrete my fractured heart hemorrhaged, ran outta money and sewed it up with the shoe strings from these old sneakers I found in an upstairs attic on some Tim Burton ? and reincarnated into someone you wanted me to be stripped me of all I was, made me into your desired Ken for Barbie

    *rewinds the tape back a few months earlier*

    The phone rings but I can't hear it cause I'm being distracted by this woman who I can't seem to break away from she's got a grip on my thoughts see she pulls me in ways I can't explain. Got up from the chair I was in checked the windows and doors then jetted to the bath room and injected her into me willingly found my self pass out next to the toilet

    * fast forward to present day*

    The lights still burn my thoughts of you cause I just don't know what went wrong here, smiles disappeared when fighting begin pushing and pulling back and fourth trying to get each other to understand, glass shatters where emotions spilled and pushed out of thrown objects across the room, warzone like discussions turned to hell bound expressions where the cooling process took place where words cut deep into in an already soured relationship "in the heat of the moment" comments tarnished pride took its toll on us it went to far I went all out I thought I was doing Gods works cause in my mind he called out

    *pause rewinds to two nights ago*

    The feelin never leaves but the time passed chasing her is what's gonna ? me, blood and mascara smeared all over the floor sing an open ballad of love lost which took on theatrical roles I wish I could cup her tears and drink the pain away as it burns my throat on the way down hitting my stomach my insides are in an uproar she lies in the corner life nonexistent, ? !!! what have I done still see her emotional scars tattooed on the arms, her bodies blk and blue still pretty in all its blemishes......


    wowwwww....this piece really expresses the addiction and withdrawal of what not only how love affects the mate...but yourself...the details you express and the rewind/present time verbal visions you were painting put me in a place of my past situations with my exes and even the issues with my wife...it all takes a day at a time to get by and maintain this thing called love


    bottom line good read indeed...keep droppin the words that would make knees crumble at the delivery called poetry my fellow poet


    peace