Ladies, I need advice. We acted like a couple but she's not looking for a relationship right now?
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Soho Fresco
Members Posts: 566
Here goes, I ended up talking to a HB9 (co worker) back in November of 2011. We became FWB in December. Things were good that month until one night she broke down and basically became emotional first. She said that all we did is have sex so things changed going into a new year. She would talk about our future together and how beautiful our kids would look. We we sleep at each other house (Cuddling, spooning, sex etc) On New Year's, we had amazing sex and she told me she never had a experience like that before. Side note: I ended up getting another job so we were no longer coworkers. I am 22 and she is 21, her last relationship was a year ago and it was a abusive one. Your advice would really be appreciated.
During these fun times, we went wine tasting, gambling at a casino, ice skating etc (wouldn't these be considered dates?). We were very affectionate in public and made songs together ( I have a home studio) Intimate songs about our sex we had. On her birthday, we went to a spa she gave me a ? on the massage table ( no sex since she was on her period but it was still a intense and romantic experience)She would talk about the future and how we would have beautiful kids together. At this time, im defintialy consider us dating so I never brung it up and just continued the fun times.
After all, why would FWB do so much together? After this time, we've been talking for 6 months and things cool down. We hang out 1-2 times a week due to our busy schedules but when we do, it's fun. We still talked on the phone when we didn't see each other.
Fast foward to the present with a update. We were talking on the phone two nights ago and I was discussing a topic using the terms "us and we". She cut me off (not rudely) and asked a SHOCKING question. Her exact question was "wait, are you looking for a relationship?"
I was so shocked and caught of guard, that I instantly answered "well yeah, aren't you?" AFC move on my part but guys,I really didn't see this coming. We did all things a couple would do for 6 months, I thought we were dating. I mean, it was random and it's not like I brought up the relationship talk. She answered with "I am not but I have crazy feelings for you and I do not want any of this to change. It's not you, it's me. I've been there and done that and it's not that i'm afraid to commit..it's just that I don't want to say yes to something my heart wouldn't be into. I don't want to feel trapped like my ex made me feel and I just want to be free, single like i'm used to being. My feelings towards a relationship might change over time"
Whoa, I was still shocked after hearing this and honestly felt mislead because all this time, we acted like a couple. AFC of me again, I responded with how surprised I was and that we want two different things and know one is to blame for that. She continued to say it's her and not me. She didn't want to get off the phone and kept on trying to keep the convo going ( on other topics).After we got off the phone, I didn't feel the same about her.
After that night, I went no contact and ended up getting a text from her this past Saturday.
Text Convo
HB9: 4:00 pm Hey, how was work?
Me: (responded 2 hrs later, I was really busy)It was good,how was your day....
Her: 6:35 pm Proactive, I got a lot of work done
Me: (responded 15 min. later) Cool
Her 7:19 pm(basically responded quick) Wow, you never respond to my text like that but ok, cool.
Me: Alright
Didn't get any response for the rest of the night. (Haven't heard from her ever since)
I don't want to play games, I honestly don't want to talk to her anymore but I don't know if I am overreacting or what. Her "I'm not looking for a relationship line was really a blow". Don't know, guess I just want to opinions and others view on this situation.
During these fun times, we went wine tasting, gambling at a casino, ice skating etc (wouldn't these be considered dates?). We were very affectionate in public and made songs together ( I have a home studio) Intimate songs about our sex we had. On her birthday, we went to a spa she gave me a ? on the massage table ( no sex since she was on her period but it was still a intense and romantic experience)She would talk about the future and how we would have beautiful kids together. At this time, im defintialy consider us dating so I never brung it up and just continued the fun times.
After all, why would FWB do so much together? After this time, we've been talking for 6 months and things cool down. We hang out 1-2 times a week due to our busy schedules but when we do, it's fun. We still talked on the phone when we didn't see each other.
Fast foward to the present with a update. We were talking on the phone two nights ago and I was discussing a topic using the terms "us and we". She cut me off (not rudely) and asked a SHOCKING question. Her exact question was "wait, are you looking for a relationship?"
I was so shocked and caught of guard, that I instantly answered "well yeah, aren't you?" AFC move on my part but guys,I really didn't see this coming. We did all things a couple would do for 6 months, I thought we were dating. I mean, it was random and it's not like I brought up the relationship talk. She answered with "I am not but I have crazy feelings for you and I do not want any of this to change. It's not you, it's me. I've been there and done that and it's not that i'm afraid to commit..it's just that I don't want to say yes to something my heart wouldn't be into. I don't want to feel trapped like my ex made me feel and I just want to be free, single like i'm used to being. My feelings towards a relationship might change over time"
Whoa, I was still shocked after hearing this and honestly felt mislead because all this time, we acted like a couple. AFC of me again, I responded with how surprised I was and that we want two different things and know one is to blame for that. She continued to say it's her and not me. She didn't want to get off the phone and kept on trying to keep the convo going ( on other topics).After we got off the phone, I didn't feel the same about her.
After that night, I went no contact and ended up getting a text from her this past Saturday.
Text Convo
HB9: 4:00 pm Hey, how was work?
Me: (responded 2 hrs later, I was really busy)It was good,how was your day....
Her: 6:35 pm Proactive, I got a lot of work done
Me: (responded 15 min. later) Cool
Her 7:19 pm(basically responded quick) Wow, you never respond to my text like that but ok, cool.
Me: Alright
Didn't get any response for the rest of the night. (Haven't heard from her ever since)
I don't want to play games, I honestly don't want to talk to her anymore but I don't know if I am overreacting or what. Her "I'm not looking for a relationship line was really a blow". Don't know, guess I just want to opinions and others view on this situation.
Comments
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Thanks for the quick reply. It's crazy, I met some of her family, she met some of mines. Cooked her a romantic dinner for us one night. Don't get it twisted, I've done FWB's before and I know the difference. If I would've had that FWB vibe between us, I would've done things differently (no regrets though). I just felt like we were dating based on our actions towards each other. 6 months of doing such things and you spring that question on me?
Guess I didn't overreact by cutting off contact then. -
Damn brother sorry for your soul but it ll be ok....keep it moving
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Yeah, you caught feelings for her. Its natural when you're spending a lot of time with someone. Next time discuss those things up front.
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Yeah, you caught feelings for her. Its natural when you're spending a lot of time with someone. Next time discuss those things up front.
Yeah, I made a big mistake in trying to let my actions speak for me. She used that to her advantage, she could always say "well, you never told me that" and all. As ? up as it is, it's life. -
This exactly why I fell back on the FWB thing. Truth be told, they never work out. Once you give them the business, that's ALWAYS at the top of their list or yours, no matter what else either one of y'all bringing to the table. I might get a "wack" for this, but honestly, its better to wait and prolong having sex with someone till y'all already for sure got something good goin.
I was lucky enough never to catch feelings like you did. But don't sweat it, dude. Next time you smash a girl, unless she's officially your woman by then, treat it as a FWB till y'all eventually have "that talk". -
You ? up when you told her you were looking for a relationship. Can't catch feelings in FWB
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You ? up when you told her you were looking for a relationship. Can't catch feelings in FWB
@L.I.P. Yeah, that question was so random that I had no other answer but yes. It was more like a "what you mean...am I looking for a r/s? We've been talking for 6 months" kind of yes.
@Da Roc Wack for that? nah man, that's a mature way of thinking.
Thanks for all the advice though, i'm good now unless ya'll want to post any similar experiences or anything. I already deleted her number and cut off contact so the situation is pretty much done. -
she definitely keeping her options open.
still smash but none of that cuddle ? -
Soho, it's weird that I went threw the same ? you did and at the same time frame. From November to April I was dealing with the same except we made it official twice and that only lasted a week a piece.Cain Marko wrote: »Bruh.......sorry to hear about your soul snatching but if I'm wrong speak on it. Were you being "faithful" in this FWB thing yall had? If so you got played because of the fact you said she was in a relationship were she was abused I believe she was using you as a j/o for all the cuddly things like dates but still ? around. After an abusive relationship women will not jump right in to another and will usually find a man to simp her and a man to just ? her on some real just ask her and see what she say to you.
Damn, word man that's some true ? bruh. I never looked at it like that and I was being a ? . So basically me and Soho the rebound until she feel she can fall in a relationship again?
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sir
u dont have to discuss anything she told u she isnt over her ex
they might be still in contact or she just doesnt see a future wit u and her
u doing the right thing by her u just found the wrong gal
move on
and keep it amicable
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Thanks for the advice everybody. I basically moved on and told her that I respect her honesty but this situation is not for me. I told that I will be dating others, she didn't take it well. Here's a update after that discussion I had with her.
She sent me a text at 4 in the morning last night saying this:
Her: Although I wasn't so pleased with some things you said to me last, i'm thinking about you and I honestly do miss you.
I haven't responded, the bolded part is weird because all I did was tell her i'm keeping my options open and I have no hard feeling towards her. -
Soho,
In the future when ur "breaking the ice" with a potential prospect this is the most UNDERRATED thing you can ever do:
You: keep the talking(describing) yourself at a bare minimum...let her be the longwinded one I guarantee you some ? will fly over your head that you never thought of or considered but during a fallout it was right there smack dab the whole entire time.
Trust me holmes I've been there done that from personal experience. I actually heard the "subliminal" as soon as it left her mouth. I made the huge error of letting it go over my head and being caught up, distracted,enamored, (fill in ur own blank) with her it was to the point where it was too late.
when life's lesson(s) throws a curveball your way how and what you did learning it IS the real lesson learned when it's all said and done...use the lesson to your benefit don't let the lesson make a lesson out of you DIG??? -
Came from an abusive relationship?...she was using you for emotional support without the risk of coming attached emotionally herself.....don't be hard on yourself.....its only a soul snatching moment if u spent a guap on her
