Struggles since being Born again and Saved
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Premeer
Members Posts: 2,946 ✭✭✭✭✭
life has been completely different for me since ive made this transformation and its a struggle.... a grueling struggle.
i dont know how to act anymore... i dont know how to have a relationship with a female anymore... my mind seems to be in constant chaos.. its just frustrating.
when you go from freely having sex and thats what your relationships are based around, and just in general, sex playing a major part of a relationship... to no sex at all, and also, dont forget to control your thoughts and approach... which is tricky cuz you are no longer playing to hit.. you are playing to....... i dont even know. i have no idea what im doing and its driving me crazy.
ive gotten to the point ( a while ago, actually ) that i wont even attempt to talk to females because im scared of what i may think or try, or a vulnerable situation i may find myself in, etc.
but every once in a while, i will ATTEMPT to talk with a female but i have no idea how to go about it. the whole game changed. i changed as a person, still changing and just trying to be a righteous Christian... but when the only life you know any type of success in is no longer viable.. how do you make it work???
i really dont even expect much useful answers or advice on here.. maybe DoU will have some wisdom to spread.. but everybody else, i just expect a bunch of insults... so im really just typing this to vent.. its a struggle.. and the struggle is REAL.
confusion. chaos. loneliness. battles. struggles.
on the brink of losing my mind.. if i havnt already.
undergoing this transformation is not easy.
i dont know how to act anymore... i dont know how to have a relationship with a female anymore... my mind seems to be in constant chaos.. its just frustrating.
when you go from freely having sex and thats what your relationships are based around, and just in general, sex playing a major part of a relationship... to no sex at all, and also, dont forget to control your thoughts and approach... which is tricky cuz you are no longer playing to hit.. you are playing to....... i dont even know. i have no idea what im doing and its driving me crazy.
ive gotten to the point ( a while ago, actually ) that i wont even attempt to talk to females because im scared of what i may think or try, or a vulnerable situation i may find myself in, etc.
but every once in a while, i will ATTEMPT to talk with a female but i have no idea how to go about it. the whole game changed. i changed as a person, still changing and just trying to be a righteous Christian... but when the only life you know any type of success in is no longer viable.. how do you make it work???
i really dont even expect much useful answers or advice on here.. maybe DoU will have some wisdom to spread.. but everybody else, i just expect a bunch of insults... so im really just typing this to vent.. its a struggle.. and the struggle is REAL.
confusion. chaos. loneliness. battles. struggles.
on the brink of losing my mind.. if i havnt already.
undergoing this transformation is not easy.
Comments
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life has been completely different for me since ive made this transformation and its a struggle.... a grueling struggle.
i dont know how to act anymore... i dont know how to have a relationship with a female anymore... my mind seems to be in constant chaos.. its just frustrating.
when you go from freely having sex and thats what your relationships are based around, and just in general, sex playing a major part of a relationship... to no sex at all, and also, dont forget to control your thoughts and approach... which is tricky cuz you are no longer playing to hit.. you are playing to....... i dont even know. i have no idea what im doing and its driving me crazy.
ive gotten to the point ( a while ago, actually ) that i wont even attempt to talk to females because im scared of what i may think or try, or a vulnerable situation i may find myself in, etc.
but every once in a while, i will ATTEMPT to talk with a female but i have no idea how to go about it. the whole game changed. i changed as a person, still changing and just trying to be a righteous Christian... but when the only life you know any type of success in is no longer viable.. how do you make it work???
i really dont even expect much useful answers or advice on here.. maybe DoU will have some wisdom to spread.. but everybody else, i just expect a bunch of insults... so im really just typing this to vent.. its a struggle.. and the struggle is REAL.
confusion. chaos. loneliness. battles. struggles.
on the brink of losing my mind.. if i havnt already.
undergoing this transformation is not easy.
I totally empathize with you my brother. When I found the LORD in 2006, I was in the midst of a relationship with my ex-gf. But because I was still a babe in Christ I continued to fornicate with my GF and my daughter was conceived and born in 2008.
But during my ex-gf preganacy I started to grow and learn more about the things of ? . I was being convicted by the Holy Spirit and I knew I had to make things right by either getting married or committing myself to celibacy.
I told my ex-gf that I wanted to stop having sex because it wasn't right; but because she was immature in her faith she didn't understand. I repeatedly told her that we had to stop because I was walking on a new path and I couldn't continue living in the sin of fornication. I even took her to marriage counseling with my pastor, but it didn't do any good.
Ultimately we broke up because she wasn't ready to follow my lead. There were other factors as well, such as her not wanting to be a Pastors wife, trust issues, resentment, etc. But the sex thing was what really led to our breaking up.
So now that I have been single for almost 5 years, I have had to learn how to embrace my singleness and live for the LORD. Cultivating the fruit of self-control has really helped me crucify my flesh. For the longest I didn't even talk to females because I was scared that I would sin against ? . But as I continued to mature through the reading of the word, godly counsel, fellowship, prayer, and church I began to appreciate females for who they truly are, which are my sisters.
I'll never forget the wisdom a mighty man of ? once told me when he said "until the LORD sends you your wife, if that's His will, look at and treat every female you come in contact with as your sister." Once I started to grasp that truth, It help me open up more to females. No longer was I scared to talk to females, rather I look at every encounter with a female as a chance to spread the good news of Jesus Christ. After all, the gospel is for man and woman.
So I have been down the road you are on and honestly I am still on that road. I'm a man and thoughts of fornication come into my mind when I see beautiful women, but I have to bring those thoughts captive to the obediance of Christ. I have to be diligent in my confession and rebuking of things that are contrary to mind and will of Jesus Christ. Is this easier said than done? Of course, but that doesn't negate the fact that it must be done!
? has given us the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, so that we can have victory over the world, the flesh, and the devil! We must tap into the the fountain of lving water that is bubbling up inside of us in order to let His will be done in us and through us. And how do we do that? We do that by staying in His word. This is what the prophet Isaiah said for those who are thirsty to obey the commands of ? :
"1Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.
2Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness.
3Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you, even the sure mercies of David.
4Behold, I have given him for a witness to the people, a leader and commander to the people.
5Behold, thou shalt call a nation that thou knowest not, and nations that knew not thee shall run unto thee because of the LORD thy ? , and for the Holy One of Israel; for he hath glorified thee.
6Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
7Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our ? , for he will abundantly pardon.
8For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
9For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:
11So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
12For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
13Instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree: and it shall be to the LORD for a name, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off. Isaiah 55
That whole chapter is a gold mine. It's an endless treasure trove for those who are needy, with promises from ? that He will give those who are thirsty abundance in Him! When we make ? our priority, when we make ? our desire, when we make ? our focus, the fears we have, the doubts that cloud our minds, the unrighteous thoughts that creep in, and the worldy influences that surround us will become less and less meaningful because we have put ? on the throne of our heart, by making Him our #1 desire!
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We are in this thing together my friend. We are running the race as fellow brethern! The race that has been set before us is one of endurance! And guess what? We already have the victory in Christ! All we have to do is let Christ reign and He will lead us to the promise land! He will lead us to the heavenly city! He will lead us to the City of ? whose builder and maker is the Lord Jesus Christ! Yes, ? said that if we finish the race, there is a room with our name on it already being prepared for us as we communicate through this online forum! ? is in heaven right now preparing our place that we will inherit if we remain in and finish the race! Hallelujah!
Since the word of ? is what will give us the strength to resist temptation, I advise you to study the story of Joseph and how he resisted sexual tempation. I would also advise you to study the book of hebrews! That book is so so wonderful and it will give you roots that will dig deep into your soul if your diligent in pursuing the things of ? ! He is faithful my brother! Even when we are faithless, He will always remain faithful! Let us look unto Him my friend. Come to the waters of life and freely drink from the fountain of ? ! He will nourish our souls with good things if we make Him our joy and desire! He loves you my friend! And He is with you now, tomorrow, even forever! Hallelujah to the King of the universe! Amen!
"1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, 2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of ? . 3For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds." Hebrews 12:1-3
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your story is so similar to mine and thats what a lot of people who dont believe fail to realize.. is that our proof is within us. its like saying you are mad.. and they tell you to prove it.. how do you prove what you feel? that conviction is real. the Holy Spirit will definitely correct you. that conviction can be taken 1 of 2 ways, but ? dont want us hanging our head, instead just keep moving forward.DoUwant2go2Heaven? wrote: »
but every once in a while, i will ATTEMPT to talk with a female but i have no idea how to go about it. the whole game changed. i changed as a person, still changing and just trying to be a righteous Christian... but when the only life you know any type of success in is no longer viable.. how do you make it work???
i really dont even expect much useful answers or advice on here.. maybe DoU will have some wisdom to spread.. but everybody else, i just expect a bunch of insults... so im really just typing this to vent.. its a struggle.. and the struggle is REAL.
confusion. chaos. loneliness. battles. struggles.
on the brink of losing my mind.. if i havnt already.
undergoing this transformation is not easy.
But during my ex-gf preganacy I started to grow and learn more about the things of ? . I was being convicted by the Holy Spirit and I knew I had to make things right by either getting married or committing myself to celibacy.
I told my ex-gf that I wanted to stop having sex because it wasn't right; but because she was immature in her faith she didn't understand. I repeatedly told her that we had to stop because I was walking on a new path and I couldn't continue living in the sin of fornication. I even took her to marriage counseling with my pastor, but it didn't do any good.
Ultimately we broke up because she wasn't ready to follow my lead. There were other factors as well, such as her not wanting to be a Pastors wife, trust issues, resentment, etc. But the sex thing was what really led to our breaking up.
So now that I have been single for almost 5 years, I have had to learn how to embrace my singleness and live for the LORD. Cultivating the fruit of self-control has really helped me crucify my flesh. For the longest I didn't even talk to females because I was scared that I would sin against ? . But as I continued to mature through the reading of the word, godly counsel, fellowship, prayer, and church I began to appreciate females for who they truly are, which are my sisters.
I'll never forget the wisdom a mighty man of ? once told me when he said "until the LORD sends you your wife, if that's His will, look at and treat every female you come in contact with as your sister." Once I started to grasp that truth, It help me open up more to females. No longer was I scared to talk to females, rather I look at every encounter with a female as a chance to spread the good news of Jesus Christ. After all, the gospel is for man and woman.
everything you telling me i already know, but its always needed to hear it from somebody else. and thats exactly what i needed. fellowship is what i lack.
but the crazy thing about your story and mine is the "how" and "how long". babys are truly a blessing. when my BM got pregnant is when i started to open my eyes a tad bit.. and like you, started being convicted.. about 2 years almost exactly to the month later, i was born again.. and a few months after that, i was baptized. and with each happening, vision became clearer, and conviction became deeper. but all the way up until i was baptized, i was still sexually active, but i was having convictions about fornication for a couple years. after me and my BM broke up, every time i had sex i had to convince myself what i was doing was OK. but it took time, but it got done. and thats just an example of faith being a marathon and patience being essential.
and i to was in the midst of a "relationship" that i had to leave. i was still active for a week after i got baptized but it was eating away at me so i had to stop and i knew at that point, that this is what i was suppose to do. she was cool with it, she was also a believer and read the Bible, but she was 1 of them who didnt believe everything in the Bible or take them as literal stories.
and i appreciate the scripture. i dont read much since it takes a lot from me but i hate to be a man of excuses. ADD just makes it hard. reading your replies took a lot out of me. i know i need to read more, i need to stop procrastinating. i got this Bible program for my laptop that i read when i DO read.. its called TheWord... its free and its a great program. really good for somebody like me since it gives titles over the different events taking place so you know what you are reading. i have been reading matthew. on chapter 14 or 15 right now. read a chapter at a time. i wish i was a good reader so i can read and take in more.DoUwant2go2Heaven? wrote: »We are in this thing together my friend. We are running the race as fellow brethern! The race that has been set before us is one of endurance! And guess what? We already have the victory in Christ! All we have to do is let Christ reign and He will lead us to the promise land! He will lead us to the heavenly city! He will lead us to the City of ? whose builder and maker is the Lord Jesus Christ! Yes, ? said that if we finish the race, there is a room with our name on it already being prepared for us as we communicate through this online forum! ? is in heaven right now preparing our place that we will inherit if we remain in and finish the race! Hallelujah!
Since the word of ? is what will give us the strength to resist temptation, I advise you to study the story of Joseph and how he resisted sexual tempation. I would also advise you to study the book of hebrews! That book is so so wonderful and it will give you roots that will dig deep into your soul if your diligent in pursuing the things of ? ! He is faithful my brother! Even when we are faithless, He will always remain faithful! Let us look unto Him my friend. Come to the waters of life and freely drink from the fountain of ? ! He will nourish our souls with good things if we make Him our joy and desire! He loves you my friend! And He is with you now, tomorrow, even forever! Hallelujah to the King of the universe! Amen!
its funny you say every time you talk with somebody is a chance to spread the good news.. because after i posted this last night, i brushed my teeth then laid it down.. but when i was brushing my teeth, i guess the Spirit wanted to remind me of what i departed from.. i said to myself.. "what am i suppose to do and how do i go about it.. i have no idea how to do this".. promptly, Spirit replied, "Keep Jesus 1st, keep Jesus 1st in everything you do"... and that is how i will meet and attract the right lady. but until then, i just need keep working on my relationship with Jesus and myself. i think we have a great relationship, i just have some kinks we have to iron out. and some consistency i need to maintain.
and you came through and delivered in the clutch as usual and i will definitely check out Hebrews and the story of Joseph. i appreciate it. -
thread starter your wasting your time...
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Which scripture commands that one must abstain from sex..?
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Religion is all lies and ? . -
this is not that thread. -
I'm not overly religious but I find that the actual act of clapping your hands, 'shouting' hallelujah quietly can actually raise your spirits. I found this out quick one time when I was mimicking a preacher on TV.
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praise always makes you feel better.I'm not overly religious but I find that the actual act of clapping your hands, 'shouting' hallelujah quietly can actually raise your spirits. I found this out quick one time when I was mimicking a preacher on TV.
ive noticed a pattern throughout my depression that when i get depressed, praising ? , not just to myself, but even to others, especially... wipes that depression away.
? is GOOD.
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I'm not religious, I believe in prayer & going to a better place when you die tho, but it's all about getting better & evolving. I think getting baptized too soon can force you to do better when you physically can't & frustrate yourself, the higher power knows your intentions, just work on it & you will be there.
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Judah Back wrote: »Which scripture commands that one must abstain from sex..?
Unmarried folks must abstain from fornication. Fornication is having sex outside of a marriage covenant.
"Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body." 1 Corinthians 6:18
No fornicator will inherit the kingdom of ? .
"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of ? ? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 10Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of ? ." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
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Sounds like that's working out real good for you....NOT
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Sounds like that's working out real good for you....NOT
sounds like you really know what you are talking about.... NOT. -
DoUwant2go2Heaven? wrote: »Judah Back wrote: »Which scripture commands that one must abstain from sex..?
Fornication is having sex outside of a marriage covenant.
"Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body." 1 Corinthians 6:18
Alright, lets dialogue about this now...
First things first....
Amen. Let us not hearken to concepts, doctrines, and commandments that are outside the Word of ? ....let ? be true, but every man a liar...
Romans 3:4But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.
Matthew 15:9
Now for the topic at hand.Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1 Corinthians 7:1-2
That definition of fornication you presented is the modern English definition. I have found thru etymology that many modern English words do not accurately depict their true definition, and more importantly, what these words meant at the time of the writings. Here is what I find in my 1960 College Edition Randomhouse Dictionary:
Mind you, the definition #2 tells us what it means when used in a biblical sense.
But lets take it a step further.
Fornication in the Greek concordance is #G4202. This is what the word means in Greek (from which our New Testament was translated from).
Reading this, it seems we should come to the conclusion that fornication is adultery(breaking an existing marriage covenant) and harlotry. Harlotry refers to prostitution and promiscuity.
Nowhere in the Bible do I find Scripture supporting that sexual relations between 2 unmarried persons is an abomination. There's no story about it, nor does anyone make a clear reference to it; we only depend on a definition made by men. This just is a part of the mainstream Christianity doctrine which is hardly in tuned with what the Word of ? actually says. The Bible speaks of us following commandments of men:But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.
Matthew 15:9 -
@Judah. Any way you slice it, having sex outside of a marriage covenant is sin. I don't care what you call it. Playing the semantics game is not my cup of tea.
I've been convicted of having sex without being married. And the LORD has punished me for backsliding in it as well. So I'm fully persuaded in my own mind that having sex outside of being married is a sin for me. Now if you don't think that is the case, that's on you. We have to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. Thus I know what i have to do. And that is to be celibate until ? sends me a wife.
"Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." James 4:17
In regards to the above passage of scripture and this topic, doing good for me is abstaining from sex. If I rebel and start being a ? monger again, I will be living in sin. ? forbid that I crucify the LORD again and put Him to an open shame. My desire is to grow in holiness by continuing to tap into the living water that is bubbling up inside of me. Lord knows I hate quenching the Spirit. Amen.
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I mean, if it is against your conscience then I definitely am not trying to get you to do anything against your conscience.
What I'm saying is, this idea of fornication being sex before you get married isn't biblical.
And for the record, I'm not saying it's OK ? around. Overindulging/addiction in anything is a sin. Just as Paul says, "All things are lawful unto me, but I will not be under the power of any." -
I may be late, but I've always found it hard to create a platonic friendship with a man. Not because of me, but them.
I really just gave up on the idea of forming a new relationship and just decided to wait and focus on my family and the Lord.
A godly woman knows that the only way to your heart will be through ? and will have no problem waiting.
