Can feminists and strong black women really have a successful heterosexual relationship?

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  • LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY
    LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY Members, Writer Posts: 17,670 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Westie wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    I think people are confusing "feminist" with "? "

    Exactly. And this is coming from a woman who is not a feminist but can surely be a ? .

    A ?

    Would you mind elaborating please ?

    I can be an ? ? I don't know how to elaborate on that that's pretty self-explanatory. Am I ? – like regarding the woman in this article? Nooooo sir.

    Excuse my english. Madame.
  • skpjr78
    skpjr78 Members Posts: 7,311 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited September 2014
    Man ? deez hoes. 99.9999999% if these ? are miserable and unhappy when u meet them and the average dude doesn't realizethat he cant fix these brbroken ? until its too late. I know multiple good dudes who got with one of these miserable ass ? , did right by then & the ? treated them like ? . It took my dudes a couple of years but they both ended up living these damaged ass hoes alone.

    I love my sisters but a lot of yall got issues and real dudes who are about their business dont have time for the Hollywood ass drama. These ? are stuck in a waiting to exhale state of mind and nothing makes them happier than to sit around with a pack and busted, broke, sorry ass lonely ? and talk about how dudes aint worth a ? but none of them raggedy ass hoes can explain why they all keep attracting the same kind of men. They dont seem to realize that regardless of the situation they r the common denominator. These baggage carrying ass hoes use feminism as an excuse as to why they are perpetually in bad situations. The answer to every question is that men are dogs. They fail to realize that nothing attracts a male dog like a ? in heat
  • LordZuko
    LordZuko Members Posts: 2,473 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Westie wrote: »
    LordZuko wrote: »
    @Westie‌ feminists make the best jumps. That "you can ? just as much as a man" mentality is like the best thing ever happened.

    I somewhat agree with you. Do I think they're ? you? No

    Baby I'm fine af. Saying you don't believe I'm ? feminists is like saying you don't believe in ? . And I cannot deny myself.
  • BEAM
    BEAM Members Posts: 2,560 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited September 2014
    Westie wrote: »
    Because I don't want to be socially equal to a man. Simple answer I like all of the chivalrous ? that goes along with being a woman. That doesn't mean I don't believe in legal equal rights because I do. But as far as relationships go I want all that fuzzy ? that men are supposed to do for women. personal choice. I believe in traditional gender roles. do I think women shouldn't be feminists? No. That's just what I feel.

    So you believe in all traditional gender roles, then?

    Pico wrote: »
    If you can "be your own man" then what you need one for?

    Because men are more than just a means to pay for and fix things.
    Also, humans are social, emotional creatures; We need companionship.
  • Westie
    Westie Members Posts: 12,479 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LordZuko wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    LordZuko wrote: »
    @Westie‌ feminists make the best jumps. That "you can ? just as much as a man" mentality is like the best thing ever happened.

    I somewhat agree with you. Do I think they're ? you? No

    Baby I'm fine af. Saying you don't believe I'm ? feminists is like saying you don't believe in ? . And I cannot deny myself.

    Post some proof by writing in for mr. Ahh
  • Westie
    Westie Members Posts: 12,479 ✭✭✭✭✭
    BEAM wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    Because I don't want to be socially equal to a man. Simple answer I like all of the chivalrous ? that goes along with being a woman. That doesn't mean I don't believe in legal equal rights because I do. But as far as relationships go I want all that fuzzy ? that men are supposed to do for women. personal choice. I believe in traditional gender roles. do I think women shouldn't be feminists? No. That's just what I feel.

    So you believe in all traditional gender roles, then?

    Pico wrote: »
    If you can "be your own man" then what you need one for?

    Because men are more than just a means to pay for and fix things.
    Also, humans are social, emotional creatures; We need companionship.

    Yes. I want to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen while my man brings home the bacon. I ? this up in my life somehow though....
  • Westie
    Westie Members Posts: 12,479 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @skpjr78‌ black women/feminists/birds are one in the same in your mind or nah?
  • LordZuko
    LordZuko Members Posts: 2,473 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Westie wrote: »
    LordZuko wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    LordZuko wrote: »
    @Westie‌ feminists make the best jumps. That "you can ? just as much as a man" mentality is like the best thing ever happened.

    I somewhat agree with you. Do I think they're ? you? No

    Baby I'm fine af. Saying you don't believe I'm ? feminists is like saying you don't believe in ? . And I cannot deny myself.

    Post some proof by writing in for mr. Ahh

    Only hoes go on a stroll.
  • desertrain10
    desertrain10 Members Posts: 4,829 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Lol

    @pralims‌

    After reading some of ur posts you were better off asking the question: what type of man would want to be in a relationship with a feminist?
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Lol

    @pralims‌

    After reading some of ur posts you were better off asking the question: what type of man would want to be in a relationship with a feminist?

    might be the next thread....lol
  • desertrain10
    desertrain10 Members Posts: 4,829 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Westie wrote: »
    @skpjr78‌ black women/feminists/birds are one in the same in your mind or nah?

    Seems like it lol
  • BEAM
    BEAM Members Posts: 2,560 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Lol

    @pralims‌

    After reading some of ur posts you were better off asking the question: what type of man would want to be in a relationship with a feminist?

    A complimentary question would be ~ What type of woman would want to date a man that doesn't subscribe to gender roles and doesn't wish to act in a way that allows his lady to unconditionally enjoy benefits typically associated with being the female in the relationship?
  • Westie
    Westie Members Posts: 12,479 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LordZuko wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    LordZuko wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    LordZuko wrote: »
    @Westie‌ feminists make the best jumps. That "you can ? just as much as a man" mentality is like the best thing ever happened.

    I somewhat agree with you. Do I think they're ? you? No

    Baby I'm fine af. Saying you don't believe I'm ? feminists is like saying you don't believe in ? . And I cannot deny myself.

    Post some proof by writing in for mr. Ahh

    Only hoes go on a stroll.

    Huh%3F.gif
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    BEAM wrote: »
    Lol

    @pralims‌

    After reading some of ur posts you were better off asking the question: what type of man would want to be in a relationship with a feminist?

    A complimentary question would be ~ What type of woman would want to date a man that doesn't subscribe to gender roles and doesn't wish to act in a way that allows his lady to unconditionally enjoy benefits typically associated with being the female in the relationship?

    im not sure all that will fit in the title space
  • StillFaggyAF
    StillFaggyAF Members Posts: 40,358 ✭✭✭✭✭
    i dont even know what feminism is cause such a wide variety of women identify as "feminist"
  • obnoxiouslyfresh
    obnoxiouslyfresh Members Posts: 11,496 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    I honestly haven't run into a lot of obstacles in relationships based on the fact that I identify as a feminist. If a man is fundamentally kind and empathetic, even if he sometimes can’t see everything clearly, I can live with that. Privilege that people have can oftentimes assert itself in strange ways that are oblivious to most, so for me, it's just important that I don't have a lingering feeling that I'm being put in my place, patronized, or disrespected because I'm a girl.

    Aside from that, I don't really base or structure my relationship around gender ideas, responsibilities and life roles. I do what works for me and I usually don't run into trouble with gender role signifiers and what that ought or ought not mean to the man I'm intimate with. He does not expect me to do all the housework because I am a woman, but incidentally I happen to enjoy being the one who always cooks and cleans, and it does not bother me to admit that those things do contribute to me feeling valuable. Similarly, I am sure that he is prideful about being solely responsible for maintenance of our cars, repairing items that are broken, killing the spider, taking out the trash, pumping the gas, etc. because I'm certain it makes him feel needed. Occasionally, we parcel out household chores based on who is ok with doing it or who has a particular way that it neurotically must be done. (He is obsessive about clean floors so he handles that) Any woman who takes herself seriously will wrestle with these feelings, but since I understand every relationship involves compromise, I don't have a hard time telling the difference between being kind, loving and accommodating and fulfilling my assigned submissive role as a woman. We just both happen to "get it".

    sweetie ...you are not a feminist.

    the moment you said you get it.....you are somewhere else.

    you are getting in an compromised....i dont hear a challenge for equality.



    I guess I would implore you to consider what informs your understanding of what a feminist is, or perhaps engage in a little more recreational reading of sorts. Everyone knows, or should know, that saying you are a feminist is not about refusing to shave your pits. A lot of men simply have a very archaic understanding of what it really is. It would be nice if all inequality in a relationship was freely negotiated. Unfortunately, that is not the case and would be incredibly taxing. I live in CHICAGO. I aint shoveling no snow and I aint brushing it off my car in sub-zero temperatures, for reasons that should go without saying.

    Yet, I am still very much a feminist and strive to be so. I can testify to what that striving looks like for me. It involves a lot of conversations and a lot of examination about expectations, questioning and confirming, especially in spheres of life that I imagine are the most gendered. I acknowledge the areas where I am complicit as a matter of convenience but that doesn't negate what I stand for.
  • BEAM
    BEAM Members Posts: 2,560 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Pico wrote: »
    BEAM wrote: »

    Pico wrote: »
    If you can "be your own man" then what you need one for?

    Because men are more than just a means to pay for and fix things.
    Also, humans are social, emotional creatures; We need companionship.

    A man that loves his woman wants to provide and nurture her, not in a feminine way...
    If something's broken he wants to fix it for her, if she's in harms way he wants to defend her, he wants to treat her to make her feel special cause to him she is.
    If she doing all that ? on her own/won't allow her man to do these things then wtf is he around for? Sex and that's it?? A lil bit of convo?
    That independent ? better buy a ? and call her friends.

    Oh.. You're trying to be funny.. Okay.
  • Bussy_Getta
    Bussy_Getta Members Posts: 37,679 ✭✭✭✭✭
    BEAM wrote: »
    Pico wrote: »
    BEAM wrote: »

    Pico wrote: »
    If you can "be your own man" then what you need one for?

    Because men are more than just a means to pay for and fix things.
    Also, humans are social, emotional creatures; We need companionship.

    A man that loves his woman wants to provide and nurture her, not in a feminine way...
    If something's broken he wants to fix it for her, if she's in harms way he wants to defend her, he wants to treat her to make her feel special cause to him she is.
    If she doing all that ? on her own/won't allow her man to do these things then wtf is he around for? Sex and that's it?? A lil bit of convo?
    That independent ? better buy a ? and call her friends.

    Oh.. You're trying to be funny.. Okay.

    There's nothing funny about that statement except for maybe the last line, which is still true. Do you tho.
  • LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY
    LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY Members, Writer Posts: 17,670 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Pico wrote: »
    BEAM wrote: »

    Pico wrote: »
    If you can "be your own man" then what you need one for?

    Because men are more than just a means to pay for and fix things.
    Also, humans are social, emotional creatures; We need companionship.

    A man that loves his woman wants to provide and nurture her, not in a feminine way...
    If something's broken he wants to fix it for her, if she's in harms way he wants to defend her, he wants to treat her to make her feel special cause to him she is.
    If she doing all that ? on her own/won't allow her man to do these things then wtf is he around for? Sex and that's it?? A lil bit of convo?
    That independent ? better buy a ? and call her friends.

    These type of women are not mentally stable. How a testimony of love and kindness can make you feel WEAK and DOMINATED instead of felling LOVED and SPECIAL...
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    I honestly haven't run into a lot of obstacles in relationships based on the fact that I identify as a feminist. If a man is fundamentally kind and empathetic, even if he sometimes can’t see everything clearly, I can live with that. Privilege that people have can oftentimes assert itself in strange ways that are oblivious to most, so for me, it's just important that I don't have a lingering feeling that I'm being put in my place, patronized, or disrespected because I'm a girl.

    Aside from that, I don't really base or structure my relationship around gender ideas, responsibilities and life roles. I do what works for me and I usually don't run into trouble with gender role signifiers and what that ought or ought not mean to the man I'm intimate with. He does not expect me to do all the housework because I am a woman, but incidentally I happen to enjoy being the one who always cooks and cleans, and it does not bother me to admit that those things do contribute to me feeling valuable. Similarly, I am sure that he is prideful about being solely responsible for maintenance of our cars, repairing items that are broken, killing the spider, taking out the trash, pumping the gas, etc. because I'm certain it makes him feel needed. Occasionally, we parcel out household chores based on who is ok with doing it or who has a particular way that it neurotically must be done. (He is obsessive about clean floors so he handles that) Any woman who takes herself seriously will wrestle with these feelings, but since I understand every relationship involves compromise, I don't have a hard time telling the difference between being kind, loving and accommodating and fulfilling my assigned submissive role as a woman. We just both happen to "get it".

    sweetie ...you are not a feminist.

    the moment you said you get it.....you are somewhere else.

    you are getting in an compromised....i dont hear a challenge for equality.



    I guess I would implore you to consider what informs your understanding of what a feminist is, or perhaps engage in a little more recreational reading of sorts. Everyone knows, or should know, that saying you are a feminist is not about refusing to shave your pits. A lot of men simply have a very archaic understanding of what it really is. It would be nice if all inequality in a relationship was freely negotiated. Unfortunately, that is not the case and would be incredibly taxing. I live in CHICAGO. I aint shoveling no snow and I aint brushing it off my car in sub-zero temperatures, for reasons that should go without saying.

    Yet, I am still very much a feminist and strive to be so. I can testify to what that striving looks like for me. It involves a lot of conversations and a lot of examination about expectations, questioning and confirming, especially in spheres of life that I imagine are the most gendered. I acknowledge the areas where I am complicit as a matter of convenience but that doesn't negate what I stand for.

    i implore you understand what you are saying you stand for.

    you can be on the fence and go either way depending on circumstances.

    that sounds manipulative to me. to have such a prestigious title you should hold your values strong and steady and not compromise what your not going to do. makes no sense.

    and also except a damn compliment....gotdamn feminist
  • StillFaggyAF
    StillFaggyAF Members Posts: 40,358 ✭✭✭✭✭
    And "black feminism" confuses the ? out of me
  • BEAM
    BEAM Members Posts: 2,560 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Pico wrote: »
    There's nothing funny about that statement except for maybe the last line, which is still true. Do you tho.

    There's nothing sensical about it either, quite honestly, which is why I assumed you were trying to be funny.

    As I said, men are more than just a means to perform those few things you listed, just as women are. Human relationships have the potential to be much more complex than that, which most people crave whether they can realize it or not. That's what emotions are for, to help establish deeper understandings / relationships.

    And ftr, if shorty was really independent in the way you're describing it, she wouldn't need friends for anything either.

    But yeah, do you..
  • LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY
    LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY Members, Writer Posts: 17,670 ✭✭✭✭✭
    All that ? means more dollaes for the capitalits. More indivudals less couples, famillies, more credits.

    Look at Bey. She has sung INDEPENDANT WOMEN all the way to ... wedding church!!!

    What about her followers ?
  • Bussy_Getta
    Bussy_Getta Members Posts: 37,679 ✭✭✭✭✭
    So men are there simply for emotional friendship. Ok.