Can feminists and strong black women really have a successful heterosexual relationship?

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  • skpjr78
    skpjr78 Members Posts: 7,311 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Westie wrote: »
    @skpjr78‌ black women/feminists/birds are one in the same in your mind or nah?

    Not necessarily@westie but the fact still stands that there is a large percentage of black women that u just cant make happy. These broads were damaged somewhere along the way and they expect every man to either A) deal w/their ? or B) fix problems they didnt create. Its hard enough out here just waking up black in Amerikkka. Then u got a brother who gets up everyday trying to do the right thing and provide for the family and you come home to some cackling ass ? who wants you to be a stereotype so she can validate her men are dogs ass mentality. ? all that. Brothers are getting of that ? .

    The % of damaged ass sisters is at pandemic levels. If u r expecting ur man to fix issues that were caused by some dude 20 years ago that ur man never met while simultaneously claiming to be an independent feminist who doesnt need a man u r a confused damaged ass ? that needs to getfixed b4 trying to build something w/someone else. A dude thats about his business will only deal w/? for so long. And then when the guy finally realizes just how ? the ? is and drops her ass that just feeds into these damaged hoes ? up mentalites. These hoes wantto be mistreated b/c thats the only thing they understand. Treating these broads right just confuses them and they revert back to the only thing they know which is brothers aint ? and men are dogs. So the baggage piles up and then u throw an uneducateddumb ? view of feminism on top of that and the vicious downward cycle continues.
  • Westie
    Westie Members Posts: 12,479 ✭✭✭✭✭
    skpjr78 wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    @skpjr78‌ black women/feminists/birds are one in the same in your mind or nah?

    Not necessarily@westie but the fact still stands that there is a large percentage of black women that u just cant make happy. These broads were damaged somewhere along the way and they expect every man to either A) deal w/their ? or B) fix problems they didnt create. Its hard enough out here just waking up black in Amerikkka. Then u got a brother who gets up everyday trying to do the right thing and provide for the family and you come home to some cackling ass ? who wants you to be a stereotype so she can validate her men are dogs ass mentality. ? all that. Brothers are getting of that ? .

    The % of damaged ass sisters is at pandemic levels. If u r expecting ur man to fix issues that were caused by some dude 20 years ago that ur man never met while simultaneously claiming to be an independent feminist who doesnt need a man u r a confused damaged ass ? that needs to getfixed b4 trying to build something w/someone else. A dude thats about his business will only deal w/? for so long. And then when the guy finally realizes just how ? the ? is and drops her ass that just feeds into these damaged hoes ? up mentalites. These hoes wantto be mistreated b/c thats the only thing they understand. Treating these broads right just confuses them and they revert back to the only thing they know which is brothers aint ? and men are dogs. So the baggage piles up and then u throw an uneducateddumb ? view of feminism on top of that and the vicious downward cycle continues.

    200x200px-ZC-845d5d11_post-25067-And-Here-We-Go-Joker-gif-Imgur-x71M.gif

    I'll get back to you after I have my red bull.
  • LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY
    LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY Members, Writer Posts: 17,670 ✭✭✭✭✭
    skpjr78 wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    @skpjr78‌ black women/feminists/birds are one in the same in your mind or nah?

    Not necessarily@westie but the fact still stands that there is a large percentage of black women that u just cant make happy. These broads were damaged somewhere along the way and they expect every man to either A) deal w/their ? or B) fix problems they didnt create. Its hard enough out here just waking up black in Amerikkka. Then u got a brother who gets up everyday trying to do the right thing and provide for the family and you come home to some cackling ass ? who wants you to be a stereotype so she can validate her men are dogs ass mentality. ? all that. Brothers are getting of that ? .

    The % of damaged ass sisters is at pandemic levels. If u r expecting ur man to fix issues that were caused by some dude 20 years ago that ur man never met while simultaneously claiming to be an independent feminist who doesnt need a man u r a confused damaged ass ? that needs to getfixed b4 trying to build something w/someone else. A dude thats about his business will only deal w/? for so long. And then when the guy finally realizes just how ? the ? is and drops her ass that just feeds into these damaged hoes ? up mentalites. These hoes wantto be mistreated b/c thats the only thing they understand. Treating these broads right just confuses them and they revert back to the only thing they know which is brothers aint ? and men are dogs. So the baggage piles up and then u throw an uneducateddumb ? view of feminism on top of that and the vicious downward cycle continues.

    You can tell the same of black men too bruh.

    that ? aint ? has it backgrounds.it has not been invented.
    Unfortunately good men are paying for theses mothefuckers.
  • BEAM
    BEAM Members Posts: 2,560 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Pico wrote: »
    So men are there simply for emotional friendship. Ok.

    Yo I'm sorry, but your reading comprehension is suspect.

    All I'm saying is that ~ Being able to pay own bills, defend yourself, mend your own stuff, and treat yourself ≠ You don't need a man, because men are more than those few things. Just like women are more than dinner waiting on the table, clean laundry, a clean house, and a back rub..

    We can each be all of that and more, but for a plethora of reasons, many of which are emotional, which allows us to form deeper connection with each other beyond task completion.
  • obnoxiouslyfresh
    obnoxiouslyfresh Members Posts: 11,496 ✭✭✭✭✭
    BEAM wrote: »
    @obnoxiouslyfresh‌, it seems as if you've fallen into compromise and comfortability, not equality. Seems awfully coincidental neither of you expect the other to operate under traditional gender roles, yet your relationships works because you two still function with them in mind..

    Well, the domestic sphere is certainly not the same as the philosophical sphere, and the domestic sphere is where the philosophy meets the pavement.

    I'll level with you. The understanding that men have of feminism is akin to the small section devoted to Black history in public school systems, so I am aware of why you may not be able to appreciate it beyond "women want to be equal." It's far more complex. I don't think anyone means equal in every way, as I can obviously not carry a mattress. But for the sake of this conversation and since we are talking about relationships, I take that to mean that as long as both of you feel valued, and that your contributions to the relationship are close to equal and significant, then those are the inner workings of feminist principles. On the surface, I have a very meat-and-potatoes, macho sorta guy, but he is also very reflective and very much a thinker. We both examine, on our own terms, and acknowledge how gender manifests itself in how we operate, but that does not mean we're willing to negotiate EVERY major detail of our lives down to who is responsible for dinner. He does not know how to boil a hotdog. I am not any less down for the cause because I say I'll handle it.
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @obnoxiouslyfresh‌

    mama...you are not a feminist.

    you sound spoiled sweety and happen to like a word to hide behind.

    feminists dont bend or compromise. thats why they fight for equality.

    you sound like you found a good dude and those values went out the door to secure your happiness and future.

    were you ever a feminist?

    why would snow suddenly change gender roles and equality? its snow.

    if such a thing can change your values then....they wasnt that important.
    and keep those glasses off
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    when feminist are in a relationship....do they want to get on top more or do they want to get on top an equal amount of times or do they just want the ? and the values go out the door?
  • Westie
    Westie Members Posts: 12,479 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    when feminist are in a relationship....do they want to get on top more or do they want to get on top an equal amount of times or do they just want the ? and the values go out the door?

    Equal number of orgasms is the bottom line I'm sure.
  • LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY
    LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY Members, Writer Posts: 17,670 ✭✭✭✭✭
    So of the craziest want to doggy their men ... for real
  • obnoxiouslyfresh
    obnoxiouslyfresh Members Posts: 11,496 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    I honestly haven't run into a lot of obstacles in relationships based on the fact that I identify as a feminist. If a man is fundamentally kind and empathetic, even if he sometimes can’t see everything clearly, I can live with that. Privilege that people have can oftentimes assert itself in strange ways that are oblivious to most, so for me, it's just important that I don't have a lingering feeling that I'm being put in my place, patronized, or disrespected because I'm a girl.

    Aside from that, I don't really base or structure my relationship around gender ideas, responsibilities and life roles. I do what works for me and I usually don't run into trouble with gender role signifiers and what that ought or ought not mean to the man I'm intimate with. He does not expect me to do all the housework because I am a woman, but incidentally I happen to enjoy being the one who always cooks and cleans, and it does not bother me to admit that those things do contribute to me feeling valuable. Similarly, I am sure that he is prideful about being solely responsible for maintenance of our cars, repairing items that are broken, killing the spider, taking out the trash, pumping the gas, etc. because I'm certain it makes him feel needed. Occasionally, we parcel out household chores based on who is ok with doing it or who has a particular way that it neurotically must be done. (He is obsessive about clean floors so he handles that) Any woman who takes herself seriously will wrestle with these feelings, but since I understand every relationship involves compromise, I don't have a hard time telling the difference between being kind, loving and accommodating and fulfilling my assigned submissive role as a woman. We just both happen to "get it".

    sweetie ...you are not a feminist.

    the moment you said you get it.....you are somewhere else.

    you are getting in an compromised....i dont hear a challenge for equality.



    I guess I would implore you to consider what informs your understanding of what a feminist is, or perhaps engage in a little more recreational reading of sorts. Everyone knows, or should know, that saying you are a feminist is not about refusing to shave your pits. A lot of men simply have a very archaic understanding of what it really is. It would be nice if all inequality in a relationship was freely negotiated. Unfortunately, that is not the case and would be incredibly taxing. I live in CHICAGO. I aint shoveling no snow and I aint brushing it off my car in sub-zero temperatures, for reasons that should go without saying.

    Yet, I am still very much a feminist and strive to be so. I can testify to what that striving looks like for me. It involves a lot of conversations and a lot of examination about expectations, questioning and confirming, especially in spheres of life that I imagine are the most gendered. I acknowledge the areas where I am complicit as a matter of convenience but that doesn't negate what I stand for.

    i implore you understand what you are saying you stand for.

    you can be on the fence and go either way depending on circumstances.

    that sounds manipulative to me. to have such a prestigious title you should hold your values strong and steady and not compromise what your not going to do. makes no sense.

    and also except a damn compliment....gotdamn feminist



    LOL it's not manipulative. Nearly every scholarly publication on feminism since damn near the late 70s has moved away from the "I'm strong, I can lift a car, who needs to shave their legs" notion. I mean, where have yall been? It's not my fault that yall have a gripe with a movement that you haven't made an effort to read a single book on. There are people who are utterly baffled when they hear some say that Islam is a religion that promotes peace. WHY? Because they don't R E A D. If you don't understand how I can have a very progressive social awareness about gender and simultaneously wash some damn dishes, then you got the game messed up.
  • LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY
    LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY Members, Writer Posts: 17,670 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    I honestly haven't run into a lot of obstacles in relationships based on the fact that I identify as a feminist. If a man is fundamentally kind and empathetic, even if he sometimes can’t see everything clearly, I can live with that. Privilege that people have can oftentimes assert itself in strange ways that are oblivious to most, so for me, it's just important that I don't have a lingering feeling that I'm being put in my place, patronized, or disrespected because I'm a girl.

    Aside from that, I don't really base or structure my relationship around gender ideas, responsibilities and life roles. I do what works for me and I usually don't run into trouble with gender role signifiers and what that ought or ought not mean to the man I'm intimate with. He does not expect me to do all the housework because I am a woman, but incidentally I happen to enjoy being the one who always cooks and cleans, and it does not bother me to admit that those things do contribute to me feeling valuable. Similarly, I am sure that he is prideful about being solely responsible for maintenance of our cars, repairing items that are broken, killing the spider, taking out the trash, pumping the gas, etc. because I'm certain it makes him feel needed. Occasionally, we parcel out household chores based on who is ok with doing it or who has a particular way that it neurotically must be done. (He is obsessive about clean floors so he handles that) Any woman who takes herself seriously will wrestle with these feelings, but since I understand every relationship involves compromise, I don't have a hard time telling the difference between being kind, loving and accommodating and fulfilling my assigned submissive role as a woman. We just both happen to "get it".

    sweetie ...you are not a feminist.

    the moment you said you get it.....you are somewhere else.

    you are getting in an compromised....i dont hear a challenge for equality.



    I guess I would implore you to consider what informs your understanding of what a feminist is, or perhaps engage in a little more recreational reading of sorts. Everyone knows, or should know, that saying you are a feminist is not about refusing to shave your pits. A lot of men simply have a very archaic understanding of what it really is. It would be nice if all inequality in a relationship was freely negotiated. Unfortunately, that is not the case and would be incredibly taxing. I live in CHICAGO. I aint shoveling no snow and I aint brushing it off my car in sub-zero temperatures, for reasons that should go without saying.

    Yet, I am still very much a feminist and strive to be so. I can testify to what that striving looks like for me. It involves a lot of conversations and a lot of examination about expectations, questioning and confirming, especially in spheres of life that I imagine are the most gendered. I acknowledge the areas where I am complicit as a matter of convenience but that doesn't negate what I stand for.

    i implore you understand what you are saying you stand for.

    you can be on the fence and go either way depending on circumstances.

    that sounds manipulative to me. to have such a prestigious title you should hold your values strong and steady and not compromise what your not going to do. makes no sense.

    and also except a damn compliment....gotdamn feminist



    LOL it's not manipulative. Nearly every scholarly publication on feminism since damn near the late 70s has moved away from the "I'm strong, I can lift a car, who needs to shave their legs" notion. I mean, where have yall been? It's not my fault that yall have a gripe with a movement that you haven't made an effort to read a single book on. There are people who are utterly baffled when they hear some say that Islam is a religion that promotes peace. WHY? Because they don't R E A D. If you don't understand how I can have a very progressive social awareness about gender and simultaneously wash some damn dishes, then you got the game messed up.

    So you might tell a lot of sistas to read your books brah..

    Can you explain to us what is trully all about please?
  • desertrain10
    desertrain10 Members Posts: 4,829 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    Lol

    @pralims‌

    After reading some of ur posts you were better off asking the question: what type of man would want to be in a relationship with a feminist?

    might be the next thread....lol

    Lol

    the very woman who inspired this thread is by all signs happily married

    So obviously it is very possible for a feminist, strong blk wm to have a successful relationship

    Obfresh offered proof and my relationship is living proof as well

    Not to mention there are men who self identify as feminist

    /thread
  • StillFaggyAF
    StillFaggyAF Members Posts: 40,358 ✭✭✭✭✭
    why don't you educate us OB
  • LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY
    LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY Members, Writer Posts: 17,670 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    Lol

    @pralims‌

    After reading some of ur posts you were better off asking the question: what type of man would want to be in a relationship with a feminist?

    might be the next thread....lol

    Lol

    the very woman who inspired this thread is by all signs happily married

    So obviously it is very possible for a feminist, strong blk wm to have a successful relationship

    Obfresh offered proof and my relationship is living proof as well

    Not to mention there are men who self identify as feminist

    /thread

    TOO EASY. You cannot excape like this.

    Explain please. Cause you and OB are a new breed of feminist...
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    Lol

    @pralims‌

    After reading some of ur posts you were better off asking the question: what type of man would want to be in a relationship with a feminist?

    might be the next thread....lol

    Lol

    the very woman who inspired this thread is by all signs happily married

    So obviously it is very possible for a feminist, strong blk wm to have a successful relationship

    Obfresh offered proof and my relationship is living proof as well

    Not to mention there are men who self identify as feminist

    /thread

    ob is not a feminist and the author needed a weaker man.

    so maybe i should rename the thread to can a feminist be in a relationship with a ? that aint a ?
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Westie wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    when feminist are in a relationship....do they want to get on top more or do they want to get on top an equal amount of times or do they just want the ? and the values go out the door?

    Equal number of orgasms is the bottom line I'm sure.
    Westie wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    when feminist are in a relationship....do they want to get on top more or do they want to get on top an equal amount of times or do they just want the ? and the values go out the door?

    Equal number of orgasms is the bottom line I'm sure.

    but what if you get multiple orgasms before i nut once?

    do you try to catch up or do you just lay back an let the ? smoke?
  • obnoxiouslyfresh
    obnoxiouslyfresh Members Posts: 11,496 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    I honestly haven't run into a lot of obstacles in relationships based on the fact that I identify as a feminist. If a man is fundamentally kind and empathetic, even if he sometimes can’t see everything clearly, I can live with that. Privilege that people have can oftentimes assert itself in strange ways that are oblivious to most, so for me, it's just important that I don't have a lingering feeling that I'm being put in my place, patronized, or disrespected because I'm a girl.

    Aside from that, I don't really base or structure my relationship around gender ideas, responsibilities and life roles. I do what works for me and I usually don't run into trouble with gender role signifiers and what that ought or ought not mean to the man I'm intimate with. He does not expect me to do all the housework because I am a woman, but incidentally I happen to enjoy being the one who always cooks and cleans, and it does not bother me to admit that those things do contribute to me feeling valuable. Similarly, I am sure that he is prideful about being solely responsible for maintenance of our cars, repairing items that are broken, killing the spider, taking out the trash, pumping the gas, etc. because I'm certain it makes him feel needed. Occasionally, we parcel out household chores based on who is ok with doing it or who has a particular way that it neurotically must be done. (He is obsessive about clean floors so he handles that) Any woman who takes herself seriously will wrestle with these feelings, but since I understand every relationship involves compromise, I don't have a hard time telling the difference between being kind, loving and accommodating and fulfilling my assigned submissive role as a woman. We just both happen to "get it".

    sweetie ...you are not a feminist.

    the moment you said you get it.....you are somewhere else.

    you are getting in an compromised....i dont hear a challenge for equality.



    I guess I would implore you to consider what informs your understanding of what a feminist is, or perhaps engage in a little more recreational reading of sorts. Everyone knows, or should know, that saying you are a feminist is not about refusing to shave your pits. A lot of men simply have a very archaic understanding of what it really is. It would be nice if all inequality in a relationship was freely negotiated. Unfortunately, that is not the case and would be incredibly taxing. I live in CHICAGO. I aint shoveling no snow and I aint brushing it off my car in sub-zero temperatures, for reasons that should go without saying.

    Yet, I am still very much a feminist and strive to be so. I can testify to what that striving looks like for me. It involves a lot of conversations and a lot of examination about expectations, questioning and confirming, especially in spheres of life that I imagine are the most gendered. I acknowledge the areas where I am complicit as a matter of convenience but that doesn't negate what I stand for.

    i implore you understand what you are saying you stand for.

    you can be on the fence and go either way depending on circumstances.

    that sounds manipulative to me. to have such a prestigious title you should hold your values strong and steady and not compromise what your not going to do. makes no sense.

    and also except a damn compliment....gotdamn feminist



    LOL it's not manipulative. Nearly every scholarly publication on feminism since damn near the late 70s has moved away from the "I'm strong, I can lift a car, who needs to shave their legs" notion. I mean, where have yall been? It's not my fault that yall have a gripe with a movement that you haven't made an effort to read a single book on. There are people who are utterly baffled when they hear some say that Islam is a religion that promotes peace. WHY? Because they don't R E A D. If you don't understand how I can have a very progressive social awareness about gender and simultaneously wash some damn dishes, then you got the game messed up.

    So you might tell a lot of sistas to read your books brah..

    Can you explain to us what is trully all about please?


    why don't you educate us OB



    Well simply put, the focus has long since shifted to an effort to create gender justice, and obviously that includes consciousness raising and making an active effort in your own life to challenge how we maintain and uphold sexism. It is not about hating all that is masculine. I think that if a lot of men knew what most modern feminists advocate, they would be much more receptive to hearing them out. I consciously explore the reasons I have a particular perspective or take a particular action in my household, and I am cognizant of the underlying system that shaped that thought and practice. It doesn't make me any less of an advocate.
  • SixSickSins
    SixSickSins Members Posts: 8,134 ✭✭✭✭✭
    jono wrote: »
    You know what?

    I'll ignore the example and instead talk in general...the answer is yes.

    I don't know what makes you believe that a feminist cannot have a successful heterosexual relationship but it's just like everything else: eventually you will meet someone who beat fits your personality and lifestyle.

    I guess you mean a misandrist...but once again y'all show that you don't know the difference so I guess this argument is once again not for me to engage in.

    As always, you come through as the objective, non-myopic male on these things. I appreciate you. >:D<

    Some fools on here will erroneously try to yoke 'feminist' and 'misandrist' together. Such small minds. Same ones in each and every anti-feminist thread on here, too. They're beyond pathetic.
  • LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY
    LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY Members, Writer Posts: 17,670 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Feminism to me is the realization that like my brother i too am a human being capable of great and not so great things

    Though we are built differently my brother and i when possible should be held to the same standards and afforded the same opportunities

    I am a sexual being the same as my brother

    i am worth more than my looks and my ability to reproduce

    Iam not the property of my brother subject to his every whim

    my brother is worth more than his ability to protect me or provide for his family

    I too am capable of leading just as my brother

    Submission is not a ? word but a practice both men and women should become familiar with

    Its not feminism its WISDOM imo
  • LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY
    LEMZIMUS_RAMSEY Members, Writer Posts: 17,670 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Feminism to me is the realization that like my brother i too am a human being capable of great and not so great things

    Though we are built differently my brother and i when possible should be held to the same standards and afforded the same opportunities

    I am a sexual being the same as my brother

    i am worth more than my looks and my ability to reproduce

    Iam not the property of my brother subject to his every whim

    my brother is worth more than his ability to protect me or provide for his family

    I too am capable of leading just as my brother

    Submission is not a ? word but a practice both men and women should become familiar with

    So how come those notions are not championned publicly?

  • Westie
    Westie Members Posts: 12,479 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    when feminist are in a relationship....do they want to get on top more or do they want to get on top an equal amount of times or do they just want the ? and the values go out the door?

    Equal number of orgasms is the bottom line I'm sure.
    Westie wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    when feminist are in a relationship....do they want to get on top more or do they want to get on top an equal amount of times or do they just want the ? and the values go out the door?

    Equal number of orgasms is the bottom line I'm sure.

    but what if you get multiple orgasms before i nut once?

    do you try to catch up or do you just lay back an let the ? smoke?

    As a person who loves Multiple orgasms, I don't agree with that part of feminism at all. These ? need to be stopped.
  • obnoxiouslyfresh
    obnoxiouslyfresh Members Posts: 11,496 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited September 2014
    pralims wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    Lol

    @pralims‌

    After reading some of ur posts you were better off asking the question: what type of man would want to be in a relationship with a feminist?

    might be the next thread....lol

    Lol

    the very woman who inspired this thread is by all signs happily married

    So obviously it is very possible for a feminist, strong blk wm to have a successful relationship

    Obfresh offered proof and my relationship is living proof as well

    Not to mention there are men who self identify as feminist

    /thread

    ob is not a feminist and the author needed a weaker man.

    so maybe i should rename the thread to can a feminist be in a relationship with a ? that aint a ?




    @pralims Have you read anything on this? I'm not being funny, but you are speaking as an authority, yet coming off like you were taught the School House Rock version of this or some ? . It's okay to admit that you may have either minimal understanding of a cultural phenomenon or that the understanding that you do have as gathered through television. But don't be lazy and make assumptions without the slightest bit of research. Be humble. Be teachable.
  • StillFaggyAF
    StillFaggyAF Members Posts: 40,358 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    I honestly haven't run into a lot of obstacles in relationships based on the fact that I identify as a feminist. If a man is fundamentally kind and empathetic, even if he sometimes can’t see everything clearly, I can live with that. Privilege that people have can oftentimes assert itself in strange ways that are oblivious to most, so for me, it's just important that I don't have a lingering feeling that I'm being put in my place, patronized, or disrespected because I'm a girl.

    Aside from that, I don't really base or structure my relationship around gender ideas, responsibilities and life roles. I do what works for me and I usually don't run into trouble with gender role signifiers and what that ought or ought not mean to the man I'm intimate with. He does not expect me to do all the housework because I am a woman, but incidentally I happen to enjoy being the one who always cooks and cleans, and it does not bother me to admit that those things do contribute to me feeling valuable. Similarly, I am sure that he is prideful about being solely responsible for maintenance of our cars, repairing items that are broken, killing the spider, taking out the trash, pumping the gas, etc. because I'm certain it makes him feel needed. Occasionally, we parcel out household chores based on who is ok with doing it or who has a particular way that it neurotically must be done. (He is obsessive about clean floors so he handles that) Any woman who takes herself seriously will wrestle with these feelings, but since I understand every relationship involves compromise, I don't have a hard time telling the difference between being kind, loving and accommodating and fulfilling my assigned submissive role as a woman. We just both happen to "get it".

    sweetie ...you are not a feminist.

    the moment you said you get it.....you are somewhere else.

    you are getting in an compromised....i dont hear a challenge for equality.



    I guess I would implore you to consider what informs your understanding of what a feminist is, or perhaps engage in a little more recreational reading of sorts. Everyone knows, or should know, that saying you are a feminist is not about refusing to shave your pits. A lot of men simply have a very archaic understanding of what it really is. It would be nice if all inequality in a relationship was freely negotiated. Unfortunately, that is not the case and would be incredibly taxing. I live in CHICAGO. I aint shoveling no snow and I aint brushing it off my car in sub-zero temperatures, for reasons that should go without saying.

    Yet, I am still very much a feminist and strive to be so. I can testify to what that striving looks like for me. It involves a lot of conversations and a lot of examination about expectations, questioning and confirming, especially in spheres of life that I imagine are the most gendered. I acknowledge the areas where I am complicit as a matter of convenience but that doesn't negate what I stand for.

    i implore you understand what you are saying you stand for.

    you can be on the fence and go either way depending on circumstances.

    that sounds manipulative to me. to have such a prestigious title you should hold your values strong and steady and not compromise what your not going to do. makes no sense.

    and also except a damn compliment....gotdamn feminist



    LOL it's not manipulative. Nearly every scholarly publication on feminism since damn near the late 70s has moved away from the "I'm strong, I can lift a car, who needs to shave their legs" notion. I mean, where have yall been? It's not my fault that yall have a gripe with a movement that you haven't made an effort to read a single book on. There are people who are utterly baffled when they hear some say that Islam is a religion that promotes peace. WHY? Because they don't R E A D. If you don't understand how I can have a very progressive social awareness about gender and simultaneously wash some damn dishes, then you got the game messed up.

    So you might tell a lot of sistas to read your books brah..

    Can you explain to us what is trully all about please?


    why don't you educate us OB



    Well simply put, the focus has long since shifted to an effort to create gender justice, and obviously that includes consciousness raising and making an active effort in your own life to challenge how we maintain and uphold sexism. It is not about hating all that is masculine. I think that if a lot of men knew what most modern feminists advocate, they would be much more receptive to hearing them out. I consciously explore the reasons I have a particular perspective or take a particular action in my household, and I am cognizant of the underlying system that shaped that thought and practice. It doesn't make me any less of an advocate.
    So feminism is simply believing men and women are equal and should have equal opportunities?
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    jono wrote: »
    You know what?

    I'll ignore the example and instead talk in general...the answer is yes.

    I don't know what makes you believe that a feminist cannot have a successful heterosexual relationship but it's just like everything else: eventually you will meet someone who beat fits your personality and lifestyle.

    I guess you mean a misandrist...but once again y'all show that you don't know the difference so I guess this argument is once again not for me to engage in.

    As always, you come through as the objective, non-myopic male on these things. I appreciate you. >:D<

    Some fools on here will erroneously try to yoke 'feminist' and 'misandrist' together. Such small minds. Same ones in each and every anti-feminist thread on here, too. They're beyond pathetic.

    no one is mxing them up and i made the comparison very clear.

    youre too pretty to be angry. your lips are made to make your smile more beautiful and not deliver such angry words.

    there is not trying to understand the other side nor explain why this thread is wrong.

    did you even read the article.