Can feminists and strong black women really have a successful heterosexual relationship?

15681011

Comments

  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    xxCivicxx wrote: »
    I really don't know why I open threads about feminism they're always full of the same trash posts by the same posters

    All this feminism ? goes out the window irl anyway so...

    explain why it goes out the window bruh
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    FuriousOne wrote: »
    I dated a self proclaimed feminist of the current wave (she said there were many) that believes that a women should be able to get an abortion at any point that it the baby is in her belly because it's her body period (3 weeks or 8 months doesn't matter). Thoughts on that?

    see....this is a case of shes just a chick hiding behind a word.

    shes crazy but can say its feminism to get support to not seem like a selfish chick.

    ? is wrong to take on the decisions of an unborn but get mad when a man leaves if its born.

    you cant have it both ways
  • obnoxiouslyfresh
    obnoxiouslyfresh Members Posts: 11,496 ✭✭✭✭✭
    BEAM wrote: »
    Well, the domestic sphere is certainly not the same as the philosophical sphere, and the domestic sphere is where the philosophy meets the pavement.

    I'll level with you. The understanding that men have of feminism is akin to the small section devoted to Black history in public school systems, so I am aware of why you may not be able to appreciate it beyond "women want to be equal." It's far more complex. I don't think anyone means equal in every way, as I can obviously not carry a mattress. But for the sake of this conversation and since we are talking about relationships, I take that to mean that as long as both of you feel valued, and that your contributions to the relationship are close to equal and significant, then those are the inner workings of feminist principles. On the surface, I have a very meat-and-potatoes, macho sorta guy, but he is also very reflective and very much a thinker. We both examine, on our own terms, and acknowledge how gender manifests itself in how we operate, but that does not mean we're willing to negotiate EVERY major detail of our lives down to who is responsible for dinner. He does not know how to boil a hotdog. I am not any less down for the cause because I say I'll handle it.

    The domestic sphere is extremely malleable. The complications ( or differences, rather ) you're alluding to exist because of the notions and opinions people have, not because of any innate or inevitable circumstances that make exercising any sort theory regarding equality impossible. Human error, if you will, however complimentary..



    Well, we know very well why they exist. I wasn't suggesting that innate differences are responsible for roles we adopt. Gender roles have existed and do exist, and I didn't create them. There are various socialization agents at play here and as a result, there are things that women tend to be better suited at doing than men (and vice versa) and there will always be exceptions to those sort of generalizations too. To ignore our evolutionary heritage just seems foolish. As a feminist, you transcend those roles by allowing people to take/leave what they want. That, itself, is a demonstration of agency to accept, reject or modify as you see fit. That is a choice.



    It boils down to what you said earlier, that you won't deal with snow. That is a decision, babe; A decision that is a result of a mindset other than what you're claiming feminism to be.What many struggle with beyond blatant misogyny, seemingly anyway, is that feminism seems to be a platform that is used to announce the benefits women should also enjoy in addition to the ones they already do, with no real conversation about relinquishing the foundations that enable them to, for instance, refuse to shovel snow.

    In all honesty, your s/o is a proponent of that, not feminism.



    It’s hard not to take this opportunity to annoyingly gush about how awesome my man is, but I’m going to try to show some restraint here and not embarrass him. There are physical/biochemical/physiological components to why he is better suited to shovel snow than me. Clearly we cannot dismantle any sexist system as long as we engage in collective denial about that fact. That said, being a male does not obligate him to handle that task, but practicality necessitates it. If you see feminism as being essentially about an equitable, egalitarian distribution of traditional relationship roles and responsibilities, then it would behoove you to define the standard of equality you are using. Yall seem to confuse "equal" with "identical," when there seems to be a preponderance of evidence of men and women originally having more parallel than identical roles. Feminism is not as silly as a refusal to wash dishes as you guys want to make it seem. I do, however, find it suspicious that you overlooked my contribution to my home to highlight the advantages that are extended to me in being exempt from heavy lifting. You just glossed over me saying I am the only person who cooks and that's fine. ^#(^

    And you know me OB, this is more a talking point than a rebuttal. I support you being free to enjoy any relationship you wish, and I'm the type of guy that would make that all the easier for you. But unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a clear definition of what feminism is simply because it's exercises in so many different ways, many of which contradict one another; And whatever is there certainly isn't apparent or explicit enough to attach any sort of "movement" or "social phenomenon" to..

    Yes, I've read all about feminism, btw.



    Yes there are issues with establishing an actual consensus. Most social theories have those barriers, but to the extent that it challenges discrimination and the political exclusion of women, modern feminism is relatively simple for most to agree on. It's really not even that difficult. I have no idea what you guys are reading.






  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    even with the last post....thats why i say you are on another end of the rainbow that what i am speaking on.

    i agree with the rights an all but why does it seem like most of the angry women are feminists?

    why dont you have a problem with that but have a problem with me saying how i feel? they are hampering what you say you stand for.

  • obnoxiouslyfresh
    obnoxiouslyfresh Members Posts: 11,496 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @xxCivicxx‌


    Babycakes what you wanna share? You seem to have an opinion. I wanna know.
  • Westie
    Westie Members Posts: 12,479 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    deadeye wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    jono wrote: »
    You know what?

    I'll ignore the example and instead talk in general...the answer is yes.

    I don't know what makes you believe that a feminist cannot have a successful heterosexual relationship but it's just like everything else: eventually you will meet someone who beat fits your personality and lifestyle.

    I guess you mean a misandrist...but once again y'all show that you don't know the difference so I guess this argument is once again not for me to engage in.

    As always, you come through as the objective, non-myopic male on these things. I appreciate you. >:D<

    Some fools on here will erroneously try to yoke 'feminist' and 'misandrist' together. Such small minds. Same ones in each and every anti-feminist thread on here, too. They're beyond pathetic.



    youre too pretty to be angry. your lips are made to make your smile more beautiful and not deliver such angry words.


    I believe that's an example of benevolent sexism.
    hes-right-you-qmbtt8.jpg

    it can be looked at as that...or it can be looked at like trying to quell an angry post by attempting to make someone smile and getting a non-angry post saying the same thing from that person.
    Yeah... I don't think you would attempt to pacify a man though Amiright?
  • xxCivicxx
    xxCivicxx Members Posts: 6,927 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    xxCivicxx wrote: »
    I really don't know why I open threads about feminism they're always full of the same trash posts by the same posters

    All this feminism ? goes out the window irl anyway so...

    explain why it goes out the window bruh

    Well in my experience, a man that is focused on achieving something is attractive to females in general, and a female truly attracted to a man will not give a single ? about what "feminist principles" that he may have supposedly "violated" because odds are that said dude won't give af

    I ? on feminism irl whether I'm talking to dudes or girls. I'm confident that I can out-debate anyone irl when it comes to feminism and I have out-debated many girls on the topic. It never seems to turn said females off tho...

    Again, this is just my experience
  • xxCivicxx
    xxCivicxx Members Posts: 6,927 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @xxCivicxx‌


    Babycakes what you wanna share? You seem to have an opinion. I wanna know.

    Nah I think I'm done with talking about feminism. I'm sticking to the Chitlin threads
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Westie wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    deadeye wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    jono wrote: »
    You know what?

    I'll ignore the example and instead talk in general...the answer is yes.

    I don't know what makes you believe that a feminist cannot have a successful heterosexual relationship but it's just like everything else: eventually you will meet someone who beat fits your personality and lifestyle.

    I guess you mean a misandrist...but once again y'all show that you don't know the difference so I guess this argument is once again not for me to engage in.

    As always, you come through as the objective, non-myopic male on these things. I appreciate you. >:D<

    Some fools on here will erroneously try to yoke 'feminist' and 'misandrist' together. Such small minds. Same ones in each and every anti-feminist thread on here, too. They're beyond pathetic.



    youre too pretty to be angry. your lips are made to make your smile more beautiful and not deliver such angry words.


    I believe that's an example of benevolent sexism.
    hes-right-you-qmbtt8.jpg

    it can be looked at as that...or it can be looked at like trying to quell an angry post by attempting to make someone smile and getting a non-angry post saying the same thing from that person.
    Yeah... I don't think you would attempt to pacify a man though Amiright?

    I deal with people different. I can confront an angry man. why would I confront an angry woman. I try to diffuse an talk.

    I see no problem with that.
  • Billy_Poncho
    Billy_Poncho Members Posts: 22,382 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Y'all don't get tired of talkin about this every day?
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Y'all don't get tired of talkin about this every day?

    this comes up everyday?

    I didn't see it
  • desertrain10
    desertrain10 Members Posts: 4,829 ✭✭✭✭✭
    DarcSkies wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    DarcSkies wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    DarcSkies wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    DarcSkies wrote: »
    FuriousOne wrote: »
    FuriousOne wrote: »
    I dated a self proclaimed feminist of the current wave (she said there were many) that believes that a women should be able to get an abortion at any point that it the baby is in her belly because it's her body period (3 weeks or 8 months doesn't matter). Thoughts on that?

    Crazie woman that thinks that anarchy and irresponsibility are the best form of liberty.
    Wear a condom G

    I dodged that like the Matrix. She would have bodied that seed anyway.

    Any ? that thinks its OK to ? her own off-spring at any point in his/her life can not be trusted. If that ? will murder her own seed for her own selfish ? ass reasons then there aint ? that ? wont do to you. I dont see how these ? ? can turn their back to or close their eyes around these psychotic murdering ass ? .

    ....sigh.....
    I'm trying so very hard
    Try thinking hard. You may burn more calories than you're used to but you just might form a coherent thought along with the beads of sweat that form on your forehead after you're done typing it all out :)

    NIGGAPLEASE_zps859dcb98.gif
    ? how you gone address ME on some ? then act like I was the one bothering YOU when you get ? on in return?

    Typical thirst bucket behavior smh
    Lol do you ever post anything not meant to be inflammatory?

    Oh ? ...now you're the victim after throwing shots at me? REALLY? ? REALLY...scroll up and ask yourself who started all this ? .

    You females and your emotional Judo ? . Trying to use my own posts against me. ? outta here Im a 10th Degree black belt in Fem-Ti-Chi. I know all your moves, I know every victim role counter strike.

    You still my favorite female poster other than punk ass @desertrain10‌ but I swear I'd punch you in the throat right now. Scroll up bruh, Im not the bad guy this time.

    Good day madam. The chargers are playing I need to save my feelz for a possible upset.

    smh

    why i gotta be a punk? lol

    is this how u treat the people u supposedly favor???


  • desertrain10
    desertrain10 Members Posts: 4,829 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    Lol

    @pralims‌

    After reading some of ur posts you were better off asking the question: what type of man would want to be in a relationship with a feminist?

    might be the next thread....lol

    Lol

    the very woman who inspired this thread is by all signs happily married

    So obviously it is very possible for a feminist, strong blk wm to have a successful relationship

    Obfresh offered proof and my relationship is living proof as well

    Not to mention there are men who self identify as feminist

    /thread

    ob is not a feminist and the author needed a weaker man.

    so maybe i should rename the thread to can a feminist be in a relationship with a ? that aint a ?

    so a "? " that has no problem with his woman knowing her worth, rather have her own money, and doesnt mind paying for dinner is a "? ""?

    thats what you got from what you quoted?
    i am talking about the dude and the author thinking a lessor man is the better man because he didnt make her feel bought.

    a woman can know her worth and still be wined and dined. thats actually a man taking his time and showing respect and respecting her worth. if the dude came right out an said...im trying to pay for ? ...then she has a point. but he didnt. he showed her something she could not do for herself an she felt intimidated and called him a sugardaddy.

    you see nothing wrong with that?
    heres an idea....
    rather than come at my neck maybe you should come at the neck of the women who call themselves feminist while doing radical ? and giving the real feminists a bad name.

    Like others have said the woman in question sees no harm in being wined and dined every now and than. She just didnt like the way tom the man who was doing the wining and dining made her feel like she was something to be brought

    Tom also hinted that he didnt necessarily want her to continue working if things were to progress...which disturbed her considering her work was her passion and provided her the financial freedom to do as she pleased

    she also stresses she sees no problem with one spouse financially supporting another...so obviously its not an issue of not wanting a man of equal standings or who makes more money

    Not to mention her current husband is a doctor if im not mistaken and successful in his own right

    From what i gather this has less to do with her feminist sensibilities and more to do with what tom choose not to do

    Had he put forth more an effort to impress her with his charm and intellect rather than his bank account he may have had an chance. no better yet had he had considered how he was making her feel rather than doing things his way we wouldn't even be having this discussion

    With that said, i cant see why any man would run from a such a woman...or why her husband has to be a ?


    you write a wall, you get a wall...
    I didn't read that he was a doctor... I didn't see where she stated his profession. she said he was successful. that could mean anything.

    but let's not act like a doctor is less intimidating than a wealth person with boats. her pay check is most likely equal or more than his because of who she is.

    as for the guy Tom....what wealth man would not present his woman with stay with him all the time and never work again.

    rather than take the positive from that she took the negative. most women would be honored but respectfully decline and explain that their passion is in their work. I am sure he would respect that. but instead she felt she was being disrespected.

    think about that for a second.

    he loved her or wanted her to be all his. but she took that and related it to property.

    what she think marriage is? her husband wanted her to be all his. same thing two different bank accounts.
    but she wanted financial freedom but could not express that an try to compromise but you want me to beleive she compromised with the guy she married to now?

    she also stated that she was being seduced by his wealth. that is not his fault.
    she said she didnt like what she was becoming....well find yourself or control yourself. again...its not his fault....

    it is her fault and you dont see how she appears weak?

    if she sees no problem with one spouse supporting the other...then why be mad at a guy who said the same thing without expressing your passion and needs at the same time?

    reading the article ...it sounds more like she couldnt compete with the wealthy guy. it had nothing to do with her husbands charm. obviously the guy Tom was doing something right to get her that far and make her drop her guard and feel safe.

    sounds more like a control freak


    we must be reading two different articles

    never read she thought tom was disrespectful or that she would never consider dating a wealthier man if the opportunity presented itself again

    what i read is an article from a highly principled woman who dated a wealthier man who aggressively flaunted his wealth ....for a period of time she fell in love with the lifestyle, not tom. as time went on, he hinted at wanting her to stop working...she didn't like the way the relationship made her feel like less the women she had shrived her entire life to become...she ended it

    no one including the author is suggesting tom did anything wrong or that he was a bad person

    was it weak minded of her to end things?

    no, not imho

    actually i think it was very courageous of her to end it with tom rather than stay and resent him later

    and again from what i gather this has less to do with her feminist sensibilities and more with tom ... his approach seemed to be lacking


    her current husband paul song is an accomplished doctor...specifically a radiation oncologist... with 5 practices

    http://blog.sfgate.com/dailydish/2007/05/30/lisa-ling-marries-chicago-doctor/


    not the man i would consider a door mat candidate


  • leftcoastkev
    leftcoastkev Members Posts: 6,232 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited September 2014
    No. Long term, they will only get a man that they ultimately won't desire.

    It's like a man wanting to be subservient, but wanting a traditional relationship.

    If in the former case, they get with a guy about his, then the 2 positives will cancel each other out. In the latter case, the 2 negatives will cancel each other out.
  • Dr.Chemix
    Dr.Chemix Members Posts: 11,816 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Lol yea I read that BS. She is simple minded. Just another silly girl in a woman's body.

    Lets inject the real here or the doc's analysis:

    In reality, the strong women I met dont call themselves feminist or agree with most of their ideals. Yes they agree to equality for all but they dont go beyond that.

    Why is that? Because they know of their identity. They know women have their place and men has theirs. They dont get caught up in silly gender bickering such as "whatever you do I can do better". Like Chris Rock said, when the lights get shut off, we blame daddy. When dinner is not cooked, we blame moms.

    Feminism is for silly girls who cant identify themselves. How you hold all those ideals, claim feminism and still fall for the money?

    Cause you're a shallow individual. This case shows shes clearly out for personal gain which is defined by her being a feminist and a bonafide gold digga

    I personally think a feminist cant be in a relationship because their fight involves destroying all roles just for the selfish pursuit of role eradicating of genders
  • DarcSkies
    DarcSkies Members Posts: 13,791 ✭✭✭✭✭
    DarcSkies wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    DarcSkies wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    DarcSkies wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    DarcSkies wrote: »
    FuriousOne wrote: »
    FuriousOne wrote: »
    I dated a self proclaimed feminist of the current wave (she said there were many) that believes that a women should be able to get an abortion at any point that it the baby is in her belly because it's her body period (3 weeks or 8 months doesn't matter). Thoughts on that?

    Crazie woman that thinks that anarchy and irresponsibility are the best form of liberty.
    Wear a condom G

    I dodged that like the Matrix. She would have bodied that seed anyway.

    Any ? that thinks its OK to ? her own off-spring at any point in his/her life can not be trusted. If that ? will murder her own seed for her own selfish ? ass reasons then there aint ? that ? wont do to you. I dont see how these ? ? can turn their back to or close their eyes around these psychotic murdering ass ? .

    ....sigh.....
    I'm trying so very hard
    Try thinking hard. You may burn more calories than you're used to but you just might form a coherent thought along with the beads of sweat that form on your forehead after you're done typing it all out :)

    NIGGAPLEASE_zps859dcb98.gif
    ? how you gone address ME on some ? then act like I was the one bothering YOU when you get ? on in return?

    Typical thirst bucket behavior smh
    Lol do you ever post anything not meant to be inflammatory?

    Oh ? ...now you're the victim after throwing shots at me? REALLY? ? REALLY...scroll up and ask yourself who started all this ? .

    You females and your emotional Judo ? . Trying to use my own posts against me. ? outta here Im a 10th Degree black belt in Fem-Ti-Chi. I know all your moves, I know every victim role counter strike.

    You still my favorite female poster other than punk ass @desertrain10‌ but I swear I'd punch you in the throat right now. Scroll up bruh, Im not the bad guy this time.

    Good day madam. The chargers are playing I need to save my feelz for a possible upset.

    smh

    why i gotta be a punk? lol

    is this how u treat the people u supposedly favor???

    kV2V3T.gif

  • LordZuko
    LordZuko Members Posts: 2,473 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I mean this is a pretty simple question.

    To answer it all the declared feminists on this board have to do is state their relationship status. If they are with somebody for how long and how far they see themselves taking it. Also what attracts them to their man.

    If they aren't in a relationship then what was the last relationship they had and why did it end?

    Data collecting shut feminists right the ? on up. Inb4 this post is ignored.
  • texas409
    texas409 Members Posts: 20,854 ✭✭✭✭✭
    my ex was lost in the world. she thought just because she was a female that I was supposed to treat her with wifey duties after only 3 months of dating. Pay all of the dating expenses help her with her finances and then put up with her attitude I quickly put her ass in the bushes.
  • Westie
    Westie Members Posts: 12,479 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LordZuko wrote: »
    I mean this is a pretty simple question.

    To answer it all the declared feminists on this board have to do is state their relationship status. If they are with somebody for how long and how far they see themselves taking it. Also what attracts them to their man.

    If they aren't in a relationship then what was the last relationship they had and why did it end?

    Data collecting shut feminists right the ? on up. Inb4 this post is ignored.
    There are 2 feminists in this thread who are in relationships. I think the vast majority of the few women who post in general are taken soooo your point?
  • Dr.Chemix
    Dr.Chemix Members Posts: 11,816 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Y'all don't get tired of talkin about this every day?

    lol ? you starting sound like me before my hiatus
  • BEAM
    BEAM Members Posts: 2,560 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @obnoxiouslyfresh‌

    Well, at this point my understanding on the issue we're discussing, specifically, is as follows ~ Feminism stands as an insistence upon a Woman's ability to decide how she'd like to function in a relationship, even if her choice consequently coincides with traditional gender roles. Freedom from expectation, essentially.
  • LordZuko
    LordZuko Members Posts: 2,473 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Westie wrote: »
    LordZuko wrote: »
    I mean this is a pretty simple question.

    To answer it all the declared feminists on this board have to do is state their relationship status. If they are with somebody for how long and how far they see themselves taking it. Also what attracts them to their man.

    If they aren't in a relationship then what was the last relationship they had and why did it end?

    Data collecting shut feminists right the ? on up. Inb4 this post is ignored.
    There are 2 feminists in this thread who are in relationships. I think the vast majority of the few women who post in general are taken soooo your point?

    Post has multi part questions. Reading is FUdamental.

    The smug, condescending tone is cute.

  • Westie
    Westie Members Posts: 12,479 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LordZuko wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    LordZuko wrote: »
    I mean this is a pretty simple question.

    To answer it all the declared feminists on this board have to do is state their relationship status. If they are with somebody for how long and how far they see themselves taking it. Also what attracts them to their man.

    If they aren't in a relationship then what was the last relationship they had and why did it end?

    Data collecting shut feminists right the ? on up. Inb4 this post is ignored.
    There are 2 feminists in this thread who are in relationships. I think the vast majority of the few women who post in general are taken soooo your point?

    Post has multi part questions. Reading is FUdamental.

    The smug, condescending tone is cute.
    Lol @ fu...I'm glad you caught the tone sweetie :)

    I can read the questions clearly, but I'm not a feminist so they weren't for me. Would you like me to answer any way?
  • LUClEN
    LUClEN Members Posts: 20,559 ✭✭✭✭✭
    thread title assumes all men want to fill the same role

  • CousinBen
    CousinBen Members Posts: 88 ✭✭
    Naw they just be needing a real ? and can't find one in the places they be at

    Nothing but sucka ass cracka ass ?