For all my people here that DON'T have children.
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@2stepz_ahead
Just reading your post just made me even more focused and careful. Of what women I ? with and to avoid having kids at the wrong time. ? bless you brother, hope everything works out for you lol.Me personally I'm trying to travel more, date more and get it out my system while I can. Let me see what's out there first and be ready internally as a person before I take the leap.
Bruh, like it's crazy how many people out here can't fathom using this common sense. It's really not all that hard. Not busting a nut up in a broad raw you really don't know all that well is not hard. Using contraceptives before sex is not hard. You ? raw, a baby comes out! I remember when people was really going in on brother lurk for being with his high school sweet heart for so long. They really thought something was weird about him actually getting to know the girl before he knocked her up and married her. I remember this one cute young chick posted on here she was a ? .The backlash was ridiculous, like something was wrong with that. They mad she is careful of who she let up in her ? and hasn't decided yet. I remember chicks was going in on a girl who's never been cheated on....wtf?
It's like what a few posters said already. Doing the right thing is looked down upon now at days. Being a ? up is "cool" and always has an excuse to hide behind. "Bad decisions" are called "mistakes" now lol.
SMH, see this is that denial ? I'm talking about. Not trying to throw you under the bus. But this just shows how much people are not thinking to much into it as they should. Kids are growing human beings who are just taking in everything as they grow. So many people don't take this as serious as they need to. So many people make this mistake about their children. In case you don't know, kids see everything!!!! Later they start to piece it together but they usually hide it from their parents. The effects can take many forms and you can easily miss them. I can give plenty examples. Your son is probably showing a bunch of signs and you just might be the type to miss them. He might hold all that ? in and then later on act out and explain that it comes from his childhood. This ? happens a lot with people.MsSouthern wrote: »It wasn't always easy. Especially in the beginning
But my son never knew.
It took a village to raise him ... I think we did a great job too
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some of ya'lls life's aspirations are mind bottling
instead of being someone who is older and perhaps in a better situation overall to bring a kid in the world, you excited that you had a kid @ 20 when life was probably all kinds of ? up so that you dont end up being the oldest parent at the PTA meeting years later...
i cant even...
LOL basically what I just posted. I know exactly who this was aimed at as well. I could really go in on some people but I don't get down like that unless it's called for. This has got to be the most oldest/tiredest excuse that females who were careless with there ? use. The other one is "all birth control is not 100%". Just keep it real and admit you made a bad decision, not a mistake. How the ? you make a mistake when it comes to having raw sex(multiple times in some cases)? How in all ? do you mistakenly have raw sex with somebody you really don't know all that well? Or with somebody you do know is not a suitable parent? All this and more on the next episode of dragonball IC!
All this
"the future is not certain, you don't know what's gonna happen"
"Get off your high horse everybody makes mistakes"
? is just a defense for people who always ? up. Nothing more, nothing less.
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with age comes experience..
the older u get if u have an iq higher then a cucumber u should get a better handle on life..
when uv felt uv reached that point and u choose to handle another life I say go for it..
but youth pregnancies I don't condone..
ur not allowed to vote until ur 18.. can't walk into a bar and order a drink until ur 21.. no way should u be having a kid then..
my great grandma had her firstborn in her teens.. grandma in her teens.. moms in her teens.. aunts and cousins In they teens iv seen the horror! hahaha
moms told me young to break the cycle.. and that I did by having my first and so far only at 32..
but when I was younger my family tried to pressure me.. but I told them I was broke..
then when I started getting money in my mid to late 20s I told them I didnt have the time..
it wasn't until my 30s that I figured id go for it..
I had the money.. the time.. and my ? in order.. had the girl I wanted to have my child and made it happen..
wasn't nothin romantic about my daughter's conception.. it was basically me deciding I wanted a child.. out of all my girls I knew who the mother would be and told her she was gonna have my child ..I also knew what sign I wanted the child to be so I made her get off birth control and for that month even if it wasn't her day id go over there for a few. hahaha
fast forward 3yrs and ? a breeze..
but I tell everyone like Im telling y'all.. u gotta build it before they come if u want it to be a smooth transition.. me and my girl was together 5yrs before I knew she was the one.. and thats only after I molded her into the person I wanted her to be..
as much as I wanted kids I know how I am with kids.. kids that aint even mine so I refused to give jus any ol' ? that kind of power over me.. before I got her pregnant we had talks.. while she was pregnant we had talks.. and I think jus yesterday I brought it up in convo how I'm STILL stupid "so don't try me ? !" hahaha
so far so good. -
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Mannnn ? this thread
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I don't consider myself a young parent.
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Lol ...now you are just making things up to fit what you think happened
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I'm 34.. Had my son when I was 33.. I waited.. To find the right mate and for my financial situation to be comfortable enough to where I could make sure my child was straight and still blow a bag doing what I did before I became a parent... I'd suggest you all do the same. Nobody is saying rush to have children. We are saying under the right circumstance parenthood is dope..
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MsSouthern wrote: »SimplyKrys wrote: »MsSouthern wrote: »I'm glad I had my son when I did
Never wanted to be the old lady mom at the elementary school lol
Lol @ old lady mom but at the rate I'm going that's probably going to be me. But on another note when I was in HS and I would hear these kids say, my mom is 30 something I would think to myself, that's embarrassing. I'm glad my mom didn't have me super young or that I didn't have a kid young af either.
Embarrassing ??? Why ???
I can guarantee we have provided our son a better life than a lot of his friends parents. And I'm not talking financially either
I was always way more involved than they were. Had the energy and desire to make sure he enjoyed life. Most are 10 years plus my senior.
@MsSouthern because if you are 30 something with a high schooler it means you had a kid rather young and let's be honest here who really plans to have a kid when they are 14-21? When your kid gets older he is going to realize he wasn't planned and was born to a teenager or someone who just became legal drinking age. My mom had my brother at 21 and married his dad while she was knocked up and that's probably the only reason they even got married and that didn't last long because she had my other brother at 26. I feel like it's not a good idea to have a child in your 20's at all, that is when you should be concentrating on your education and bettering yourself. I'm giving myself at least two more years to have a baby. If I end up being damn near 40 when I'm having the baby that's fine too. -
SimplyKrys wrote: »MsSouthern wrote: »SimplyKrys wrote: »MsSouthern wrote: »I'm glad I had my son when I did
Never wanted to be the old lady mom at the elementary school lol
Lol @ old lady mom but at the rate I'm going that's probably going to be me. But on another note when I was in HS and I would hear these kids say, my mom is 30 something I would think to myself, that's embarrassing. I'm glad my mom didn't have me super young or that I didn't have a kid young af either.
Embarrassing ??? Why ???
I can guarantee we have provided our son a better life than a lot of his friends parents. And I'm not talking financially either
I was always way more involved than they were. Had the energy and desire to make sure he enjoyed life. Most are 10 years plus my senior.
@MsSouthern because if you are 30 something with a high schooler it means you had a kid rather young and let's be honest here who really plans to have a kid when they are 14-21? When your kid gets older he is going to realize he wasn't planned and was born to a teenager or someone who just became legal drinking age. My mom had my brother at 21 and married his dad while she was knocked up and that's probably the only reason they even got married and that didn't last long because she had my other brother at 26. I feel like it's not a good idea to have a child in your 20's at all, that is when you should be concentrating on your education and bettering yourself. I'm giving myself at least two more years to have a baby. If I end up being damn near 40 when I'm having the baby that's fine too.
it's funny how people can judge those who had kids but don't want to be judge for their reasons for not having kids...... crazy huh -
their are slot of complications have a kid at 40. you may still not be mentally ready and you you may still not be financially ready.
I guess this thread can be ended....
cuz it seems like people are missing what most people are saying.
no one is saying have a kid....we mostly are saying...
ahh fukk it.
you will understand when the time comes -
EmM HoLLa. wrote: »I'm 34.. Had my son when I was 33.. I waited.. To find the right mate and for my financial situation to be comfortable enough to where I could make sure my child was straight and still blow a bag doing what I did before I became a parent... I'd suggest you all do the same. Nobody is saying rush to have children. We are saying under the right circumstance parenthood is dope..
this is all im advocating... -
I'm 31 with no children. I do want kids but I've been fully dialed into my career and creating a comfortable lifestyle.
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The only thing that would slow me down with kids is traveling. As I mentioned before, get your money right and get in a lot of traveling plus choose a person where you keep your positive identities while having the same values.
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Yo who the ? calls their ex-wife........................................their baby mama? Baby mama is designated for that chick that never got a ring or even an invitation.
I call my ex wife, Baby moms or my daughters mother. The Last one is i use most the time depending on who im talking to -
2stepz_ahead wrote: »2stepz_ahead wrote: »2stepz_ahead wrote: »2stepz_ahead wrote: »2stepz_ahead wrote: »T. Sanford wrote: »I will say this; before you have kids then make sure you are financially stable & great at budgeting. There's parents out here that been making a minimum of $32,640 a year for 15 years but when the child is old enough to drive. The parents doesn't have at least $1,500 a piece to offer half on a car. I be looking like "damn yall should've been in BMF.......................because yall blow money fast" smdh
your never financially stable for kids....
the bigger your account the bigger the life you'll live.
a long time job can downsize an let ya ass go.
so many things can happen...but you don't just stop living because of the what ifs.
so many things can go wrong.... an yet so many things can go right....you might raise a doctor or top engineer. that will take care of all your bills an buy the house you always wanted...
it all boils down to perspective...
but if kids will slow you down...then I guess it's safe to assume you are moving in the right direction in life
When you're kids clothes come from the salvation army, when you ain't consistently got lights on in your house, when you don't know when or if that next meal is coming, you ain't financially stable.
As Bossexcellence edited so slyly, not prepared. Cause poor planning is some horrible ? to put a child through willingly. You ain't gotta be rich, but you better be financially stable before you try to raise one.
"If you can't feed the baby, don't have the baby"- Micheal Jackson
all the things you named can happen to someone financially stable with huge savings.
you have no idea the things that can drain you
You're the one acting like you dont know about what can drain folks. Fairytale sayings of why a person shouldn't worry about being financially stable. Money is key to survival in America. Diapers, milk, health insurance, clothes... that ? requires money. Money a parent needs to have. The stress of not being able to provide that drains people to the point of adoption, abandonment, abortion, crime, and even suicide.
It doesnt matter if it can happen later, the point is to make the best decision at the time. For a ? that's always speaking on the bad choices, ? up priorities, and bad investments ? make you being real hypocritical right now. This is a childs life, something way more important than starting a business, so no reason to get reckless now.
Its easy for him to say cause he's well off, at least by his post in many other threads. Thats not normal.
what's not normal?
I wouldn't say I'm well off...I'm cool. but I did it while I had kids. that's my point.
kids don't stop anything unless you allow it.
y'all ? sound like a woman the won't go to college cuz she got a baby.
you will do what you want when you want. some people may need an excuse to get out of what they really didn't want to do.
just some people understand they have kids but must do better.
if you don't want kids... its as simple as you just don't want them. or not ready. anything else you will have to adapt to.
I never heard someone say....after this next check. we ready to have kids.
I'm not trynna talk anyone unto having them...I'm just saying the reasoning is flawed when it should just be simple.
You living above the household medium while u had kids was never the point here, pretty sure having kids motivates people to work harder to get to a point where it's no longer an issue. This was never an argument. Somehow u made it like that without being "hindered" by your kids, cool that's u, almost positive that's not the norm, at least from my perspective from all of the family and friends that I know that have a kid(s). At some point it was like, "damn I can't do this or that cause I have to pay for this for my kid or I don't wanna leave my child with this person for that long" these are all facts that I witnessed with my own eyes. U may call that "allowing it to happen cause of your child", I call it being apart of having a child, sacrificing some things for your child. Some people don't wanna go through that part.
right....i get where your coming from. not sayung it's not true. but the common thing I see...Is people making other peoples decisions sway their decision making.
Like with what you just said...to hear someone make it seem like they have to sacrifice because the kif needs something... that's that persons poor planning or selfishness.thats not your reality and you may raise your child completely different to never allow it to come to " sacrificing" for your child. that puts something negative on it. an you inturn hear the negative.
even with alot of money...a selfish person will make things seem like a sacrifice.
a person like @kzzl may just want things to be as close to perfect as possible or be able to provide a certain level of comfort... that's just not being ready yet. but when you think about all the things that can go wrong...that's something else along the lines of bring afraid of not being a good parent.
both are fine and ok to feel like that, just be honest about it and keep it simple. all the other stuff is fluff
but anyway....the people I know where not hindered by kids....those ? was lazy before kids. now they have an excuse.
can i say having kids stopped fun sometimes....yep
but so did work, a sick wife, a sick dog. things gonna happen.
i just think ? should keep it 100
The people i know aint lazy and those kids, their unexpected kids, hindered them. The problem here is that youre acting like that possibility doesnt exist. Based off the aint ? pocket of ? youre always around and complaining about on here. You do that in a lot of threads, too.
To keep it 100 would be to say it depends on the individual and they circumstances at least. Using your own corner of bad examples to paint everybodies situation, that ? ain't 100 at all.
Your assumption about me is wrong btw, I don't believe ? needs to be perfect for having kids. I don't see anything that wasn't honest from me, so show me where I did that. But, I'd need crayons and time to make my point even more simple. I don't have either, so it'll be a minute before I respond, if at all.
And I could of seen he @d me a lot sooner if these ads wasn't blocking the notifications. What's up with that?
you know...maybe you having a bad day....you ? get in ya feelings too fast.
calm down ? .
Why you keep saying that? Or am I being trolled here? Hopefully, y'all got my point. -
SimplyKrys wrote: »Are you glad that you made it to the age you currently are without having any?
Do you plan on ever having any? If not then why not?
For me I am very glad that I made it to being the age that I am without having a child. So many people I went to school with already have 6 year olds. This one girl I was middle school with already has 3 kids one of which is 11 years old. If I were like my mom I'd already have a 6 year old and a 1 year old and they would have different dads. My mom had my brother at 21, had my other brother at 26 and had me at 29. I'm really glad that I have already beat her twice and I'm trying to also not have a kid at the age of 29 either. If I am going to have a child I'm going to try to do so between the ages of 30-34 because I don't want to have a high risk pregnancy nor do I want to be old as hell running after a teenager. Also I don't see myself having anymore than 2 children.
Are you glad that you made it to the age you currently are without having any? Am I glad? No, I'm not glad to not have children in my 30's BUT I am glad to not have illegitimate children. This in essence is the main reason I don't have kids. I do believe in being in love with the intent (if not already married to the woman) of staying with their mother forever before I have children.
Do you plan on ever having any? Definitely, and I don't like going into my mid 30s without them, but sometimes life doesn't go that way. Again, I would prefer my position without children than having to be a single parent and never being in love with someone who loved me just as much in return as a spouse.
If not then why not? -
MsSouthern wrote: »It wasn't always easy. Especially in the beginning
But my son never knew.
It took a village to raise him ... I think we did a great job too
she's talking about the welfare system that she was on
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<--- jus came for the 400th post.
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I don't have kids and I don't want any.
Also, I don't want to get knocked up and left behind. Even being married is no guarantee anymore. Thanks but no thanks!!!! -
BOSSExcellence wrote: »me: why should a phenomenal ? love u??
average ? : cause i love me..
yall ? need to humble yallselves..
i mean. less u a phenomenal ? ??!
if not be glad a ? settled for ur ass cause what she was really shootin for was a phenomenal ? ..
yall equally yolked??
i dont see whats the problem??
yall can shoot for the stars but a ? cant!!?
cant have it both ways my ? ..
STOP WITH THE SLAUGHTER ? !!!!
STOP PLEASE!!!
i use to think that way cause IT FELT BETTER.
imo you ATTRACT WHO YOU ARE.
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very true...
I attracted a business/career minded woman
while it's good we bump heads alot....but only to make ourselves and each other better.
