No remorse

supaman4321
supaman4321 Members Posts: 946
edited July 2010 in Roc Tha Mic
Money and fame ways on my brain heavily, get dough
steadily, let it grow til the walls in my halls are covered with plaques from melodies
world tours sold out, step off the plane the carpet's rolled out
and scores of ? screamin that they want their backs blown out
old friends gone, surrounded by dudes you don't trust
hangers-on, quick to turn, sell you up the river, leave you royally flushed
so you stack decks like checks, gotta have a ace in the hole
cuz they'd love to put a tech to your neck while you're face down in the cold
sit up at night and ask yourself, "is it really worth it?"
stomache lurches cuz of your past actions to make sure your mom isn't workin
and your kids and girl don't have wants, they throw it in the bag
laugh at your remorse as you break buds from your stash
? that, if you're not first your last, ricky bobby the competition
livin life in pole position with no remorse for opposition til your soul has risen
no regrets, any doubts are unfounded and unreasonable
In my lifetime i lusted to write rhymes so quittin now is unthinkable
you're a moth to the flame, addicted to the lights with your name
so for now keep hopin and prayin that pool of money will wash away the pain

tried to do somethin with a little bit more of a direction instead of just random bars, not really feelin the endin but i couldn't come up with anything better at the moment, criticism is of course welcomed

http://community.allhiphop.com/showthread.php?25509-? -The-Recordion

http://community.allhiphop.com/showthread.php?47523-Keystyle-Freestyle

Comments

  • Legend24
    Legend24 Members Posts: 689 ✭✭
    edited July 2010
    [QUOTE=supaman4321;970881]Money and fame ways on my brain heavily, get dough
    steadily, let it grow til the walls in my halls are covered with plaques from melodies
    world tours sold out, step off the plane the carpet's rolled out
    and scores of ? screamin that they want their backs blown out

    old friends gone, surrounded by dudes you don't trust
    hangers-on, quick to turn, sell you up the river, leave you royally flushed
    so you stack decks like checks, gotta have a ace in the hole
    cuz they'd love to put a tech to your neck while you're face down in the cold
    sit up at night and ask yourself, "is it really worth it?"
    stomache lurches cuz of your past actions to make sure your mom isn't workin

    and your kids and girl don't have wants, they throw it in the bag
    laugh at your remorse as you break buds from your stash
    ? that, if you're not first your last, ricky bobby the competition
    livin life in pole position with no remorse for opposition til your soul has risen
    no regrets, any doubts are unfounded and unreasonable
    In my lifetime i lusted to write rhymes so quittin now is unthinkable

    you're a moth to the flame, addicted to the lights with your name
    so for now keep hopin and prayin that pool of money will wash away the pain

    tried to do somethin with a little bit more of a direction instead of just random bars, not really feelin the endin but i couldn't come up with anything better at the moment, criticism is of course welcomed

    http://community.allhiphop.com/showthread.php?25509-? -The-Recordion

    http://community.allhiphop.com/showthread.php?47523-Keystyle-Freestyle[/QUOTE]

    I liked the opening lines, flowed pretty nice and you threw some nice internals in there. The second bolded section is a really nice line in my opinion; it breaks away from the "self-centered" attitude of the track and makes the reader reconsider what the piece is about. The last bolded section I just though was some good rhyming... a bit generic but I liked it nonetheless. Other than the first 2-4 lines, the track doesn't really stand out to me from a technical standpoint. It was a good read though, keep it up.
  • beatsbyjtb
    beatsbyjtb Members Posts: 11
    edited July 2010
    Dope. I like it.