Mind over matter: The Beginning of Sex in RELATIONSHIPS....
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Conscious__Nkechi
Members Posts: 6,110 ✭✭✭
This is about sex and relations with feelings so please leave the jumpoffs and casual relations at the door.
This can spiral off into any discussion regarding sex and all things leading up to sex in relationships but for starters.......
Mind over matter.
The matter being chemistry, raw attraction, temptation, what feels right at the time etc.
You can't deny that there can be a significant difference between what your mind says and what feels emotionally and physically genuine so in such matters, where is the balance between the two?
Follow me for a moment if you will.....
You're dating a lady of great interest, have been doing so for a month or so. As two adults involved in a potentially serious relationship, the discussion of sex has come up and once discussed, she explained that she needs to be ready and it does take time as it is not something she explores with just anyone. Although you've got to feel on her, kiss and maybe even taste her by your own will, she needs more before taking it there and suggests getting tested together before being able to have sex. It's not romantic, it's just necessary.
Fellas: with all of this in mind, realistically speaking even without sex things can still get extremely heated and intense with such raw chemistry while you are in the presence of someone you are really feeling. Her actions and how she treats you captivates you and one evening she "sweeps you off of your feet", the desire arises even more and the temptation can be overpowering but what happens then? Do you just continue on and go with the flow? Take it upon yourself to initiate the act even though she has expressed her wishes clearly? Is setting at all a factor?
And more importantly, being wrapped up in the situation and her irresistible sexiness, would protection even cross your mind? Many on here joke about it but in all seriousness, would trying to initiate the act for the first time with her possibly happen without the presence of a condom?
Ladies: After making it clear on where you stand on the matter of sex and things related, if he tried to take more than what you made available to him and he did take the opportunity to "put it on you" and disregarded your wish to wait until you have been tested together, how would you react? Would it be nothing to you or something unforgivable? Is there room for another chance? Or is that the end of it? What if after all you told him he tried all this without protection?
This can spiral off into any discussion regarding sex and all things leading up to sex in relationships but for starters.......
Mind over matter.
The matter being chemistry, raw attraction, temptation, what feels right at the time etc.
You can't deny that there can be a significant difference between what your mind says and what feels emotionally and physically genuine so in such matters, where is the balance between the two?
Follow me for a moment if you will.....
You're dating a lady of great interest, have been doing so for a month or so. As two adults involved in a potentially serious relationship, the discussion of sex has come up and once discussed, she explained that she needs to be ready and it does take time as it is not something she explores with just anyone. Although you've got to feel on her, kiss and maybe even taste her by your own will, she needs more before taking it there and suggests getting tested together before being able to have sex. It's not romantic, it's just necessary.
Fellas: with all of this in mind, realistically speaking even without sex things can still get extremely heated and intense with such raw chemistry while you are in the presence of someone you are really feeling. Her actions and how she treats you captivates you and one evening she "sweeps you off of your feet", the desire arises even more and the temptation can be overpowering but what happens then? Do you just continue on and go with the flow? Take it upon yourself to initiate the act even though she has expressed her wishes clearly? Is setting at all a factor?
And more importantly, being wrapped up in the situation and her irresistible sexiness, would protection even cross your mind? Many on here joke about it but in all seriousness, would trying to initiate the act for the first time with her possibly happen without the presence of a condom?
Ladies: After making it clear on where you stand on the matter of sex and things related, if he tried to take more than what you made available to him and he did take the opportunity to "put it on you" and disregarded your wish to wait until you have been tested together, how would you react? Would it be nothing to you or something unforgivable? Is there room for another chance? Or is that the end of it? What if after all you told him he tried all this without protection?
Comments
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one, if she says she wants to wait.............then we'll wait
I'm not going to pressure her
and two, I'd gladly go get tested with her, if would give me some extra reassurance
and finally, NO freaken way am I going to try to go in with no protection.............way too many potential problems with that -
you initially get them with the hard ? ...and you keep them coming back with the slow stroke.....
ok now imma read marley's post.... -
oh okay.. getting tested together before becoming sexual...
that's some real ? right there...i'd look at it as nothing more than her being reallycareful and a a person who tends to over think...
but we're still using a condom for a while...atleast until we're used and comfortable with the "i love you"'s -
I would pump the brakes and reiterate that I would like for us to get tested before we go there and I would definitely let him know that there would be no raw sex going on even after said test. I wouldn't get too upset tho, I would expect for him to test me to see if I mean what I say.
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blakfyahking wrote: »one, if she says she wants to wait.............then we'll wait
I'm not going to pressure her
and two, I'd gladly go get tested with her, if would give me some extra reassurance
and finally, NO freaken way am I going to try to go in with no protection.............way too many potential problems with that
Cosign...I don't understand why ppl freak out about getting tested anyway. I used to get tested at the beginning of every semester just cause. So as soon as she said "lets get tested" I would just hop on the computer, open up my health account and end all discussions.
Getting tested should be the equivalent of going to the dentist or getting an oil change. -
blakfyahking wrote: »one, if she says she wants to wait.............then we'll wait
I'm not going to pressure her
and two, I'd gladly go get tested with her, if would give me some extra reassurance
and finally, NO freaken way am I going to try to go in with no protection.............way too many potential problems with that
And this is the most logical and respectable way to go about handling it. I mean, if she is worth it, then she's worth it. And quite frankly hearing a man suggest couple testing would be welcomed.
However, does this always go down exactly as you stated? I can only speak for myself when I say that my will power is something serious and I'm not easily swayed or overcome by my emotions to just dismiss my needs and wants. The power of temptation is not something that can make me throw what is important to me out of the window but perhaps because the other feels that strong desire they project those same emotions on the other and perhaps then perceive it as identical to their own.
Like I said, I know temptation can be strong and the will can even be present but should it be fought, or should you just give in just for the sake of "living in the moment"? And these days especially, at what cost?you initially get them with the hard ? ...and you keep them coming back with the slow stroke.....
ok now imma read marley's post....
Really? So the first time you're just going in ? ? And does setting matter for that initial sexual encounter? -
I'd take it as disrespect if she never asked of this from previous partners though
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I don't pressure women for sex. And I'd definitely get tested. If waiting wasn't something I wanted to do and sex was that important to me I'd let her know and bounce.
but sex isn't that important to me, so I'd wait until she was ready just like I'm sure she'd like to wait until I was ready as well. -
Hormones and emotions get the better of us, we're only human. It's forgivable what he did, as long as he does not pressure you again. Why would you end something if you have a potentially serious relationship beginning? I've been in your shoes before.
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Lorenzo de Medici wrote: »I don't pressure women for sex. And I'd definitely get tested. If waiting wasn't something I wanted to do and sex was that important to me I'd let her know and bounce.
but sex isn't that important to me, so I'd wait until she was ready just like I'm sure she'd like to wait until I was ready as well.
Your avy and sig's paint a different story lmao -
Conscious__Nkechi wrote: »
Really? So the first time you're just going in ? ? And does setting matter for that initial sexual encounter?
well.. you gotta think about the sexual tension that normally accompanies the first time getting into it... that ? absolutely has to be passionate, mind blowing, and physically exahausting......
you go for the gold the first time in there....
then switch it up and hit'em with the sensual the second time around....that's where you show the depth, and really make it last.....it's all about showing range......
and yea the settign matters... but in most of my experinces.. the sexual tension always led to a pretty explosive first time.. -
I would pump the brakes and reiterate that I would like for us to get tested before we go there and I would definitely let him know that there would be no raw sex going on even after said test. I wouldn't get too upset tho, I would expect for him to test me to see if I mean what I say.RedPassionColada wrote: »Hormones and emotions get the better of us, we're only human. It's forgivable what he did, as long as he does not pressure you again. Why would you end something if you have a potentially serious relationship beginning? I've been in your shoes before.
Interesting.
So the only two "ladies" who have posted in this thread seem quite lenient and forgiving of a guy who very well understood how serious you take sex and yet he totally disrespected and went completely against that by being selfish and inconsiderate as he tried putting his ? in your ? , raw.
Maybe I am the only stick in the mud, but I take that as a severe offense. -
yeah..if i like a woman id wait as long as i could. wouldnt pressure her and if she wanted to get tested before hand id already know she was serious and we'd go do it. i wouldnt even try her to see if she was serious or not..because its a serious matter as well.
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Conscious__Nkechi wrote: »And this is the most logical and respectable way to go about handling it. I mean, if she is worth it, then she's worth it. And quite frankly hearing a man suggest couple testing would be welcomed.
However, does this always go down exactly as you stated? I can only speak for myself when I say that my will power is something serious and I'm not easily swayed or overcome by my emotions to just dismiss my needs and wants. The power of temptation is not something that can make me throw what is important to me out of the window but perhaps because the other feels that strong desire they project those same emotions on the other and perhaps then perceive it as identical to their own.
Like I said, I know temptation can be strong and the will can even be present but should it be fought, or should you just give in just for the sake of "living in the moment"? And these days especially, at what cost?
the bolded is pretty much what is most important
if she's worth it, then being willing to take the extra time making sure everything is right for both parties beforehand goes without saying
I don't see how a guy would have a problem with this -
I'd take it as disrespect if she never asked of this from previous partners though
but why tho? -
blakfyahking wrote: »one, if she says she wants to wait.............then we'll wait
I'm not going to pressure her
and two, I'd gladly go get tested with her, if would give me some extra reassurance
and finally, NO freaken way am I going to try to go in with no protection.............way too many potential problems with that
This describes what I would do in that situation.... -
Conscious__Nkechi wrote: »Interesting.
So the only two "ladies" who have posted in this thread seem quite lenient and forgiving of a guy who very well understood how serious you take sex and yet he totally disrespected and went completely against that by being selfish and inconsiderate as he tried putting his ? in your ? , raw.
Maybe I am the only stick in the mud, but I take that as a severe offense.
the thing is marley... a lotta females say things like "let's get tested' just to show their conscious and aware, and not a complete idiot....
it's a front forreal.. one thing in a line of things females do to present themselves as ideallly as possible....
men do it too when it's a chick they like... but if it's her who's offereing the testing.. most of the time it's not that she wants to get tested... she just wants to be percieived as the kinda female who thinks about ? like that....
that's why i say.. even if yall do get tested.. still wear the condom....
cuz more times than not....depending on sexual tension... you can convince them yall will do it later... -
well.. you gotta think about the sexual tension that normally accompanies the first time getting into it... that ? absolutely has to be passionate, mind blowing, and physically exahausting......
you go for the gold the first time in there....
then switch it up and hit'em with the sensual the second time around....that's where you show the depth, and really make it last.....it's all about showing range......
and yea the settign matters... but in most of my experinces.. the sexual tension always led to a pretty explosive first time..
Yes, the tension which has been building up creates the tiniest of triggers and the stench of arousal and raw juices flowing make for a bomb set to go off. Some however feel the opposite of you. That the first time is unfamiliar so it makes for a more tamed session and it gets better and better the 2nd and 3rd time. Would you prefer her to just put it all on you the first time? Or hold back slightly and go all freaky deaky the following times? -
interesting question....being as i will likely never experince a first time again....Conscious__Nkechi wrote: »Yes, the tension which has been building up creates the tiniest of triggers and the stench of arousal and raw juices flowing make for a bomb set to go off. Some however feel the opposite of you. That the first time is unfamiliar so it makes for a more tamed session and it gets better and better the 2nd and 3rd time. Would you prefer her to just put it all on you the first time? Or hold back slightly and go all freaky deaky the following times?
but in the past i normally take the lead the first time...show them what i got...
then her let her do her the next few times around.... -
Conscious__Nkechi wrote: »Interesting.
So the only two "ladies" who have posted in this thread seem quite lenient and forgiving of a guy who very well understood how serious you take sex and yet he totally disrespected and went completely against that by being selfish and inconsiderate as he tried putting his ? in your ? , raw.
Maybe I am the only stick in the mud, but I take that as a severe offense.
I guess I don't see being caught up in the heat of the moment as totally disrepectful or him being selfish. Now If he tried again after that then I can see where the selfishness comes in. -
I let the woman set her parameters, and I'll stay within those, but I'll be testing the barricades sometimes, and imo women like that as long as u don't get too pushy
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blakfyahking wrote: »but why tho?
I'd be questioning if its really because she has a newfound focus on the prevelance of STDs. Or she's just singling me out and questioning my background. There has to be a reason beside, "I just wanna get tested for my safety ok."
And even that is laughable. Because she wasn't frontin on this STD tip before while y'all were kissing. Yet Herpes can be passed on without any symptoms through drinking, smoking, kissing etc
Edit: ^^^^ I just enlightened the minds of 80% of the IC -
Conscious__Nkechi wrote: »Interesting.
So the only two "ladies" who have posted in this thread seem quite lenient and forgiving of a guy who very well understood how serious you take sex and yet he totally disrespected and went completely against that by being selfish and inconsiderate as he tried putting his ? in your ? , raw.
Maybe I am the only stick in the mud, but I take that as a severe offense.
I reread your original post. I understand now that you two were doing oral on one another. My experience is a little different, I gave him head on two separate occasions, with my top off. He still asked me to have sex, knowing my strong thoughts about it. We didnt have sex until we both got tested. -
King Erauno wrote: »yeah..if i like a woman id wait as long as i could. wouldnt pressure her and if she wanted to get tested before hand id already know she was serious and we'd go do it. i wouldnt even try her to see if she was serious or not..because its a serious matter as well.
Glad to hear. That alone would be annoying and insulting. Why? Because i've expressed my wishes and you're taking them for a possible joke and what exactly is to be taken that lightly when we are discussing our sexual health? Like I said, the matter being brought up is not to amuse you or try to show you anything other than that I need to be completely completely comfortable prior to giving myself to you. It's not as complex as some folks make it out to be these days.blakfyahking wrote: »the bolded is pretty much what is most important
if she's worth it, then being willing to take the extra time making sure everything is right for both parties beforehand goes without saying
I don't see how a guy would have a problem with this
It's a problem for this "fast food" culture generation.
Oversexed and yet so much comes off as taboo in our society, funny. Everything is all about sex and yet the responsibility of it is often too much to bare. We spoke on this before but it's funny. A month now is too long of a wait. Yes, I get how crazy that sexual energy can get but I also imagine how amazing it will be once the time comes. What is the rush?blakfyahking wrote: »but why tho?
Good question. People do grow up, people do become wiser so why hold it against them if they're actually making the choice to do things better this time around?the thing is marley... a lotta females say things like "let's get tested' just to show their conscious and aware, and not a complete idiot....
it's a front forreal.. one thing in a line of things females do to present themselves as ideallly as possible....
men do it too when it's a chick they like... but if it's her who's offereing the testing.. most of the time it's not that she wants to get tested... she just wants to be percieived as the kinda female who thinks about ? like that....
that's why i say.. even if yall do get tested.. still wear the condom....
cuz more times than not....depending on sexual tension... you can convince them yall will do it later...
You cannot say it is just a front. Anything said can be just that, it all depends on the individual. I am absolutely adamant and firm in my stance on sex and initiating it. I can't give my all to you without making sure we've done this together. I know I am clean but I need to know the same of you and I feel that its a good step in our relationship, a mandatory one. Not just one that "sounds good." -
Oh and guys can't get tested for HPV. So if a dude doesn't have a genital wart, he could still be a carrier.
