"Optimus Prime Muslims"
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Annoying Muslims
Then, there’s the Muslims. They annoy the hell out of me. Islam would be far more pleasant if it had less Muslims. Really. Sometimes I feel like being Reverend Lovejoy of The Simpsons and suggesting other religions to the Ned Flanders of our communities.
We Muslims are obsessed with Unity for some reason, but can only unify on how much disunity exists within our communities. For the first time in years, every community is starting their fast on the same day.
Some of you are asking, “Why? Don’t you all start at the beginning of the Islamic month?”
Well, there are two camps. I refer to them as “Moonies” and “Computer ? Muslims.” The former say we have to see the new moon with the naked eye and only then we can officially begin Ramadan. The latter camp says we should rely on technology and if the new moon rises, despite being visible to the human eye, then we are officially a “go” for Ramadan.
Naturally, these two camps rarely agree thus resulting in major social awkwardness when telling our bosses, “Yeah, I might have to take either Tuesday or Wednesday off for Eid in a month. I’ll let you know in a bit. Yeah, it’s a Muslim thing. Just…trust me.”
But, fortuitously, this year “Moonies” and “Computer ? Muslims” apparently made a truce with a celestial power, saw the crescent moon the same night, and now we’re all on the same schedule. Sweet!
Optimus Prime Muslims
But, sadly, this unity means bumping into more “Optimus Prime Muslims.” These are Muslims who transform during Ramadan – and only during Ramadan – into obnoxious, religious blowhards and completely change their personality and behavior traits for 30 days only to de-evolve into the same exact human being immediately on Eid, the day celebrating the end of fasting.
These guys stop listening to music, watching tv, logging on facebook, reading magazines and the whole shabang. Now, I have no problem with this. Go forth and free thyself from these technological crutches that have paralyzed human interactions, I say! However, I do have a problem with Optimus Prime Muslims lecturing me for being a heathen for occasionally watching a Netflix flick or catching a re-run of Dexter.
“You watch movies during RAMADAN!?!? Wow…ok, maybe we were…raised…differently. Well, Allah is Merciful…I guess.”
Listen, I don’t drink, do drugs, beat people up, snort ? off of strippers’ bellies, gamble or even know what bacon tastes like. Life is hard for a practicing Muslim. Relent. Give a brother some instant Netflix. That’s all I’m asking.
We also have family and friends. Ah, yes. Family and friends – how can we forget them: the cause and solution to so much of life’s joys and pain.
The State of The World
And, of course, the ongoing depressing state of the world reminds us daily that perhaps Armageddon is around the corner and the four horsemen of the Apocalypse will probably be wearing GAP and starring in their own reality TV show.
We just emerged from a debt ceiling crisis that might destroy our economic future. There is famine, civil war, and violence throughout the world.
A hate-filled bigot killed 76 people, mostly youth, in Norway.
Haiti, Pakistan and Japan are still recovering from some of the worst natural disasters in modern history.
People were promised bright futures and jobs only to land in their parents’ homes which is about to be foreclosed by a bank that received a bailout and gave record bonuses to its executives.
And, the shadow of 9-11 looms in the horizon.
So, how am I supposed to have a Ramadan State of Mind?
So, why do I keep doing this year after year? After all, there is no compulsion in my religion. I can easily snack on a tasty burger and wash it down with a sugary coke while my fellow Muslims slog through the heat. I don’t have to pray or be charitable or reconcile with loved ones or forgive my enemies or myself. I can be flippant, rude, mean, selfish and brash, and simply “tell it like it is” instead of exercising restraint, moderation and patience.
It’s all about perspective and appreciating the journey. The experience when framed by the proper intention always makes me a stronger, resilient and more spiritually balanced individual.
Really, each and every Ramadan, there’s always a net positive.
Yes, the shadow of 9-11 looms and it seems America has gone cray-cray with extremist rhetoric, hate speech, divisiveness, and Islamophobia, with 2012 Republican Presidential candidates, such as Herman Cain, recommending banning mosques and denying Muslim Americans their constitutionally protected rights.
Yes, some “Muslims” around the world are still hijacking our faith to rationalize their perverse, criminal actions of hate and terror. Yes, Americans are suffering from uncertainty, confusion and economic hardship. There is a war in Afghanistan, Pakistan is exploding, and Iraq has yet to heal. The world is reeling from environmental tragedies.
Madness seems to be Kool-Aid of the day.
But, the Ramadan State of Mind allows me to see this as an opportunity – to push things forward and evolve as an individual, as a community and as a society. Instead of reacting with hate, despair and nihilism, this month allows us to ask for Allah’s Mercy and blessings.
It puts me in a spiritual zone where I’m allowed and encouraged to hope.
My hunger is temporary but in the long term I gain awareness and empathy. I starve myself of the world and hope to taste something sweeter.
Yes, the transformer Muslims annoy the hell out of me, but I know they’re simply trying their best to do what’s right in their own obnoxious way. Sure, I have to engage in Machiavellian strategy to save face when I ditch Iftar parties, but I’m grateful to have friends and family who love me enough to share their happiness with me.
And the world has been mad since it was born, but I cannot carry its burdens on my shoulders alone.
All I can do is try the best I can with the time I have. And sometimes that time comes packaged in 30 days where fasting might seem like an exercise in masochism to the world. But, observe closely, because sometimes – sometimes – you can see that worshiper smile despite the hunger, thirst, and exhaustion.
That person has a Ramadan State of Mind.
I hope to be fortunate enough to taste what he’s having for Ramadan.
And it just may be that resilience and hope are the main courses on the menu.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/ramadan/2011/08/a-ramadan-state-of-mind/
Then, there’s the Muslims. They annoy the hell out of me. Islam would be far more pleasant if it had less Muslims. Really. Sometimes I feel like being Reverend Lovejoy of The Simpsons and suggesting other religions to the Ned Flanders of our communities.
We Muslims are obsessed with Unity for some reason, but can only unify on how much disunity exists within our communities. For the first time in years, every community is starting their fast on the same day.
Some of you are asking, “Why? Don’t you all start at the beginning of the Islamic month?”
Well, there are two camps. I refer to them as “Moonies” and “Computer ? Muslims.” The former say we have to see the new moon with the naked eye and only then we can officially begin Ramadan. The latter camp says we should rely on technology and if the new moon rises, despite being visible to the human eye, then we are officially a “go” for Ramadan.
Naturally, these two camps rarely agree thus resulting in major social awkwardness when telling our bosses, “Yeah, I might have to take either Tuesday or Wednesday off for Eid in a month. I’ll let you know in a bit. Yeah, it’s a Muslim thing. Just…trust me.”
But, fortuitously, this year “Moonies” and “Computer ? Muslims” apparently made a truce with a celestial power, saw the crescent moon the same night, and now we’re all on the same schedule. Sweet!
Optimus Prime Muslims
But, sadly, this unity means bumping into more “Optimus Prime Muslims.” These are Muslims who transform during Ramadan – and only during Ramadan – into obnoxious, religious blowhards and completely change their personality and behavior traits for 30 days only to de-evolve into the same exact human being immediately on Eid, the day celebrating the end of fasting.
These guys stop listening to music, watching tv, logging on facebook, reading magazines and the whole shabang. Now, I have no problem with this. Go forth and free thyself from these technological crutches that have paralyzed human interactions, I say! However, I do have a problem with Optimus Prime Muslims lecturing me for being a heathen for occasionally watching a Netflix flick or catching a re-run of Dexter.
“You watch movies during RAMADAN!?!? Wow…ok, maybe we were…raised…differently. Well, Allah is Merciful…I guess.”
Listen, I don’t drink, do drugs, beat people up, snort ? off of strippers’ bellies, gamble or even know what bacon tastes like. Life is hard for a practicing Muslim. Relent. Give a brother some instant Netflix. That’s all I’m asking.
We also have family and friends. Ah, yes. Family and friends – how can we forget them: the cause and solution to so much of life’s joys and pain.
The State of The World
And, of course, the ongoing depressing state of the world reminds us daily that perhaps Armageddon is around the corner and the four horsemen of the Apocalypse will probably be wearing GAP and starring in their own reality TV show.
We just emerged from a debt ceiling crisis that might destroy our economic future. There is famine, civil war, and violence throughout the world.
A hate-filled bigot killed 76 people, mostly youth, in Norway.
Haiti, Pakistan and Japan are still recovering from some of the worst natural disasters in modern history.
People were promised bright futures and jobs only to land in their parents’ homes which is about to be foreclosed by a bank that received a bailout and gave record bonuses to its executives.
And, the shadow of 9-11 looms in the horizon.
So, how am I supposed to have a Ramadan State of Mind?
So, why do I keep doing this year after year? After all, there is no compulsion in my religion. I can easily snack on a tasty burger and wash it down with a sugary coke while my fellow Muslims slog through the heat. I don’t have to pray or be charitable or reconcile with loved ones or forgive my enemies or myself. I can be flippant, rude, mean, selfish and brash, and simply “tell it like it is” instead of exercising restraint, moderation and patience.
It’s all about perspective and appreciating the journey. The experience when framed by the proper intention always makes me a stronger, resilient and more spiritually balanced individual.
Really, each and every Ramadan, there’s always a net positive.
Yes, the shadow of 9-11 looms and it seems America has gone cray-cray with extremist rhetoric, hate speech, divisiveness, and Islamophobia, with 2012 Republican Presidential candidates, such as Herman Cain, recommending banning mosques and denying Muslim Americans their constitutionally protected rights.
Yes, some “Muslims” around the world are still hijacking our faith to rationalize their perverse, criminal actions of hate and terror. Yes, Americans are suffering from uncertainty, confusion and economic hardship. There is a war in Afghanistan, Pakistan is exploding, and Iraq has yet to heal. The world is reeling from environmental tragedies.
Madness seems to be Kool-Aid of the day.
But, the Ramadan State of Mind allows me to see this as an opportunity – to push things forward and evolve as an individual, as a community and as a society. Instead of reacting with hate, despair and nihilism, this month allows us to ask for Allah’s Mercy and blessings.
It puts me in a spiritual zone where I’m allowed and encouraged to hope.
My hunger is temporary but in the long term I gain awareness and empathy. I starve myself of the world and hope to taste something sweeter.
Yes, the transformer Muslims annoy the hell out of me, but I know they’re simply trying their best to do what’s right in their own obnoxious way. Sure, I have to engage in Machiavellian strategy to save face when I ditch Iftar parties, but I’m grateful to have friends and family who love me enough to share their happiness with me.
And the world has been mad since it was born, but I cannot carry its burdens on my shoulders alone.
All I can do is try the best I can with the time I have. And sometimes that time comes packaged in 30 days where fasting might seem like an exercise in masochism to the world. But, observe closely, because sometimes – sometimes – you can see that worshiper smile despite the hunger, thirst, and exhaustion.
That person has a Ramadan State of Mind.
I hope to be fortunate enough to taste what he’s having for Ramadan.
And it just may be that resilience and hope are the main courses on the menu.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/ramadan/2011/08/a-ramadan-state-of-mind/