Another question for posters with kids
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MzGrahamBitches wrote: »You need to let that anger towards your BM go...that ? isn't healthy and it's not doing your child any favors I can tell you that right now.
You paying CS?
I pay CS and I speak to him. I let that ? go, for the most part, but the damage is done - as far as the relationship with me and the kid though. It's pretty much like most of the quality / important time that I could've built a relationship with dude kind of passed while she was acting the fool. Dude probably thinks it's my fault and his mother is supermom but even she admits (to me) that she stood in my way and I was a good father (and all that ? ). I just don't give enough of a ? anymore - I just let it be.
Then knowing that all it takes is for her to flip the script again, plus this ? had the nerve to even try to take it there (leaving it at that), and that courts only really see it one way, again - I'm like ? it.
I'll be there if dude ever come through but without her though. -
The answer OP is looking for is really the only answer that can exist for most people. Most people love their children from birth. The kids couldn't have possibly done anything to earn that love, so it has to be something that's just ingrained in the parents. Eventually, the kids will develop personalities and real qualities that the parents can love about them, but before that it's just that natural caring parents have for their offspring.
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MzGrahamBitches wrote: »You need to let that anger towards your BM go...that ? isn't healthy and it's not doing your child any favors I can tell you that right now.
You paying CS?
I pay CS and I speak to him. I let that ? go, for the most part, but the damage is done - as far as the relationship with me and the kid though. It's pretty much like most of the quality / important time that I could've built a relationship with dude kind of passed while she was acting the fool. Dude probably thinks it's my fault and his mother is supermom but even she admits (to me) that she stood in my way and I was a good father (and all that ? ). I just don't give enough of a ? anymore - I just let it be.
Then knowing that all it takes is for her to flip the script again, plus this ? had the nerve to even try to take it there (leaving it at that), and that courts only really see it one way, again - I'm like ? it.
I'll be there if dude ever come through but without her though.
smh..this is unacceptable.
It sounds to me like you're taking advantage of a very convenient out.
So the BM has completely burned any bridges and has been a complete ? .
And?
Go get your child and reintroduce yourself, one outing, one sleepover (depending on his age), one day at a time.
? her...focus on YOUR son.
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I can say many things that I love about my children, but why do I love them?
I have 4, all 4 I loved already during the pregnancy. It was something that was just there, like Lonious said, it's ingrained. This of course isn't true for ALL people, but for me it is. At birth there was even more love; there was a face and sound to the baby. The thought of it being a combination of the both of us and the fact that I'm going to be raising someone for the future, that's why I love them.
My 2nd child, my son, was born with congenital heart disease and had to go through 3 heart surgeries over the first 3 years of his life. He was just under a month for his first heart surgery, I would've taken that from him in an instant, just so I wouldn't see him like he was. I hadn't heard a word or seen a personality, I seen my son, apart of me, going through something I could never imagine. That killed me.
Loving your baby, your child, is something truly amazing. -
I definitely respect most of these answers so far.
Just wondering how certain people expect a dude to feel attached to their kid again after certain ? . I seen dude kickin' in the belly, seen him born, cut the cord, all that ? but then because of years of her ? - I had to say ? it. I'm like really ? I'm supposed to be able to run down a list of reasons why I love this kid like somebody who had a chance to really be in their life.
seriously?
dont worry about what she did or what shes puttin you thru....you procreated....you only have to worry about the kid not the mom...
so you will let the kid grow up hating your ass because the mom was a ? ?
you gonna let a chick ruin your and your kids life? -
There is no love like the one your kid has for you, no matter how you look, how much money you have, what ? is going on in your life, that unconditional love my son has for me makes love him that much more.
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@7flg
listen my ? ,
a man will be responsible no matter what it is... you can do you dad ? from afar. ? run mulit country companies from NYC
check it out...
my son has been held from me for like two years....whenever i went to see him...i got into it with either his mom, aunt, or grandad. the granddad told me if i come back he was going to ? me. i kept going back and i even went to my sons school everyday just to say...daddy didnt forget you, we will be together soon. my love for my son never waivered because i am a man and a father. those are two things that cant be compromised. the same happened with my daughter....? just up and left an dissappeared when my daughter was 2...but i did what i had to do to find her ass and get to see my child...
til this day my daughter who is now 12 remembers when she saw me again at 4...she can tell me everything from that day like it was yesterday...from what i was wearing, what she was wearing and where i sat in the house.
that ? is love.
on some real ? ...you hurting the child and being selfish. does this chick have that much effect on you that you can stop loving your seed. ? that was the plan and you fell for it. if she is letting you see him now it's because she now tired or the kid is not a problem, but so the fukk what. you need to get the child, so him you love him and explain your side without bashing the mom...
you sounding flabby an sick right now if you dont step up.
fukk reason you need....you busted a nut an made a kid...MAN UP!
its ? slike you that fall back an need reasons rather than doing your job just because....and the whole time you kid ends up like plap thinking trappin and slangin is whats hot or end up tying someones family up and robbing them while you figure it out.
? put your ? on the table an do your job....N/H -
Skyler White wrote: »I have quite a few kids (between 7-2 y/o) and can honestly say that I haven't 'loved' any of them until after they became older, which is somewhere around 18-30 month.
Babies are the woat and while they are cute, they are bland canvases. Dull, helpless, and terrible loud creatures that would most likely die if left alone for more than an hour or two. Can't even hold a decent conversation without them, ? , sleeping, or crying on you.
As my children became toddlers and their personalities became more apparant, I began to love them, dislike them, tolerate them, sympathize with them, and so many other host of emotions that I didn't feel when they were babies or even before they started active communicating with me.
Some ppl can love things that they don't know. I ain't one of them ppl tho. I getting to know my children, from the oldest to the youngest, and have fallen in love with them time and time again since we have been able to communicate with each other. My youngest can say all of 10 words however we have some of the best converations while playing with his hot wheels. My oldest is so preachy I often times wonder if she isn't my conscience in the flesh. My middle children are loud, silly, skirt wearing, basketball playing, cut their leg and won't even make a peep, get soap in they eye and curse the heavens, wild and loving children that I'm not sure if they are ever going to just sit down and become adults. They are so much more then me and their mothers, they are unique to themselves and without them I doubt I'd be the man that I am.
This is why I love my children
I can understand this post coming from a father, completely respectable. A lot of women expect their children's father to have that same type of love that they have for their child when the kid is an infant, but it's different. Some men naturally bond to their children in that way from birth but many don't. Women bond in a different way because we carry the child for 9-10 months, plus the female body releases oxytocin that encourages mother/child bonding immediately after you expel the placenta (afterbirth). Men don't go through that. Then if you breastfeed that enhances the bond even more.
I can remember first feeling my little dude move inside of me at 4 months pregnant. Before that I felt like I had the flu for 17 weeks, but as soon as I felt him move, we would talk, play tag (poke him and watch him kick me back), he would wake up inside of me when he heard my voice, etc. And that bond got more intense as I got heavier pregnant. I loved him before he was able to love me. He was literally a part of me, so I couldn't help but love him.
In addition, think about the way men conceive. When you ? , it's like you're discarding your ? . You nut and walk away. When a woman conceives she carries that child, the child grows inside of her for 10 months, she feels it kick and move in a way that the father never can. Its a far more intense bond, physiologically speaking.
most dudes dont bond with they kids because most didnt want kids....the ones that want kids that I know are in their lives and attached to them -
MzGrahamBitches wrote: »You need to let that anger towards your BM go...that ? isn't healthy and it's not doing your child any favors I can tell you that right now.
You paying CS?
I pay CS and I speak to him. I let that ? go, for the most part, but the damage is done - as far as the relationship with me and the kid though. It's pretty much like most of the quality / important time that I could've built a relationship with dude kind of passed while she was acting the fool. Dude probably thinks it's my fault and his mother is supermom but even she admits (to me) that she stood in my way and I was a good father (and all that ? ). I just don't give enough of a ? anymore - I just let it be.
Then knowing that all it takes is for her to flip the script again, plus this ? had the nerve to even try to take it there (leaving it at that), and that courts only really see it one way, again - I'm like ? it.
I'll be there if dude ever come through but without her though.
why wait?
i really hate when ? say i pay support.so the fukk what....sounds to me like you paying money to have the problem go away....fight for your seed man.
would it be ok for me to just come up to your kid an slap the ? out of him....are you just going to stand there and let me do it?
its ? like you that make it hard on other ? trying to get they kid. the system thinks dudes dont want they kids because ? always lazy about it... -
Sounds to me like 7 is just looking for an excuse to not be there.
I know someone who is like this, his son is about 9 now and he's still the same way. -
so what are you going to say when the child is like 22 and asks what happened when his mom finally acted like a human?
will you response be " i needed to find a reason to love you"?
think about that for a sec
i need to leave this thread to go kick a puppy ...? just stupid -
That child is something u helped create...n while you may not have been a part of that kids life, they're connected to you forever...i knew i loved.my daughter the first time i held her...but that's just me....just cuz u dont feel love for the kid dont mean it cant develop...he needs a father...that father is u
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LOL yall ? is really killin' me.
This is the kind of discussion I get into when I try to explain this ? to people and I just be like ? it.
While I hear some of the ? y'all saying - the part about me making excuses just ain't there. (as far as I know).
I speak to dude. I even went to visit dude, and like I alluded to earlier, chick tried to make it about me and her - if you know what I mean.
I call dude, and chick asked me how come I'm not calling her.
Y'all just don't know this chick.
Like I said, I pay CS so miss me with that.
I seriously get a little tired explaining all the ? I've did but like I said, even she knows what type of father I was.
How is a ? trying to avoid him when she's the one who kept me from him all his life ?
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U n the bm need to explain that situation to ur boy if the time comes then...shouldnt be hard if shes realizing now that she ? up...
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MzGrahamBitches wrote: »You need to let that anger towards your BM go...that ? isn't healthy and it's not doing your child any favors I can tell you that right now.
You paying CS?
I pay CS and I speak to him. I let that ? go, for the most part, but the damage is done - as far as the relationship with me and the kid though. It's pretty much like most of the quality / important time that I could've built a relationship with dude kind of passed while she was acting the fool. Dude probably thinks it's my fault and his mother is supermom but even she admits (to me) that she stood in my way and I was a good father (and all that ? ). I just don't give enough of a ? anymore - I just let it be.
Then knowing that all it takes is for her to flip the script again, plus this ? had the nerve to even try to take it there (leaving it at that), and that courts only really see it one way, again - I'm like ? it.
I'll be there if dude ever come through but without her though.
why wait?
i really hate when ? say i pay support.so the fukk what....sounds to me like you paying money to have the problem go away....fight for your seed man.
would it be ok for me to just come up to your kid an slap the ? out of him....are you just going to stand there and let me do it?
its ? like you that make it hard on other ? trying to get they kid. the system thinks dudes dont want they kids because ? always lazy about it...
This where you got me ? up. I was with you up until this ? . Kat asked if I pay support and I said Yes. Point blank.
That seems to be the 1st and only thing certain type of MFs want to know as if that's the only thing a father could do for his child.
I been to court trying to get my kid, payed child support and took care of the ? from day 1 when he was born (and her kid too that wasn't mine) while working and going to school while his moms was out doin' some dumb ? so where the ? you came from with all this ? about me being a ? who ? it up for other ? - and you slappin' my son ? ? you need to go slap some water on ya' face and get on some non-emotional ? . -
LOL yall ? is really killin' me.
This is the kind of discussion I get into when I try to explain this ? to people and I just be like ? it.
While I hear some of the ? y'all saying - the part about me making excuses just ain't there. (as far as I know).
I speak to dude. I even went to visit dude, and like I alluded to earlier, chick tried to make it about me and her - if you know what I mean.
I call dude, and chick asked me how come I'm not calling her.
Y'all just don't know this chick.
Like I said, I pay CS so miss me with that.
I seriously get a little tired explaining all the ? I've did but like I said, even she knows what type of father I was.
How is a ? trying to avoid him when she's the one who kept me from him all his life ?
? you are calling you son DUDE and speaking about him like hes the other ? .
you dont see a problem with that.
you dont think he can sense you are not attached? you cant blame the mom for that....? thats you. kids are smarter that you think.
man fukk support...that dont mean ? . most kids would rather have a father than a check, you ass.
and we dont give a fukk about the chick...? i got two babymothers that i am sure is worse than her...trust me....but my kids are and always will be worth the fight.
? i will crawl across and north philly playground bare bellied on broken glass and aids infected neddles for my kids because thats what they deserve from a father. iof they cant beleive you will go to the ends of the earth an back for them....then what will he ever beleive in?
you saying fukk it aint hurting us its hurting your seed.
an you trying to avoid him by not trying harder....that your ? child....you child.
? forbid if your child was drowning...you sound like the ? that would be like
" i put my hand in the water and tried to create a current to bring him to me, but he didnt move so oh well"
you cant be this stupid -
Real talk @ this ? @pralims. I'm going to give you a chance to slow ya' ? down. Cuz you actin' like I'm your missing father or some ? . You got feelings written all over ya' posts.
How the ? you know how hard I tried ? ? How you know what I do now or did already ?
I think you the same ? made one of those "why black people....." threads so you mustreally live / think in stereotypes. I ain't that ? so don't make an ass out of ya'self by assuming. -
AmbitiousOne wrote: »LOL yall ? is really killin' me.
This is the kind of discussion I get into when I try to explain this ? to people and I just be like ? it.
While I hear some of the ? y'all saying - the part about me making excuses just ain't there. (as far as I know).
I speak to dude. I even went to visit dude, and like I alluded to earlier, chick tried to make it about me and her - if you know what I mean.
I call dude, and chick asked me how come I'm not calling her.
Y'all just don't know this chick.
Like I said, I pay CS so miss me with that.
I seriously get a little tired explaining all the ? I've did but like I said, even she knows what type of father I was.
How is a ? trying to avoid him when she's the one who kept me from him all his life ?
i think you couldve done more to see your child.
i get tired of that excuse.
Wouldn't you have to know how much I've done first before saying that ? -
Skyler White wrote: »7 sounds like my brother. I love my brother but the way he treats his kids makes me ? sick.
His first wife and her family made it hard for him to see his son after they divorced, she moved to a state he had a warrant in and threatened to call the cops if he ever showed up. Filed for CS and he never paid. He started saying the same ? that 7 is saying..."Well he already hates me so I'll just explain what happened when he gets older." Now his ex wife moved on and got remarried and got her mind together, she doesn't mind her son seeing his daddy. My bro doesn't give a damn and still owes thousands in child support, only reason they haven't arrested him is because he's in a different state. He finds petty ass reasons to be mad at the boy when his son just keeps reaching out..."He dresses like a ? " "He didn't tell me thank you when I sent him an Ipad for Christmas." We try to keep in touch with him via facebook to let him know that this side of the family loves him, it's just his daddy is a ? .
Then his second babymama had a baby right before Hurricane Katrina. My bro left the state and never came back, only saw his son in the hospital. She never filed for child support but she did file for food stamps and Dept of Human Services filed for CS on her behalf (they do it automatically when single mothers get food stamps). Now he's ? at her and the kid because DHS is making him pay child support. Spent time once with the little boy and now the little boy is attached. My bro refuses to spend time with him because of the CS order against him, he keeps thinking his babymama filed when it wasn't her fault. WTF was she supposed to do? Not get food stamps and let her lil dude starve?
Now he's had another child and got remarried and he takes care of her two kids by another ? but won't take care of his own kids SMH. It makes me sick to even type it out.Sounds to me like 7 is just looking for an excuse to not be there.
I know someone who is like this, his son is about 9 now and he's still the same way.
I don't owe child support. And how am I finding reasons not to see him ? Didn't I just say I went to see him.
You said he's married (your brother) now and takes care of the 2 kids he has with his new wife.
Doesn't that show you how the attachment between a dude who gets to be with his kids vs one who doesn't is different ?
I think ? really like to lump all fathers together and blame them for every ? up thing across the board. I'm not apologizing for ? I didn't do or ? that other ? do or ? that I tried to do and wasn't allowed to do. (by BM and courts). -
ok...? ..i had my dad in my life up until he passed....so i know how important and how much of an impact he made on my life. why would i take that from my kids?
and second....you do here feeling in my posts because ? like you are weak and should be removed from this earth and you dont even see the long term effects of your stupidity, laziness or whatever you want to call it. ? having a pity party like a 10 yr old girl.
and it really doesnt matter what you say you did or didnt do, the moment you needed a reason to love your child....not your ladies child with another ? but your own flesh and blood...the moment you said that you failed at life...your second failure was letting a woman control your future because shes mad or whatever.
? like you are always on the side lines complaining when they stop trying....? complain while your at court. it took me five year to get my son....you dont think i was frustrated? i was but at no time did i ever question the love i had for my child.
its
? like you that step away and say fukk it and make the kid feel like hes not loved...then you have them following cheef keef and trying to live that life.
a few things are going to happen from this at the rate your going..
either hes going to grow up and beat your ass for not doing all you can,
or your going to miss out on his greatness for being a selfish ass.
then you gonna be like jayz's dad...trying to come back in the picture after hes famous only to die a few months later an not get to enjoy the life your child created without you.
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@pralims - I had both my parents too so you ain't sayin' ? .
I really don't see the point in discussing ? with you. You're like a ? on a period right now.
This ? ain't about being weak, it's about trying to work ? out after a ? ? it up.
It's also not about having a ? -made ? like you bringing up ? about ? that has nothing to do with me.
I mean you talkin' about Jay-Z, Chief Keef, like they got something to do with me. Contribute or keep it moving.
Since you claimin to be father of the year, go suck a ? for your kids like mobb2deep and fall back - all that other ? you tryin' to talk about is beyond hypothetical and borderline ? .
I don't know if you tryin' to be funny but ? you definitely don't know me and we obviously ain't got ? to talk about.
I'd never try to live off my kids whether they were famous or not, I work for mine. I got 1 kid and was smart enough to learn. If you so ? ' smart, why you got 2 kids... and still ? up. -
Skyler White wrote: »Skyler White wrote: »7 sounds like my brother. I love my brother but the way he treats his kids makes me ? sick.
His first wife and her family made it hard for him to see his son after they divorced, she moved to a state he had a warrant in and threatened to call the cops if he ever showed up. Filed for CS and he never paid. He started saying the same ? that 7 is saying..."Well he already hates me so I'll just explain what happened when he gets older." Now his ex wife moved on and got remarried and got her mind together, she doesn't mind her son seeing his daddy. My bro doesn't give a damn and still owes thousands in child support, only reason they haven't arrested him is because he's in a different state. He finds petty ass reasons to be mad at the boy when his son just keeps reaching out..."He dresses like a ? " "He didn't tell me thank you when I sent him an Ipad for Christmas." We try to keep in touch with him via facebook to let him know that this side of the family loves him, it's just his daddy is a ? .
Then his second babymama had a baby right before Hurricane Katrina. My bro left the state and never came back, only saw his son in the hospital. She never filed for child support but she did file for food stamps and Dept of Human Services filed for CS on her behalf (they do it automatically when single mothers get food stamps). Now he's ? at her and the kid because DHS is making him pay child support. Spent time once with the little boy and now the little boy is attached. My bro refuses to spend time with him because of the CS order against him, he keeps thinking his babymama filed when it wasn't her fault. WTF was she supposed to do? Not get food stamps and let her lil dude starve?
Now he's had another child and got remarried and he takes care of her two kids by another ? but won't take care of his own kids SMH. It makes me sick to even type it out.Sounds to me like 7 is just looking for an excuse to not be there.
I know someone who is like this, his son is about 9 now and he's still the same way.
I don't owe child support. And how am I finding reasons not to see him ? Didn't I just say I went to see him.
You said he's married (your brother) now and takes care of the 2 kids he has with his new wife.
Doesn't that show you how the attachment between a dude who gets to be with his kids vs one who doesn't is different ?
I think ? really like to lump all fathers together and blame them for every ? up thing across the board. I'm not apologizing for ? I didn't do or ? that other ? do or ? that I tried to do and wasn't allowed to do. (by BM and courts).
You remind me of him because you're using your babymoms craziness as an excuse to not be there for your seed. You know that by paying CS, you can demand visitation rights and if she doesn't abide by them, you can get her ass thrown in jail? Don't let a mentally unstable broad keep you away from your seed...
I've done that but real talk, fatherhood shouldn't have to come down to that ? . I started feeling like all they wanted from a ? was money. I'm going to court to try to prove to a judge that I deserve to see my kid after raising her kid and taking care of mine while this ? was M.I.A. ?
Does motherhood come down to that ? This ? didn't have to prove ? - just that she had a ? . Now I'm supposed to smile in my son face like all that ? was ok ? Let's separate the ideal from the real world for a moment. -
lol..why wouldn't you smile in your son's face?
He had NOTHING to do with the fact that you two made a baby when you really shouldn't have made a baby.
I don't necessarily care for my child's father and I hate that it was HIM to give me a child, but that has nothing to do with her and I don't BLAME her for that in anyway, whether it's by my words or by my actions.
You have resentment and you're misdirecting it. -
@pralims - I had both my parents too so you ain't sayin' ? .
I really don't see the point in discussing ? with you. You're like a ? on a period right now.
This ? ain't about being weak, it's about trying to work ? out after a ? ? it up.
It's also not about having a ? -made ? like you bringing up ? about ? that has nothing to do with me.
I mean you talkin' about Jay-Z, Chief Keef, like they got something to do with me. Contribute or keep it moving.
Since you claimin to be father of the year, go suck a ? for your kids like mobb2deep and fall back - all that other ? you tryin' to talk about is beyond hypothetical and borderline ? .
I don't know if you tryin' to be funny but ? you definitely don't know me and we obviously ain't got ? to talk about.
I'd never try to live off my kids whether they were famous or not, I work for mine. I got 1 kid and was smart enough to learn. If you so ? ' smart, why you got 2 kids... and still ? up.
im just holding you accountable and telling you to stand by what you start.....too bad you cant understand that but then again i shouldn't expect you to understand since you cant even muster up the nerve to stand up to your kids mom for the sake of your kid.
you are beyond stupid if you dont see any of my points and since you had both of your parents in your life, your dad must have failed or is embarrassed by you because you are not being a man right now....you are kid with a laptop looking for someone to agree with you selfish ignorance.
you aint gotta discuss ? ? you put it out there, again....you dont stand by what you start.
lastly...im not claiming to be father of the year...but i can hold my head high knowing i went further than the extra mile when it comes to my kids no matter what stood in my way. you call it ? or whatever....but at the end of the day....i get to hug an kiss my kids everytime i walk thru the door, in the morning and right before bed.
maybe i am the ? you should listen too....but maybe you too proud to admit you fukked up and need help.
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Say bro your detached emotionally and from reality you have deep rooted issues that need to be resolved asap its frightening that your already a parent
