Betrayal:We Were Never Friends. We Just Grew Up Together.Hidden Racism
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MasterJayN100
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I grew up in a very small, predominately white town. And by small, I mean small. Like, we had one blinking stop light and everyone knew my mama name small. I remember when we built our first Sonic Drive-In and how that was a town wide phenomenon. I went on to work there throughout high school. The name of my home town is Sweeny, Texas. Sweeny had a very tight knit, southern conservative feel to it ― an insulated community.
Nearly every elected official, police officer, school teacher, volunteer fire fighter, and business owner I ever encountered was white. As you can imagine, many of my childhood friends and close acquaintances were white as well. We played, went to school, laughed, and even occasionally got in trouble together.
No, Sweeny wasn’t this post-racial utopia where we exchanged customs and cultures. We were eons away from such a place. In fact, Sweeny had a storied reputation for being both insidiously and overtly discriminatory. Which is pretty ironic now that I think about it, our town motto was “A city with pride.” Perhaps “A city with southern pride” would have been more fitting. I had my share of disputes and fist fights for the use of racially charged remarks and slurs.
The first time I was called a ? was in the third grade at recess. I vividly remember those feelings of anxiety and shame consume me as my eyes filled with tears and my tiny fingers compressed to make a tight fist. I wanted to punch him, but his words pierced my soul. I just stood there paralyzed with pain.
In spite of that, I still maintained my friendships with my white friends. You see, they were different. This is probably because they never used racially charged remarks or slurs. Well, at least not in my presence.
My white friends and I rarely discussed race. We were care free children after all. We were much more concerned with bike riding, mischief and PlayStation. But when we did discuss race, my friends would always reassure me that the casual racism and discrimination I experienced was just the ignorance of a few.
At the time, this made perfect sense. I was very young and the complexities of race was something I simply did not understand at the time. I knew of the blatant instances of racism, but the insidious instances were tough to identify.
As we grew older, my childhood white friends and I began to identify differently. I don’t remember the exact moment when I noticed our growing indifferences, but I believe it was sometime around high school. Our indifferences became our preferences. We were becoming individuals. This in turn led to us to choose different circles of friends.
We still occasionally hung out and talked. We still considered ourselves friends, but things were just a little different now. I don’t believe there was any animosity or tough feelings. In fact, I think we all were a bit happier finding friends to identify with.
After high school, I left Sweeny and went off to college. Some of my childhood friends went off to school as well. While others stayed, hit the workforce and started families of their own. Luckily, we were able to keep in touch via Facebook. We would like each other’s pictures and status updates occasionally.
I would visit their Facebook pages occasionally to check in, that is when I first began to notice that our differences continued to develop as we grew older. But this growth made me uncomfortable, even angry at times. Most of it was “I’m not racist but.... here’s a very racist statement” and the occasional anti-Obama rhetoric.
It offended me, but I chalked most of it up to just being a difference in political ideology ― even though I slightly felt their arguments were rooted in racism. We exchanged views and wits from time to time, but nothing too major.
As Facebook began to become more popular, I saw more of my classmates and friends sharing their ideals, principles and personal views. I too was very active on social media, often voicing my concerns of injustice and un-apologetically affirming that Black lives do indeed matter.
Many of my friends and classmates began to challenge my views. As you can imagine, this to many debates and arguments. I wish I could tell you that we all exchanged insight and simply agreed to disagree. I wish I could tell you that these conversations were constructive and productive. But we know that was simply not the case.
Some where between the re-election of Barack Obama and the murders of black bodies at the hands of law enforcement, I saw my white friends begin grow comfortable in their anti-blackness. I watched them share racist right wing articles, support state-sanctioned violence and argue who was worthy of life and humanity.
I watched my friends who I played, went to school, laughed and even occasionally got in trouble with devalue my life and reality. That hurt. It still hurts, and it will continue to hurt. I hurt most of all for that little boy who was reassured that the casual racism and discrimination he experienced was just the ignorance of few.
At 26, I now understand that there was no way we were ever friends. We just grew up together.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/we-were-never-friends-we-just-grew-up-together_us_5808d531e4b021af347767ba
Comments
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Another ? surprised that white people are racist...
I feel what he's sayin' tho'. I never had any close white friends but it's funny seein' kids from baby school post racist ? to FB as adults. They turn into their parents. -
white friends???
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White folk aren't ur friends ....
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Another reason im glad i grew up around all ?
We had our problems but i aint never had to deal with this ? -
Yawn. I can't tell if he needs a cookie or a tissue.
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I had a close white "friend" in high school. Lost contact when I went off to college. Found each other on facebook a few years ago. Everything was cool until dudes true feelings came out when Mike Brown and Eric garner got killed. Posting all types of dumb memes making fun of the situation and black lives matter. Didn't see that ? coming.
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I BLAME his parents for his feelings of shock and betrayal. If you are raising black children in a mostly white environment you have to put them up on game at a very young age or risk them ending up getting shocked like the article writer.
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That ain't all white people tho. I got a white homeboy that'll do anything for me, always showed love, even when he ain't have to.
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What people don't understand is that even racist whites can befriend blacks. They don't stop disliking blacks. They just choose to see the blacks they like as something different. Even Klansmen can name blacks they like. They just don't see those as "normal" blacks.
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People are very capable of befriending, cohabitating, ? , cooperating, co-working, celebrating, loving, and helping people they feel are inferior. That's why some of you blacks have white friends that turn out to be closet racist.
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Some of you ? are stupid.
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I was cool with this white dude before Obama became president..He was ? that Obama won.He stopped ? with me ever since.I tried calling,Texting,FB and everything.that punk just let our friendship go down the drainover some BS
a week or two later after his rant.he posted on his FB page..that he was very disappointed obama won because he's going to ruin america...etc..last time we spoke to each other smh -
"That punk just let our friendship go down the drain"
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Talked about this recently in another thread, but people really need to stop throwing that 'friend' word around and REALLY understand that everything ain't what it seems. Growing up with a ? and knowing a ? for a long time don't make you friends.
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Man you think some white people are in their feelings now just wait and see how they react if trump loses this election
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Man you think some white people are in their feelings now just wait and see how they react if trump loses this election
some white guy going around on FB talking about when Trump Loses..He waging a war on Black folks.This aint 1899 we fighting back this time -
Man you think some white people are in their feelings now just wait and see how they react if trump loses this election
Yea the NY Times has an article about this, threats of "revolution" etc... -
thegreatunknown wrote: »
If ? goes down, Trump should be sent to jail. I know he won't and probably can't be under the law. But for real, dude is doing this for ? and giggles knowing that he's poking a hornets nest. Why you think he won't say he'll accept the decision? He knows damn well there are crazy fools out there that are taking that ? to heart. -
I have 2 close white friends I grew up with and they're real ones. One who lives in ATL got a big ass gun pointed at him by cops this summer when he was in the streets protesting police killings.
Things like the story posted happen often I'm sure, but saying no white people could be your friend because they're all secretly racist is doing too much. Some white people in 2016 are pretty "woke" as they say... -
Life too complicated for generalizations.
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Coincidentally enough,I was just talking about how practically all my old Army buddies are NOW realizing something I've know since day one.
Damn near ALL the white cats they THOUGHT was cool and they friends?
The ones we serviced with.....deployed with in war zones...literally in a life or death situations
Harbor deep-seated racism and bigotry
They are now disheartened learning the true feelings of their "white battle buddies "
Exposed by:
1. The election and re-election of Barrack Obama as President.
2. By the social & racial upraising caused by the murders of Trayvon Martin,Eric Garner etc.....
3.By the nomination of Donald Trump
I'm not a "racist" or "anti-white". I don't go out my way to show hatred,disrespect,vilify or demonize white folk.
That's not in my nature.
I treat ALL people with respect and courtesy, until to they SHOW me otherwise they aren't worthy of such.
To be honest it's quite a few white people I'll helped out who were in a jam,even when I could have easily turned my back.
I try to do the right thing,because it's right. How you personal ""feel"" about me matters not.
It's when you express those thoughts in the physical realm that I treat you accordingly.
But still.........
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The Lonious Monk wrote: »What people don't understand is that even racist whites can befriend blacks. They don't stop disliking blacks. They just choose to see the blacks they like as something different. Even Klansmen can name blacks they like. They just don't see those as "normal" blacks.
Not surprising
They probably just see them as "one of the good ones" and/or "a credit to their race." -
Coincidentally enough,I was just talking about how practically all my old Army buddies are NOW realizing something I've know since day one.
Damn near ALL the white cats they THOUGHT was cool and they friends?
The ones we serviced with.....deployed with in war zones...literally in a life or death situations
Harbor deep-seated racism and bigotry
They are now disheartened learning the true feelings of their "white battle buddies "
Exposed by:
1. The election and re-election of Barrack Obama as President.
2. By the social & racial upraising caused by the murders of Trayvon Martin,Eric Garner etc.....
3.By the nomination of Donald Trump
I'm not a "racist" or "anti-white". I don't go out my way to show hatred,disrespect,vilify or demonize white folk.
That's not in my nature.
I treat ALL people with respect and curiosity, until to they SHOW me otherwise they aren't worthy of such.
To be honest it's quite a few white people I'll helped out who were in a jam,even when I could have easily turned my back.
I try to do the right thing,because it's right. How you personal ""feel"" about me matters not.
It's when you express those thoughts in the physical realm that I treat you accordingly.
But still.........
I drilled with nothing but rednecks. ? would be segregated. White folk are cool when it's convenient or when it benefits them. -
This gets it all wrong.
It's not that they weren't really his friends, but that their anti-black racism was not of a kind that precluded friendships with some blacks.
People need more sophisticated analyses of racism.
