Can feminists and strong black women really have a successful heterosexual relationship?
Options
2stepz_ahead
Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
http://edition.cnn.com/2014/09/25/living/lisa-ling-sugar-baby-essay/index.html
Long read warning.....
I recently read the above article from Lisa Lang a self proclaimed feminist.
Basically she never wanted a man to do ? for her. So she met a very wealthy guy. He was aggressive in pursuing her and showed her the world that he lives in. Even tho she has been around the world and was well traveled she didnt see it like he showed her. Cruises on a yacht one week and shopping in Rome the next type ? . She couldn't see anything wrong except she felt like a piece of property that he was trying to purchase and felt like he was a sugar daddy trying to make her a sugar baby rather than looking at it like the man wanted to wine and dine her and give her the world.
But she rather settle with a man who doesn't threaten her financial to create a family with.
She also thinks that you should keep your own career, identity and finances. career you should have. identity you should have but married you have to compromise a little. finances should be shared with you having your own spending money. everything else should go to the family and building for the future.
Anyway....can a feminist really have a healthy relationship? Mainly, it will always be a challenge to a man whos woman he can not do anything for.
can you take her to dinner for date night? no, because she wants to pay for herself.
can you buy her something nice? no, because she already bought it or wants to buy it herself.
can you make her feel safe? no, because she already bought a glock and has a license to carry.
can you buy her a house? no, because she most likely already has it or doesnt want you to be the one to purchase it.
i personally think its something wrong with this mindframe.
this is the same mindfame shown by these so called strong black independent women. naw sis you just an adult who can pay ya bills. it dont make you different.
i see no problem with a woman doing for herself and its encouraged most of the time instead of trying to marry money. but wanting a man to be weaker than you or to be to show him you dont need him to satisfy your ego is crazy.
why get married?
outside of this lisa woman, most chicks want to be taken care of and pick and choose when to be strong and independent or a feminist.
Mostly its when they want to be a ? and have a reason and support. Am i wrong?
Feminist are nothing more than the female version of a beta male. needing to prove to the world you mean something and feeding their ego.
How can you have a successful relationship? either you are what you are and dont need anybody or you do, but then that goes against your principal..
So again, how can you have a successful relationship?
Long read warning.....
I recently read the above article from Lisa Lang a self proclaimed feminist.
Basically she never wanted a man to do ? for her. So she met a very wealthy guy. He was aggressive in pursuing her and showed her the world that he lives in. Even tho she has been around the world and was well traveled she didnt see it like he showed her. Cruises on a yacht one week and shopping in Rome the next type ? . She couldn't see anything wrong except she felt like a piece of property that he was trying to purchase and felt like he was a sugar daddy trying to make her a sugar baby rather than looking at it like the man wanted to wine and dine her and give her the world.
But she rather settle with a man who doesn't threaten her financial to create a family with.
She also thinks that you should keep your own career, identity and finances. career you should have. identity you should have but married you have to compromise a little. finances should be shared with you having your own spending money. everything else should go to the family and building for the future.
Anyway....can a feminist really have a healthy relationship? Mainly, it will always be a challenge to a man whos woman he can not do anything for.
can you take her to dinner for date night? no, because she wants to pay for herself.
can you buy her something nice? no, because she already bought it or wants to buy it herself.
can you make her feel safe? no, because she already bought a glock and has a license to carry.
can you buy her a house? no, because she most likely already has it or doesnt want you to be the one to purchase it.
i personally think its something wrong with this mindframe.
this is the same mindfame shown by these so called strong black independent women. naw sis you just an adult who can pay ya bills. it dont make you different.
i see no problem with a woman doing for herself and its encouraged most of the time instead of trying to marry money. but wanting a man to be weaker than you or to be to show him you dont need him to satisfy your ego is crazy.
why get married?
outside of this lisa woman, most chicks want to be taken care of and pick and choose when to be strong and independent or a feminist.
Mostly its when they want to be a ? and have a reason and support. Am i wrong?
Feminist are nothing more than the female version of a beta male. needing to prove to the world you mean something and feeding their ego.
How can you have a successful relationship? either you are what you are and dont need anybody or you do, but then that goes against your principal..
So again, how can you have a successful relationship?
Comments
-
Nah, their feminist doctrine and beliefs are always going to get in the way of it unless they can find some lame who buys into all of that foolishness.
-
Independance means that you can you dont need someonelse.
No man
No children
You suffice to yourself.
These so called independant women just feel ashamed to recognize that they were wrong all these past years once they fall in love. So they keep palying the indy card just to save face.
but deep inside they are sad, they are not happy.
-
Well I don't know how Lisa Ling felt about that particular man but as far as I know she is married with a family now...so I guess your argument is moot.
-
You know what?
I'll ignore the example and instead talk in general...the answer is yes.
I don't know what makes you believe that a feminist cannot have a successful heterosexual relationship but it's just like everything else: eventually you will meet someone who beat fits your personality and lifestyle.
I guess you mean a misandrist...but once again y'all show that you don't know the difference so I guess this argument is once again not for me to engage in. -
You know what?
I'll ignore the example and instead talk in general...the answer is yes.
I don't know what makes you believe that a feminist cannot have a successful heterosexual relationship but it's just like everything else: eventually you will meet someone who beat fits your personality and lifestyle.
I guess you mean a misandrist...but once again y'all show that you don't know the difference so I guess this argument is once again not for me to engage in.
no i mean feminist....a feminst would be married to a lesser man
the misandrist hates men and would not be married or even be in a relationship with a man.Well I don't know how Lisa Ling felt about that particular man but as far as I know she is married with a family now...so I guess your argument is moot.
the argument is not moot because she couldnt handle a man that could do more than her so she settled for a man with less or equal. i guess you dont see that.
who is to say a man with money doesnt love her more than the man with less?
for her to say she felt like a sugarbaby was stupid. that was because she felt insecure that he was giving her what he thought most women want. instead of correcting him or insuring if he truly loved her or not, she took the most negative idea from what he was doing.
what he treating her wrong?
what he slapping the ? up?
was he disrespecting her?
what was it other than he wined and dined her on a higher level? -
DARK_LEMZOD wrote: »Independance means that you can you dont need someonelse.
No man
No children
You suffice to yourself.
These so called independant women just feel ashamed to recognize that they were wrong all these past years once they fall in love. So they keep palying the indy card just to save face.
but deep inside they are sad, they are not happy.
but none of us need anyone really.
we are all adults who can live and provide for ourselves.
why does someone need to brag about it.
a woman saying shes independent is like saying i can ? without dripping on the toilet seat.
-
she doesn't sound like a feminist. she sounds like a strong woman. crazy that, that's what is considered a feminist.
-
If she finds HER alpha yes I believe it's possible.
-
ChrisGamble wrote: »she doesn't sound like a feminist. she sounds like a strong woman. crazy that, that's what is considered a feminist.
please explain -
seems like people dont understand what a strong person is.
a strong person can deal with any and all circumstances. they can deal with whatever and not or hardly complain.
a strong person makes lemonade out of lemons.
a weak person needs things to go their way or need the upper hand or thing to satisfy their ego because they cant handle it.
-
whatevathehell wrote: »If she finds HER alpha yes I believe it's possible.
but even this alpha will need to cater to her ego....so she could have said the guy didnt treat her right or like she felt she should be treated....it wasnt about his money. she made it about his money. -
ChrisGamble wrote: »she doesn't sound like a feminist. she sounds like a strong woman. crazy that, that's what is considered a feminist.
please explain
She didn't see anything wrong with his efforts to woo her. She felt like property trying to be bought. To me that's a sign of a strong person. That's someone who values themselves. A true feminist in my opinion, would've been trying to force that guy to feminist functions and trying to make him spend money on that cause. She seems like she accepts her role as someone who can be woo'd, just wants to keep her own identity intact. A feminist wouldn't even accept that role. -
DARK_LEMZOD wrote: »Independance means that you can you dont need someonelse.
No man
No children
You suffice to yourself.
These so called independant women just feel ashamed to recognize that they were wrong all these past years once they fall in love. So they keep palying the indy card just to save face.
but deep inside they are sad, they are not happy.
but none of us need anyone really.
we are all adults who can live and provide for ourselves.
why does someone need to brag about it.
a woman saying shes independent is like saying i can ? without dripping on the toilet seat.
Oh yes we do need.
All this self made, independant formulas arnt true as long you live into a SOCIETY.
To go back to the topic, i was meaning that you cant be on both sides of the fences. These type of women DINT TRUST men at all. They are always suspicious, they interpret anything as an attempt to their freedom, intgrity.
No a TRUE feminist and independant sista cannot have an happy couple.
imo
-
ChrisGamble wrote: »ChrisGamble wrote: »she doesn't sound like a feminist. she sounds like a strong woman. crazy that, that's what is considered a feminist.
please explain
She didn't see anything wrong with his efforts to woo her. She felt like property trying to be bought. To me that's a sign of a strong person. That's someone who values themselves. A true feminist in my opinion, would've been trying to force that guy to feminist functions and trying to make him spend money on that cause. She seems like she accepts her role as someone who can be woo'd, just wants to keep her own identity intact. A feminist wouldn't even accept that role.
but why would her identity be threatened?
because he was trying to woo her?
so dating someone can threaten your identity now?
so guys without money can threaten or control a chick?
it sounds more like she married a guy who knows his position or dude knows how to play the game she wants him to play.
to have my identity threatened someone would need to want me to change who i am. she didnt say that in the article. she didnt indicate he wanted her to be something she wasn't. she made that distinction in her mind.
if he didnt want her to change but she felt she would lose her identity so she had to bounce, sounds weak to me. can she not allow herself to change? or did she feel she was losing herself and loving that lifestyle and would need to act right? -
DARK_LEMZOD wrote: »DARK_LEMZOD wrote: »Independance means that you can you dont need someonelse.
No man
No children
You suffice to yourself.
These so called independant women just feel ashamed to recognize that they were wrong all these past years once they fall in love. So they keep palying the indy card just to save face.
but deep inside they are sad, they are not happy.
but none of us need anyone really.
we are all adults who can live and provide for ourselves.
why does someone need to brag about it.
a woman saying shes independent is like saying i can ? without dripping on the toilet seat.
Oh yes we do need.
All this self made, independant formulas arnt true as long you live into a SOCIETY.
To go back to the topic, i was meaning that you cant be on both sides of the fences. These type of women DINT TRUST men at all. They are always suspicious, they interpret anything as an attempt to their freedom, intgrity.
No a TRUE feminist and independant sista cannot have an happy couple.
imo
i agree with the bolded.
but we dont need anyone. what most people crave and choose is companionship. so we compromise or look for just that.
but up to that point we strive for what and who we are. no need to brag about being an adult. -
A woman who thinks a man can't do anything for her doesn't make her a feminist. It just makes her a woman who has the mindset of a man not being able to do anything for her. That don't have ? to do with feminism...and this is coming from somebody who thinks a lot of feminist ideals spouted in the mainstream today are actually laughable.
-
Can feminists have a good relationship? Yes. They just have to find their counterpart. There are other ways for a man to love a woman aside from protecting and "taking care" of her. Those are my 2 favorite things, but that's me.
A misandrist on the other hand, yes, if she finds the right whipping boy. -
ChrisGamble wrote: »ChrisGamble wrote: »she doesn't sound like a feminist. she sounds like a strong woman. crazy that, that's what is considered a feminist.
please explain
She didn't see anything wrong with his efforts to woo her. She felt like property trying to be bought. To me that's a sign of a strong person. That's someone who values themselves. A true feminist in my opinion, would've been trying to force that guy to feminist functions and trying to make him spend money on that cause. She seems like she accepts her role as someone who can be woo'd, just wants to keep her own identity intact. A feminist wouldn't even accept that role.
but why would her identity be threatened?
because he was trying to woo her?
so dating someone can threaten your identity now?
so guys without money can threaten or control a chick?
it sounds more like she married a guy who knows his position or dude knows how to play the game she wants him to play.
to have my identity threatened someone would need to want me to change who i am. she didnt say that in the article. she didnt indicate he wanted her to be something she wasn't. she made that distinction in her mind.
if he didnt want her to change but she felt she would lose her identity so she had to bounce, sounds weak to me. can she not allow herself to change? or did she feel she was losing herself and loving that lifestyle and would need to act right?
It's about being with someone who is on he same level as you. Though she appreciates his efforts, they won't gain more than appreciation. Where with some woman who can be bought. Those same efforts on themselves, will by undo loyalty and live. They've been bought by things, not by his love for them outside of buying things and trips.You'd get a cat that she once she became old news, all she'd just be a nice car in the garage that he doesn't drive anymore. That's a mature way from her perspective to see it. She sees relationships from a position of strength and not weakness. The difference between want and need. -
? auto correct on this phone
-
I honestly haven't run into a lot of obstacles in relationships based on the fact that I identify as a feminist. If a man is fundamentally kind and empathetic, even if he sometimes can’t see everything clearly, I can live with that. Privilege that people have can oftentimes assert itself in strange ways that are oblivious to most, so for me, it's just important that I don't have a lingering feeling that I'm being put in my place, patronized, or disrespected because I'm a girl.
Aside from that, I don't really base or structure my relationship around gender ideas, responsibilities and life roles. I do what works for me and I usually don't run into trouble with gender role signifiers and what that ought or ought not mean to the man I'm intimate with. He does not expect me to do all the housework because I am a woman, but incidentally I happen to enjoy being the one who always cooks and cleans, and it does not bother me to admit that those things do contribute to me feeling valuable. Similarly, I am sure that he is prideful about being solely responsible for maintenance of our cars, repairing items that are broken, killing the spider, taking out the trash, pumping the gas, etc. because I'm certain it makes him feel needed. Occasionally, we parcel out household chores based on who is ok with doing it or who has a particular way that it neurotically must be done. (He is obsessive about clean floors so he handles that) Any woman who takes herself seriously will wrestle with these feelings, but since I understand every relationship involves compromise, I don't have a hard time telling the difference between being kind, loving and accommodating and fulfilling my assigned submissive role as a woman. We just both happen to "get it".
-
Can feminists have a good relationship? Yes. They just have to find their counterpart. There are other ways for a man to love a woman aside from protecting and "taking care" of her. Those are my 2 favorite things, but that's me.
A misandrist on the other hand, yes, if she finds the right whipping boy.
That definition of love is a Disney one.
A couple means that we protect and taking care of EACH OTHER. It means that we can ease off the burden of life and progress by SUPPORTing each other.
And its not about EQUALITY is essially about trust and COMPLEMENTARITY.
Imo -
DARK_LEMZOD wrote: »Can feminists have a good relationship? Yes. They just have to find their counterpart. There are other ways for a man to love a woman aside from protecting and "taking care" of her. Those are my 2 favorite things, but that's me.
A misandrist on the other hand, yes, if she finds the right whipping boy.
That definition of love is a Disney one.
A couple means that we protect and taking care of EACH OTHER. It means that we can ease off the burden of life and progress by SUPPORTing each other.
And its not about EQUALITY is essially about trust and COMPLEMENTARITY.
Imo
I agree. -
I wrote all that ? and didn't even know there was an accompanying video
-
Lots of weak females are acting feminists but behind curtains they re not.
Once they find a man they forget all that ? .
TRUE FEMINISTS i know are divorced or single.
-
DARK_LEMZOD wrote: »Lots of weak females are acting feminists but behind curtains they re not.
Once they find a man they forget all that ? .
TRUE FEMINISTS i know are divorced or single.
That depends on your definition of a feminist. Your opinion on what a feminist is doesn't make it so.