For all my people here that DON'T have children.
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Havent have the right ? ?
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a pet is worse than a child lol
c'mon kai lol
mannnn i got some horror stories..
both dogs and cats..
and she got 3!!
but kids are a nuisance!!?
yeh okay.. hahaha -
VulcanRaven wrote: »I like the fact that I don't have children. No for a bad reason. If I do have some one day then that's cool but I would worry too much about my child and how this world treats them.
This^^^^
I know that I'll be overprotective especially to my kids especially my daughter, if I had kids. Like the case about that 15 year old girl that was recently ? via FB live. I will have to lose my freedom behind that ? . -
BlackAX410 wrote: »Don't have any, don't want any if it happens it happens I don't wanna be 40 with my 1st kid if it happens, I'll throw my back out trynna hoop with him and ? lls
how old were you when you went "ooof" as you fell to the ground during that pickup game?
being 40 aint gon matter at all when you was doing it in ya early 20s
miss me with this Ax lol
Lol that was after a 4 month layoff, trust me I'm better then that vid but I'm good on kids tho -
BlackAX410 wrote: »BlackAX410 wrote: »Don't have any, don't want any if it happens it happens I don't wanna be 40 with my 1st kid if it happens, I'll throw my back out trynna hoop with him and ? lls
how old were you when you went "ooof" as you fell to the ground during that pickup game?
being 40 aint gon matter at all when you was doing it in ya early 20s
miss me with this Ax lol
Lol that was after a 4 month layoff, trust me I'm better then that vid but I'm good on kids tho
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If you are sure you dont want kids you damn sure shouldn't let someone talk you into having kids...
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BOSSExcellence wrote: »BOSSExcellence wrote: »BOSSExcellence wrote: »2stepz_ahead wrote: »BOSSExcellence wrote: »EmM HoLLa. wrote: »to all the people saying they have the same amount of freedom they did before they have kids, not sure i buy it. and i'm not talking about travelling or extravagant ? at all. can you decided to just up and leave at the spur of the moment without getting a babysitter? can you go out of town without getting your friends or family to watch your kid? do you get woken up at the ass-? of dawn on the weekends cuz they wanna eat? can you decided to do some day drinking on a whim one weekend? the answer to all of that is no. i can decide right now that i'd rather go to a restaurant that isn't chucky cheese instead of making dinner
lets not even get started on how much kids talk, how much of your attention they demand. you don't get a second off when your kid is around. unless it's men who usually don't do as much of the caretaking as women do, i don't see how you can say having a kid doesn't eat up a large portion of your time and energy. i mean if you want to undertake that task, more power to you. but i'm perfectly happy not having to do any of that ? . and if you get fulfillment out of being a parent, great, but that doesn't mean everyone will or that that is the only way to get fulfillment out of life.
As u mentioned men don't have to deal with the burden of parenthood like women do. It's a sacrifice for sure.. And you do have to be more calculated in how you do things. There is an adjustment.. But for the most part I can do what I've always been able to do.. As I mentioned in an earlier post. It takes a village... Extended family is very important. My parents are retired and they'd love nothing more than to watch thier grand child.. So it works out..
The overall sentiment some of the parents are trying to make is that yes there may be additional steps associated with doing certain things but for the most part they can all be done.. Children aren't as much of a hindrance as folks would like to portray them.. Especially as they get older..
the bolded is key tho, you can't deny that they are a hindrance, you're only arguing about how much of a hindrance they are. some people don't want to deal with ANY hindrance, zero, zip, zilch. so any amount of hindrance, regardless of how small it is is undesirable
i think it's better that folks who understand this about themselves don't have kids instead of doing so cuz they think it's what they're supposed to do and resenting their children later. i don't want the additional steps, i don't want to be finding babysitters or asking my family to watch them. i don't want to have to drive them all over the ? damn city, i don't want to be up reading the same book every night. i don't want to have to wait to do adult things (including sex) until they are in bed every night
none of those things appeal to me in the least. you're right tho, kids aren't that bad and can even be helpful once they get older, but i don't want to go thru 12-15 years of the ? i listed before they can even be left home alone. no thanks
stopped reading at "zero hindrance"
who lives a life wit zero hindrance @Kai
zilch??!
*raises hand*
i'm refering to the hindrance of having children, since those are avoidable and many others in life are not. now if you wanna say work or relationships can have hindrance, yes, but they are few and far between in comparison to children. i can leave a job or a relationship if i don't like the setbacks or time and energy it's taking out of my life. there's no way to unbecome a parent if you are one but resent it. like seriously, how ? up would it be of me to know how i feel about this but to have kids anyway cuz y'all are saying you get fulfillment out of it? that would make no sense
I'm not sure who's children you have seen...buy some kids need tins of attention and some don't need hardly any.
the word hindrance is very strong and you are painting with a big brush.
I am sure work and tour relationship took work to get to where you enjoy it cause at that point it's about cruising cause the hard work and boundaries been set.
same with kids except... they are joys from day one.
I also agree with emm
just be sure you are looking at this right.
This is what I am stuck on. Our children haven't hindered my wife and I from doing exactly what we wanted to do. My wife and I have furthered our education, taken trips, and have continued to enjoy each others company. I am reading sis posts like WTF. Sounds like she's talking about raising chimps.
nah.. jus sounds like she hates kids.. cant have them or because she doesnt have any this is how she psyches herself out..
when u choose to have a child thats a responsibility u chose to have.. nothin hindering about it..
now if its an "oops" baby..
thats different..
NOW my damn dogs is a hindrance!!
i cant take them everywhere.. i cant be gone too long.. so on and so forth..
but a child?? nah..
You're right about that. My wife wants another Presa Canario. We had one for 9 years until he passed. I'm like hell nah. To much work and a hindrance. LMAO
man..
i have a Rotty.. he's 4 now..
i had the bright idea of gettin a puppy.
a female to mate them.. I WANNA ? THAT ? !!
tore up my backyard.. ? up my house..
crate trainin u can only be gone from the house for so long..
gotta take'em on walks and ? .. the constant petting..
yeh.. a kid aint got ? on a pet..
u got any pets @Kai
yes i have two cats and a dog, i love them to death. the thing is, i know i could do all the things required to be a great mother, i just don't want to. i want to be a pet owner tho, in there lies the difference
lol@ all that ? u been sayin this whole thread BUT GOT PETS!!? hahaha
the irony..
u shouldve jus said u didnt want kids from the jump and left it at that..
cause everything u said against the reasons for havin one u deal wit with pets..
the reason it doesnt bother u is cause u WANT to have pets.. jus like majority of us WANTED to have kids..
there's no difference..
and i was never trying to convince those who do want to have kids not to, just stated my reasons why i don't want to. it seems to me like it's the parents in here trying to convince us that we should want to have kids or that having kids doesn't take a lot of time and energy out of your life
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BOSSExcellence wrote: »BOSSExcellence wrote: »BOSSExcellence wrote: »2stepz_ahead wrote: »BOSSExcellence wrote: »EmM HoLLa. wrote: »to all the people saying they have the same amount of freedom they did before they have kids, not sure i buy it. and i'm not talking about travelling or extravagant ? at all. can you decided to just up and leave at the spur of the moment without getting a babysitter? can you go out of town without getting your friends or family to watch your kid? do you get woken up at the ass-? of dawn on the weekends cuz they wanna eat? can you decided to do some day drinking on a whim one weekend? the answer to all of that is no. i can decide right now that i'd rather go to a restaurant that isn't chucky cheese instead of making dinner
lets not even get started on how much kids talk, how much of your attention they demand. you don't get a second off when your kid is around. unless it's men who usually don't do as much of the caretaking as women do, i don't see how you can say having a kid doesn't eat up a large portion of your time and energy. i mean if you want to undertake that task, more power to you. but i'm perfectly happy not having to do any of that ? . and if you get fulfillment out of being a parent, great, but that doesn't mean everyone will or that that is the only way to get fulfillment out of life.
As u mentioned men don't have to deal with the burden of parenthood like women do. It's a sacrifice for sure.. And you do have to be more calculated in how you do things. There is an adjustment.. But for the most part I can do what I've always been able to do.. As I mentioned in an earlier post. It takes a village... Extended family is very important. My parents are retired and they'd love nothing more than to watch thier grand child.. So it works out..
The overall sentiment some of the parents are trying to make is that yes there may be additional steps associated with doing certain things but for the most part they can all be done.. Children aren't as much of a hindrance as folks would like to portray them.. Especially as they get older..
the bolded is key tho, you can't deny that they are a hindrance, you're only arguing about how much of a hindrance they are. some people don't want to deal with ANY hindrance, zero, zip, zilch. so any amount of hindrance, regardless of how small it is is undesirable
i think it's better that folks who understand this about themselves don't have kids instead of doing so cuz they think it's what they're supposed to do and resenting their children later. i don't want the additional steps, i don't want to be finding babysitters or asking my family to watch them. i don't want to have to drive them all over the ? damn city, i don't want to be up reading the same book every night. i don't want to have to wait to do adult things (including sex) until they are in bed every night
none of those things appeal to me in the least. you're right tho, kids aren't that bad and can even be helpful once they get older, but i don't want to go thru 12-15 years of the ? i listed before they can even be left home alone. no thanks
stopped reading at "zero hindrance"
who lives a life wit zero hindrance @Kai
zilch??!
*raises hand*
i'm refering to the hindrance of having children, since those are avoidable and many others in life are not. now if you wanna say work or relationships can have hindrance, yes, but they are few and far between in comparison to children. i can leave a job or a relationship if i don't like the setbacks or time and energy it's taking out of my life. there's no way to unbecome a parent if you are one but resent it. like seriously, how ? up would it be of me to know how i feel about this but to have kids anyway cuz y'all are saying you get fulfillment out of it? that would make no sense
I'm not sure who's children you have seen...buy some kids need tins of attention and some don't need hardly any.
the word hindrance is very strong and you are painting with a big brush.
I am sure work and tour relationship took work to get to where you enjoy it cause at that point it's about cruising cause the hard work and boundaries been set.
same with kids except... they are joys from day one.
I also agree with emm
just be sure you are looking at this right.
This is what I am stuck on. Our children haven't hindered my wife and I from doing exactly what we wanted to do. My wife and I have furthered our education, taken trips, and have continued to enjoy each others company. I am reading sis posts like WTF. Sounds like she's talking about raising chimps.
nah.. jus sounds like she hates kids.. cant have them or because she doesnt have any this is how she psyches herself out..
when u choose to have a child thats a responsibility u chose to have.. nothin hindering about it..
now if its an "oops" baby..
thats different..
NOW my damn dogs is a hindrance!!
i cant take them everywhere.. i cant be gone too long.. so on and so forth..
but a child?? nah..
You're right about that. My wife wants another Presa Canario. We had one for 9 years until he passed. I'm like hell nah. To much work and a hindrance. LMAO
man..
i have a Rotty.. he's 4 now..
i had the bright idea of gettin a puppy.
a female to mate them.. I WANNA ? THAT ? !!
tore up my backyard.. ? up my house..
crate trainin u can only be gone from the house for so long..
gotta take'em on walks and ? .. the constant petting..
yeh.. a kid aint got ? on a pet..
u got any pets @Kai
yes i have two cats and a dog, i love them to death. the thing is, i know i could do all the things required to be a great mother, i just don't want to. i want to be a pet owner tho, in there lies the difference
lol@ all that ? u been sayin this whole thread BUT GOT PETS!!? hahaha
the irony..
u shouldve jus said u didnt want kids from the jump and left it at that..
cause everything u said against the reasons for havin one u deal wit with pets..
the reason it doesnt bother u is cause u WANT to have pets.. jus like majority of us WANTED to have kids..
there's no difference..
and i was never trying to convince those who do want to have kids not to, just stated my reasons why i don't want to. it seems to me like it's the parents in here trying to convince us that we should want to have kids or that having kids doesn't take a lot of time and energy out of your life
im not tryin to convince anyone to have kids..
i was jus questioning ur "reasonings" cause it seemed like a flawed way to look at things..
but seein as the same reasoning u had for not havin kids u TOTALLY disregarded for havin pets its ? as i first suspected..
like i said earlier..
jus sayin u dont want kids wouldve been fine by me.. and i wouldve left it at that..
i dont believe everyone should breed..
so thanks for ur contribution..
and also YOU came in here on the contrary..
we parents spoke our piece and u questioned the validity of our statements..
its only right we challenge urs..
u cant have it both ways @Kai -
Nah I'm 30 and don't have kids but I do want some eventually. Had one scare at 19 and knew I wasn't ready. Call me selfish but I like my freedom and I'm not forcing a kid just to say I have one.
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willhustle wrote: »I'll be 35 in month and child-free. I never really don't see myself fathering any children at this point in my life. I have CP (disability) and I'm struggling to put my life together as it is and I've had a lot of set backs in my life since I was in my 20's but I've also had some success in certain areas in my life. Another thing is their is a lot of uncertainty with relationships today and I would prefer to find a woman without any kids (that's asking a lot) that share the same ideas/values as I do. A lot of these women out here I just don't understand. It's just that at this point in life I feel like if I ain't got kids by 40 then I'm just ride off into the "sunset" and live my life (if the Lord willing).
Having kids is a big sacrifice and responsibility and your life as you know it is over (socially). I don't want to have kids because of the society we live in now & because once you become a parent you are financially/legally responsible for anything they do out in the real world. I've been witnessed to my mom taking in both of my cousins (at different times) when they were teens and that really made me look at parenting different.
What's this idea that you no longer have a social life because you have kids? That's just a lie
So you think that it's cool once you have children that you can go out and hang with the fellas at the clubs or the bar every weekend or if a woman can out and party every night or weekend with her girls to go club hoppin or still chase after men? I'm not saying that life is totally over once you're a parent it's just some things you can't do at the "spur of the moment" anymore. -
Nah I'm 30 and don't have kids but I do want some eventually. Had one scare at 19 and knew I wasn't ready. Call me selfish but I like my freedom and I'm not forcing a kid just to say I have one.
Well according to the anti contraceptive brigade in here you want lose any freedom and kids require very minimal amount of maintenance -
willhustle wrote: »willhustle wrote: »I'll be 35 in month and child-free. I never really don't see myself fathering any children at this point in my life. I have CP (disability) and I'm struggling to put my life together as it is and I've had a lot of set backs in my life since I was in my 20's but I've also had some success in certain areas in my life. Another thing is their is a lot of uncertainty with relationships today and I would prefer to find a woman without any kids (that's asking a lot) that share the same ideas/values as I do. A lot of these women out here I just don't understand. It's just that at this point in life I feel like if I ain't got kids by 40 then I'm just ride off into the "sunset" and live my life (if the Lord willing).
Having kids is a big sacrifice and responsibility and your life as you know it is over (socially). I don't want to have kids because of the society we live in now & because once you become a parent you are financially/legally responsible for anything they do out in the real world. I've been witnessed to my mom taking in both of my cousins (at different times) when they were teens and that really made me look at parenting different.
What's this idea that you no longer have a social life because you have kids? That's just a lie
So you think that it's cool once you have children that you can go out and hang with the fellas at the clubs or the bar every weekend or if a woman can out and party every night or weekend with her girls to go club hoppin or still chase after men? I'm not saying that life is totally over once you're a parent it's just some things you can't do at the "spur of the moment" anymore.
why not?? explain??
i mean outside of the "chase after men" insure ? u tried to slide in at the end..
why cant a ? go out wit his ? ?
why cant a girl go out wit her girls??
we talkin about parenting or marriage?? -
I stay having to leave my folks behind or plan ? in advance cause of their kids. They can't hang that long, they had to drop out of school, they can't chase their dream job, they stuck at their ? job, and all kinds of other ? that goes on the back burner cause of children. ? that the parents want to do and at times, most times, cant. I've worked with men that don't even want to go home after work and women that wish they could get away for just one hour.
You childless people better not let these people with children sell you some ? . If they planned to have kids, that means they were ready. Don't listen to them cause they would of had kids sooner instead of when they did.
If they had a kid unexpectedly, that means they made a mistake. Probably even considered abortion. ? if they love their kids now, their lives still could of went in a whole other direction before that child. And trust me, they know that. -
I stay having to leave my folks behind or plan ? in advance cause of their kids. They can't hang that long, they had to drop out of school, they can't chase their dream job, they stuck at their ? job, and all kinds of other ? that goes on the back burner cause of children WHEN UR NOT PREPARED. ? that the parents want to do and at times, most times, cant. I've worked with men that don't even want to go home after work and women that wish they could get away for just one hour.
You childless people better not let these people with children sell you some ? . If they planned to have kids, that means they were ready. Don't listen to them cause they would of had kids sooner instead of when they did.
If they had a kid unexpectedly, that means they made a mistake. Probably even considered abortion. ? if they love their kids now, their lives still could of went in a whole other direction before that child. And trust me, they know that.
totally agree with the bold. hahaha -
to all the people saying they have the same amount of freedom they did before they have kids, not sure i buy it. and i'm not talking about travelling or extravagant ? at all. can you decided to just up and leave at the spur of the moment without getting a babysitter? can you go out of town without getting your friends or family to watch your kid? do you get woken up at the ass-? of dawn on the weekends cuz they wanna eat? can you decided to do some day drinking on a whim one weekend? the answer to all of that is no. i can decide right now that i'd rather go to a restaurant that isn't chucky cheese instead of making dinner
lets not even get started on how much kids talk, how much of your attention they demand. you don't get a second off when your kid is around. unless it's men who usually don't do as much of the caretaking as women do, i don't see how you can say having a kid doesn't eat up a large portion of your time and energy. i mean if you want to undertake that task, more power to you. but i'm perfectly happy not having to do any of that ? . and if you get fulfillment out of being a parent, great, but that doesn't mean everyone will or that that is the only way to get fulfillment out of life.
There's a bunch of ? in life that takes up time and energy. Some people just choose to devote that to their children. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids at all. I'm a strong proponent of not everyone should be or is meant to be a parent...but every time this topic comes up Kai you seem to take a real tone of talking down on anyone who expressed joy in having their kids. Like the concept of someone actually enjoying raising a child is just a foreign concept that nobody is actually truly happy about. Life in general has things and people you have to be responsible for. It has things that will require time and attention to where you can't always just get up and go if you want. ? if you don't have kids but you have a job can you just up and leave your job at the drop of a hat, or do you have to put in for time off and plan in advance for a vacation? Everybody's life is controlled in a way by something...and it's not the worst thing in the world for some people to have a portion of their lives controlled by raising their kids.
i have never talked down on anyone choosing to be a parent. all i am expressing is when i think of all that time and energy spent on those things, they do not seem desirable or enjoyable in any way to me. it's like a visceral reaction in me. that's how i know i don't want kids, everything in me screams no at the thought of it.
my work life is something that actually does bring me joy. i can see how it would be someone else's worse nightmare to be in a lab all day or doing tedious research, but it makes me happy. i know if i had kids, i'd fall way behind and i'd rather dedicate my time to that than to having kids. on a sidenote, i really could up and walk away from any job whenever i wanted since my man supports me and i really only work/go to school for my own fulfillment.
maybe i've gotten to used to only having to do what i want in my life, iunno, i consider that a blessing. but my days are my work, taking care of my man then spend the rest of my free time in peace and quiet and how i want to. i think my life is perfect and i have no need or desire to change it in anyway.
As I said it's good when people recognize they do not want and would not make a good parent. It's not something for everyone just like many other things in life. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids. As far as walking away from your job, I didn't say you couldn't. I simply used the example of having to tell your job in advance when you plan to not be there to the what you were saying about kids being a problem in terms of how you plan out things in your life. We all have things in life we have to plan around whether that be a career or an actual person/s. Very few people's lives revolve solely around themselves. You may be able to up and leave your job, but could you just up and roll out of town w/o telling your husband? Would you not have to plan that out in advance? Do decisions you make not involve him and how they would affect him as well? And you may not think you're talking down on people who are parents but the things you've said before such as wondering if people really enjoy their kids because they do something such as ask for a babysitter so they can go out for a night...things like that just seems like a reach for a reason to say someone doesn't really enjoy being a parent as much as they say. Your life is not solely your own as much as you think simply because you don't have a kid of your own is the ultimate point of what I was trying to convey. -
willhustle wrote: »willhustle wrote: »I'll be 35 in month and child-free. I never really don't see myself fathering any children at this point in my life. I have CP (disability) and I'm struggling to put my life together as it is and I've had a lot of set backs in my life since I was in my 20's but I've also had some success in certain areas in my life. Another thing is their is a lot of uncertainty with relationships today and I would prefer to find a woman without any kids (that's asking a lot) that share the same ideas/values as I do. A lot of these women out here I just don't understand. It's just that at this point in life I feel like if I ain't got kids by 40 then I'm just ride off into the "sunset" and live my life (if the Lord willing).
Having kids is a big sacrifice and responsibility and your life as you know it is over (socially). I don't want to have kids because of the society we live in now & because once you become a parent you are financially/legally responsible for anything they do out in the real world. I've been witnessed to my mom taking in both of my cousins (at different times) when they were teens and that really made me look at parenting different.
What's this idea that you no longer have a social life because you have kids? That's just a lie
So you think that it's cool once you have children that you can go out and hang with the fellas at the clubs or the bar every weekend or if a woman can out and party every night or weekend with her girls to go club hoppin or still chase after men? I'm not saying that life is totally over once you're a parent it's just some things you can't do at the "spur of the moment" anymore.
Well I never went and hung out at the club or bar every weekend to begin with and thought people who did do that weren't that bright and were chasing something they'll never find. I still kick it with my homies who live in DC, still got a trip planned to VI to kick it with my homeboy who owns his own distillery this summer. Still going to LA to kick it with my homies out there this summer too. ? Im'a be in NY for the weekend in a month. Does my son mean I have someone extra to plan around now? Yes...but that don't mean my social life got frozen or put on hold. I just plan it out a little bit more. -
to all the people saying they have the same amount of freedom they did before they have kids, not sure i buy it. and i'm not talking about travelling or extravagant ? at all. can you decided to just up and leave at the spur of the moment without getting a babysitter? can you go out of town without getting your friends or family to watch your kid? do you get woken up at the ass-? of dawn on the weekends cuz they wanna eat? can you decided to do some day drinking on a whim one weekend? the answer to all of that is no. i can decide right now that i'd rather go to a restaurant that isn't chucky cheese instead of making dinner
lets not even get started on how much kids talk, how much of your attention they demand. you don't get a second off when your kid is around. unless it's men who usually don't do as much of the caretaking as women do, i don't see how you can say having a kid doesn't eat up a large portion of your time and energy. i mean if you want to undertake that task, more power to you. but i'm perfectly happy not having to do any of that ? . and if you get fulfillment out of being a parent, great, but that doesn't mean everyone will or that that is the only way to get fulfillment out of life.
There's a bunch of ? in life that takes up time and energy. Some people just choose to devote that to their children. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids at all. I'm a strong proponent of not everyone should be or is meant to be a parent...but every time this topic comes up Kai you seem to take a real tone of talking down on anyone who expressed joy in having their kids. Like the concept of someone actually enjoying raising a child is just a foreign concept that nobody is actually truly happy about. Life in general has things and people you have to be responsible for. It has things that will require time and attention to where you can't always just get up and go if you want. ? if you don't have kids but you have a job can you just up and leave your job at the drop of a hat, or do you have to put in for time off and plan in advance for a vacation? Everybody's life is controlled in a way by something...and it's not the worst thing in the world for some people to have a portion of their lives controlled by raising their kids.
i have never talked down on anyone choosing to be a parent. all i am expressing is when i think of all that time and energy spent on those things, they do not seem desirable or enjoyable in any way to me. it's like a visceral reaction in me. that's how i know i don't want kids, everything in me screams no at the thought of it.
my work life is something that actually does bring me joy. i can see how it would be someone else's worse nightmare to be in a lab all day or doing tedious research, but it makes me happy. i know if i had kids, i'd fall way behind and i'd rather dedicate my time to that than to having kids. on a sidenote, i really could up and walk away from any job whenever i wanted since my man supports me and i really only work/go to school for my own fulfillment.
maybe i've gotten to used to only having to do what i want in my life, iunno, i consider that a blessing. but my days are my work, taking care of my man then spend the rest of my free time in peace and quiet and how i want to. i think my life is perfect and i have no need or desire to change it in anyway.
As I said it's good when people recognize they do not want and would not make a good parent. It's not something for everyone just like many other things in life. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids. As far as walking away from your job, I didn't say you couldn't. I simply used the example of having to tell your job in advance when you plan to not be there to the what you were saying about kids being a problem in terms of how you plan out things in your life. We all have things in life we have to plan around whether that be a career or an actual person/s. Very few people's lives revolve solely around themselves. You may be able to up and leave your job, but could you just up and roll out of town w/o telling your husband? Would you not have to plan that out in advance? Do decisions you make not involve him and how they would affect him as well? And you may not think you're talking down on people who are parents but the things you've said before such as wondering if people really enjoy their kids because they do something such as ask for a babysitter so they can go out for a night...things like that just seems like a reach for a reason to say someone doesn't really enjoy being a parent as much as they say. Your life is not solely your own as much as you think simply because you don't have a kid of your own is the ultimate point of what I was trying to convey.
my ? she cant up and jus leave the house either..
SHE GOT CATS AND DOGS!!
in fact..
she cant stay gone too long even if she did jus up and leave.. she got cats and dogs!
she may not have kids naggin and lookin for attention.. but she got cats and dogs.
she may not have to change ? diapers and feed a cryin baby.. but she got cats and dogs. lmmfao
everything she stated outside of she dont want kids is null and void. -
BOSSExcellence wrote: »willhustle wrote: »willhustle wrote: »I'll be 35 in month and child-free. I never really don't see myself fathering any children at this point in my life. I have CP (disability) and I'm struggling to put my life together as it is and I've had a lot of set backs in my life since I was in my 20's but I've also had some success in certain areas in my life. Another thing is their is a lot of uncertainty with relationships today and I would prefer to find a woman without any kids (that's asking a lot) that share the same ideas/values as I do. A lot of these women out here I just don't understand. It's just that at this point in life I feel like if I ain't got kids by 40 then I'm just ride off into the "sunset" and live my life (if the Lord willing).
Having kids is a big sacrifice and responsibility and your life as you know it is over (socially). I don't want to have kids because of the society we live in now & because once you become a parent you are financially/legally responsible for anything they do out in the real world. I've been witnessed to my mom taking in both of my cousins (at different times) when they were teens and that really made me look at parenting different.
What's this idea that you no longer have a social life because you have kids? That's just a lie
So you think that it's cool once you have children that you can go out and hang with the fellas at the clubs or the bar every weekend or if a woman can out and party every night or weekend with her girls to go club hoppin or still chase after men? I'm not saying that life is totally over once you're a parent it's just some things you can't do at the "spur of the moment" anymore.
why not?? explain??
i mean outside of the "chase after men" insure ? u tried to slide in at the end..
why cant a ? go out wit his ? ?
why cant a girl go out wit her girls??
we talkin about parenting or marriage??
Even marriage don't stop your social life. I really want to know who shapes these ideas of what your life is "supposed" to be like vs what it actually is and could be like because alot of the ? people say sounds depressing and boring as ? . Like you get married and have a kid and you life all of a sudden becomes stagnant and repetitive as ? . -
BOSSExcellence wrote: »willhustle wrote: »willhustle wrote: »I'll be 35 in month and child-free. I never really don't see myself fathering any children at this point in my life. I have CP (disability) and I'm struggling to put my life together as it is and I've had a lot of set backs in my life since I was in my 20's but I've also had some success in certain areas in my life. Another thing is their is a lot of uncertainty with relationships today and I would prefer to find a woman without any kids (that's asking a lot) that share the same ideas/values as I do. A lot of these women out here I just don't understand. It's just that at this point in life I feel like if I ain't got kids by 40 then I'm just ride off into the "sunset" and live my life (if the Lord willing).
Having kids is a big sacrifice and responsibility and your life as you know it is over (socially). I don't want to have kids because of the society we live in now & because once you become a parent you are financially/legally responsible for anything they do out in the real world. I've been witnessed to my mom taking in both of my cousins (at different times) when they were teens and that really made me look at parenting different.
What's this idea that you no longer have a social life because you have kids? That's just a lie
So you think that it's cool once you have children that you can go out and hang with the fellas at the clubs or the bar every weekend or if a woman can out and party every night or weekend with her girls to go club hoppin or still chase after men? I'm not saying that life is totally over once you're a parent it's just some things you can't do at the "spur of the moment" anymore.
why not?? explain??
i mean outside of the "chase after men" insure ? u tried to slide in at the end..
why cant a ? go out wit his ? ?
why cant a girl go out wit her girls??
we talkin about parenting or marriage??
Even marriage don't stop your social life. I really want to know who shapes these ideas of what your life is "supposed" to be like vs what it actually is and could be like because alot of the ? people say sounds depressing and boring as ? . Like you get married and have a kid and you life all of a sudden becomes stagnant and repetitive as ? .
look we on the same side here ? ..
TODAY! lol
dont start wit me ? ..
i was jus tryin to get the ? to think critically instead of uttering cliche'd ? .. -
I will say this; before you have kids then make sure you are financially stable & great at budgeting. There's parents out here that been making a minimum of $32,640 a year for 15 years but when the child is old enough to drive. The parents doesn't have at least $1,500 a piece to offer half on a car. I be looking like "damn yall should've been in BMF.......................because yall blow money fast" smdh
-
BOSSExcellence wrote: »to all the people saying they have the same amount of freedom they did before they have kids, not sure i buy it. and i'm not talking about travelling or extravagant ? at all. can you decided to just up and leave at the spur of the moment without getting a babysitter? can you go out of town without getting your friends or family to watch your kid? do you get woken up at the ass-? of dawn on the weekends cuz they wanna eat? can you decided to do some day drinking on a whim one weekend? the answer to all of that is no. i can decide right now that i'd rather go to a restaurant that isn't chucky cheese instead of making dinner
lets not even get started on how much kids talk, how much of your attention they demand. you don't get a second off when your kid is around. unless it's men who usually don't do as much of the caretaking as women do, i don't see how you can say having a kid doesn't eat up a large portion of your time and energy. i mean if you want to undertake that task, more power to you. but i'm perfectly happy not having to do any of that ? . and if you get fulfillment out of being a parent, great, but that doesn't mean everyone will or that that is the only way to get fulfillment out of life.
There's a bunch of ? in life that takes up time and energy. Some people just choose to devote that to their children. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids at all. I'm a strong proponent of not everyone should be or is meant to be a parent...but every time this topic comes up Kai you seem to take a real tone of talking down on anyone who expressed joy in having their kids. Like the concept of someone actually enjoying raising a child is just a foreign concept that nobody is actually truly happy about. Life in general has things and people you have to be responsible for. It has things that will require time and attention to where you can't always just get up and go if you want. ? if you don't have kids but you have a job can you just up and leave your job at the drop of a hat, or do you have to put in for time off and plan in advance for a vacation? Everybody's life is controlled in a way by something...and it's not the worst thing in the world for some people to have a portion of their lives controlled by raising their kids.
i have never talked down on anyone choosing to be a parent. all i am expressing is when i think of all that time and energy spent on those things, they do not seem desirable or enjoyable in any way to me. it's like a visceral reaction in me. that's how i know i don't want kids, everything in me screams no at the thought of it.
my work life is something that actually does bring me joy. i can see how it would be someone else's worse nightmare to be in a lab all day or doing tedious research, but it makes me happy. i know if i had kids, i'd fall way behind and i'd rather dedicate my time to that than to having kids. on a sidenote, i really could up and walk away from any job whenever i wanted since my man supports me and i really only work/go to school for my own fulfillment.
maybe i've gotten to used to only having to do what i want in my life, iunno, i consider that a blessing. but my days are my work, taking care of my man then spend the rest of my free time in peace and quiet and how i want to. i think my life is perfect and i have no need or desire to change it in anyway.
As I said it's good when people recognize they do not want and would not make a good parent. It's not something for everyone just like many other things in life. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids. As far as walking away from your job, I didn't say you couldn't. I simply used the example of having to tell your job in advance when you plan to not be there to the what you were saying about kids being a problem in terms of how you plan out things in your life. We all have things in life we have to plan around whether that be a career or an actual person/s. Very few people's lives revolve solely around themselves. You may be able to up and leave your job, but could you just up and roll out of town w/o telling your husband? Would you not have to plan that out in advance? Do decisions you make not involve him and how they would affect him as well? And you may not think you're talking down on people who are parents but the things you've said before such as wondering if people really enjoy their kids because they do something such as ask for a babysitter so they can go out for a night...things like that just seems like a reach for a reason to say someone doesn't really enjoy being a parent as much as they say. Your life is not solely your own as much as you think simply because you don't have a kid of your own is the ultimate point of what I was trying to convey.
my ? she cant up and jus leave the house either..
SHE GOT CATS AND DOGS!!
in fact..
she cant stay gone too long even if she did jus up and leave.. she got cats and dogs!
she may not have kids naggin and lookin for attention.. but she got cats and dogs.
she may not have to change ? diapers and feed a cryin baby.. but she got cats and dogs. lmmfao
everything she stated outside of she dont want kids is null and void.
At least with kids.... I don't have to go out in the rain when the gotta ? -
T. Sanford wrote: »I will say this; before you have kids then make sure you are financially stable & great at budgeting. There's parents out here that been making a minimum of $32,640 a year for 15 years but when the child is old enough to drive. The parents doesn't have at least $1,500 a piece to offer half on a car. I be looking like "damn yall should've been in BMF.......................because yall blow money fast" smdh
your never financially stable for kids....
the bigger your account the bigger the life you'll live.
a long time job can downsize an let ya ass go.
so many things can happen...but you don't just stop living because of the what ifs.
so many things can go wrong.... an yet so many things can go right....you might raise a doctor or top engineer. that will take care of all your bills an buy the house you always wanted...
it all boils down to perspective...
but if kids will slow you down...then I guess it's safe to assume you are moving in the right direction in life -
BOSSExcellence wrote: »to all the people saying they have the same amount of freedom they did before they have kids, not sure i buy it. and i'm not talking about travelling or extravagant ? at all. can you decided to just up and leave at the spur of the moment without getting a babysitter? can you go out of town without getting your friends or family to watch your kid? do you get woken up at the ass-? of dawn on the weekends cuz they wanna eat? can you decided to do some day drinking on a whim one weekend? the answer to all of that is no. i can decide right now that i'd rather go to a restaurant that isn't chucky cheese instead of making dinner
lets not even get started on how much kids talk, how much of your attention they demand. you don't get a second off when your kid is around. unless it's men who usually don't do as much of the caretaking as women do, i don't see how you can say having a kid doesn't eat up a large portion of your time and energy. i mean if you want to undertake that task, more power to you. but i'm perfectly happy not having to do any of that ? . and if you get fulfillment out of being a parent, great, but that doesn't mean everyone will or that that is the only way to get fulfillment out of life.
There's a bunch of ? in life that takes up time and energy. Some people just choose to devote that to their children. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids at all. I'm a strong proponent of not everyone should be or is meant to be a parent...but every time this topic comes up Kai you seem to take a real tone of talking down on anyone who expressed joy in having their kids. Like the concept of someone actually enjoying raising a child is just a foreign concept that nobody is actually truly happy about. Life in general has things and people you have to be responsible for. It has things that will require time and attention to where you can't always just get up and go if you want. ? if you don't have kids but you have a job can you just up and leave your job at the drop of a hat, or do you have to put in for time off and plan in advance for a vacation? Everybody's life is controlled in a way by something...and it's not the worst thing in the world for some people to have a portion of their lives controlled by raising their kids.
i have never talked down on anyone choosing to be a parent. all i am expressing is when i think of all that time and energy spent on those things, they do not seem desirable or enjoyable in any way to me. it's like a visceral reaction in me. that's how i know i don't want kids, everything in me screams no at the thought of it.
my work life is something that actually does bring me joy. i can see how it would be someone else's worse nightmare to be in a lab all day or doing tedious research, but it makes me happy. i know if i had kids, i'd fall way behind and i'd rather dedicate my time to that than to having kids. on a sidenote, i really could up and walk away from any job whenever i wanted since my man supports me and i really only work/go to school for my own fulfillment.
maybe i've gotten to used to only having to do what i want in my life, iunno, i consider that a blessing. but my days are my work, taking care of my man then spend the rest of my free time in peace and quiet and how i want to. i think my life is perfect and i have no need or desire to change it in anyway.
As I said it's good when people recognize they do not want and would not make a good parent. It's not something for everyone just like many other things in life. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids. As far as walking away from your job, I didn't say you couldn't. I simply used the example of having to tell your job in advance when you plan to not be there to the what you were saying about kids being a problem in terms of how you plan out things in your life. We all have things in life we have to plan around whether that be a career or an actual person/s. Very few people's lives revolve solely around themselves. You may be able to up and leave your job, but could you just up and roll out of town w/o telling your husband? Would you not have to plan that out in advance? Do decisions you make not involve him and how they would affect him as well? And you may not think you're talking down on people who are parents but the things you've said before such as wondering if people really enjoy their kids because they do something such as ask for a babysitter so they can go out for a night...things like that just seems like a reach for a reason to say someone doesn't really enjoy being a parent as much as they say. Your life is not solely your own as much as you think simply because you don't have a kid of your own is the ultimate point of what I was trying to convey.
my ? she cant up and jus leave the house either..
SHE GOT CATS AND DOGS!!
in fact..
she cant stay gone too long even if she did jus up and leave.. she got cats and dogs!
she may not have kids naggin and lookin for attention.. but she got cats and dogs.
she may not have to change ? diapers and feed a cryin baby.. but she got cats and dogs. lmmfao
everything she stated outside of she dont want kids is null and void.
Having to house train a dog is annoying as ? ...and i'm sure it's harder getting someone to watch your pet or come by and feed and walk them multiple times a day than finding a babysitter -
BOSSExcellence wrote: »BOSSExcellence wrote: »willhustle wrote: »willhustle wrote: »I'll be 35 in month and child-free. I never really don't see myself fathering any children at this point in my life. I have CP (disability) and I'm struggling to put my life together as it is and I've had a lot of set backs in my life since I was in my 20's but I've also had some success in certain areas in my life. Another thing is their is a lot of uncertainty with relationships today and I would prefer to find a woman without any kids (that's asking a lot) that share the same ideas/values as I do. A lot of these women out here I just don't understand. It's just that at this point in life I feel like if I ain't got kids by 40 then I'm just ride off into the "sunset" and live my life (if the Lord willing).
Having kids is a big sacrifice and responsibility and your life as you know it is over (socially). I don't want to have kids because of the society we live in now & because once you become a parent you are financially/legally responsible for anything they do out in the real world. I've been witnessed to my mom taking in both of my cousins (at different times) when they were teens and that really made me look at parenting different.
What's this idea that you no longer have a social life because you have kids? That's just a lie
So you think that it's cool once you have children that you can go out and hang with the fellas at the clubs or the bar every weekend or if a woman can out and party every night or weekend with her girls to go club hoppin or still chase after men? I'm not saying that life is totally over once you're a parent it's just some things you can't do at the "spur of the moment" anymore.
why not?? explain??
i mean outside of the "chase after men" insure ? u tried to slide in at the end..
why cant a ? go out wit his ? ?
why cant a girl go out wit her girls??
we talkin about parenting or marriage??
Even marriage don't stop your social life. I really want to know who shapes these ideas of what your life is "supposed" to be like vs what it actually is and could be like because alot of the ? people say sounds depressing and boring as ? . Like you get married and have a kid and you life all of a sudden becomes stagnant and repetitive as ? .
look we on the same side here ? ..
TODAY! lol
dont start wit me ? ..
i was jus tryin to get the ? to think critically instead of uttering cliche'd ? ..
-
2stepz_ahead wrote: »T. Sanford wrote: »I will say this; before you have kids then make sure you are financially stable & great at budgeting. There's parents out here that been making a minimum of $32,640 a year for 15 years but when the child is old enough to drive. The parents doesn't have at least $1,500 a piece to offer half on a car. I be looking like "damn yall should've been in BMF.......................because yall blow money fast" smdh
your never financially stable for kids....
the bigger your account the bigger the life you'll live.
a long time job can downsize an let ya ass go.
so many things can happen...but you don't just stop living because of the what ifs.
so many things can go wrong.... an yet so many things can go right....you might raise a doctor or top engineer. that will take care of all your bills an buy the house you always wanted...
it all boils down to perspective...
but if kids will slow you down...then I guess it's safe to assume you are moving in the right direction in life
When you're kids clothes come from the salvation army, when you ain't consistently got lights on in your house, when you don't know when or if that next meal is coming, you ain't financially stable.
As Bossexcellence edited so slyly, not prepared. Cause poor planning is some horrible ? to put a child through willingly. You ain't gotta be rich, but you better be financially stable before you try to raise one.
"If you can't feed the baby, don't have the baby"- Micheal Jackson
